Am I Choosing Happiness? I Can If I Pause.

When you start your day repeating 108 times “I have a choice”, the idea of choice stays with you throughout the day. So I’ve been asking myself: Am I choosing happiness? 

Ask yourself: Am I choosing happiness?

I’ve been working to limit the choices I make unconsciously when I’m emotional. But to do so, I’ve needed to learn how to pause and question my options. That’s been challenging, particularly because I’m a passionate and emotional person. When I’m able to pause, I’m no longer at the mercy of impulsiveness and options present themselves. Choosing the best option isn’t always easy, though. So to help me, I try to approach my options by asking, “what will bring me happiness?”

In The Art of Happiness, Howard C. Cutler, M.D writes, “Approaching our daily decisions and choices with this question in mind shifts the focus from what we are denying ourselves to what we are seeking – ultimate happiness” (36).

Let’s use emotional eating, something I am all too familiar with, as an example. Let’s say you had a bad day; you got caught in the rain without an umbrella so you were wet and cold all morning, work was stressful and nothing seemed to go right, and then you snapped at your spouse when you got home and now he’s angry with you. You’re hungry and your emotional response is to reach for the take-out menu and order your favorite greasy, cheesy comfort food.

But you pause and catch yourself. You remember that you have a choice and don’t have to allow your emotions to dictate what you eat. You become aware of your options: one, indulge in some comfort food or two, cook the salmon that is defrosted in the fridge and roast the vegetables you bought to go with it when you were feeling positive. Tough call. Look at each option and ask yourself: which will bring me happiness.

If you’re anything like me, pizza brings you happiness. But if you’re also like me, that happiness is fleeting and sometimes leaves you feeling guilty or with regret, particularly on days when pizza wasn’t planned and salmon is defrosted in your fridge. When asking if something will bring you happiness, I’m not referring to short term, fleeting, instant-gratification-happiness, like eating a slice of pizza, but a lasting happiness that doesn’t waiver with mood fluctuations and emotions.

Dr. Cutler writes:

“With this perspective, it’s easier to make the “right decision” because we are acting to give ourselves something, not denying or withholding something from ourselves – an attitude of moving toward rather than moving away, an attitude of embracing life rather than rejecting it” (36).

So rather than thinking that choosing salmon means denying ourselves pizza, we can think instead that by choosing the salmon we are giving ourselves happiness and embracing a healthier life, rather than rejecting it. This can be applied to nearly all small, day to day decisions. Stay in or go out? Vent your frustration or keep your mouth shut? Go to bed early or edit five more pages? Go to the gym or go home? What brings you more happiness may change in each situation.

The goal is to have control of one’s life and make decisions in our own best interests. We can pave the way toward a happier life with less guilt and regret, while letting go of victim-hood and the idea that circumstances rule over us. We just need to remember to pause and ask ourselves what will bring me happiness.

This is where I’m at now. Learning to slow down and remember I have a choice, assessing my options and making decisions that will bring us the most happiness.

Are you choosing happiness in your day to day life? I’d love to hear from you.

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