The Olympics couldn’t have come at a better time, at least for me personally. They’ve been the dose of inspiration I’ve needed in a long, uninspiring, sluggish, dark, cold winter. In watching, I made an important realization. Here I’m going to share what I learned watching the Olympics.

What I Learned Watching the Olympics

I sat on my couch in awe as I watched the women’s half-pipe and Chloe Kim win gold. She’s fluent in three languages and a gold medalist at 17. I smiled ear to ear overjoyed for her as she made her victory run.

“I can’t even not eat too much pizza,” I said aloud to myself.

Although I’ve always had incredible admiration for Olympians, I assumed they arrived at the Olympics because the deck was stacked in their favor. Like the fourth generation son in a long line of Harvard graduates, I figured a lot of it came down to where they live, who they know, and how much money they have. First of all, these sports are expensive! And you can’t do most of these sports just anywhere.

So I figured “good for them,” but thought, “yeah, I could be an Olympian too if I had rich, supportive parents who exposed me to a sport at a young age, nurtured my talent and made sure I lived in an area where I could practice.”

What I learned not only watching the Olympics this year, but listening, is how wrong I was.

First of all, not all Olympians have the deck stacked in their favor. Yes, Chloe Kim may have the world’s most supportive parents. (Her dad quit his job when she was eight years old so that he could travel the world with her!) But the closest halfpipe to her home in California was five hours away. During the two years she lived in Switzerland, she had to take two trains to reach the Alps. Not to mention that no matter how much support she had, she still had to find the courage to speed down a vertical slope and up the other side in order to launch herself into the air and flip around a few times before landing on hard packed snow. No matter your circumstances, that kind of courage comes from within.

And let’s look at figure skater Adam Rippon. During his interview immediately following his solo team skate, an announcer asked him what it took to be there in PyeongChang. He explained that he had moved to Los Angeles six years ago to work with a certain coach. In order to do so, he slept in a basement and stole apples from the gym because he couldn’t afford a place to live, let alone food.

After hearing these stories, this is what I learned watching the Olympics: Dreams require sacrifice.

Sacrifice

Deck stacked in my favor or not, I don’t have what it takes to be an Olympian. I don’t have that ability to sacrifice to the level required of me in order to reach my dreams.

Do you really think Chloe Kim woke up at the crack of dawn every Saturday excited to sit in a car for five hours? Maybe sometimes? She was a kid when she started snowboarding and then a teenager, that wonderful age when our friends, love lives, and phones take precedence over all else. But not for Chloe and Adam and the other Olympians. They sacrificed. And that’s why they’re in South Korea right now. And they damn well deserve to be there.

I am in awe of Olympians. For me, I’m not just watching what they can do, but I’m watching for what they have done to get to where they are. I love the stories. The setbacks, the trials, the tribulations. Each story is incredibly inspiring to me.

I don’t have a completed draft of my novel or weigh less than I did this time last year, let alone have a medal around my neck. That’s because I don’t sacrifice enough. I don’t sacrifice sleep, couch time, eating or drinking too much, the urge to be lazy… is it any wonder I haven’t achieved my goals and dreams.

But I’m taking inspiration from these Olympians and at least now I know what it takes to be a champion: sacrifice.

What have you sacrificed to achieve your dreams?

Throughout the year, life encapsulates me like a caterpillar. But by the start of a new one I am ready to emerge a reborn butterfly. For weeks I’ve been preparing and gaining momentum for the start of a brand new year. The canvas I’ve spent twelve months marking up is removed and a pristine one is placed before me. At last I get to apply all the lessons and skills I’ve acquired with fresh brushes, and attempt to paint my life once more. But before I can set paint to canvas, I had to spend time picturing the life I will create…

My 2018 Vision

When I closed my eyes and envisioned my life this coming year, I experienced the liberating sensation of significantly reduced debt and simpler living. I saw and felt a healthier version of my body; thinner, with more energy. I saw this improved body in yoga classes sweating beside a roaring winter fire and holding advanced poses as I concentrated on snow falling lazily through the windows. I envisioned myself writing the words “The End” as I finally completed the first draft of my novel. I saw myself preparing and cooking healthy meals, chatting with my husband, in a version of our kitchen where the renovations were finally complete. Lastly and most significantly of all, I saw the big waves of the North Shore of Oahu. Waves I literally dream of. Waves I have been dreaming of since I was eleven years old. I see them in my vision of 2018.

And now it is time to make these visions my 2018 reality.

My 2018 Goals

1. Significantly reduce consumer debt

It’s only natural my minimalist journey would lead me to this point. I had heard of author and finance expert Dave Ramsey before and have even messed around with his system. But it was all premature. I read his book, The Total Money Makeover cover to cover on December 26 and created our “everydollar” budget. I soon realized the only way for this to work was for me and Mike to operate as a team dedicated to a common goal. I spent time going through the system and budget with Mike. For the first time in our marriage I finally let go of my fears and the voices of the scorned woman in my head and we agreed to pool our money and attack our debt and finances as a team. It’s been a very exciting week of big changes.

I have a strong feeling “Finances” will become a new category on this site in 2018, so stay tuned for lots more on this…

2. Lose weight

It wouldn’t be a list of goals of mine without this one on it, right? But I think we all know “lose weight” by itself isn’t nearly S.M.A.R.T. enough. So I’ve made a big decision regarding how this goal is going to look. I don’t recall a time in my life when I wasn’t trying to “lose weight.” I am burnt out and tired of trying to lose weight. I lost 40 pounds in 2017 and it was a horrible experience. Is it any surprise I gained almost all of that weight back? It’s time for something new.

Here’s the real goal and I’m putting it out there for the whole world to see: “Get under, and stay under 200 pounds.”

That’s it. That’s all I want. I’ve been over 200 pounds (with the exception of two months in 2017) since July, 2013. I hate this club and I don’t want to be a part of it anymore. I’m going to get under 200 pounds and then for the first time in my memory I am going to take a break from trying to “lose weight” and work on staying under 200 pounds. I think this change in mindset will be great for me.

3. Complete the first draft of my novel

I made progress on my novel in 2017 and learned a great deal about how to achieve this incredibly challenging task. I am going to break this goal into monthly mini goals and tackle it one month at a time.

4. Establish a regular and consistent yoga practice

I love yoga. But it’s hard, especially after a long break. Yoga connects me with myself and helps me to appreciate my body; I need it for my well being and I miss it when I’m without it. I want yoga to be a natural part of my life again. It will take work and dedication to make it so. But I know it’s worth it, so I’m starting off easy again and will build myself and my body back up.

5. Finish three specific home projects

This includes completing the kitchen renovation. We started it a couple years ago, but never finished. I’m tired of having an incomplete and unfinished kitchen. Even with significantly reducing our debt I know we can make this happen since there isn’t much left besides new counter tops and back splash. There are two other smaller projects we’ve been putting off. One will only require a warm weekend and work.

(If you or someone you know sells or installs counters, please let me know!)

6. Go to Hawaii and see the big waves

This is the big one so allow me to back up. I’m not being figurative when I say I dream of big waves. I actually have recurring dreams of sitting on beaches and watching big waves. I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but it’s always seemed too much of a “Banzai Pipe” dream.

But things have changed…

First of all, there are people in my life, like my brother Doug who travel all over who have inspired me and made travel feel more accessible. (Just read my friend Sarah’s post on her favorite 2017 travel experiences and you’ll see what I mean.) Secondly, my friend Glenn died this month and I was reminded once more of just how short life really is. What am I waiting for, I asked myself. Thirdly, Airbnb. It’s a wonderful, affordable thing.

I was nervous to talk to Mike about this one, so I prefaced and built up to it. Long story short, he gave me his blessing and agreed to go. The plan (and we’re booking our Airbnb in January) is to be there for New Year’s 2018/2019 and hope with all our hearts the waves are up since it will be big wave season.

I can’t think of a more inspiring and rewarding carrot to have waiting for me at the end of 2018. I want to deserve it. I want to get on that plane in December 2018 having accomplished every one of these six goals, and finish my year doing something I have always dreamed of… sitting on the beach and watching the big waves roll in.

This is the picture I will create this year.

Now tell me, what picture are you going to create this year?

Another year has gone. One of my greatest fears is living the same year over and over and calling it life. To ensure I’m not doing that, I prioritize year end reflection to evaluate how I did on my goals, and contemplate the year’s highlights, successes, and the new experiences it provided. I try not to take life for granted. Taking time to reflect helps me to better appreciate the year behind me, acknowledge my growth and successes, and express gratitude for it all. It also helps me to assess where I fell short and what I want out of the year ahead. And now that 2017 is behind us, here’s my year in review.

2017 Year End Reflection Highlights:

1. New Travel Experience: Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

Mike and I traveled to Punta Cana this past March for our friend’s 40th birthday. That was not only a beautiful and incredible experience overall, but it also provided a wonderful exercise in letting go when we got stuck there a few extra days due to bad weather back home. Travel is important to me and I’m glad we went and had this luxurious experience. The trip yielded two blog posts if you’d like to read more about it:

Stuck in Punta Cana: An Exercise in Letting Go and

Jumping in at Hoyo Azul Cenote in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic

2. Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching Certification

In April I attended an Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching Certification course. Over the next few months I completed my coursework and practicum. In July I received my official certification. This course was worth every penny. I learned so many useful tools not only to help myself maintain well being and balance in my own life, but also how to help others do the same. Although other priorities have still been my focus, I am available for coaching. I’m not sure where this will take me yet, but I’m grateful for the tools and knowledge I acquired through this process.

3. Renewed Relationships

2017 saw the return of my father (and his family) into my life. I truly believe that things happen when we are ready, and when they are meant to. I’ve done a lot of work letting go, forgiving, and opening my heart. Once my heart was open, opportunities just seemed to present themselves. I seized those opportunities and was rewarded with the return of family. I am incredibly grateful for this.

4. New Job

After thirteen years in non-profit, including six years at my most recent position, I made the shift to corporate. I left my job and took a position as Marketing Operations Manager in November. Changing jobs was not one of my 2017 goals, but again, opportunities presented themselves and I went for them. When they didn’t work out, I learned from them and went after more. I found a wonderful new job and am incredibly happy and grateful for this shift in my career. I’m also proud of myself for being open to a major change and pursuing it.

5. Weight Loss

I kicked off 2017 with a weight loss challenge to lose forty pounds in six months. It was the hardest damn thing I ever did in my life, but I did it. Yes, I lost 40 pounds in six months.

Unfortunately I’ve gained a bit of it (okay, a lot of it) back. But my weight loss still belongs on this list because it consumed six months of my year and was a tremendous accomplishment. And I am happy to report that I’m ending 2017 weighing less than I did when it started. Therefore, goal achieved.

6. Major Minimizing

I’ve been minimizing my possessions and embracing a more minimalist lifestyle for just under three years now. It’s definitely something that progresses in stages. This past year I minimized my already pared down wardrobe by more than half!  You can read more about that here. Minimalism continues to be a way of life for me. In fact, I’m playing #minsgame again starting January 1! And if you’d like to join me in playing, please post your photos on social media using #minsgamewithjw in your posts.

7. Not One Cigarette

I quit smoking July 23, 2016 and haven’t touched another cigarette since. Not when I was out socializing, not drunk in Punta Cana… NOT ONE CIGARETTE. Although reaching my one year anniversary on July 23 was very cool, I think it’s even cooler to say for the first time in over fifteen years: I DIDN’T SMOKE THIS YEAR! I have not one single experience associated with smoking in 2017. I’m proud of myself for that.

2017 Reflection:

Thanks to year end reflection I think it’s safe to say that 2017 was a good year. It definitely wasn’t the same as the years before it! I traveled, lost weight, was smoke-free, changed jobs, learned a lot, and rekindled relationships with estranged family. I can go to bed on New Year’s Eve with a smile on my face and gratitude in my heart.

2017 Goal Analysis:

But how’d I do on my 2017 goals? Well, let’s see, shall we? Here they are:

1. Pay off three specific debts.

I paid off two of the three! The third I reduced only by $447.05. (2018 is going to be a big year for finances so stay tuned for more on that.)

2. Complete the first draft of my fiction novel.

I knew this was a bold goal. I didn’t even come close to achieving this. HOWEVER, I did make progress. And I do have some momentum heading into 2018. You will see this goal again. I refuse to give up on it. But I’ve adjusted my approach to accomplishing how I achieve it. Clearly, what I’ve been doing hasn’t been working.

3. Establish a healthy morning routine, and maintain it consistently.

I didn’t get up at 5 am every weekday, but I’d say I did wake up early more days than not. Therefore, I deem this goal a success. I rarely used the extra time to work out, but I did sit in my office, enjoy my coffee, plan for the day ahead, journal, read, etc. I enjoy my leisurely mornings. Overall, I have felt more organized and less stressed as a result of waking up earlier. This goal won’t need repeating because after a year, waking up early is just something I do most days naturally now.

4. Drastically reduce the amount of time I spend on Facebook/social media.

Turning off notifications on my phone was one of the smartest things I did this year. This drastically reduced how often I check in on social media. I still find myself scrolling my way down rabbit holes at times, but it’s not as often. Regardless, I’ve learned I’m not missing anything. It’s still fun and I’m not about to quit social media, but I can certainly cut back even more. That will require mindfulness to catch myself because I swear sometimes I don’t even realize I’m doing it.

5. Continue setting New Moon Intentions each moon cycle with specific 29 day goals.

I’ve benefited from and enjoyed being more in sync with lunar cycles. I set new moon intentions almost every moon cycle. I can’t say how much it has improved my productivity, but it has improved my sense of connectedness to the Universe. For me, moon ritual is spiritual. My natural rhythm better matches the moon’s, and so this is what works for me.

6. Lose weight

For the third consecutive year I am completing the year weighing less than when it began. You already know I lost forty pounds this past year, but I also gained almost all of it back. But the goal was to lose weight. And I did that. You’ll see a version of this goal among my 2018 goals, but a bit different… stay tuned.

I’ve been saying all year that 2017 was a good year. Thanks to year end reflection, I can see with certainty that I was correct. Sure, there were rough spots and losses, but what would be the point in writing about those? When you focus on the positive, life is positive. It’s that simple. And I can see that I had one hell of a positive year.

Now it’s my favorite time of year! It’s time to plan for 2018! Stay tuned for my 2018 goals coming on December 31. Thanks so much for reading. I wish you all a VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

What about you? What are some of your 2017 highlights? How did you do with your goals? I’d love to hear from you!

I wrote one blog post in October. Surely someone other than my Mom noticed that? I started a draft of this post back in June. It reads “June was hard on me.” Unfortunately so was July. And August. And September. And October. I shared some of that in my last post, Stress Sucks, where I also confessed I had gained back twenty of the forty pounds I lost this year. I had high hopes that this week off would finally mark the end of a five month run of stress. It almost didn’t. But thankfully I realized my staycation mistakes early on with the help of my counselor, and finally gave myself permission to take it easy before I start my new job.

Staycation Mistakes

Mistake #1: Attempting to add too much structure to the unstructured

Before the start of vacation I began scheduling my time off in what I now realize was an attempt to add structure to the unstructured. I filled my calendar with to-dos and all the yoga and exercise classes I wanted to take.

But then my calendar became overwhelming. I struggled between what I thought I should be doing (going to yoga) and what I wanted to do (have slow mornings in my pajamas with lots of coffee and reading.)

“You are a very structured person,” my counselor said. “Structured people struggle with unstructured time, which is why they often can’t wait to get back into a routine. But this is your vacation.”

I realized I could do with a bit of unplanned time, so I stopped scheduling it all.

Mistake #2: Overly ambitious and unrealistic plans

I overwhelmed myself with ambitious and unrealistic plans. These plans included working out every day, eating perfectly, writing every day, and completing about eight thousand million projects. Is it any wonder I started vacation with splitting headaches and wanting nothing more than to sleep? Guilt gnawed at me, like a hamster on a carrot. What I should be doing ran through my head on repeat and the headaches intensified.

“What are your MAIN priorities this week?” my counselor asked.

I considered them. “Eat healthy. Umm, exercise every day for at least 45 minutes, rest, get my clothes ready for my first week of work. Oh, and write!”

Eating perfectly was never going to happen and I should have known better than to even let that combination of words pass through my mind. I had so many social plans and meals out that it was impossible. Not to mention it was Halloween! So again, I eased up on myself.

Identifying my primary goals also helped me realize that I didn’t need to go to yoga most days, especially since my body wasn’t up for it. I walked around Philadelphia nearly five miles with my Dad on Thursday. That counts. So does hitting the treadmill in my basement while I watch an episode of Scandal. I’m doing what my body is up for. After all, I’m still sleeping twelve hours every night and recovering from whatever stress my body’s been under, which leads me to…

Mistake #3: Denying the magnitude of the transition

I truly don’t feel stressed or anxious about starting my new job. I have only felt stressed or anxious about wasting this week (see mistake #4).

But my counselor helped me realize that regardless, the transition is causing anxiety. This is a major life change. There are residual emotions over leaving my previous job and there are many unknowns about the new job. I haven’t noticed because I’ve gotten skilled at staying in the present, but obviously, there are emotions lingering. It was a mistake to not acknowledge the magnitude of this life-changing transition. Once I did, that helped me to be more gentle with myself.

Mistake #4: Judging use of time

No one is productive all the time. I don’t care what they say. And personally, I don’t think that would be healthy. But I did go into this week thinking that binge-watching Stranger Things Season 2 was a waste of precious time. Anything that wasn’t writing, cleaning, prepping, cooking, producing was a waste of time. But once we identified my goals for the week, one of which is to rest, I realized there was a lot of time where I could do whatever I wanted.

So after counseling, I went home and watched Stranger Things over lunch. On Halloween, I ran my errands in the morning and then finished the season throughout the afternoon. Time wasted? No way. I enjoyed it.

So much of our stress is self-inflicted. Seriously. We put far too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves it’s ridiculous.

I was disappointed I only posted once last month. The need to write and get something up certainly gnawed at my mind. But I had nothing to say at the time, and the truth is that I had higher priorities. I gave myself permission to take the break to focus on other things. And frankly, I was exhausted all the time.

I try to live by example with this site, which is why I share so openly and honestly with you all. What kind of inspiration can I be if I start posting for the sake of posting and give myself a break down in the process?

Priorities shift as life shifts. And I’m doing my best to roll with it.

So I made some staycation mistakes. And I didn’t eat perfectly. I slept A LOT. I watched a lot of Netflix. Not much writing happened. But I DID have quality time with numerous people. And best of all, I finally feel better. The headaches are gone and I feel rested.

I’m ready for the next chapter.

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Stress is no stranger to me. It’s caused me small breakdowns, hair loss, and even an autoimmune disease. More than anything, it’s made me fat. I handle stress better now thanks to everything I’ve learned these past few years, especially mindfulness. Overthinking, mainly about unknowns, contributes mightily to stress. You don’t overthink as much when you live in the present. But these past few months living in the present has been a challenge. So I’ve been stressed. And stress sucks.

Weight Loss Update

Remember that weight loss challenge I did? I lost forty pounds in six months! You may have wondered if I’ve been able to maintain that weight loss. The answer is no, I haven’t. The challenge ended June 30. The very next week I had my first of many job interviews. I went right from the physical and mental stress of the weight loss challenge to the stress of a job search. Over the course of the next several months I gained back twenty of the forty pounds I lost. I am obviously not rid of my eating disorder or overwhelming desire to turn to food when I am under stress or feeling emotional. The uncertainty, the waiting, the hoping, the expectations, the rejection, the disappointment… food is still the salve.

Stress sucks and I still haven’t learned to cope with it. Tremendous progress has been made, yes. But the struggle is still very real. My go-to coping mechanism remains that of eating and numbing my emotions with food.

Stress Abated

But alas, the stress is broken and I feel much better. You see, my job search finally came to a close this week when I formally accepted a new position and resigned from my current one. I feel like I can have my life back now. I feel like I have something new and exciting to look forward to.

But then why am I currently craving potato chips and chocolate like my life depends on it?

Because addiction is a cruel mistress.

Over the past several months I haven’t been able to string more than four successful/healthy days together. I am addicted to flour and sugar and shit once more.

The causes for my eating are diminished yet the cravings remain. I don’t feel well. My face is broken out and I’m bloated. My cravings make me cranky and I feel tired.

Next Steps

But I know what I have to do now. I have to find the strength and energy to power through a detox of limited flour, sugar and processed foods, and abstain from alcohol. I managed to do this for four days a couple weeks ago and I felt like a rock star; my energy surged, I lost seven pounds, and my cravings subsided.

I want to start this next chapter of my career feeling great! I have a few weeks to prepare, and know precisely what I need to do. Wish me luck!

And yes, of course the goal is to stop taking two steps forward and then one step back when life gets tough and stress comes knocking. But this life of mine is a journey and I’m still learning…

How do you cope with stress?

I achieved seven of my ten September goals. One I didn’t meet was to re-establish a regular yoga practice. I only practiced yoga once so far this month. Another was to meet a specific weight goal, which I didn’t. Probably because I only only exercised 11 days so far this month. I also ate in a manner in which I’d like to avoid 19 days and drank alcohol 11 days. How do I know all this? I use a habit tracker. And I’ll tell you why you should use a habit tracker, too.

What is a habit tracker?

A habit tracker is a simple tool where you can track habits you wish to cultivate and any other daily functions relevant to you. Your habit tracker can be made in Excel or a similar program, written in a bullet journal, or however your creative heart desires. List the habits you want to track and allow a block for every day of the month beside each habit. Check off or fill in the pixels on the days you achieve each habit, and leave blank the days you don’t.

Like this:

Why you should use a habit tracker

1. It keeps you honest with yourself.

Plain and simple. You either succeeded or you didn’t.

Here are some of the habits I track:

• Waking up at 5 am
• Daily meditation practice
• Minimum of 45 minutes spent exercising
• Minimum of 60 minutes spent working on novel
• Worked towards a monthly goal?

If I do those things, I get to color in the box. If not, it stays blank.

2. You can see in black and white (or bright colors) where you may be falling short and what’s preventing you from achieving your goals.

Goals are achieved through daily actions. One of my goals was a specific weight. In order to make it, I had to eat right and exercise. I failed at doing that consistently enough, so it’s no surprise whatsoever that I didn’t meet my goal.

Say your goal is to write 100 pages of a novel over a month. Well then your daily goal becomes 3.2 pages a day and that can be a daily habit you track. If you don’t hit your mark, you’ll be able to look at your tracker and see why.

If you’re a goal-oriented person and understand that you need to break down your goals into daily tasks, then a habit tracker is for you.

After all, “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Van Gogh

3. Because “Never is never right, and always is always wrong.”

Ganga White said this and it’s one of my favorite quotes. Through the use of my habit tracker I see first hand just how true this is. We have a tendency to say what we “never” do or “always” do, but when you’re literally tracking those things, you begin to see that neither is correct.

After a week of steady exercise we tend to boast how we “always” work out, even though we didn’t for three weeks before it. Or when we’re disheartened we may say things like I’ll never finish my novel because I never write anymore.

When you track your habits, you see that the truth is most likely somewhere in the middle, and then you can adjust accordingly.

4. A habit tracker is a motivational tool that makes breaking bad habits and cultivating good ones fun.

The boxes are little carrots at the end of the day that you want to color in. That simple act is motivating! They’re like gold stars for a job well done!

Not sure what to track? Think of the habits you want to break and those you want to cultivate.

Here are ten ideas to get your gears turning:

• Didn’t smoke
• Drank 64 ounces of water
• Ate breakfast
• Made the bed
• Didn’t buy lunch
• Journaled
• Didn’t exceed daily calorie intake
• Smiled at a stranger
• Walked a minimum of 10,000 steps
• Didn’t snack before bed

5. You get to start each month with a clean slate.

Each new month brings with it a cleansing and enthusiastic energy. I like to start each one organized and prepared for a fresh start. I don’t dwell on where I could have tried harder or what I should have done better. I look to the future and try again. So I print out a fresh new habit tracker and begin again!

Excited to join me and try out habit tracking for yourself? Click the button below to join my mailing list (I only send one email a month, I promise!) and receive a free habit tracker download! Once you submit your email address, check your inbox for an email with a link to your beautifully designed habit tracker pdf. (If you don’t see the email, please check your spam or junk folder.)

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I received disappointing news last week. Since all my writing is inspired by my personal journey, I took this as an opportunity to coach myself on how to deal with disappointment. This post is as much for me as it is for you. And if you think I’ve left anything out, please let me know in the comments.

So anyway, yeah, I was disappointed. I had an exciting opportunity in the works. For over two months I struggled between being realistic and optimistic; not getting my hopes up and visualizing my desired outcome in order to help manifest it. In the end I decided to believe the opportunity was mine. I daydreamed, used words like “when” instead of “if.” I was confident.

Since I believed the opportunity was mine, the disappointment was magnified. It’s not just that I didn’t get something I wanted. I feel as though something was taken away from me.

So how to deal with disappointment? After all I’ve learned I can surely pass this exam. Here’s what I’m thinking:

1. Don’t take it personal

This is one of the Four Agreements in the aptly named book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that I recently finished reading.

“When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” – Ruiz

I won’t take personally not being chosen for this opportunity. There are countless reasons why I may not have been selected in the end and many of them may have nothing to do with me personally. I know this. And if it is something personal, like the sound of my voice for example, it’s still not personal. Because I also know that what others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own preferences, their own dreams. And they are entitled to them. They have no bearing on me.

2. Don’t assign meaning or make assumptions

And in that vein, not being selected doesn’t mean I’m no good or not talented or not likeable. It doesn’t mean I’ll never be successful. I won’t make any assumptions regarding future opportunities based on this one disappointment.

3. Identify the blessings or silver linings

It’s not ideal, but look, I got a crash course on how to deal with disappointment and test all I’ve learned (and my next blog post, to boot). You take the good with the bad. I’m sure there are other blessings here I can’t possibly know. Maybe the opportunity wasn’t meant for me and I would have hated it. Maybe I dodged a bullet?

Regardless, I got really far in the process and garnered a lot of valuable experience.

4. Be grateful

Like I always say, there is always something to be grateful for. I am grateful to no longer be in limbo, waiting for a decision. That turned into a terrible distraction.

I am also grateful that although it feels like I lost something, I didn’t really. I am no worse than I was before this. For that I am grateful.

5. Remain optimistic

I won’t allow life’s disappointments to turn me into a cynical pessimist. I will remain optimistic.

6. Brush yourself off

I admit that after zoning out and feeling sorry for myself for an hour or so, I then ate a really big slice of chocolate cake. But then I did brush myself off! I got my bearings and drafted this blog post to help me process my disappointment.

7. Try, try again

Then I identified next steps and immediately tossed my hat back in the ring.

One dropped ball won’t have me swearing off the game of catch. I’ve caught (and dropped) many balls in my life. There will be more balls. And I’ll drop some.

But I have a feeling I’ll catch a really good one soon…

Have anything to add? Let me know in the comments.

Jessica is a certified Integrative Wellness & Life Coach. Click here to contact her for a free consultation.

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Fear in our minds produces fear in our lives. The fear-mind’s goal is to keep us living in a state of inadequacy, doubt and despair. I lived there for a very long time, encased in a shell of darkness at the mercy of my master. When I finally cracked the shell of my suffering, I saw a glimmer of light. Over the past several years I have learned to quiet my fear-mind. But now it is time to say goodbye once and for all.

“The mind cannot serve two masters,” Marianne Williamson writes in A Course in Weight Loss. In any moment we are either host to love or hostage to the fear-mind.

“The fear-mind leads to suffering as sure as the Divine Mind leads to joy. The various ways people anesthetize themselves today – whether through substances or pharmaceuticals – is a wail from the deep: Please don’t make me have to choose.”

But choose I must. And choose I did.

I wrote a letter to my fear-mind, the imposter who’s been masquerading as me, following the instructions laid out in A Course in Weight Loss. Here is my letter.

Dear Imposter,

For a long time I’ve allowed you to reside within me. I believed every disturbing word you said and acquiesced your every demand. I allowed your intrusion in my life and in my mind because you were always there. Terrified of what my own thoughts might be, I chose yours instead. After all, you were the Devil I knew, and I certainly didn’t trust myself.

So I allowed your terrible influence on me. You gave me permission to do bad things when I was on the fence, and goaded me when I resisted. You bullied me relentlessly and wore me down. I allowed it because I was desperately lonely and you were my constant companion, better than nothing at all. You binged on my sorrow, engorging yourself with power.

The stronger you got, the crueler you became. Only the worst of friends know someones deepest secrets, shames, and guilt and uses them to their own advantage. You projected my personal demons into my mind’s eye like a deranged curator of the museum of my darkest depths. Then once I was good and destroyed, you lead me by the hand to comfort in whatever form was available at the time.

That was your goal, wasn’t it? I was the source that got you your fix.

Until recently, I actually thought you were helping me. We disassociated together and numbed ourselves. It felt safe… until I came to at least. I realize now how much you were hurting me. You made me dependent and addicted and kept me chained in a prison of my own fears and negative thoughts, tracing a small triangle of destructive behaviors.

You said it was everyone and everything else that hurt me. I believed you. And so I placed my blame everywhere else and raged against the world while you got to stand by my side, the Devil in my corner.

But I’m onto you now, Imposter. I have come to realize it was YOU who hurt me more than anyone or anything else ever did.

I see your pattern and manipulation clearly. And I see that you need me more than I ever needed you. You need me, your host, to feed your insatiable desires for pleasure in all its destructive forms. But I will no longer be your source.

I’ve come to realize it is YOU who are weak. You feed on the sorrows of those in pain. You’re nothing more than a parasite. You’re small and insignificant and you cannot live here anymore. You cannot hurt me anymore. You are nothing.

I can stand alone in my own body and in my own mind. I know you know this because I can feel your fear and anger over being cast aside. It’s been some time since you’ve fed on me. There’s been little sorrow to feed on. I see you in the corner of my mind emaciated and scared. But I feel no compassion for you. There is nothing here for you and I will not help you.

You have to go.

I’m not afraid anymore. Not of you, not of being alone, not of anything I’ve done, and not of anything that’s happened before or what may happen tomorrow. Do you know why?

Because I am a warrior.

Because I live for today.

Because I have faith that whatever happens, I am loved and the Universe will provide. My heart is open and I have experienced the joy and light of Divine Mind.

I am well supported. Not just by my family and friends, but also by me.  I am well-armed with tools and knowledge. Most of all, I am armed with LOVE.

Give up this fight. You’re a demon, and I command you to leave. You cannot win.

You’re the last lingering darkness within my soul. But unfortunately for you, I was meant to SHINE.

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July was a slippery tightrope on which I could not get a firm grip despite my efforts. Obligations battled for attention, sickness sidelined me, pressures built, and schedules filled. As so often happens when I’m overwhelmed, a critical component of my well being suffered: my health. But rather than write off an entire month, I’m trying something different. I’m giving myself credit where it’s due, identifying areas for improvement, and most importantly, examining where I lost my balance in life so I can maintain it next time a strong wind blows.

Where I Lost My Balance

It’s a shame that the first thing to suffer when life gets hectic is most often ourselves. I can count on one hand the number of times I exercised in July. I barely meditated. I hardly cooked. I bought lunch and takeout when I didn’t need to, spending money I didn’t want to and consuming food I hadn’t planned to.

One day in the middle of the month I felt an urgent need to reset. I was inspired and energized, so I wrote “How to Reset Body and Mind to Feel Better Instantly.”

My reset lasted one day.

I was unable to follow my own formula, which has worked countless times. And so I struggled two more weeks, hopping on and falling off the tightrope until I was exhausted and defeated.

Coincidentally, the winds have died just in time for a new month. I am firmly planted on my rope and feel balanced. Before I take a step, however, I think it is important to examine where I lost my balance. I have my friend, Robin Renee to thank for that. You see, she commented on my post about resetting with words of wisdom that resonated with me:

“I try to notice, gently, what led me off the path. When I notice consciously that I am overeating out of nervousness or emotional upset, it’s a little easier to stop and make a better choice. If I find I am being reactionary out of anger directed at self or other, I might take the first steps toward looking at the underlying issue rather than punishing myself by being inactive or something similar. To do that kind of self-reflection, while being kind to myself regardless of what I find, is a practice that has seen me through a lot in recent years.”

I didn’t manage to do this in the throes of July’s chaos. But since stress and life is certain to keep happening, Robin has helped me to realize that the best way to prevent losing balance in the future is to “notice, gently” what led me off my rope. Did I stumble for the sake of stumbling? Am I weak and undisciplined? Am I a failure?

No.

First of all, June depleted me physically, emotionally and mentally as I was consumed with achieving my weight loss goal. I needed some time to recuperate and take it easy and so I allowed that for myself.

But then I got sick with an upper respiratory infection. I was so miserable that my cravings for comfort in the form of food came out in full force. I was not strong or well enough to resist them. And so for nearly an entire week I slept, binge-watched Vikings, and ate whatever I wanted.

After that, things were just… full… and I struggled to gain my footing since so many things required my attention. Keep in mind that not everything was necessarily bad. In addition to the tough stuff a lot of significant and positive things happened. It was just a lot. The rest of the month felt like one long uphill climb. Each obligation, social event, and appointment was a checkpoint I was relieved to cross. Time off was hard to come by, and so I used it to sit and rest (and eat) rather than reset.

Areas For Improvement

I do not say any of this to make excuses. I’m simply “noticing.” There is a learning opportunity here, which is why I’m reflecting. The first step to doing better is to understand where I went wrong.

I see now that next time I do something particularly taxing, I need to plan close-ended recovery time. Next time I get sick, I must remember to stock up with “healthy” comfort food since even sickness is no deterrent to my appetite. And if my schedule gets too full, I need to find windows for rest, but also windows for self-care, even if that means rescheduling some things.

Clearly, I still have work to do understanding and prioritizing my priorities. My health is a high priority, yet my actions don’t reflect that when life gets full. I must prioritize my diet, exercise and well-being regardless of the winds life kicks up. 

Giving Credit Where It’s Due

I struggled this past July and I lost my balance in life. But with that being said, I see great progress in how I handled a difficult month. Despite falling off my rope, I continued to step back on even if I only held my balance a few hours before stumbling again. Three years ago I would have cut the rope and burned it.

Throughout it all, I didn’t smoke a cigarette and celebrated my one-year cigarette-free-versary on July 23. Although my eating was poor, I made better bad choices. And although this past month affected my relationship with my self, it didn’t spread farther than that. It didn’t leave me emotionally erratic or cause tension in any of my other relationships. This is a tremendous victory.

I am a work in progress and like everyone else, I’m doing the best I can. My performance this past July was my best. But now after reflecting on where I stumbled, I feel confident that with practice I will continue to improve my balancing skills.

Hitting my June 30 weight loss goal took a lot out of me. Not one day after marking that accomplishment, other stressors and projects that required my attention consumed my last bit of energy. Once I made it through the remaining hurdles, I felt a well deserved break was in order. And so I took it easy and relaxed. And then three days after getting back on track, I got derailed by some sort of summer cold I’m still battling. Now half of July is gone. I haven’t gone to yoga in ages and haven’t hit my daily goal of 11,000 steps since July 2. I feel weak. I’ve been eating like crap. I can’t believe how quickly things went off track. I desperately need a reset and decided that today is the day for it. Luckily for me, I know exactly how to reset body and mind to get me feeling better.

Do you need a reset, too? Maybe you’re getting over being ill, or have been bogged down by anxiety and stress, or maybe just have been derailed by competing obligations? Whatever your reason for needing a reset, keep reading for seven simple ways to reset your body and mind to get you feeling better by bed time. They’re the exact things I’m doing today.

1. Drink water

Stop what you’re doing and go drink water. Seriously, stop. If your bottle of water is nearby, take a long chug. If it’s not, get up right now and fill a tall glass and drink it down. Water is crucial to our well being and many of us don’t get enough. My water consumption is one of the many things that suffers when I’m not on top of my game. So this morning I filled two 32 oz. bottles with water and the juice of two lemons. I drank both by 4:00 pm and will drink at least one more before bed.

In my opinion, drinking water is the simplest thing we can all do on a daily basis to help us feel better. Water flushes out toxins, aids digestion and increases regularity. It boosts the immune system, reduces headaches and improves skin complexion. And it generally helps you feel more energized. There is no acceptable reason whatsoever to deny yourself water. So please, do it for yourself.

2. Get some exercise

And I don’t mean next week. I mean today (or at least tomorrow if it’s already late in the day). Exercise is another excellent free thing that helps us to feel better almost instantly. I’ve hit my first exercise slump in ages and let me tell you, I feel awful; weak, irritable, fatigued. I am at the point of craving exercise.

With this nasty cough, I won’t go for a jog or even a walk (it’s far too humid). But I will finally do thirty minutes of light yoga to begin to ease my body back into a practice and loosen up my joints that have gotten used to the couch the past week.

For those of you who don’t exercise regularly, I know how hard it can be to begin. But it’s all you have to do. Just begin. Go for a ten minute walk if that’s all you feel you can do right now. Every little bit counts and will get those endorphins flowing.

3. Eat something nutritious

We’ve been eating a lot of takeout and junk lately in my house, largely because I haven’t felt well. When I don’t feel well, I seek easy comfort food even though it’s the worst thing for me.

Despite not feeling well, the thought of eating more junk makes me feel nauseous. And so I’m making the dinner I was too tired and ill to make yesterday. It’s a pasta dish with chicken loaded with mushrooms and asparagus with a bit of goat cheese melted throughout. I enjoy cooking very much and am excited to sit down at the table to “real” food.

No food in the house or no time to cook? Choose the lesser of the take-out evils. Maybe that’s a soup or salad from a fast food chain, or a turkey sub/hoagie from (insert beloved convenience store/deli here – mine is Wawa). It may require a little extra effort, but there are more options than greasy chinese, pizza or cheeseburgers. Find something good for you and your body will thank you for it.

3. Plan your food

Think about the rest of today and tomorrow, too. I know I have some cherries that have seen better days so I’ll mix them with some oats, yogurt, chia seeds, almond milk, raw almonds, and a drizzle of honey. Voila – cherry overnight oats for the next four days. I’ll also defrost some wheat bread for a peanut butter sandwich and maybe hard boil some eggs, and see what else I can dig up in order to prevent buying lunch.

Just see what you have and get creative. Or better yet, run to the store if you have time, but whip up a quick meal plan and list first.

No food and no time? Again, planning ahead can prevent you from making decisions you may later regret. When we’re hungry and irritable, we tend to get amnesia and find ourselves reaching for the most convenient source of energy. By planning ahead, you allow the space to remember better options like Panera, Chipotle (burrito bowl/salad), or even Whole Foods which has plenty of seating and a gorgeous prepared foods bar.

The point is not to wait until you’re hangry to think about what to eat.

4. Straighten up/get organized

I don’t know about you, but if my environment is cluttered, my mind is cluttered and I don’t function well. Take some time to straighten up and get organized. Throw in a load of wash if you need work clothes or towels, do the dishes… just get things to a less stressful level. You’re not aiming for immaculate – just orderly. And try to stay focused on the major living areas and surfaces. Other areas are not at all a priority. This is NOT the time to clean out the linen closet or medicine cabinet (unless you find yourself completely energized to do so!)

5. Make a to-do list

Getting back on the wagon usually means facing things you’ve neglected that require your attention. Free-write a to-do list. Just write down anything and everything you can think of whether you need to do it tomorrow or next month. Just get it from your head to the paper. You can re-order it later. The goal for now is simply to get it out of your head.

6. Ask yourself: What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

Now that you’ve drank your water, exercised, eaten something healthy, straightened up and made a to-do list, you should be feeling exponentially better in body and mind! Maybe it’s time to wash up for bed or call it a night and settle in for last night’s Game of Thrones premiere on the DVR. Awesome! You did great!

But if there’s still time or you want more, then ask yourself today (or tomorrow morning): What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

As for me, I would like to watch another episode of my current binge-watching pleasure, Vikings. But the truth is that I’ve been doing too much of that lately. I gave myself permission to take a break from blogging. But now the break’s over and getting back to work is what will make me feel better. And so instead of hanging out on the couch, I am at my desk writing this blog post.

Vikings isn’t going anywhere.

But if the most important thing you can do right now feels too big or overwhelming or is also the source of your stress (I’ve been there!), then please go on to the next question.

7. Ask yourself: What is one small step I can take right now to get the ball rolling?

Earlier this month I had to prepare for an important meeting. It was a significant source of stress for me and I completely procrastinated until I literally could not procrastinate anymore. Finally, with tears in my eyes, I just… began. First, I sat at my desk. Next, I turned on my computer. Third, I set my timer and committed to sixty minutes of effort. Next, I pulled out my notes, and so it went…

Thirty minutes in, problems began to resolve themselves, ideas came to me, and the preparation began to come together. The stress and anxiety melted away.

If all you can do right now is make a list or a phone call, write one email, or Google something, then that’s all you need do! Do that thing you identified and be proud of yourself for getting started.

To begin, just begin.

Not sure where to begin? Start at the beginning and go drink some water. It helps, I promise.

It’s no accident that this list of how to reset body and mind started with water, exercise and food. You can not begin to feel better in mind without first feeling better in body. The brain is a muscle and does not operate without the cooperation of the body. So do these things in order and you will be on your way to feeling better in no time.

What would you add to this list? I’d love to hear from you.

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