All of our bodies have a weight at which it is most comfortable. This is called a set-point weight. We may not be comfortable at that weight and want to gain or lose some, but our body has adapted to life at that weight so it wants to stay there. It likes what it knows. The same goes for happiness. We all have a baseline level of happiness that fluctuates depending on our experiences. Eventually though, that level of happiness finds its way back to where it is most comfortable. To change either of these baselines takes consistency, discipline, and patience.
There are weeks when I exercise nearly every day, eat nothing but the right foods in the right quantities, and lose weight. Then I go out to dinner and splurge a little and like a rubber band, my weight stretches right back to its set-point weight, to the ounce. I am so used to seeing this particular number digitally displayed on the scale when I weigh myself on Friday mornings that I find myself shouting, “of course!” I’m not above giving it a swift kick either.
Happiness, on the other hand, is determined by one’s state of mind more than by external events. Pleasures like sex or enjoying a double bacon cheeseburger, or successes like promotions or completing a project, result in temporary feelings of elation, just like tragedies send us into periods of depression. But these emotions are outliers and sooner or later we all return to our overall baseline level of happiness; where we are most comfortable.
Psychologists call this process adaptation, and it is at work in our lives every day. An argument with a friend may send us into a foul mood, and a special gift may put us in a great mood, but within a few days, our spirits rebound up or down to our customary level of happiness. Research shows that this is the case even for lottery winners or terminal cancer patients, after an appropriate adjustment period.
Changing our weight is hard, sometimes really hard, but we know that it can be done. According to His Holiness the Dalai Lama, there are steps we can take to work with the “mind factor” to enhance our feelings of happiness. This is because our moment-to-moment happiness is largely determined by our outlook. Whether we are feeling happy or unhappy has little to do with our absolute conditions, but rather it is a function of how we perceive our situation and how satisfied we are with what we have.
Our feelings of contentment are strongly influenced by our tendency to compare. We compare our current situations to past situations, we compare ourselves to others, our current salary to what we think having a larger one would be like. Constant comparison with those who we think are smarter, thinner, or wealthier breeds envy, frustration and unhappiness. But we can use this principle in a positive way and increase our feeling of life satisfaction by comparing ourselves to those who are less fortunate than us and by reflecting on all the things we have.
Using my weight as an example, I do compare myself to women who are thinner and feel envious over the clothes they can wear that I can’t. Using comparison in a positive way, I can alleviate my frustrations and envy while working toward my weight loss goals by remembering that all over the world there are people who are starving. My weight indicates that I have access to an abundance of food, and the means to purchase it. That is a blessing.
Like changing your set point weight, changing your baseline level of happiness requires going out of your comfort zone, literally. It requires a change in thinking. An end to thinking about what we don’t have, and the start of focusing on what we do; an end to thinking about those who have more than us, and the start of thinking of those who have less.
This change in thinking will result in many positives, including an overall greater happiness.