The news of Alan Rickman’s death disoriented me as if I had fallen into one of Dumbledore’s pensieves. Here was a man who brought to life a beloved character in Severus Snape and made millions laugh and smile with joy… cry and experience the pain of loss and heartache… and feel intensely moved by the depths of one’s bravery and love. Alan Rickman was an actor and entertainer, a writer, philanthropist, activist, husband, and I’m sure countless other things.Therefore, he is a part of people’s lives and today, many are feeling the sadness of his loss.

I obviously don’t know Alan Rickman. Some may think it silly for me to have shed tears this morning or to write this tribute. But this isn’t for him. Like funerals and memorials, tributes are for the living; a way for people to process their feelings, and for me, express my gratitude.  

For you see, Alan Rickman added value to my life. In the simplest terms, he entertained me. In return, I felt affection for him. Through his unique and captivating voice, the characters he embodied, his attractive smile and seducing accent, he drew me in, like millions of others.

Despite having watched the Harry Potter films countless times, watching Alan Rickman’s portrayal of Severus Snape still invokes a strong emotional response. Harry Potter is my favorite book and film series and therefore, I feel affection for every actor who portrayed a major character. They brought the books to life. And when I re-read the books, the actors are who I visualize. Severus Snape will always be Alan Rickman, even if in twenty years the unimaginable happens and the movies are remade.

You need not personally know someone for them to have made an impact in your life. Alan Rickman was beloved. He was graced with gifts and we are fortunate he shared them with the world. 

Thank you, Alan Rickman. You will be remembered…

Always.

Earlier this week I sat in a benefits meeting at work since we have a new provider. I wondered about our mental health coverage, but figured I should wait to ask until after the meeting as to not publicly announce my interest in these services.

But then as I looked around the room, I had another thought. There’s no way I’m the only one wondering about this. So I raised my hand and asked, letting anyone at the table think whatever it is they wanted to think about me and/or my mental health. It’s called mental wellness for a reason, and I’m interested in being well. What I’m not interested in is contributing to the stigma of mental illness; the taboo that makes people hesitant to reach out and speak up when they need help, the same one that causes others to look upon someone who experiences an illness with disgrace.

My friend, Kathy has another great guest post coming up about an interesting article she read in Psychology Today. She found the article in the first edition of the magazine that she ever bought personally.

“I had been skimming through the magazines in my therapist’s waiting area for over a year,” she wrote. “I finally worked up enough courage to buy a copy for myself—and then a subscription—something I had wanted to do for a long time, but I had to work on my feelings of shame surrounding my desire first.”

Kathy hadn’t purchased the subscription because she wondered what other people would think.

“What is the cashier going to think? Will I feel comfortable reading it on the train? My God, I was acting like someone buying condoms for the first time.”

Despite many magazines suffering declines in readership over the past several years, Adweek, in 2013, noted Psychology Today‘s 36 percent increase in readership (source). What that says to me is there are a lot more people interested in mental health or a lot more mental health professionals. If so, there must be demand for those professionals. I’d like to say that Kathy’s fear was unfounded and exaggerated in relation to the increased popularity of the magazine, but I can’t. Because there is still that stigma.

“Mental Illness is such a taboo phrase; yet everyone has had moments or days or weeks or months or even years when they didn’t function at their best emotionally or mentally, Kathy added. “Why is this something that is so wrapped in shame? I’m still uncomfortable admitting I see a therapist to most of my friends, unless I know they have used the same resource for themselves.”

Kathy’s right. There are a lot of people walking around who are not functioning at their best. People hear “mental illness/disorder” and think things like Bi-polar Disorder, Schizophrenia, PTSD and of sociopaths. But do you know what the most common disorders are? They are:

• Alcohol/substance abuse/dependence
• Anxiety disorders
• ADHD/ADD
• Depression
• Eating disorders

I’m willing to bet you have experienced one of these disorders or have at least one close friend or relative who has. So why the stigma?

According to Vince G. Sparks, who wrote one of the best articles I’ve read on this subject, “The stigma exists because of a lack of understanding, knowledge and education about mental illness.”

Like Kathy often says, mental illness can happen to anyone. “We are just balancing on the beam, and we can all teeter over the edge.” Mental illness isn’t anyone’s fault. Life is hard. Emotional and mental well being is an absolute necessity, just as important as diet and exercise in my opinion.

Those who live with mental illness deserve our kindness and compassion, just like someone fighting cancer. We dub cancer patients as fighters and find them inspiring. Cancer patients are celebrated every year in rallies and races and all number of charity events. Once people beat cancer, they wear their survivorship like the badge of honor that it is.

But imagine for one moment if there was so little understanding about cancer that it had a negative stigma. Imagine a world without all the weekend fundraisers and rallies and races, without all the support groups, without all the encouragement, without all the commercials and treatment centers and research dollars and overwhelming desire to find a cure. If you can imagine all that, then you can imagine what the state of mental illness in this country is.

The hurtful stigma and judgements only result in shame and isolation, which prevent people from seeking the help they need. Wouldn’t it be nice if there were more weekend rallies and commercials and inspiring stories and research money around mental illnesses, I guarantee that would help the stigma because it would demonstrate the prevalence of these illnesses. Once people understand this is common, they may not be so willing to undermine their intense emotions or startling thoughts, and reach out to someone just like people do when they have a pain in their stomach that won’t go away.

We can all do our part. Let’s not judge so harshly things we may not understand. Let’s keep talking about this!

Please also know that the holidays can be the most difficult time of year for those who live with depression. Depression is not something that can be snapped out of. The holidays are a time of year when people miss their loved ones, have high expectations that often lead to disappointment, and generally feel lonely from the constant bombardment of advertisements featuring happy families. It’s also a stressful time for nearly everyone. Let’s look out for another and offer a hand or an ear. Pay attention to your loved ones. Do your part to ensure they know they are supported.

Can you believe it’s already been a year since I launched this blog! Not only can I not believe how much it has grown thanks to loyal readers like you, but I can hardly believe how much I have grown! This blog has been paramount to my growth in nearly every way imaginable, especially emotional and spiritual, and I am filled with so much gratitude toward what started out as an idea and has grown to a life-changing part of my life.

In many ways, I planted a seed a year ago. What has grown has exceeded every expectation. Thank you for being a part of that growth through all the ways you have supported me and this blog this past year. And thank you for being a part of its future growth through your continued reading, support, sharing of ideas, and sharing of these posts.

10. Better, Not Best: 10 Ways to be More Better

Ten things you can do to help you be your best. (How fitting it comes in at #10.)

9. Emotions Prescribed: Part 1 of 2

About strong emotions and how quickly they are prescribed. (There is a link to continue reading Part 2 at the bottom of the post.) 

8. Delete What No Longer Serves You

About minimizing electronically, and how to deal with old friendships.

7. R.E.T.R.E.A.T.

About getting away.

6. Alone & Co.

About one of the best dates I’ve ever had.

5. A Suitable Space for the Present

About minimizing using Marie Kondo’s book, “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up.” 

4. Owning My Suffering

About not taking your suffering out on others, but leaving it where it belongs.

3. Minimal Thinking

About minimizing crap that no longer serves you while playing #minsgame.

2. Demystifying the Ritual

1. Don’t Be the Angry Person in the Tub

The most popular post from the first year: About being yourself and not the person you think you should be. 

Do you have a favorite post or something you think I should explore next year? In honor of this special birthday, please let me know in the comments or share it on social media. Shares spread the word and help this little blog grow from seedling to stalk! 

Happy New Year!! I absolutely adore new years! The hope, the fresh start, the clean slate… New Year’s Day is my favorite holiday. Not New Year’s Eve, which in my opinion is one last day to enjoy vices, go to an early dinner for one last hurrah, watch a movie and go to bed. But New Year’s Day – a day of rebirth! This is the time of year where it is okay to NOT live in the present, but to reflect and plan. And I do love planning…

Before I get into that though, I want to share with you that Christmas was really wonderful, and I type this with watering eyes. If you read my Christmas post you know that my approach was to have zero expectations. I want to tell you that I was successful and that my family that was present had a lovely, low-key day. My mother was extraordinary and said that not having any pressure “made all the difference in the world.” We all needed it and we now have this memory of a peaceful Christmas in our hearts because we all let go of expectations and attachments of what it should be, and just let it be. This is a lesson I will carry far beyond Christmas.

This was a wonderful ending to a really challenging year. Like in any year, there are highs and lows. I finally graduated Saint Joseph’s University in May and was a commencement speaker, which was an incredibly proud moment in my life. But the road to graduation was a long, hard one. I co-edited a collection of short stories that was published in September, but the project involved far more time, unforeseen headaches and stress than I had ever imagined. In March I developed a terrible and consistent pain and after lots of testing I was ultimately diagnosed with an auto immune disease to which there is no cure. The majority of 2014 I was drowning in a sea of emotional and physical pain that I didn’t know how to handle. Several of my relationships suffered. I gained a lot of weight. I was losing myself.

Something had to change and that something was me. My obligations let up and I could finally breathe. My physical pain miraculously disappeared overnight. I finally had a chance to reflect and think about what I wanted. And that was when I cracked the nut on my suffering, and began this incredible journey. The night really is darkest before the dawn. The last few months of 2014 have been my dawn.

In that darkness, however, were also incredibly bright stars that lit up my dim world, and for those people and moments that kept me going, I am incredibly grateful. While some relationships suffered, others were forged and/or strengthened. I consider myself very fortunate to have such supportive and wonderful people in my life. Also, I finally got back on a surfboard after wanting to do so for fourteen years. Did I mention I graduated!?!

2014 was a year of many lessons and lots of learning, like not to overextend myself; to make sure I have “me” time for writing, reading, creating, LIVING, and more time for the people who are most important to me. 2014, I thank you for all the gifts you gave me; the good and the bad, the happy and sad, all the lessons and love and the role you played in my journey. I wish you sweet dreams.

2015, I welcome you enthusiastically! I have big plans for you! Here is what I have in mind:

1. I am going to continue on this journey, learning and growing, wherever it takes me. This includes practicing compassion, bravery, opening my heart, letting go, living in the moment, and ultimately working toward being a gentler, happier and more peaceful woman.

2. Every night I am going to write down my single happiest moment of the day and drop it into my Happiness Jar in order to practice living in the moment, self-awareness, and also so that I do not forget these amazing moments.

3. I am going to practice yoga and meditation more consistently.

4. I am going to lose weight! The goal is 56 pounds. I am also going to STOP counting calories. I have been doing it for five years and have gained weight. It clearly is no longer working. Time to let go of the wall, trust my knowledge, and stop obsessing over food.

5. I am going to quit smoking cigarettes once and for all! This habit is not in line whatsoever with the person I want to be.

6. Submit three stories, essays, etc. to professional publications.

7. Tighten/re-evaluate my finances and spending – live more frugally.

I am optimistic, excited, nervous. Change is on the horizon – I can feel it. And I don’t know what form it will take.

I wish you all a peaceful and happy new year. Thank you so much for being a part of my journey. What are your goals for the new year? Any traditions you care to share?