I wasn’t in the best mood yesterday afternoon. Originally, I had plans to go home, experiment with zucchini noodles for a low-carb vegetarian dinner and then go to yoga class. I could just feel those plans slipping away in a fog of ambivalence as I sat annoyed for no particularly good reason. Visions of pajamas, pizza, bad television and an early bed time danced seductively across my mind.
I have often been a slave to my mood, allowing it to cancel my plans, dictate my behavior, control the foods I ate. Yesterday was no exception. That was until four one-syllable words burst through the voices of defeat and indolence, loud and clear.
I have a choice.
I almost laughed, as a joyful calm came over me. I can turn it around right now.
I thought of all the hours, evenings, DAYS I had wasted being pissed off or in a funk, riding it out because nothing happened to warrant a shift in my mood or make me feel better. I had forfeited my right to choose, giving in to negativity. But all along I could have simply chosen to feel better.
In no time, I was looking forward to my evening.
I arrived home and was harshly reminded by my discomfort that the heat was still broken. The thermostat read 52 degrees. My warm bed was very inviting.
I have a choice.
Then my husband informed me that the water was currently off while the heat was being repaired.
Annoyed. Pizza. Bed.
“The Brita is full. We have some water,” he said.
I chose to cook.
After dinner, my bones achy from the cold, I crawled in to bed with a magazine.
Is this it for today? Is this your choice, or are you just cold?
I got out of bed, did laundry and cleaned up.
Feeling more accomplished, I climbed back in to bed and made the choice to spend the rest of the night playing on Pinterest, another excellent choice.
This morning, I made the choice to get up at 4:45 am and go to the gym. Afterward, grateful for my wonderful new mantra, I decided to meditate and begin the empowerment of my mala.
A mala is basically prayer beads that come in either necklace or bracelet form, made up of materials and colors that represent the characteristics the wearer seeks. A dear friend gave one to me several months ago. To use a mala, you meditate on your mantra reciting it for each bead, empowering it with your mantra so that when worn or placed on others, it can transfer the power of the mantra. This meditation is done every day for 40 days. I hadn’t done it because I didn’t have a mantra.
Incense and candles burning, music playing, I took my mala in my hand and began to meditate on my choices, reciting my mantra as each cool bead passed between my fingertips.
I have a choice in how I feel.
I have a choice in what I say.
I have a choice in what I eat.
I have a choice in how I behave.
I have a choice in what I think.
I have a choice in what I do.
I have a choice…
I have a choice…
I have a choice…
I have a choice.
I'm impressed you got out of bed to do laundry, I couldn't do that. Great post.
Thank you, Loretta. I really appreciate your feedback.
Great post, Jessica! I too experimented with zucchini noodles last night. I don't know if we share the same faith, but the effect of your mala, is the same on me with my rosary beads. Thank you for the reminder that everything is a choice. I needed that today.
What a coincidence! Did you like the noodles? I thought they were pretty good; not pasta though haha. And you're welcome. I am so glad the post resonated with you. Thank you so much for reading.