I was reading an article about child-rearing in the April edition of Real Simple and came across an acronym for adults to keep in mind when their child is having a melt down. The acronym is H.A.L.T. and it stands for the four feelings that cause a child to become upset: hunger, anger, loneliness and tiredness.
I thought, shit, I’m thirty-two and those are the same reasons I get upset! Surely, I’m not the only adult who grows irritable when hungry (I get hangry). And who hasn’t vented and cried only to eventually say, “I’m just so damn tired.” Loneliness? Absolutely. And anger? Well, that’s obvious. We all feel these things, and most of us allow them to upset us. We are human.
It’s incredibly easy to identify with these four feelings… when we’re not upset though.
The hard part is to H.A.L.T. in the moments of upset and irritability, bring mindfulness to the situation and get ourselves what we need, be it some food or a nap. If angry, we need to stay focused on what’s making us angry and not let it snowball and get redirected. For example, one morning a few weeks ago I opened a brand new container of spring mix to find it wilted. I was annoyed. Before I knew it I was angry at things I hadn’t even thought about yet that morning. My husband reminded me I was just pissed at the lettuce and I immediately retaliated with “Noooo! Everything sucks today!” or something equally as over-reactive and dramatic. The truth is: I was pissed at lettuce.
Emotions gain so much momentum so fast and it takes practice to slow it all down and think rationally in the moment and consider the source. I still suck at this most of the time.
It’s not unlike when we want to eat. We’ve all heard the advice that we need to assess our hunger. Are we really hungry, or just bored. Maybe we’re just thirsty?
H.A.L.T. is another checklist I am adding to my toolbox. I was upset nearly all of 2014; it is what started me on this journey. And I can tell you now it was largely because I was tired and lonely. But if you had asked me then, those two feelings would have been amongst a laundry list of other complaints and emotions. Now, when I am feeling upset I need to go through the list and be responsible for my emotions and keep them under control.
Am I hungry? If so, I need to eat something and it’s probably best if I don’t interact with anyone until I do. Am I angry? If so, what am I angry about? Can I keep the anger directed and try to work through it there? Am I lonely? If I am is there someone I can talk to or who can give me a good hug? Am I tired? Can I stop what I’m doing and nap, or at least take a night off and have some couch time?
I believe that I can spare myself a lot of unnecessary upset if I remember to H.A.L.T. and address these underlying emotions.
Obviously, there are times when we are upset for reasons outside of these four emotions. Our lives are much more complicated than children’s. But I definitely think it doesn’t hurt to H.A.L.T. and see.
