Today is my birthday.
I have been thinking a lot about what I want my 33rd year to look like. I have also been thinking a lot about what I want today to look like. I’ve had lots of ideas, but made no set plans.
A few days ago I went to Grounds for Sculpture. The weather was absolute perfection. I spent a lot of time walking the manicured grounds, listening to leaves rustling in the breeze and feeling the wind and sun on my face. There is a not-so-secret little garden that I knew contained a hammock. There in the shrubbery and bamboo was a single door. I entered and was surprised to find that the door locked from the inside. I turned the lock, walked the footpath over to the hammock and laid down, hidden from the world behind living walls. I watched the clouds. I thought about the year ahead and my goals. It was frustrating because all I could think about was that moment and how much I enjoyed just laying there.
I didn’t know the point of this post until I wrote that last sentence. The past few days I have felt unsettled and it was because today was approaching and I didn’t have concrete plans in place and set goals laid down. Maybe I’m just meant to enjoy today…
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| Laying on a hill at Grounds for Sculpture |
I want to be outside. I know this much. I set up my hammock in my backyard. The sun is out and the weather is perfect. I feel no need to recap my 32nd year. I am more aware of my life and the good and bad in it than ever. I feel no need to plan out what I want the year ahead to look like because I have my 2015 goals in place and after 32 years, I know it doesn’t really matter anyway. Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans. I love that expression. Maybe after all this time, I am finally learning how to live a more flexible life? I don’t know…
I do know that if today were to be my last day on earth, I could die with this having been my view:
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| A birthday view from my hammock |
Today, and every future day, is what we make of it. After a rough start, I have the power to turn it around. Byron Katie says that we have the power to be happy under any circumstances. It is so hard, but she is so right. I have cried twice so far today because I have relied on others for birthday joy and allowed them to disappoint me. Maybe it is time I gave myself a birthday gift. Maybe I need to go look at myself in the mirror, wish myself a great big “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” and go feel the sun and wind on my face.
I think I’ll do that. After all, today is my day and I have the power to make it a good one.
I LOVE this post, Jessica. Happy Birthday to a wonderful lady! You are so right. Our days are what WE make of them. It's OUR job to make them all they can be, for life is too short to do otherwise. I wish you many happy tomorrows, but most of all, a beautiful today.
Thank you so much, Victoria! It's not easy learning to rely on ourselves for joy and find it within, but I'm trying… Thanks so much for reading!