It happens every year. So much to do in so little time. So many gifts to purchase, things to bake, places to go, people to see. It’s the Holidays. Stresses are high as people spend money they don’t have and worry what to buy. We face anxiety over how to appease everyone and deal with so much family. It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Well, depending on who you ask…
So far this Christmas season I have felt organized and ahead of the game. My house looks stunning, thanks to a visit last week from my father. He had never seen my house at Christmas time so I went the extra mile to show off. He may have been the stimulus for our increased efforts, but my husband and I are certainly reaping the benefits of our labors. (If you struggle with last minute cleaning and decorating, I recommend you schedule a lunch or dinner at your home with friends or family a couple weeks beforehand to put that fire under you. The bonus is that you get to enjoy your efforts longer!)
I also did a fair bit of shopping on Cyber Monday, so most of the gift buying was done, and I had a nice stress-free shopping day last weekend where I picked up a few more things. It was stress-free because it wasn’t last-minute. Also because I don’t shop based on obligation, but on desire. Obligation is a horrible chore. Sure, we all have them, but really ask yourself if what you think you “have” to do is absolutely a necessity. For example, I may not send out Christmas cards this year. GASP! If I run out of time and am feeling stressed and scribbling names as fast as I can without adding personal notes, then what’s the point? First of all, I’d be acting not out of love, but out of obligation. Secondly, I can’t imagine one person I send cards to (okay, maybe one) saying that I must send them even if it kills me. If I don’t send Christmas cards the world will keep turning and no one will think less of us (hopefully).
Said you’d bake cookies for a party this weekend? Stressing hardcore about it? You have my permission to buy them. I did this last year. I make the same brownies every year for a friend’s party and they are expected, I’m sure. I love to make them. But last year I just could not find the time and was stressing. So I bought some fancy baked goods and apologized to the hostess and told her it was for my own well-being.
Guess what happened? She said it was smart thinking and she’s glad I didn’t stress myself out over them. She didn’t kick me out, people. The party wasn’t ruined due to the absence of my famous peanut butter honey brownies. (I am making up for it this year and baking them tomorrow, though.)
I enjoy the preparation for Christmas more than the actual day itself. But mostly I’m not feeling stressed because I decided the best gift I can give is my presence, the gift of my attention, the gift of my love, the gift of myself relaxed and attentive, not stressed, exhausted and overwhelmed and acting out of obligation.
So many times I have asked certain people for no gifts, only that we spend time together. But every year I get upset phone calls from angry people venting that they have no idea what to get me and why can’t I just give them some ideas. This is so frustrating to me. Nothing like telling someone you just want to spend time with them then getting attitude for not being helpful, especially from people who should know you well enough to pick you up something without your input. But I digress.
Come Christmas, so many people are so exhausted and burnt out, they don’t even seem to care much anymore. The gifts they give aren’t what’s wrapped up or jammed into a gift bag at the last minute, but the guilt the recipient feels, because it’s so obvious how much stress and inconvenience the gift giver went through.
I am guilty of having done this, too, I admit. Christmas often feels like the end of a marathon. People are ready to collapse rather than celebrate.
For me this year it’s all about quality over quantity and presence over presents, though. Maintaining a relaxed and mindful state will also help me to deal with those around me.
I’ve learned over the past several weeks that I have the power to be a calming force. When someone tries to dance with you, and you don’t participate, they give up and stop dancing. I practiced non-engagement with negative behaviors on Thanksgiving, and again last week during a political discussion I had zero interest in participating in. Eventually (hopefully), people realize they are dancing alone, so they stop. This is a magical, fool-proof way to deal with negative behavior and it requires nothing from yourself except non-engagement, so literally, it requires nothing. Do nothing. Stand still, don’t dance. Keep quiet, don’t breathe oxygen into a fire. The dance stops and the fire burns out.
Through high expectations and our love of consumerism, Christmas has gotten out of control. Join me this year in giving the gift of presence, and leave the exhaustion and stress and obligation on the disorderly retail shelves where they belong. Ask yourself what you enjoy most about the season and make those things your priority. See what you can do without and cross it off your list without checking it twice.
Dance if you want to, but only if it’s to some good holiday music.
I just got to read this because I was running around trying to get last minute gifts. What a wonderful post and much needed during this crazy part of the year. Thank you for posting and have a Merry Christmas. p.s. You made me want to taste one of those brownies Yum
I have cut back a lot myself and told people I dont expect anything. I'd rather spend time with my family and friends than anything else. A nice bottle of wine or a baked good is nicer anyway than some generic gift or doodad that no one wants.