If, like me, you are feeling profoundly disappointed over the results of our election, please know that you are not alone. It is natural in the wake of this tragedy to feel afraid, angry, confused, and deeply saddened. But these are the negative emotions that allowed such a result to occur in the first place. It is our job now to find peace in the aftermath of what has been a deeply dividing, hostile and hideous race for the presidency. All I can do is share with you what I plan to do to find peace after the election, and hope that you will join me in choosing positive emotions over negative ones. These are the six things I intend to try in order to begin to heal from this madness.

1. Unplug from social media.

The news crushed me in the early hours of this morning. It felt as if a sinkhole opened in my chest and had been filled with concrete. I scrolled through my Facebook feed and the weight of everyone’s disappointment felt like sandbags piled on top. A gloating post felt like a knife in my side, and made me think more judgemental thoughts. Aware of what was happening inside of me, I logged off. It is my intention to avoid all social media until things settle down and most of all, until my feelings settle down.

We don’t need to read our feeds to know what is going on. Here’s a spoiler alert: many people are profoundly hurt and angry, and many people are gloating. Take my word for it and avoid it.

2. Practice metta meditation/send loving kindness into the world

Many of the people who allowed Trump to win this election did so because they are afraid and angry and have been feeling threatened. They acted out of fear. The people who fought to prevent this atrocity are now feeling just as afraid, angry and threatened. That is A LOT of pain and suffering. Our country is crying today. I will be practicing metta meditation and sending loving kindness out into the universe to my loved ones, but also to my enemies, so that love may enter their hearts and guide their actions.

3. Be the voice of kindness and compassion

Never before have I felt so much lesser for the simple fact that I am a woman. I have tried to imagine what it might feel like today to not only be black, not only to be a black woman, but to be a black homosexual woman. I can’t imagine. I have tried to imagine what it might feel like to have been assaulted by Trump and to have come forward and for my assaulter to be elected the most powerful job in America anyway. I can’t. I have tried to imagine what it might feel like to be a Muslim and to fear for my family’s safety. I can’t.

What I can do is be kind and demonstrate through my actions that I support woman, the LGBT community, and that I do not live in fear of Muslims or anyone that appears to be of Middle Eastern descent. I can demonstrate that my ideals do not align with those who have elected this bigoted, racist, sexist man to the Presidency.

4. Try to forgive

On Thanksgiving day I will be at a table surrounded by people who voted for Trump. This thought makes me lose my appetite. I cannot make excuses for my friends and family members. In this election, it means something if you supported this man. But I refuse to disown friends and family members over this like I have seen some people say on Facebook.

I cannot justify the behaviors or actions of people who aligned with this man, but I can remind myself of their ignorance and fears. I can attempt to convince myself that they simply did not know any better and/or acted from fear, not intelligence. That doesn’t necessarily make it any easier, and it is our responsibility to be informed citizens, but the simple truth is that some people have deep rooted resentments and fears, some that they inherited from their parents, and are incapable of seeing around it. I cannot control what they do, but I can control what I do. And I will practice compassion and attempt to understand.

5. Remember that laws won’t change overnight

Yes, things are uncertain and scary. But the simple reality is that Trump can’t single handedly reverse laws overnight. We won’t wake up in January and learn that marriage equality has been reversed, that abortion is now illegal in all 50 states, and that Muslims are being rounded up and put in prison. Have faith in democracy, the process, and our other elected officials.

6. Focus on the positive and what we can control

Life is going to go on. We can dwell and allow our anger and disappointment to consume us, or we can make the best of a shitty situation. I can control my response and so I am choosing to practice these six things, and focus on my journey to lose weight, live a happier and more peaceful life, and work toward my goals. Trump can’t take that away from me. People who voted for him can’t take that away from me. Only I can take that away from me by allowing negative emotions to distract me. I choose not to allow that.

Writing this post was a difficult decision because I am risking alienating or offending some of my readers. I hope you’ll understand why I chose to write this anyway, like I am choosing to attempt to understand why some people voted for Trump. This journey is one to wellness and compassion. Many of us are wounded today. I felt a personal responsibility to face this fact and to share tools for how to find peace after the election. There is a lot of hurt out there in the world today. And if I can make one single person hurt a little less, then I have succeeeded. THAT is why I chose to write this post today.

It is my deep hope that we can all move on from this and heal our wounds. We can achieve that through practicing kindness and compassion, the only cure for for our gravely ill world. If this post resonated with you at all, I ask that you PLEASE share it far and wide, so that others may be comforted by it. We all need some peace today.

I send my love to you ALL.

Today is a special day! Today marks the day that I have finally achieved something – something I have attempted and failed to accomplish countless times. Something that no matter how hard or how many times I tried, evaded me. But I never gave up! No, no I did not. And it is because of that practice and perseverance that today I am celebrating my 100th day cigarette-free. And it is glorious. I feel liberated and proud and I am giving myself credit and celebrating my achievement. That’s because our achievements and milestones are worth honoring.

No one, I repeat NO ONE, gets to decide what’s a big deal in our own lives except US. Many people may think that 100 days cigarette-free is no big feat. But I know it is! Because I know how hard this has been for me. I celebrate lots of things that most people probably don’t even think about, like going an entire work day without touching the potato chips on the kitchen table. Maybe it’s no big deal for most, but for me, that’s an eight hour endurance match against a tougher opponent. And you better believe that when I win, I give myself credit. Because I know how hard it was and I don’t invalidate things that hard for me, just because they may be easy for most people.

Quitting smoking has been really hard for me. 100 days is a new record for me and so I am celebrating. I will not diminish my achievement or hold off celebrating until I go a year. That’s because giving credit provides positive reinforcement and makes me feel good about my progress. It makes me want to keep going. It’s like, “Yeah, I got this!” The bigger deal I make of my success, the less likely I am to falter.

What are some of the struggles in your day to day life? What makes you feel like you kicked some ass? How can you celebrate those achievements?

I know I feel like a rock star when I get to my 5:45 AM yoga class, and when I don’t eat anything else for the rest of the night after dinner. Both things are pretty damn hard, so when I do them, I feel good! I give myself credit. I don’t talk down to myself anymore or make sarcastic comments like, “Took ya long enough!” or “Wow, great job doing what you should have been doing all along anyway.” Instead I say, “Nice job, Girl!”

I celebrate victories constantly. I give myself credit! A LOT! And you should too! Because we deserve credit and recognition from ourselves. It’s another way we can be a good, supportive friend to ourselves.

So in honor of my 100th day cigarette-free I took the above photo and am shouting from the proverbial mountain top that I AM 100 DAYS CIGARETTE-FREE!! I also bought myself four more succulents. The last time I bought them was in honor of my 100th blog post because that was a pretty cool thing worth honoring too. I like the symbolism of having a living, breathing thing to grow with me.

I’m proud of myself today. And I think I’m going to keep up the great work! (Pats self on back.)

I’ve been ill for seven days now. For the majority of the time I’ve been too sick to do anything but sleep or stare into space. The days have blurred together with only different patterned pajama pants and tissue boxes adding any variety. As my body attempts to heal and I try to aid it, I can’t help but wonder… I’ve been healthier than ever, so why am I so sick? As my physical illness subsides, a tremendous sadness has taken its place. I struggle to understand what’s happening to me and my body. There seems several explanations, one being that perhaps I have entered the Dark Night of The Soul.  

Illness Without Warning

Over the course of this wellness journey I’ve learned to take better care of myself: physically, mentally and spiritually. I pay attention to my body, my emotions; I practice self-care. I’ve changed. I’ve grown.

But this time… there was no warning.

Seven days ago I woke up feeling exhausted and weighed down, like my bones had been coated in adamantium steel. I slept for two days, too sick and exhausted to read or even watch television. I felt like roadkill. Then came a sore throat so excruciating it brought me to tears. I went to the doctor. She said I had a virus and gave me a steroid. By nighttime, the sore throat had let up and been replaced with a violent cough. The cough settled deeply into my lungs, and sent alien looking sputum through my mouth and nose for days. I left my home only twice during this period. The second time was for urgent care when the force of my cough ruptured a capillary in my throat and I vomited blood. That’s how I learned I had a bronchial infection/pre-pneumonia.

I still have limited use of my voice and an obscene amount of mucus and a cough that sounds similar to that of a pack a day smoker in their seventies. So I find it a little ironic that exactly one week from today I will achieve 100 days cigarette free. This will be the longest I have ever gone without smoking since I started in my teens. And yet, I’m the sickest I have ever been.

Illness Inquiry

I understand why we get sick. Germs, pathogens… I know how it works. It’s virus season and something has been going around. It is absolutely possible that I simply picked something up. And yet, I just can’t believe it’s that simple. All these efforts to be healthier, and yet I’ve been so sick… why? That is the question that gnaws at my brain. After a life of ignoring my body to devastating effects, I have learned to listen. What didn’t I hear? What is happening inside of my body?

I wondered if perhaps my lungs are detoxing… shedding. Maybe on the cusp of 100 days cigarette free my body is saying, “I believe you this time. I trust you. I will begin to let go of the fifteen plus years of abuse you have done to me.”

The symbolism and timing made sense to me. Then I realized that I’ve been shedding for a long time. Bad habits, self-destructive behaviors, unnecessary stress, negative self-talk, toxic relationships… I figured maybe my body decided to literally shed itself too.

Then yesterday, sadness overcame me.

Entering the Dark Night of The Soul

It’s been a painful and lonely week. Last night my heart broke open in self-pity and I cried a river of tears from a broken dam of my own expectations and ego. I realized how completely not special I am and felt utterly alone. It was a pity party unlike no other, and I gave in to the release. Six days of the worst sickness of your life without so much as a hug can do that to you, I suppose.

After my cry and an honest chat with a friend, I felt better. I acknowledged that my suffering was caused by my own expectations of others and that is on me, not anyone else. Also, I realized that in replaying the week I was living in the past and not the present. The sickness had clearly heightened my emotions. Being off my routine and away from most human contact for an entire week had taken its toll on me. I cushioned myself after that and laid in bed.

But today the sadness continued and I remained curious. Thankfully, the Universe provided a possible explanation… and I just love that it’s part of the hero’s journey.

“The dark night of the soul comes just before revelation. When everything is lost, and all seems darkness, then comes the new life and all that is needed.” -Joseph Campbell

Can this be a new path in my journey? I read more about the spiritual Dark Night of The Soul. It’s a process that occurs after a seeker has gained a lot of spiritual knowledge or growth when the ego attempts to strengthen its grip on us to prevent us from going further to the light.

Last night my ego was the loudest mouth at my pity party. Even while thinking the selfish, immature, egotistical thoughts I was thinking, I couldn’t help but realize how unenlightened I sounded. Last night, my ego threw a temper tantrum.

“Even though this is a very beautiful and sacred process, it can be perceived at the time as very difficult.  Especially when you are in the thick of the fog.  This is why it is called the dark night of the soul. You feel as if you are stuck in the dark with no hope of seeing the light again.  You already feel totally alone due to this process, and on top of that it is not talked about often. This is because a lot of us look for the light only and try to run away from the dark, not realizing that the dark will only grow larger the more you ignore it.” – in5d

Apparently, many people think they have done something wrong when the symptoms of the Dark Night appear, especially if they just went through so much perceived spiritual growth. I see myself in that. I said earlier that I am the healthiest I have ever been, so why now? What did I do wrong?

“When you find yourself in the Dark Night, show gratitude because you are going through a sort of rites of passage or a spiritual detox.  The pain you feel is the pain you have tried to suppress for years, decades, and even lifetimes.  It is now finally bubbling up to the surface to be healed with the love you give it.  Even though it seems painful to face this pain, you should feel honored that this pain is finally flowing out of you.  We don’t even realize the heavy baggage that we have held onto for so long.”

This all makes sense to me, and I believe that my illness may have to do with this spiritual detox. I am on the verge of the next step –I can feel it! This time of illness and inquiry helped me to understand what’s been happening. I believe I am entering a new phase, a phase of spiritual depression, and I must use this time to detach my emotions from the stories they have claimed, and cultivate love.

“The reason why we find ourselves in a Dark Night is because we are learning trust, acceptance, love, and surrender.  This is our true nature, and the ego knows this and puts up a fight.  A very strong fight!   The ego is unwilling to give up its control and fearfulness and this is perfectly normal because this is ego’s nature.  When you see it as ego’s nature and not your nature and that it is inevitable, it gives you the power to ALLOW.”

I have only begun to scratch the surface on the Dark Night of the Soul, what it means and what is to be done about it. And that’s enough for me for now. My inquiry has yielded answers that make sense to me. In the meantime, I will practice self-love. I will cushion myself, stay mindful of my ego and the false stories it tells, and practice self-care as I continue to heal from this sickness.

Things happen for a reason. I couldn’t accept this was simply a virus. I have come to know myself far too well for that. If entering into the Dark Night of the Soul, or some form of it, means moving forward, then so be it. I will enter this time of darkness, and face my lingering demons with love.

After all, on this journey, I’m my own hero.

Over the course of my wellness and recovery journey, I have developed many beneficial daily habits. For example, every day I make note of my happiest moment, answer a question provided in a daily journal, jot down a few lines about the day in a separate daily journal, and list three things I am most grateful for. I find that these habits combined help me to be more mindful and overall, much happier. This practice helps me take greater pleasure in the ordinary and find something special in every single day. It also helps to slow down time since I’m no longer living solely for life’s highlights.

Over the summer I had the idea to combine all these practices into one two year journal and publish it, so everyone can enjoy it. I am overjoyed to report that Questions For Life: Two Year Guided Daily Journal For Intentional Living is near completion and will be available for purchase soon.

From the journal: Do you ever reflect on life and feel like it’s all a blur? The Questions For Life two-year guided daily journal gets you in the habit of slowing down and reflecting on each day while getting to know yourself better by answering self-discovery questions. For each day there is space to reflect, express gratitude, capture your happiest moment, and answer a thought-provoking question. Completing the journal each day, which only takes a few minutes, will soon have you enjoying the simpler things in day to day life, living more intentionally and feeling happier!

This journal is designed so that you can start any time of the year. When you finish a full year, start over! Enjoy reading about the previous year and reflect on how much you’ve grown; see how your answers to the questions have (or haven’t) changed. The questions are intended to help you think about your life (What are you passionate about?), live creatively and pursue your dreams (Are you giving your goals the time they deserve?), evaluate relationships (What do you value most in a friendship?) reflect on whether you’re living with intention and purpose (Did you perform an act of kindness today?), and have some fun (What makes you laugh hardest?).

For anyone interested in slowing down, practicing daily reflection, evaluating their life, and living with intention – this journal is for you!

Can’t wait to start your practice? Join my mailing list now and you will receive November’s journal pages FREE.

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The wind picked up and the temperature dropped as we climbed in elevation. I gripped the lap bar, my sleeves pulled tightly over white knuckles. We swayed forward every time the chair lift came to a stop, causing my stomach to drop. I glanced below my dangling feet at the craggy mountain slope and calculated my chances of survival should our chair snap free from its steel cable. I don’t have a fear of heights so much as I have a fear of faulty engineering. But it was my friend, Amy’s birthday, and taking a chairlift to the top of Mount Snow in Vermont was what she wanted to do. So I faced my fear and anxiously awaited my prize of solid ground, breathtaking views, and an alcoholic beverage in the lodge to calm my nerves. I am grateful I didn’t give in to my fear. The reward of a new life experience sitting atop that mountain overlooking the valley was worth the discomfort.

Acknowledging Fear

When was the last time you did something that scared you?

I could rattle you off a list of things I’ve done that scared the hell out of me. Highlights include slipping down sliding rock in Pisgah National Forest into frigid water. Holding a tarantula in Colorado. Being a passenger along Mount Evans Road, the highest paved road in North America, which dropped off to certain death at 14,000 feet.

I recall these moments specifically because the experience of facing and embracing fear is so memorable. Knotted stomach, tight back, clenched jaw, rapid breathing, increased adrenaline… the mind races with one ultimate decision: give in to the fear or face the fear. When you decide to go for it, a nervous courage joins the party leaving you feeling emboldened and rebellious. Then you do the thing that scares you and exhilaration floods through you like a tsunami and you’re no longer who you were a moment before. You’re changed: stronger, braver and more experienced.

The Cost of Fear

There is nothing to gain by giving in to fear, but there is so much to lose. Had I allowed myself to be held back by fear over the years, I would have sacrificed so many incredible life experiences. All those memories and stories… gone. All those instances when I demonstrated bravery that have boosted my confidence… gone. All that exhilaration… gone.

Fear grips us when we think we may fail, get hurt, or worse, die. This is not an easy thing to overcome. We give in to it in order to prevent risk of injury or death, but the truth is that the joke’s on us. That’s because fear does not stop death, it stops life. Fear stops us from living.

Adrenaline is what makes us feel alive! Taking risks and chances, being afraid, increasing life experiences – THAT’S living.

We don’t regret the things we do that scared us, we regret not doing them. Twenty plus years later, I am still grateful I quite literally took a leap and jumped off a 25 foot cliff. To this day, it remains one my proudest moments; one that helped shape who I am as a person.

I was no younger than ten or older than twelve. Forever trying to keep up with my big brothers, I found myself at the edge of a cliff at Action Park. I desperately tried to will myself to take that last tiny step before chickening out, stepping aside and letting people go ahead of me.

My fearless brother, Joey jumped and climbed the hill back to the cliff several times while I stood there becoming increasingly worn down by my fear. My eyes welled with tears as my resolve slipped away. Joey came back again. “Ready?” he asked. I stood at the edge and crossed my arms over my chest as instructed. Finally, desperate, I uttered two words through frozen lips. “Push me.”

Without hesitation Joey nudged my back and down I went. The fall seemed to last a lifetime before I plunged deeply into the cold water. I emerged a different person; someone bolder, someone braver, someone more experienced.

Imagine if I had let my fear get the best of me that day on top of that cliff? This would not be a story of courage, but one of regret.

Facing and Embracing Fear

When you are faced with the opportunity to do something that scares you, take it! These are what some of life’s most defining and memorable experiences are made of!

What scares you? What do you regret not doing because you gave in to your fear?

Jump off cliffs, hold a snake, ask the girl out, travel alone to a foreign country… DO WHAT SCARES YOU! You may think these experiences aren’t that memorable, but believe me, they are! The adrenaline surges and sense of empowerment alone are enough to make you feel more alive. It’s a total bonus that facing and embracing fear boosts confidence.

Believe me, these are the stories you’ll tell. You will live to see another day, and will get to enjoy a life that has more… well, LIFE.

P.S. In writing this post I realized that my brother, Joey, who really is fearless, was present at nearly every single one of my scariest moments, even those that didn’t make the final draft of this post. Truth be told, on Mount Evans Road I was so terrified I begged him to let me out of the car. He wouldn’t let me because it wasn’t safe. If it wasn’t for him nudging me off the cliff, I may never have taken the step myself. If it wasn’t for him not letting me out of the car, I wouldn’t have ever been 14,000 feet high into the clouds. Thanks, Joey. xoxo

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Many of us, for all sorts of reasons, have trouble saying no to people. We have become a culture of yes people. We aim to please, agree with the best intentions, but often inadvertently take on more than we can handle as a result of our desire to never disappoint. Eventually, we become resentful and stressed. Perhaps worse, is that we often end up putting our needs second in order to accommodate others. But I’m here to remind you that it is absolutely okay to say “no.” Keep reading to learn how to say no to people without apology or explanation.

The truth is we love to help people and say yes to them! It makes us feel special when we’re asked for help or to get together. We have a knee jerk reaction to say, “absolutely!” But how many times have you later regretted something you agreed to in the moment? Even if it was with the best intentions? I’m willing to bet it’s been loads of times…

We need to put the momentary high of being wanted aside, and take time to consider what we’re being asked. There is no need to respond immediately. Anyone who doesn’t respect your need to think about requests doesn’t respect you or your time. And that’s not someone you need to be bending over backwards for.

Weird Al Yankovic (of all people) has a saying in his home: “The day will come.” He and his wife say it when weighing whether or not to agree to things and that’s because he acknowledges that everything sounds pretty great at the time when the commitment is still in the future. But the day will come eventually, and he acknowledges that considerations need to be made.

What To Consider

So, think requests through carefully. Ask yourself:

• What’s the time commitment?
• Do I have all the necessary information to make an informed decision?
• Will agreeing in any way be a detriment to me or my family or other commitments I’ve already made?
  • Just because you have one free night doesn’t mean that night is better spent filled. Sometimes we really need a quiet night on the couch.
• Might agreeing cause me stress later?
• Am I free?
  • Check your calendar. Don’t forget to check the day before and the day after! Maybe you need time to recover from or prep for something else, even though you’re technically free.
• Is travel time involved?
• Can I afford to go out?
  • I’m often tapped out by the end of the pay cycle and have had to cancel dinner plans because I couldn’t afford it.

Taking the time to make these considerations prevents a lot of potential stress later when/if you need to cancel or rescind your agreement. Even worse is when you find yourself with no way out and end up with the stress of fitting something in that there just isn’t any room for.

So what if providing the help or making the plans just isn’t beneficial or possible? Well, then you need to say no.

How To Say No to People

We are terrified of anyone being disappointed in or by us. Therefore, whenever we feel we’re running that risk, we tend to do all we can to prevent it. I believe this is why people have such a hard time saying no without apologizing, over-explaining or even straight up lying.

No Apologies

Apologizing typically suggests wrongdoing. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being able to accommodate someone. You didn’t do anything wrong and you didn’t let someone down (if someone does feel let down, I PROMISE that has nothing to do with you and only to do with their own attachments/expectations). Since you didn’t do anything wrong, there is no need to apologize.

I know apologizing is a nice way of letting someone down gently or expressing regret and if you’re using it that way, then go for it! What I’m saying is not to lay on the apologies so thick that you could win an Emmy. There is also no need to “promise to make it up to you!”

Just decline. It’s fine. Everyone is fine. And if they’re not, again THAT HAS ONLY TO DO WITH THE PERSON ASKING, not the person declining. (If this sounds familiar, you may want to check out these 11 Quotes to Remember When Faced with Toxic People.)

No Explanations

You don’t need to explain why you can’t do something. I repeat, YOU DO NOT NEED TO EXPLAIN. I know people who do this and it’s awkward for everyone involved and usually ends up with someone’s foot in their mouth. You don’t need to justify or explain why you can’t or don’t want to do something. It’s none of anyone’s business why you came to that decision or what you have going on.

No Lying

I am not a fan of lying. I like to believe that anyone in my life can handle the simple truth that I don’t like concerts or have something else to do. But I know that people feel like they need solid excuses (see above, no explanations) when declining invitations so they tell lies like “I’d love to, but it’s my grandmother’s birthday.” Or “I’d love to, but my Aunt from Oklahoma is coming to visit.” These lies often involve family because people know they can’t mess with family obligations. But it’s just silly to lie, and runs its own risks.

Then What do You Say?

So if you don’t apologize, explain or lie, then what’s left? Surely, you don’t just want to give a curt “no” and walk away. Thanks to my friend, Amy, I have a solution.

Just say “I have a commitment.”

It’s brief, vague, honest, non-explanatory, non-apologetic, and to the point. You may be wondering, “But what if I don’t have a commitment, and I just don’t want to go?” Then you have a commitment to honoring yourself and not doing something you don’t want to do. How beautiful is that?

In a culture where we tend to put ourselves second (or third or fourth), glorify busy, and spread ourselves too thin, just remember that you will only ever be able to do as well as you feel. If you live and breathe for others and run yourself ragged, and are stressed and negative, believe me, everyone rather you stay home and take a nap. No one wants to feel like a burden. It is the story in our head that people want us to say yes to everything at whatever cost. The people who care for us don’t want that. We often forget that simple fact. After all, do you want your best friend up until midnight baking brownies for your party and then driving two hours with a headache just because when she agreed she forgot that she had a work dinner and could not possibly foresee that she wouldn’t feel well?

Of course not! Then why do we tend to forget that when it’s us making the brownies and driving with the migraine? Be honest with yourself and others.

It’s okay to put yourself first. And it is absolutely okay to say no to people.

Inspiration isn’t something you find; it’s something you hear. Many people wonder when and where inspiration strikes. It strikes when our minds are quiet enough for the sweet voice of an exciting idea to break through. Therefore, it is extremely important we identify ways, times, and places when our minds are quieter in order to be inspired. Once we know what quiets our mind, we need to give ourselves those opportunities to allow for inspiration to speak.

Being Inspired

At the time of this writing, I was in Vermont on retreat. The sun hadn’t yet fully risen and I was seated at my friend, Amy’s kitchen table. There were exactly three sounds: the clacking of the keyboard; the hum of the refrigerator; and the ticking of the wall clock. My mind was perfectly quiet. I had just woken up from a deep, ten-hour sleep. I was there to get away, to rest, to work, and to be inspired.

Last time I was in Vermont I wrote R.E.T.R.E.A.T, a post about the benefits of getting away. Last time I was there I also went paddle boarding for hours around a beautiful mountain lake. It was there in that quiet, out in the middle of the water, that my mind was quiet enough to hear the idea for a novel break through loud and clear. I wrote 50,000 words of that novel during NaNoWriMo. It is that novel I continue to work on now.

When I was hiking in the Blue Ridge Mountains this past July another wonderful idea came to me. I haven’t yet shared that idea here, but I will soon, believe me. I started working on that idea the day after I got home from that vacation and will have something to show the world for it soon.

In my mind’s eye, inspiration looks to me like a glowing young, sweet girl. Our thoughts, to-dos, anxieties, observations, and judgements look like bickering adults. I imagine loud adults around me yelling over one another like brokers during trading hours. Poor sweet inspiration is trying to push her way through the sea of legs, saying “excuse me” in her sweet voice, but she goes unnoticed and is unable to get through. Only when I can eliminate some of those adults is when and where inspiration strikes. She walks up to me gracefully and glowing, tugs my shirt so I stoop down, and whispers in my ear.

Elizabeth Gilbert wrote in her latest novel, Big Magic that ideas swirl around us, trying to get our attention. Most of the time they go ignored because we’re shopping, brooding, pondering or watching television.

“But sometimes—rarely, but magnificently—there comes a day when you’re open and relaxed enough to actually receive something. The idea, sensing your openness, will start to do its work on you. It will send the universal physical and emotional signals of inspiration (chills up the arms… nervous stomach… that feeling of falling into love or obsession.) You will start to notice all sorts of signs pointing you toward the idea.”

Does this sound familiar? I certainly hope so!

It’s so important we not only identify these times and places when we’re open and relaxed enough (sitting in a hammock under a full moon, perhaps?), but that we recreate them. Let’s make it as easy as possible for sweet inspiration to whisper in our ears.

When and Where Inspiration Strikes Me

1. The beach/ocean/bodies of water

For the majority of my life I thought the ocean held an exclusive power, but I have learned that lakes, bays and rivers are just as magical for me. Going to the water recharges, refreshes and relaxes me, as I wrote in this post. There is such beauty in water and it reminds me what is truly important in life, hence quieting that which is not. Water casts a spell on me allowing inspiration to speak.

2. The mountains

I become more of a mountain-lover after every trip to higher elevations. The fresh air, the views, the life! It does something to me. Also in western, NC this past July was when I was inspired enough to quit smoking once and for all. (It’s since been 67 days that I’m 100% cigarette-free!) The mountains are quiet and spacious with so little congestion. They are a place where we can breathe.

3. When meditating

The saying goes that we talk to the universe when we pray, but we listen to the universe when we meditate. This is the ultimate in quieting those bickering, loud adults in my mind and allowing the universe to speak to me. Some beautiful things have come across my quieted mind during meditation.

4. When cleaning (focusing on a project)

Cleaning, and other projects like wood working, gardening, etc. require our focus. Focus is another form of meditation so it’s no wonder that our mind is quieted enough to hear inspiration speak. Instead of thousands of thoughts running through our minds, there are more like dozens, so inspiration is able to reach us easier.

5. In nature

I specifically mentioned water and the mountains because they are extra special to me, but truthfully all of nature is inspiring. Walks in the woods, bicycle rides along tree-laden trails, sitting in parks… Getting outside for fresh air and away from distractions like electronics and work is so beneficial to clearing the mind.

6. Libraries and coffee shops

As a writer, I am also inspired when I surround myself with others who are focused and quietly reading and/or writing. It’s as if everyone’s energy sort of plays off one another resulting in a super focused, meditative atmosphere. Whether you’re a painter or a musician or whatever else, surround yourself with like-minded people or those who are doing something similar. If you can’t be surrounded by them, surround yourself with their art. Go to a symphony or to a museum. Take in the work and energy of others.

Those are the places and times I know for a fact I can hear inspiration speak.

When was the last time you felt inspired? What were you doing? Maybe you were out walking or running? I’m usually too busy daydreaming and battling with myself to keep going to hear inspiration when I run, but maybe that’s the perfect time for you. The point is to identify those times and places when and where inspiration strikes YOU and recreate them as much a possible.

Elizabeth Gilbert recently reminded her readers of the healing powers of water in her post, Go To The Water. “When an animal in the wild has been injured, it has only two strategies for how to heal itself: it can rest, or it can go to the water.” I have always respected and utilized the ocean for its magical restorative powers. I have been in a funk lately. Although I craved a trip to the beach, I passed on all my opportunities to go. Gilbert’s post came at a perfect time. It reminded me that the ocean was precisely what I needed. And so I went to the water.

Throughout my life I have enjoyed a special kinship with the ocean. The beach is my favorite playground, where you can still find me splashing in tide pools and excitedly digging for shells. I have gone to the beach in the middle of the night and in the middle of winter, whenever I needed to see my friend and find peace in her majestic and powerful company. Water was precisely what I needed to restore my mood, motivation and to find inspiration.

And so I started my day with water. I drank water with lemon first thing. Then I meditated to the sound of crashing waves. Throughout the day I drank tea and plenty more water. I had ingested the water, and now it was time to go to the water. The beach was beautiful and nearly empty in early evening, especially after Labor Day. I raced across the sand and threw my things down, stripped off my shirt, and jogged into the ocean’s welcoming embrace.

The transformation was instant, as if the water had purified me of the lingering negativity that had plagued me as of late. I swam and laughed and floated, submerged in the water. Afterward, I took a long walk in the shallows and enjoyed the waves as they lapped against my feet. I had no more cares. The water had washed them all away.

Gilbert recalled a quote from Isak Dinesan: “The cure for everything is salt water: tears, sweat, or the sea.” Isn’t it the truth?

First thing this morning I jogged, completing my 24 hours enjoying the healing powers of water. I had drank the water, I had felt the water, I had listened to the water, and lastly, I sweated the water.

I believe in water. And I am now healed.

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I recently pushed my body to its physical limits at a new brand of spin class whose goal is to guide riders through an inspirational, meditative fitness experience that’s designed to benefit the body, mind and soul. Three quarters through the class the instructor shouted for us to concentrate on what we love most about ourselves. Red in the face and short of breath, my eyes stung. Not with sweat, but with tears. It took a year just for me to list things I like about myself. Out of the saddle, calves on fire, pedaling like my life depended on it, it came to me. I DON’T GIVE UP. “Now validate it!” the instructor yelled. I pushed even harder.

Images of all the times I considered quitting and didn’t played through my mind: endurance races like Spartan, grueling steep hikes, school… But I don’t give up, no matter how much it hurts or how long it takes. This is what I love about me.

And this is why today marks my 32nd day cigarette-free. Because I haven’t quit on trying to quit smoking. I have tried and failed countless times, but I don’t give up. I refuse to concede that it’s just too hard and accept being a social smoker. This isn’t the first time I’ve gone 32 days. I can’t promise it will be the last. But I can promise that if it’s not the last, I will try again.

It is this unwillingness to give up that drives me to keep trying to lose weight, keeps me on this journey, keeps me pursuing my dreams of being a successful writer. I truly believe I can achieve my goals if I work hard enough. If I don’t achieve them, it will only be because I stopped trying. If I smoke again, I won’t blame the fact that I live with a smoker. That is simply a large obstacle. If I can’t lose weight, I won’t blame the practically non-existent healthy options of convenience food. It will mean I didn’t do enough to manage my diet, exercise and eating disorders. If I don’t become a successful writer, I won’t blame the flooded market and saturated blogosphere. It will mean I didn’t work hard enough at honing my craft and didn’t spend enough time writing. There is nothing and no one to blame for my failures but me.

The same goes for my victories. On this 32nd day of being cigarette-free, I am reminded that I can do hard things. Although I never give up, it often seems as though I rarely get to stop pedaling either. But today, one day over a full month, is finally a win. Today I get to hop off the bike and take in the scenery a bit. Yes, it took many attempts to quit smoking. But maybe all those attempts were just practice. Maybe now I’m finally ready to WIN.

All my life I’ve not started things because I didn’t feel prepared or qualified. If I did start, I often grew bored or frustrated and eventually gave up. Now, after 100 blog posts, I feel proud, accomplished and even more energized to continue my journey. I’m so grateful I started when I did and didn’t let sabotaging thoughts postpone my plans. Nothing is ever perfect at the start, and I love being able to look back on 100 blog posts and not only see my personal growth, but the growth of this blog and my writing as well.

Procrastination & Preparation:

You may recall I almost didn’t start this blog back in November, 2014. I wanted professional photos taken, but thought I was too fat. 100 blog posts later I’m no thinner than I was then. Imagine if I had waited? I’d still be waiting! But I didn’t wait because although I didn’t feel my body was ready, I was. My journey had begun and I literally could not wait to write about and share it. It was that excitement that compelled me to begin despite not having my ideal photo and some other minor concerns.

I don’t think we’re ever fully prepared for anything. Planning can be just another form of procrastination. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and go for it with what we have and what we know at the time. So I had the photos taken anyway, and I’ve come to really appreciate them. And I started on Blogger because I was familiar with the platform and it was easy to use. I knew I could always move later (even if I had no idea at the time how to go about the transition).

With any new project, nothing will be ever be perfect at the start, no matter how much planning and prep we do. Imagine if it were!? How BORING. We’d all quit six months in if there weren’t changes and improvements to make and goals to strive for. With nearly anything, we learn by doing. We can read every book and watch every video, but I guarantee you there’s nothing quite like figuring it out for yourself and doing it.

Start Somewhere:

Everyone starts somewhere. No, actually, not everyone starts somewhere. Because a lot of people don’t start at all. Those who have the courage and drive to start do start somewhere. But we rarely get to see their starting line because by the time we know who they are they’re often much closer to the finish. We can’t start at the finish.

But we can all start somewhere. What are you waiting for?

As I’ve worked on myself, I’ve worked on this blog, eventually learned WordPress and designed this website. I can’t even begin to quantify how much I have learned and grown as a result of having a place to document my journey. This blog keeps me motivated on what is oftentimes an arduous process of healing and growth. I am so incredibly grateful I didn’t allow something as trivial as photos keep me from writing. My journey would have stalled and I wouldn’t have everything I’ve written to share with you, especially my weight loss struggles. So even if it takes another 100 blog posts (my God, I hope not) I will have another photo shoot. And when I post all those photos, you’ll know how hard I worked to make it happen and how important they are to me.

Whether you’ve read one post or all one hundred, thank you for being a part of my journey.

Ask yourself:

Is there something holding me back from starting a project or working toward a goal?

Is it a good reason or a trivial one?

Am I planning? Or procrastinating?

Do I have the bare minimum to get started?

I bet you do…