I have to work an event on Saturday and I’m really dreading the long night on my feet. Adding insult to injury, my husband and his family will be in Florida attending a wedding in Palm Beach. I can’t go, thanks to this obligation.

I’ve accepted the fact I can’t go to Florida with little complaining. I’ve also accepted I must attend this event. What I won’t accept is the feeling of dread, which is a crummy, useless emotion and a waste of energy. What dread does is take something you’re already apprehensive about and place it in the foreground of your thought. Whether it’s a test, a test result, a conversation, or an event, dread doesn’t achieve anything but dampen life leading up to the big moment, which won’t come any faster or slower no matter how hard you wish it away or to hurry up.

The trick is to give yourself something to look forward to immediately after the thing you’re dreading. A carrot, if you will! You need to be able to look forward to that thing more than you dread the thing before it. This way you can keep your eye on the prize!

I’m not really dreading Saturday. In fact, I am looking forward to going home after the event, washing up, rubbing cream on my feet, putting on the comfiest clothes and softest socks, and drinking celebratory cranberry wine with my friend, Kathy, whom is staying at my house after the event.

I am also looking forward to waking up on Sunday to the realization that the event is behind me. I am looking forward to an autumn morning walk around the lake near my house, followed by soft boiled eggs and rustic bread for breakfast. Then, once Kathy heads home, I will have the house to myself for most of the day. I plan to start watching Downton Abbey and enjoy a large homemade chopped antipasto salad for lunch.

You can see I’ve given this some thought — sure beats thinking about how much I don’t want to work this event. The comfy clothes and wine are the metaphorical beer waiting for me at the finish line. Hmmm, maybe I’ll make myself a Bloody Mary on Sunday, too!

So that’s my secret. Don’t dread it — plant a carrot! It really works to have something positive overshadow the negative. Instead of dread, you end up with anticipation. Reward yourself for getting through it. And if it what you dread is emotionally taxing, like a tough conversation, you’ll be so glad you planned something nice and comforting for yourself. Your future you will thank your past you for such a kind gesture once the moment of comfort arrives.

In August I wrote a list of ten things you can do to feel better when you’re feeling crappy. Things like be gentle to yourself, eat well, avoid negativity, etc. All great things and all proven to help you feel better. I stand by all of them. But sometimes those just aren’t enough. So here to help are ten more mood-boosting tips to feel better.

But what about when you practice all those things regularly and life is generally going good and then you go to the store to buy a salad for dinner and there are soft pretzels at the counter and you sort of black out and buy one and then eat it as you walk down the street and then you’re on the train and you realize you’ve ruined your healthy-eating streak and all your hopes for the evening are ruined and instead of cooking and writing and paying bills you want to lay on the couch like this…

Do check out Hyperbole and a Half and the artist responsible for this photo

…while shaking an angry fist in the air with a word bubble that says “Damn you, Pretzel! Goddamn you straight to HELLLLLLL!”

We as people have a tendency to wallow in our funks. When we feel depressed, nothing is appealing so getting out of the funk can be difficult. It takes energy, which is in short supply, hence why we tend to lay around on the couch.

But to those of us who know the mood is only temporary and that we’ll most likely regret “wasting” time once we feel better, it’s skillful to pro-actively take steps to defeat the funk and feel better instantly.

Lucky for me I had just accidentally carbo-loaded (which got me into this funk). Note: I know there’s nothing really wrong with a pretzel; all in moderation – yeah, I know, but I was on a really good streak and processed white flour often sends me into a carb binge. Back to the carbo-loading: so even though I did lay like a slug for a bit, I did have physical energy, just no mental desire or motivation because I was mad at a pretzel myself.

It’s times like this when you need to do something that works instantly!

10 Mood-Boosting Tips to Feel Better Instantly

1. Listen to happy music

One of many days I was angry with my husband, I decided I wanted to stop being angry, so I fired up Spotify’s Mood Booster playlist. I felt better instantly (and kind of silly listening to such happy-go-lucky music). Anyway, when he came in the room I changed my mind and decided I did still want to be mad so I prepared to say something not nice, took a deep inhale, and instead I STARTED LAUGHING. I just couldn’t be mad. It was too ridiculous to be mad when Pharrell’s “Happy” was playing in the background. Then he started laughing and asked why I was listening to such crappy music and I said, “Don’t knock it. Pharrell’s the reason you’re not being yelled at right now.”

We often want to listen to music that matches our moods. Sad music for a broken heart, hardcore for when we’re angry. Happy, fun music tricks the brain into having a good time. So build a playlist full of whatever floats your boat, or use one of the many playlists that already exist to get you feeling better in no time.

2. Phone a friend!

Tell them you feel bummed and ask them to help you feel better. A good friend will happily oblige. Or at the very least distract you long enough to forget why you’re feeling crappy. My go-to friend has a way of tricking me into saying what I wanted to do and then making me PROMISE I’ll go do that. Ugh, it’s so annoying.

3. Exercise. Get those endorphins flowing.

Yes, this was on the other list, but it bears repeating for its instant results. Go for a jog, hit the gym, take a walk, drop in for a yoga class. Just MOVE. If you’re feeling crazy, you can even combine #1 and #3 and listen to happy music while you run – now that’s just insane mood boosting right there!

4.CREATE something… ANYTHING. Bake, cook, build, paint, collage, write, sew.

This is so fulfilling, distracting AND rewarding. Doing an activity will take effort so ask for help if you need it. The night of ‘the pretzel incident’ I said to my husband, “I want to cook for the week and bake banana bran muffins, but i don’t have the motivation.” He said I should do it and offered to clean everything up afterward. Having help was enough to get me started and once I got started, I felt so much better.

5. Watch a movie – something funny or feel-good – or one of your favorites.

Television and movies are also distracting and can be very mood-enhancing depending on what you watch. So turn on the tube, binge-watch some Netflix, or pop in a movie and slug it up on the couch until the mood boosting powers kick in.

6. Read – escape to another world.

I am currently reading Jenny Lawson’s new book, Furiously Happy. It’s funny and entertaining. I read it once I was done cooking and baking so I wouldn’t start feeling crappy again.

Similar to movies, books are distracting and reading is a wonderful way to not so much boost your mood, but to forget why you’re in a poor mood. 

7. Practice gratitude.

Yes, this was on the other list, too BUT it bears repeating due to its instantaneous mood-boosting power.

I was mad at a pretzel myself. I considered letting it ruin my entire night. (by the way, I’m fully aware of how completely ridiculous this is.) What if it was my last night on earth? There are people who are starving and have no access to food. There are people who have no money for food. I live in a place where pretzels are sold at check out counters and I don’t even have to think about how much they cost, I just swipe my card and go on my way. I struggled with a pretzel because I am overweight because I have too much access to food. My “problem” was so ridiculous.

Compare yourself to those less fortunate and I guarantee you’ll feel better about your current situation.

8. Meditate

Stop thinking about what’s bothering you. Sit in silence. Try to clear your mind, be in the present moment. Meditation helps you to refocus.

The pretzel was in the past. It was time to let go and stop worrying about it. Life goes on. It’s all good.

9. Go somewhere.

In your pajamas at 2:00 pm slugging on the couch feeling sorry for yourself? Nothing else appeals to you? Brush your teeth, throw on some jeans, run a comb through your hair and GO SOMEWHERE. Get some fresh air. Drink a latte and people watch at your favorite cafe, drive to the beach, grab a beer at a bar, go sit in a park.

The act of getting dressed and out of the house alone is enough to make you feel that you didn’t squander your day. Besides, you never know what you may see, how you may feel inspired, or who you might meet. At the very least, you got some fresh air.

10. Cuddle your pup! Or your cat (if that’s your sort of thing.) No pets? Watch funny or cute videos of animals.

I could create a list within a list and provide 9 reasons you should cuddle your dog more often. But instead, I’ll just link to this wonderful list since someone else already made one.

No pets? But still like to laugh at them? Then take your mind off of how you think you may have failed at life, and instead watch this wonderful video of dogs failing at being dogs. I dare you not to laugh.

You’re welcome.

If you feel down, and you are mindful enough to acknowledge it, then you’re mindful enough to do something about it. Now you have ten tips in your toolbox. 

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The concept of happiness as an achievable goal, something we can deliberately cultivate through practice and effort, is fundamental to the Buddhist view of happiness. One way to foster happiness is to practice gratitude by bringing the qualities of love and appreciation to life.

We’ve all been taught to “be grateful” for any number of things: the air in our lungs, the food on our tables, our good health; but the truth is we tend to take these things for granted and focus on complaining and comparing.

I touched on this back in December in my post: “Increasing the Happiness Baseline” when I wrote:

In times of joy, this is simple. After buying a new car it’s easy to be grateful for your job that compensated you well enough to purchase a new car. When you’re laughing with your family, it’s easy to stop and think, “wow, I am so grateful for my amazing family.” When you feel well, it’s easy to be grateful for your good health.

But what about when things aren’t so great? What about when your car is broken down and you have no money for repairs, you hate your job, your family is fighting, and you have painful arthritis? Expressing gratitude isn’t so simple. It takes effort.

This is where comparing yourself to those less fortunate can be skillful. You might then be able to express gratitude for at least having a car, job and family, and remembering that there are worse conditions than arthritis.

Phillip Moffitt, founder of the Life Balance Institute and Buddhist meditation teacher, wrote for Dharma Wisdom that “gratitude is the sweetest of all the practices for living the dharma in daily life and the most easily cultivated, requiring the least sacrifice for what is gained in return.”

It only takes a moment to express gratitude, but the benefits are long-lasting. Moffitt continues:

Cultivating thankfulness for being part of life blossoms into a feeling of being blessed, not in the sense of winning the lottery, but in a more refined appreciation for the interdependent nature of life. It also elicits feelings of generosity, which create further joy. Gratitude can soften a heart that has become too guarded, and it builds the capacity for forgiveness, which creates the clarity of mind that is ideal for spiritual development.

I can personally speak to gratitude’s ability to foster forgiveness. Since I started making it a part of my daily practice, I am more forgiving of people, including myself, and situations. I bounce back from frustration much quicker. Train delayed? Well, at least it got me to work safely. Mom pissed me off? Well, I could have lost her to breast cancer many years ago. I’m grateful she is still around to piss me off. I overindulged and ate foods that don’t love me? At least I recognize that and I’m no longer beating myself up, caught in a vicious self-destructive cycle of shame and regret. Things can be worse.

There is an opportunity to express appreciation in every situation. No matter what. At the very least, you are still alive, and that is huge. At the very least, there is an opportunity to learn, and that is significant. Still stumped to find something you are grateful for? Then be grateful that you are trying. It’s not always easy.

It takes upwards of 21 days to create a habit. Expressing gratitude is called a practice because it literally takes effort to train your mind to begin to think this way.

Thankfully, I know of a place where you can practice. That place is the Facebook group: Appreciation Destination, a public group created by my dear friend after a meeting at the Buddhist Sangha of South Jersey where the moderator that evening, David Clark, asked that we all share something we are grateful for. Every day, members publicly share three things they are grateful for. If you are interested in strengthening your appreciation muscle, join our group, share, or at least read what others are grateful for. You may see that most of it resonates with you, and begin to identify more areas of your life for which you feel grateful.

Gratitude is an important part of my daily practice. If we actively focus on the positive aspects of our life, we tend to be happier and more compassionate. If you are interested in sharing your gratitude, being uplifted, and maybe even inspired by the gratitude of others, I would recommend checking out this group. – David Clark

I hope to see you there.

“Ready?” Kathy asked.

“Ready.”

“Okay, deep inhale, exhale, forward fold- AHHHHHHH!”

It was 7:00 am on Saturday morning and Kathy and I had just started yoga on the beach when a large wave washed up and over our mats soaking everything. We quickly dragged our things farther back, laughing hysterically.

“The ocean wants us to play with her! We should go swimming,” I said.

After a few sun salutations, we waded carefully into the water. The beach was our own with the exception of some seagulls and early risers walking peacefully along the shore. Not a soul was in the water. A woman sat contemplatively in an empty lifeguard chair wrapped in a light jacket.

Misjudging the impact zone on our way past the breakers, we got knocked down by a crashing wave. We emerged from the whitewater laughing, hair plastered to our faces, and covered in sand. There was laughter from somewhere else, too. I looked up and saw the woman in the lifeguard chair shaking her head and smiling wide at our giggling and misadventure.

That wave knocked the adults out of us and allowed room for our inner children to come out and play. Self-consciousness no longer existed. Any fear or trepidation washed away with the outgoing wave that showed us the worst that could happen. There was nowhere to be, nothing else to do. We were free from responsibility and obligation. Just two girlfriends relishing in the special joy that only a beach in summer can provide.

After a refreshing swim, we sat in the surf, chatting. Incoming waves washed up over our laps, filling our swimsuits with sand. The larger ones lifted us up, like hover crafts, and spun us around. Occasionally one hit us so hard we toppled to our sides and rolled in the surf like seashells, laughing all the while, spitting sand and saltwater.

At one point I was thrown onto my belly. I laid in the surf, elbows in the sand, laughing and pushing the hair out of my face. I noticed a couple walking hand in hand a few yards up laughing with me.

Kathy and I had a wonderful time. Had we been seven years old, I don’t think the scene would have looked any different, except for our sizes. A total bonus was that we were also bringing joy to others while we were at it. Something about two adult woman with a cumulative 73 years between them tumbling around in the surf as gracefully as a hunk of driftwood and a clump of seaweed made other people smile.

Joy is contagious. Your smile and laughter has the power to bring happiness to someone else. Whether acting your age or like a child, share the joy. And if you are acting your age, don’t be afraid to let your inner child out to play, for that could be the reason someone smiles today.

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I never liked my own company much. Spending time alone was an unfortunate last resort; something I did when there was absolutely no other option. Even then, I usually just slept that time away rather than hang out with myself. Furthermore, I detested being home. When I was younger I thought everyone was doing something better than me; that I was left out or lame if faced with nothing to do/nowhere to go. When I was a tween/teenager, I rode my bike around town or hung out in parks until company arrived. It got me out of the house, at least. I only felt at ease when it poured rain, when my friends had family functions, or were away. I didn’t have to worry about what they were doing, and why I wasn’t included.

Once I got my license, I drove around killing time, looking for something to do or somewhere to go, even traveling an hour to get some coffee rather than sit at home. Once I turned 21, I hung out in bars. Destroying my liver in the midst of company was certainly better than being alone on a Saturday night feeling pathetic and wrestling with my own thoughts.

Looking back on my life, I was almost always out, almost always with someone, always had a boyfriend, always going, always doing. If I didn’t know better I would say I was popular and had a blast. The truth is, I was desperate and clingy and insecure. I often found myself in trouble and had a lot of anxiety. I never said no to anything, afraid that passing up offers jeopardized future invites. I realize now what was really going on. I was afraid — afraid of abandonment and exclusion; afraid of missing out; afraid of being home where life was unpredictable and stressful; afraid of being alone with someone I didn’t like, that person being me.

I was really pretty pathetic to an embarrassing degree. I would have been much better off had I just relied on the company of my books.

With maturity I learned I wasn’t missing out on anything. When you hang out with the same people in the same places, things become fairly predictable and routine. With confidence came the ability to say no without thinking it would hurt me in some way. With self-love has come the capacity to actually enjoy my own company.

I only realized this past weekend that I am beginning to like me. I was on a date at the time.

The date started late Friday morning with a drive to my favorite beach listening to music with the windows down and sunroof open. We swam, we read, we relaxed in the sun, taking in the sounds and scents. Then I got hungry so we headed out for a late lunch. I thought something simple would suffice but then I spotted a Greek restaurant that had a lovely lunch and wine menu and outdoor seating so we didn’t feel under dressed in our beach clothes. We started with wine imported from Greece, hummus and the best pita bread I ever tasted in my life. It was warm and fragrant and tasted citrusy, yet earthy and salty. For the main course we enjoyed a feta and watermelon salad.

Once we finished eating, I sat back, sighed, and brought a smile to my lips. I was inebriated on good wine and food and a fun day in the sun. I looked out over the ocean and felt happy… content. I was having a wonderful time. I took out my book and picked up where I left off while I finished my wine. My date didn’t mind. My date was me.

After my lunch I read in the pool for hours until my husband arrived. Shortly, our good friend would arrive for the weekend, too. The guys had plans and although I love hanging out with them and was welcome, I had plans of my own to go full moon kayaking on a guided tour.

Sitting in my kayak later that night in the inky black water beneath a blanket of stars I was fully aware of how content I felt. I have been vacationing with friends every summer for many years and never have I gone off and done anything on my own. In fact, I often struggled to entertain myself waiting for them to wake up in the mornings. I confess I even stayed up past the point of exhaustion at times just so I wouldn’t miss a laugh. Here I was happily doing something I was excited about and looked forward to. Many times in my life I forfeited things I wanted to do in favor of what others wanted so I could be with the group. But finally, there were no more stories in my head. I didn’t assume the guys were having a better time without me. I didn’t think I was missing out. I definitely wasn’t. I was kayaking through unspoiled marshlands in water so smooth it reflected an unblemished moon with the only audible sound being that of the crickets. I was perfectly happy being out there alone.

I found myself with the opportunity to enjoy some solitary time the following two days. I read, I swam, I floated. I had no resentments, no insecurities, no anxieties, no fears. It was a wonderful weekend and we all had a great time doing all the things we wanted. I even took a lovely walk while waiting for the guys to wake up.

See the photo below? I always called this sandbar that appears during low tide in our favorite secret spot Lonely Island. My friend snapped this photo of me alone reading on Lonely Island.

Only I wasn’t at all lonely.

Below is one of my favorite videos. I watched it for the first of many times last year and I always seem to come back to it. Have a watch – I’ll wait. (It’s under 3 minutes, which translates to .002% of 1 jellybean – well worth it, in my opinion).

I have been thinking a bit about time since my last post about using the KonMari method to discard possessions that do not bring me joy as laid out in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Since that post, I have tackled my closets and completed the process of going through every article of clothing I own, a task incredibly worth what probably totaled one jellybean, but saved me dozens of jellybeans in time worth stressing over clothing and struggling to get dressed.

I have wasted lots of jellybeans. Fighting, yelling, crying, stressing… doing lots of things that do not bring me joy. The message of the book doesn’t only apply to possessions, but to life. It begs the question: if it doesn’t bring you joy, then why do it? We only have so many jellybeans… shouldn’t each one contain joy?

Like the video says, we spend on average 3,202 jellybeans working and 1,099 jellybeans commuting. My dear friend, Kathy who introduced me to this wonderful book, probably spends even more jellybeans commuting since she lives in Delaware and works in Philadelphia. For all those jellybeans, shouldn’t the job bring her joy?

Being that she is such a source of inspiration to me, I invited Kathy to share her thoughts on the subject:

Today is my birthday.

I have been thinking a lot about what I want my 33rd year to look like. I have also been thinking a lot about what I want today to look like. I’ve had lots of ideas, but made no set plans.

A few days ago I went to Grounds for Sculpture. The weather was absolute perfection. I spent a lot of time walking the manicured grounds, listening to leaves rustling in the breeze and feeling the wind and sun on my face. There is a not-so-secret little garden that I knew contained a hammock. There in the shrubbery and bamboo was a single door. I entered and was surprised to find that the door locked from the inside. I turned the lock, walked the footpath over to the hammock and laid down, hidden from the world behind living walls. I watched the clouds. I thought about the year ahead and my goals. It was frustrating because all I could think about was that moment and how much I enjoyed just laying there.

I didn’t know the point of this post until I wrote that last sentence. The past few days I have felt unsettled and it was because today was approaching and I didn’t have concrete plans in place and set goals laid down. Maybe I’m just meant to enjoy today…

Laying on a hill at Grounds for Sculpture

I want to be outside. I know this much. I set up my hammock in my backyard. The sun is out and the weather is perfect. I feel no need to recap my 32nd year. I am more aware of my life and the good and bad in it than ever. I feel no need to plan out what I want the year ahead to look like because I have my 2015 goals in place and after 32 years, I know it doesn’t really matter anyway. Want to make God laugh? Tell him your plans. I love that expression. Maybe after all this time, I am finally learning how to live a more flexible life? I don’t know…

I do know that if today were to be my last day on earth, I could die with this having been my view:

A birthday view from my hammock

Today, and every future day, is what we make of it.  After a rough start, I have the power to turn it around. Byron Katie says that we have the power to be happy under any circumstances. It is so hard, but she is so right. I have cried twice so far today because I have relied on others for birthday joy and allowed them to disappoint me. Maybe it is time I gave myself a birthday gift. Maybe I need to go look at myself in the mirror, wish myself a great big “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” and go feel the sun and wind on my face.

I think I’ll do that. After all, today is my day and I have the power to make it a good one.

I took my intern to lunch recently to thank her for all her great work during the spring semester. As we walked the few short Philadelphia blocks from our office to the restaurant, her excitement mounted. She had only been between the train station, the office, and the Wawa around the corner. This was technically her first outing in Philadelphia.

We were seated near one of the walls that had been opened up to the sidewalk since it was such a gorgeous day and we talked as city life streamed past us. Everything excited her; being in a city restaurant, her “delicious!” sandwich, watching the preoccupied passersby. On our walk back, cherry blossoms in bloom, she stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, threw her head back, spread her arms, laughed and said, “I love this!”.

That night, capturing the happiest moment of my day, I wrote about my intern’s enthusiasm. I folded up the scrap of paper and dropped it into my happiness jar with a smile on my face. It was one of the best lunches I ever bought.

Her excitability was one of the reasons I offered her the internship. It is contagious and incredibly sincere; it also overflows into laughter. She reminds me of myself… and I am left wondering why there isn’t more enthusiasm in the world.

Is it maturity, experience, intelligence or disapproval that curbs our enthusiasm? Probably all of the above. Why do we stop proclaiming that our ice cream is the best ice cream in the “whole wide world!”, or that this day is the “best day of my life!” Countless times I have been told to settle down, or given wide disapproving eyes that made me self-conscious of my enthusiasm. I sometimes feel the need to apologize after an excited outburst, never because I am sorry, but because I am given the impression I did something wrong and I should. Enthusiasm seems to be misconstrued as superfluous, or a sign of immaturity. It’s unfortunate.

Thankfully, I have also been told that my passion is my best quality. It happens to be my personal favorite thing about myself and I am thrilled that there are people who see it and appreciate it, too. I feel genuine enthusiasm and excitement over any number of random things, foods, sights, sounds, jokes; you name it. In fact, I would scream from the mountaintops right now that I LOVE ENTHUSIASM! It makes me feel alive. To experience, enjoy, and speak of things with genuine excitement, so much so that it cannot be contained and it bursts out of your body in movements and words, is a gift.

Witnessing my intern’s enthusiasm delighted me. I hope she never loses that lust for life and new experiences. I hope I never do, either. It’s that enthusiasm that compels me to try new things, to imagine, to feel joy… and to truly appreciate the smaller things in life, like a delicious week day lunch or watching a lightning storm on your front porch, rather than living only for the big things.

In addition to writing down the happiest moment of my day, every day, I also use a 365 day/5 year journal. Every day I answer a different question and then the following year on that day I will answer the same question below my previous year’s answer. These exercises have slowed my life down. Contemplating my days and living more in the moment, I can no longer say things like, “I don’t know where the week went!”. I know exactly where the week went because I was paying attention.

The following two journals help me slow down and capture smaller moments – you can find them on Amazon: One Line a Day: A Five Year Memory Book, and Q&A a Day, 365 Questions, 5 Years, 1,825 Answers.

When you start your day repeating 108 times “I have a choice”, the idea of choice stays with you throughout the day. So I’ve been asking myself: Am I choosing happiness? 

Ask yourself: Am I choosing happiness?

I’ve been working to limit the choices I make unconsciously when I’m emotional. But to do so, I’ve needed to learn how to pause and question my options. That’s been challenging, particularly because I’m a passionate and emotional person. When I’m able to pause, I’m no longer at the mercy of impulsiveness and options present themselves. Choosing the best option isn’t always easy, though. So to help me, I try to approach my options by asking, “what will bring me happiness?”

In The Art of Happiness, Howard C. Cutler, M.D writes, “Approaching our daily decisions and choices with this question in mind shifts the focus from what we are denying ourselves to what we are seeking – ultimate happiness” (36).

Let’s use emotional eating, something I am all too familiar with, as an example. Let’s say you had a bad day; you got caught in the rain without an umbrella so you were wet and cold all morning, work was stressful and nothing seemed to go right, and then you snapped at your spouse when you got home and now he’s angry with you. You’re hungry and your emotional response is to reach for the take-out menu and order your favorite greasy, cheesy comfort food.

But you pause and catch yourself. You remember that you have a choice and don’t have to allow your emotions to dictate what you eat. You become aware of your options: one, indulge in some comfort food or two, cook the salmon that is defrosted in the fridge and roast the vegetables you bought to go with it when you were feeling positive. Tough call. Look at each option and ask yourself: which will bring me happiness.

If you’re anything like me, pizza brings you happiness. But if you’re also like me, that happiness is fleeting and sometimes leaves you feeling guilty or with regret, particularly on days when pizza wasn’t planned and salmon is defrosted in your fridge. When asking if something will bring you happiness, I’m not referring to short term, fleeting, instant-gratification-happiness, like eating a slice of pizza, but a lasting happiness that doesn’t waiver with mood fluctuations and emotions.

Dr. Cutler writes:

“With this perspective, it’s easier to make the “right decision” because we are acting to give ourselves something, not denying or withholding something from ourselves – an attitude of moving toward rather than moving away, an attitude of embracing life rather than rejecting it” (36).

So rather than thinking that choosing salmon means denying ourselves pizza, we can think instead that by choosing the salmon we are giving ourselves happiness and embracing a healthier life, rather than rejecting it. This can be applied to nearly all small, day to day decisions. Stay in or go out? Vent your frustration or keep your mouth shut? Go to bed early or edit five more pages? Go to the gym or go home? What brings you more happiness may change in each situation.

The goal is to have control of one’s life and make decisions in our own best interests. We can pave the way toward a happier life with less guilt and regret, while letting go of victim-hood and the idea that circumstances rule over us. We just need to remember to pause and ask ourselves what will bring me happiness.

This is where I’m at now. Learning to slow down and remember I have a choice, assessing my options and making decisions that will bring us the most happiness.

Are you choosing happiness in your day to day life? I’d love to hear from you.

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“You seem happier since you’ve been writing again.”

That’s what a friend said to me recently. I smiled and thought about it for a moment. Yes, I did feel happier.

So much of this journey is to do with me learning me and coming to a place of self-understanding. I believe writing has helped me to feel happier because I am finally creating again.

To create something is to bring it into existence as a result of one’s own actions. There is a wonderful sense of accomplishment and joy in that; in expressing feeling and urge and for those emotions to result in a tangible creation that formerly did not exist. In some ways it is like giving birth. Be it writing, crafts, art, a classic car, even meal planning; you nurture something with your attention and ideas and imagination. It takes shape then joins the world and you’ve gotten it out of you.

For far too long my life was filled with “have to” projects and not “want to” projects. The freedom to write and create what I want, when I want is something I have no intention of taking for granted ever again. I have felt like a child in a candy store that went years without the taste of sweetness on their tongue. What else have I been missing, I wondered. What else did I love that I had forgotten?

As soon as I decided to make a happiness jar for 2015, I knew it just had to be decoupaged. A child-like excitement coursed through me. Collage! I had forgotten how much I used to absolutely love sitting with a stack of magazines cutting out letters and pictures and phrases and arranging them in beautiful collages. Doing exactly that was my New Year’s Day gift to myself and I relished the experience of flipping through magazines, searching for the right letters and photos that resonated with me, cutting and trimming and spelling out words.

Me, Cooper, and my collaged & decoupaged 2015 Happiness Jar. My very first entry for 1/1/15: “Creating this jar.”

I have always been creative. This is who I am. I am certain that the suppression of that nature contributed to my frustrations the past two years. And now that I know this, I am learning to say “no” more often to things that will limit my time to be creative. It is a wonderful thing.

Is there something you used to love doing and just haven’t made the time for? Scrapbooking, maybe? Baking? Writing poetry or water coloring? Dig out that easel from the basement or take a trip to the crafts store and allow yourself to be inspired again. Creating is a wonderful thing.