People say they don’t care what others think of them, but is that ever true? Doesn’t everyone care, at least a little, what others think of them?
Whenever someone says they don’t care what others think, they are referring to the negative thoughts. It’s a defense mechanism. We don’t want to care. We know we shouldn’t. But damn, it sucks. So we play it cool and shrug it off with an, “I don’t care.”
Have you ever talked with someone and said something complimentary like, “Oh, by the way, Sally thinks you’re charming and a great musician,” only for them to say, “I don’t care what Sally thinks of me.” No. (Unless this person really doesn’t care for Sally). People don’t mind hearing the positive things that others think of them. In fact, we often appreciate it. It’s positive reinforcement and leaves us feeling good about ourselves.
What matters most, of course, is what we think of ourselves. Sure. But we also care what others think to some degree.
When I behave in such a way that leaves me feeling regret or discomfort, I stress over it for a bit. I worry what other people may think of me. (Spoiler alert: People seldom think about anyone other than themselves) But even though I know that, I’m so wrapped up in myself that I think surely, someone is thinking badly about me, and I feel embarrassed.
Curious how we can be so judgmental of our negative qualities/behaviors and not of our positive ones. I may lose sleep feeling like I screwed up. But I don’t ever fall asleep with a smile after a great night in which I behaved thinking, “Nailed it!”
I suppose that’s why learning the positive things others think of us can be so fulfilling… and surprising.
Last week I received a message out of the blue from a friend I don’t get to see or talk to as much as I’d like. She explained that she wanted to cook something new and went to the Asian market. She wrote that she was getting stressed out because she didn’t know what was she doing and couldn’t understand anything, since nothing was in English.
“Then for some reason I thought, I bet if Jess or Kathy were in this situation they would really enjoy it and just take it all in and not be overwhelmed. So I asked myself what Jess or Kathy would do. And I ended up having the best time going up and down every aisle, checking out all the live seafood, smelling all the smells, and now I can’t wait to go back! So you unknowingly brightened my day yesterday.”
This message meant a lot to me. Not because I brightened a friend’s day, but because I inspired her. As a result, she had a new experience so meaningful she felt compelled to share it.
I’ve never considered myself inspirational, not in the sense we often think of when we refer to someone being an “inspiration.” But damn, if I can inspire someone to walk around an Asian market and have a great time, then that’s good enough for me!
I loved learning that my friend thought this of me (and Kathy). I DO care. Very much. I love shopping for food, smelling it, touching it, cooking it, eating it. This passion of mine has clearly been noticed and it inspired someone.
I was perfectly happy in life enjoying food and not giving a damn if anyone knew it and needing zero acknowledgement. I supposed I worried instead if they thought I was too fat. But since my passion has been noticed and acknowledged, I’m happy to know about it.
In a world where we tend to worry what others think of us, lets let each other know the good things we think of one another. Maybe over time, we won’t care so much about the negative since we know there’s good stuff on the other side of the scale working in our favor, reinforcing that we’re not so bad after all.
