Ask me what I’d like to change about myself and so many things would rush to the foreground of my mind I’d have trouble honing in on what to say first. Ask me what I don’t want to change about myself and I’d blink, blank and speechless as I searched my mind for an answer. This question shouldn’t be so foreign and difficult to answer. So I felt determined to identify ten things I like about me.

The Social Being 721 recently posted an article titled “Why Everyone Needs a Non-Resolution List in Their Life.” According to them, a non-resolution is something we like and don’t want to change. We have a tendency to focus so much on the negative that we fail to see those things about ourselves we actually like. It’s a cultural norm to bash ourselves and apologize for what we think makes us less than perfect. We tend to find people who praise themselves as annoying and conceited. Even if we think someone is beautiful, we’re often relieved to learn they don’t think so. It’s such a terrible shame, which is why I think we should all write down at least ten things we love about ourselves.

Here’s my list:

1. I love my voice.

I have a very soft voice that I never thought really fit me. It’s the voice of a child or petite women. I was mimicked and teased for it often as a child. But as I got older, people complimented my voice. Men have fallen in love with it, women have told me I sound like an angel. Not a day goes by that a stranger on the phone or a cashier at a store doesn’t tell me what a beautiful voice I have. A few days ago a cab driver told me he could listen to me talk all day. My voice is unique, it’s pretty, it’s mine… and I love it.

2. I’m a good cook and hostess, and love entertaining.

I feel like this part of me represents the best of my mom and dad. I am grateful to my dad for his love of food and my mom for her love of decorating.

My dad has a passion for food that I have not witnessed in anyone except on television. As a child I watched him pluck oysters out of the salty water and bring them to his lips with an anticipation that made his eyes glisten. He took me to fancy restaurants where he’d order half the menu, dishes spread out before us as if he were King. I grew up loving football, not for the sport, but because football at his house meant course after course of satisfying snacks. Just when you thought there couldn’t possibly be more is when he’d order mussels marinara and pizza for dessert. He is a passionate, adventurous and enthusiastic eater and he passed that down to me. I love those things about me and sharing food and exposing people to new dishes and ingredients.

My mom had a knack for decorating that would rival Martha Stewart. Decorations were unpacked and greeted like old friends and meticulously placed in their rightful spot. When my Mom finished decorating the living room each major holiday, I’d run up and down the steps from my bedroom, the equivalent of shutting and opening a door over and over to reveal her latest masterpiece. Lights twinkled, candles flickered, the aroma of seasonal scents flooded my senses. It was heavenly. I greet my collection of treasured items with the same warmth and decorate with the same attention to detail. Just like my mom, I finish by turning on all the twinkling lights, lighting the seasonal candles, and then walking in and out of the room, taking pride and pleasure in my creativity. I love to share this with others and enjoy opening my home.

3. I love that I’m low maintenance.

I don’t dye my hair (yet), hell, I rarely even blow dry it. I don’t get my nails done except for special occasions. I’m not a slob, it’s just not that important to me. I can go from shower to ready to go in under thirty minutes and I love this about me. I believe in maximizing my time doing what’s important to me or what brings me pleasure (and bonus when those things are the same). Spending time preening just doesn’t do it for me and I’m grateful I don’t care too much about these things.

4. I love my passion, enthusiasm and excitability.

I feel emotions intensely — I always have. I used to think this was a curse of some sort, but I have grown to love my passion. It keeps me feeling young and alive to feel so much so intensely. I always feel privileged when I get to witness the contagion of my passion on others. It is a gift I am more than happy to give and then sit back and revel in the excitement of others.

5. I love that I’m optimistic.

I have a generally positive outlook and do not dwell on negativity or the past. I know that I am in control of my life and have the power to be happy and live the life I want as long as I put the work in. I do believe I have the power to make my dreams come true. It certainly makes getting up in the morning easier…

6. I love being independent.

I am so incredibly grateful for my independence. I grew up pretty fast and it made me an independent young woman who grew into an even more independent woman. I had several surrogate moms who instilled the importance of being able to rely on myself and I listened carefully. In fact, I was always listening, curious by nature. I picked up a lot from the people around me, my older brothers, as well as my group of older friends. There were also lengthy periods of time when I was alone… A LOT. If I didn’t do things on my own, I didn’t do things. I recall many courageous moments when I said, “fuck it” and did what I wanted. This increased my courage which increased my independence.

7. I love being a writer.

Writing is my creative outlet. It makes me happy, brings me peace, gives me a sense of purpose, and generally keeps me out of trouble.

8. I am open-minded and eager and willing to learn.

As I mentioned earlier, I am curious by nature. Therefore, I am eager to learn anything and everything. I find most things fascinating and soak up knowledge like a sponge.

9. I’m punctual and dependable. 

I pride myself by being on time and doing what I say I will when I say I will. I love that people feel they can depend on me.

10. I’m perseverant.

I don’t quit if I want something badly enough, no matter how long it takes or how many times I fail. I finally graduated with my bachelor’s degree when I was 31. I’m still not 100% smoke-free, but the cigarettes keep getting fewer and farther between. (Update: I did finally quit!) There are other things I work toward nearly every single day and I will not give up… I love having goals to work toward with perseverance.

There you have it. In the time I came up with ten things I like about me I could have come up with thirty I don’t, but that’s why this is such a good exercise. What a nice change for once to focus on those things I like about myself, rather than those I don’t. Maybe I’m not so bad after all…

Now it’s your turn – what are the things you love about yourself? What are the wonderful things that make you YOU? Share them loud, and share them proud!

The other morning I woke up extra early. I made coffee, lit incense, and settled in to my office’s corner nook to write. It was silent other than for the songs of birds and clacking of the keyboard. The early morning solitude inspired a blog post, an encouraging one, about productive early mornings, success and strengthening our discipline. But by the time I got home in the evening after a long and tiring day, I wasn’t feeling it any more. The optimism and energy inspired by my peaceful morning had been released little by little as the day kicked me around like an inflatable ball. By the end of it I was deflated and useless. So here I am now, trying again, wondering what can be salvaged of that post written when the day was so young. I’ve realized something new since then.

They say the most successful people are those who rise early. They are generally more disciplined and enjoy a hefty head start on the day. Typically my favorite days are those on which I am able to rise early and enjoy a productive head start of writing, meditating, and exercising. Those mornings seem to set a tone for the day and it’s lovely knowing those tasks are out of the way. The load is lighter.

But I don’t think successful people practice the habit of rising early just because they enjoy getting things off their plates. Perhaps they’re so successful because they have the self-awareness to realize they’re at their best in the morning before they get beaten down by the day’s demands. They have the skill of foresight; they know the chances of doing x,y,z later is slim. People who are typically less successful procrastinate and plan to do things late into the night, but find themselves exhausted, not only from the day, but also from carrying the weight of their dread around throughout it.

In the post I wrote the other morning, I explained that I struggle to get up early most mornings because I lack discipline and willpower. This is true, but also an excuse. I want to wake up early most days. Early morning is my favorite time, watching the sun creep up slowly while the neighborhood sleeps. Being awake makes me feel as I’m balancing the scales, taking back a little of what rightfully belongs to me after having wasted so much time.

But lack of willpower and discipline is an excuse. Convincing myself I can and will do things later is an excuse, a bargain I make with myself when my eyes sting from sleep and I’m far too comfortable to consider getting up. Some days I make good on those bargains, but other days I am too deflated after unexpected turns of events. Days have a tendency to change on a whim, like the weather in coastal Florida. We don’t anticipate bad news, getting stuck late at work, invitations to happy hour, or other occurrences, but they happen more often than not. Perhaps it is wiser to plan for them and enjoy those productive early mornings so that we can roll with the punches, rather than get our air knocked out. Best case scenario we find ourselves with a rare evening of guilt-free television watching. Those are the best.

So maybe I’ve been looking at it the wrong way. The other morning I thought it was all about needing to strengthen my resolve to get up early. Maybe I just need to acknowledge the facts and stop kidding myself. Writing is extremely important to me. Exercising every day is equally important. Meditating, too. It’s time I face the facts and admit that if I do not achieve these things in the morning, their likelihood of occurring decreases as the day wears on. It’s not entirely about willpower and discipline, it’s about admitting that if these things are as important to me as I claim, then I’ll make them happen. This is, I think, what makes people successful. Not their discipline, but their ability to set priorities and face reality. And the reality is, if we can’t even get out of bed to work toward our number one goals, then who are we to claim they’re extremely important to us?

I didn’t get up early this morning and I was supposed to help my husband with a project tonight. In a fortunate turn of events, he decided I’d only get in the way, so here I am clacking away in the evening. Thankfully it provided me with a chance to contemplate this whole morning thing. I’ve never once regretted waking up early, working out, or writing. I have only ever regretted missing opportunities to do those things. An extra hour or two in bed instead of working on a goal is a pretty shitty trade off. Not much feels better than accomplishment, I don’t care how comfortable your bed may be.

I’m going to try again tomorrow with this new understanding of how valuable the morning is. Morning rituals provide us the opportunity to literally rise to the occasion, the occasion being this one and only life. I realize now I’ve been a fool to hit the snooze button… all I’ve done is snooze the realization of my goals.
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I recently bought a new car! Actually, I’m leasing it. That’s what works best for me at the moment, but I fully intend to buy it out at the end of my lease. I reminded the salesman of that when I picked up the car. He said, “Okay, great. But think back to your life three years ago.” I did, briefly. “A lot can change in three years.”

Point taken.

I wish there was someone to say that to the junior at University of Pennsylvania who walked in front of a train last week. The school year wraps up in a matter of weeks and she’d be going home for the summer presumably, the stress of the school year behind her. In one year, she’d be preparing for graduation. In two years she may have started a career and moved to a new city. In three years, she could have possibly been planning her wedding or a big vacation or… who knows. None of us know… she’ll never get to find out…

In times of stress it’s difficult to see our lives as anything more than what they are right then. Our focus is so narrowed that we’re unable to see outside of the situation nor light at the end of the tunnel. But the dark times pass. And stressful circumstances or not, life changes, and sometimes in ways that you least expect.

If you had told me in early July of 2004 that in less than two months I’d be living in Philadelphia, I would have laughed and said you were full of crap. At the time, I was waiting tables in central New Jersey at a popular restaurant. My heart had just been broken and my days were a constant cycle of double shifts followed by drinking and poker into the early morning, eat, sleep, repeat. I could see no way out of it.

But a phone call from a friend in Philadelphia changed that. “You have nothing going for you,” he said. “A few of us are renting a brownstone and need a fourth roommate. You can wait tables here until you find something better. The change will do you good.”

In August I moved to Philadelphia and started a job at a non-profit organization. Just like that, in the matter of six weeks, my entire life changed.

It was the best split-second decision I ever made. I needed something big to shake up my life and the move to Philadelphia was that exact thing.

Surely you can think of a few examples of shake ups in your life that resulted in great change and new opportunities. Some of them are nice surprises, like a phone call from a concerned friend, or falling in love with someone overseas. Some come disguised as tragedies, like broken hearts, broken bones, illness and death. Regardless, life’s surprises are inevitable and we are wise to view them, even the struggles, as opportunities. And to remember that life changes, and it does so quickly. Nothing stays the same, nor should we want it to!

Who knows where I’d be right now if I hadn’t moved to Philadelphia. I refuse to believe I’d still be waiting tables, but I doubt I’d be where I am now, with a career and a home and a husband… and a new car.

I wonder where I’ll be in three years…

Stay tuned.

P.S. It seems that the past several posts were not emailed to my subscribers – I’m so sorry! I’m told by tech support that the glitch has been fixed. Here are the posts you may have missed:

11 Quotes to Remember When Faced with Toxic People

Time We Break Our Own Rules

Having the Strength to Say When

We all have relationships with difficult people. By difficult, I mean people who are in some way toxic: self-centered, arrogant, ignorant, judgemental, needy, play the role of the consummate victim, inconsiderate, bossy, dishonest, or insert any number of negative personality traits here, or heaven forbid, a combination of them all. Of course you know at least one. Although a lot of people advise us to cut negative people from our lives, it’s not often feasible or realistic. Sometimes the most we can do is learn how to deal with challenging people as best we can and try to protect ourselves in the process.

I’ve been dealing with one difficult person in particular for a long time. I still experience anxiety, anger, frustration, and distress as a result of this relationship. For the record, I’m not passive. I have tried defending myself and speaking up when I feel I’ve been wronged. I’ve learned though that when it comes to certain people, this gets me nowhere. My reaction, no matter how practiced or collected, only makes things worse. That’s because problem people love a reaction and don’t respond to reason. Never once have I succeeded with words when it comes to these people in my life. All we can do when it comes to people like this is try to enforce healthy boundaries and remember that their negativity has nothing to do with us.

This is hard! When someone makes accusations about me or my life, or directs their anger and frustration at me, it is really hard to remember that it has nothing to do with me. That’s when I turn to these quotes to help me remember.

Bookmark these quotes or print them out. Let them help to remind you the next time you are faced with a difficult person that their behavior is not to be taken personally.

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We all abide by certain rules. Some are mainstream or fairly common and passed down through the generations like gospel, such as no swimming for thirty minutes after a meal. Some are specific to family, like certain bedtime rituals that left unperformed result in restless nights. And some rules are individualized, conjured from something we saw, heard or read that resonated on a deep and personal level. But when rules are too rigid, we forget to question them, and that’s when we can unnecessarily become bound by misinformation or habit.

I’ve been thinking a lot about rules lately, and what mine are. They can be difficult to identify because they’re so ingrained and obliged mindlessly. But last week I identified one so clearly I actually laughed out loud. And then in an act of defiance, I broke that rule.

Dear readers, believe me when I tell you that as long as I can remember I have obeyed the rule that one can never eat more than one banana in a single day. This rule ranked up there with ‘Thou shalt not kill” in terms of severity. I do not recall where I read or heard it, but it stuck. I eat a banana every day and have planned my bananas according to this rule. If I planned on a yogurt parfait for lunch, I didn’t have a smoothie for breakfast. If I had a banana in my cereal, I didn’t have one as an evening snack. Somehow I failed to ever question the absurdity of this rule, EVEN WHEN I CHOWED DOWN ON JUNK FOOD BECAUSE I NEEDED SOMETHING AND KNEW IT COULDN’T BE A SECOND BANANA.

Now do you see why I laughed? The night I finally realized the idiocy of this rule I had been peering into my fridge looking for a snack. To my right sat a lovely bunch of bananas. I saw them, but my rule shut that option down immediately and I went back to peering in the fridge. Then the lightbulb! To think of the pounds of crap I have eaten simply because I denied myself a second banana is absurd. I laughed. And then I ate that second banana and damn, it was liberating! I had two bananas yesterday, too. Whatcha gonna do about it?

What rules are you attached to? I identified two others in the past week. On Saturday I worked on a project all morning and into the afternoon and then I told myself I had missed my chance to go to the gym. Going to the gym on Saturday is a morning thing. RULE! It was totally weird for me, but I went at 2:00 in the afternoon. The other: you can’t meditate laying down! That doesn’t count! Guess what, I laid myself down and practiced what I’ve preached – I can meditate however the hell I want. (Breaking rules makes me feel like a badass – can ya tell?)

I mean, who said we can’t order dessert before dinner? I know who said. WE said, and when I say “we,” I mean us as individuals because the only one who is making you follow that rule is you (assuming you’re an adult, of course.)

There are so many rules around everything that I think we should start questioning more. Rules around how to load the dishwasher, rules around exercise and food, rules around work and play (this is a BIG one), rules around sex and intimacy (another big one). Who says you can’t read all afternoon? Yes, even if your house is messy. Who says you’re too old to go in the jumpy castle? Who says you can’t laugh and joke during sex? Who says you can’t eat two bananas?

Let’s not allow dotted guidelines to become too rigid and bold. Let’s allow room to QUESTION. Lets be curious and assess our rules, and have fun breaking the ones we don’t need.

Tell me, what unnecessary rules have you adhered to? Which rules do you want to break? I’d love to hear from you – let’s be a bunch of rule breakers together!

My power recently went away on a week long vacation and left me to fend for myself. I didn’t manage well on my own and later wrote in this post about the harsh reality of weakness. Thankfully, my power returned just in time for the first day of spring. It helped me pull myself together and create space to be inspired by the changing season. Now, at this distance, I am able to reflect even more on what happened and what I may do different next time.

When I feel empowered I take care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually. After a week of not caring for myself, I craved nutritious food and exercise, so I hit the gym. For breakfast, I took inspiration from Instagram and made the breakfast/smoothie bowl you see below.

How can you not feel good when eating something so healthy, not to mention pretty!? To me, preparing and eating food like this is one of the most powerful ways to show self-love. It says: YOU’RE WORTH IT. Worth the money for fresh produce, worth the time to prepare a meal, and worth the effort to make it pretty.

I decided I was worth it not only on weekends, but weekdays, too and I enjoyed these breakfast bowls every morning before work. Here are some others I came up with:

I shared some of my bowls on Instagram and my friend Mieke later commented that my “power bowls” inspired her. How fitting!?

To make your own Power Bowl, start with a smoothie base of whatever combination you like, then top it decoratively with additional fresh fruit, seeds, chipped coconut, nuts, etc. The sky’s the limit!

It never ceases to amaze me how resilient the body is! It wants to feel good. Give it the proper fuel and take it out for a good drive every day and it will run at maximum efficiency. I ate beautifully and fresh for the remainder of the week and felt so energized. I practiced yoga, took long walks, meditated. I felt wonderful, and most of all, grateful. Grateful to have my power back and to be inspired and motivated once more.

But now I wonder if I was only able to have such a lovely week because I had inadvertently taken a lengthy break the week before…?

In response to my last post about my power going away, my friend Marie Gilbert, author and blogger, wrote about our need to “cocoon” in her post “When Absence is Necessary.” Her message to me was simple: Life is hard and the world is loud; time outs are essential to our well-being and there is absolutely no reason to feel guilty about taking a step back.

I struggle with guilt and regret, two intensely negative emotions responsible for trapping me in vicious destructive cycles. I’ve been thinking about what she said, though, and I realized something. I blamed the upsetting event in my life recently for taking my power away and resulting in my having an unproductive, unhealthy week. Had I been strong, mindful and loving enough, I may have said to myself:

“Ya know what, that thing that happened SUCKED. It’s going to take us a little while to get over it, so let’s cocoon for a few days and be really gentle to ourselves. Let’s get some soup and healthy junk food, call out of work one day and read and nap all day. I won’t force you to go to the gym, but I think a few walks with Kathy will do you good, so at least shoot for that. I know you’re feeling too drained and indifferent to shop and meal plan but we both know you’ll feel much worse if you eat crap, so how about making at least one big comforting thing to eat all week? Deal?”

THAT is self-love and compassion. THAT is what I was unable to say and therefore why I was unable to take good care of myself, and why I experienced guilt over what ended up being something I really needed. I felt badly that I had given in to such negative emotions. I could have still taken a rest and given myself space without succumbing to the negativity. I could have come at it from a place of retreat… from a place of love.

One evening later that empowering week I practiced restorative yoga at home. Afterward, I was torn between meditating and laying on the floor in shavasana (rest pose). I decided I could do both. I lit some lavender incense and candles, played soft music, lowered the lights and laid down, covering myself with a blanket.  It was a random weeknight and as always, there were things to be done. But in an act of love and cocooning, I laid on my office floor, breathing, while Marie’s words echoed in my mind, fading away as I allowed it to clear, but not before a memory occurred to me. It was something a yoga teacher once said years ago. She said that going into child’s pose (a rest pose) when needed takes great strength because it requires you to admit you need a break.

That always stayed with me and it resonates even more today. So many people continue to carry on with life no matter how much it hurts or how tired they become because they lack the strength to admit they need a rest. Because of what my yoga teacher said, I’ve always felt empowered to go into child’s pose while practicing yoga if needed, but I never applied it to life, instead thinking those breaks were the result of weakness.

I’m going to be stronger for now on. Strong enough to take a rest when I need one, and gentle enough to not beat myself up over it.

A couple weeks ago something really upsetting occurred. Without going into details I will say that it was unsettling and stressful and caused me a great deal of anxiety and anger. Surely you can retrieve something from your memory that made you feel this way, or perhaps you’re feeling that way right now. If so, you have my sympathy and empathy. It sucks plain and simple.

What sucks even more is when we don’t use our tools to help us deal with upsetting incidents. In the wake of this drama, I gave all my power away to negative emotions. Losing my power affected every single area of my life: home, work, socially… it affected me mentally, financially, and physically.

This is what happened:

I took a personal day from work.

I was so upset I couldn’t bear to get out of bed. I allowed my emotions to overpower my sense of responsibility.

I didn’t meal plan or cook.

I allowed my emotions to overpower my desire to stay on track with my diet and eat healthily. This had a tremendous ripple effect. Because I didn’t meal plan, I didn’t shop. Because I didn’t shop, I didn’t eat breakfast most of the week. I always eat breakfast. I had to buy several lunches and dinners I hadn’t budgeted for, which left me over-budget. Many of those meals weren’t as healthy as they would have been had I made them myself, so I consumed many more calories and ended the week having gained weight.

I slacked off on personal hygiene.

Gross, right? I didn’t wash my face or brush my teeth some nights before bed. I didn’t shower two (nonconsecutive) mornings.

Practicing good personal hygiene is one of the most basic ways we care for ourselves. When we’re depressed or upset, it’s one of the first things to go out the window because we simply don’t care enough.

I didn’t exercise.

This required way too much energy; energy my emotions and tears ate for breakfast since I didn’t give them any most mornings. This also cost me an unbudgeted $15 since I use GymPact and put money on the line every week to motivate me to get all my workouts in.

I was unproductive.

I accomplished only the most essential tasks and allowed a side project to get a week behind. My house turned messy and I felt disorganized and my mind cluttered.

My power went away on a full 6-night, 7-day vacation and left no contact information. Upon its arrival back home, she opened the door, rested and tan, and surveyed the damage, stunned at the mess she found me in. “Where were you!” I shouted, tripping over pizza boxes in my rush to greet her.

For a brief moment, I blamed the upsetting incident for taking my power away in some sort of kidnapping incident. But the truth is, I gave it away and I take full responsibility for that. Everything turned around once I had my power back. Now I sit, reflecting on an empowering, healthy, and productive week, my power at my side, and I am amazed at how easily I let her leave and all that I allowed to happen (or not happen) in her absence.

Next time, and I’m sure there will be a next time because ya know… life, I won’t give my power away so easily. I need her to keep me focused and strong, and she’s more important than any bout of drama I may face, regardless how upsetting. Because my power is permanent and lives within me, no one can take her away from me.

What sort of trouble do you find yourself in when you allow your power to run off? How do keep it from leaving in the first place? I’d love to hear from you.

I don’t believe people change, but like trees, we GROW. A sapling doesn’t change into a magnificent oak, it matures into one, fulfilling its destiny, becoming what it’s meant to be, growing stronger and healthier, but only if well-nourished. When I cracked the nut on my suffering and began this journey, I visualized a seedling emerging from a split nut, stretching toward the sun, seeking sustenance. This is often how I think of myself, although I am no longer a vulnerable seedling. That’s because I actively seek growth opportunities. I’m not content to stop learning and experiencing, and therefore improving. I recognize that it’s okay to be under constant construction, to be a work in progress. 

A beautiful dogwood stood in full bloom on our property when my husband and I bought our home. Over the following years it bloomed less and less. It never occurred to me that it needed nurturing until the willow in my front yard died entirely. I fed the dogwood last spring and it bloomed magnificently once more, eager to reach its full potential.

With even the most minimal effort, we are guaranteed stagnant growth, just as a simple result of living, until we eventually deteriorate and die, like my dogwood surely would have. But we have the power to cultivate our maturation with proper food: books, travel, conversation, interests… opening our hearts and minds to new experiences.

We need the pursuit of self-actualization. It is what drives us once our physiological, safety, and belonging needs are met. This is why so many people experience what is often referred to as a “mid-life crisis.” But I don’t think it’s a crisis at all! It is the profound realization that life is pretty good and you’re ready for something more! So people think of things they always wanted to try or see or learn and they seek those things out. This troubles those who are stuck or unwilling to expand, but I think it’s all part of a healthy growing process. When we’re ready, we begin to branch-out like trees.

Just because I am eager to continue growing does not suggest I am unhappy or overly critical of myself. Like my dogwood, I experience rest and rejuvenation phases, preparation phases, growth spurts… sometimes I’m gorgeous and vibrant and sometimes barren and shivering in the cold. But I do not stop growing. I shed and grow a thicker skin like bark, and continue to absorb that which is best for me.

As I watch nature awaken from its wintry slumber this early spring, I am reminded I am a magnificent work in progress. So are you.

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Welcome to The Cracking Nut blog’s new home! This new website has been a long time coming. My intention was to transition in January, 2015! But ya know, life… and procrastination… and fear… and getting too comfortable. Isn’t that so often why we end up staying where we are?

If you’ve been redirected here, you’re in the right place, no worries, and will find all The Cracking Nut posts here safe and sound. The journey continues, I assure you, but with my own name, rather than The Cracking Nut. Using my own name will allow me some added freedom, but also it just makes my life much easier and will help streamline things, like branding and marketing.

If you’re anything like me, you do things when you make up your mind to and then God help whoever tries to stop you. So it was with this new site. Despite having been paying for hosting and a domain for over a year, it wasn’t until February when it really started to bug me. I felt stagnant. I needed a new project.

Then it was decided. I had never used, let alone seen WordPress, had absolutely zero experience with web design, and had nothing but an article bookmarked a year ago to inform me how to transfer the blog. But I had made up my mind to get to work anyway.

I delayed so long because the task was daunting. As The Cracking Nut grew in number of blog posts and popularity, the thought of starting over and figuring out a seamless transition was enough to make my stomach hurt. I experienced every thought I wrote back in October’s post, Stop Delaying the Pursuit of Your Dreams. I don’t know how to start. I’m not ready. I don’t know what I’m doing.

But I decided to make this site a priority and started with a phone call to my web host, one small step, which set the next two weeks in motion spending every spare moment hard at work. Because I practice what I preach over here, when I want something bad enough, I work hard for it.

I am astounded by what I have learned in so short of a time. It’s as if two weeks ago I didn’t know the alphabet and today finished Dostoyevsky. Hopefully you know by now I don’t say this to brag by any means — how little I knew is quite embarrassing, actually. I tell you to remind you that you have no idea what you can achieve in as short a time as two weeks as long as you make a commitment and prioritize!

So, welcome! I very much hope you like the new set up and use of categories and search field to help you find the most beneficial posts. I’d love to hear what you think in the comments or you can drop me a line via the “Contact” page (fancy pants!).

THANK YOU one million times for your continued support.

Let the journey continue…

Every belief system has their threat of punishment in order to keep us in line. For many western religions it is the promise of eternity in Hell. For others, like Hinduism and Buddhism, the promise that the sum of one’s actions in this life will decide their fate in future lives. Basically, behave badly and you’re likely to come back a banana slug. Karma.

Funny how the word ‘Karma” gets thrown around so much by people who are not Hindu or Buddhist. It’s taken on a new meaning when used in common language and is basically a shorter way of saying “what goes around, comes around.” Not in a future life, but in this one, since most of the people borrowing the word ‘Karma’ don’t believe in reincarnation. The notion is that everything will catch up to us and people will get what’s coming to them. This strongly held belief brings people comfort when they feel they’ve been wronged and can’t even the score. They have faith that Karma will prevail and people will get their just desserts in the end.

After all, isn’t that often the case? Watching the downfalls of corrupt public figures has become a favorite American pastime. Some people have a tendency to relish in the bad fortune of others when they feel it’s warranted; they claim it to be Karma catching up to them – the Universe at work.

I now have a better understanding of Karma and I can tell you that’s half correct. Remember that television show, My Name is Earl where Jason Lee’s character had a list of all the bad things he’d done and in every episode he sought to repair/fix/undo one of them in order to fix his Karma? Well, not everything can be undone, but Karma can be repaired. We all have this power.

According to Javier “LayArka” Perez-Karam, Founder of OurBusyMinds.com: 

“Karma is no more than the habitual pattern with which we engage with reality. The actions we take, the words we say, and the thoughts we have, in a
way, define us, and shape the lens through which we experience our
lives.”

For example, if you lie a lot, those lies are going to shape who you are – you are going to become a liar. You’ll need to lie to back up your lies and eventually, you’re going to find yourself in a big old mess. Not because of some cosmic voodoo, but because that was the lens you were living your life through.

The word “Karma” is sanskrit for “action” and it refers to the law of actions and their effects. It is not meant to be used to suggest reward or punishment. It’s much more neutral and natural; do good things and good things will come. Do bad thing and bad things will come.

The amazing thing, though is that at any moment, we can change the lens! The actions we take, the words we say, and the thoughts we have shape the lens. These three create our mental habits or “Karma.” With each new act, word and thought, we can change the idea of who “we are” and how “things are.”

If the liar stops lying and begins to unravel his web, he can begin to switch his lens from that of “liar” to that of “honesty.” There will most likely be some fallout in the beginning, but over time, he will attract more honest people and live a more peaceful life. Less bad things will find him since he is no longer doing bad things. Like Bilbo Baggins said, ‘”Stay out of trouble and no trouble will come to you.” Karma.

If we want to be happier, we can begin by being happier for others, like I wrote in last week’s post, “Practicing Mudita.” If we have guilt over how we have handled some relationships and worry about that Karma, we can switch the lens and begin to work on improving relationships.

The people who worry most about their Karma are those who do not practice right action, right speech or right intention. Instead of worrying while continuing to view life through the same blurred lens, let’s switch out the lens for one that’s clearer and begin to live rightly.

Like wiping a dirty lens, we can begin to wipe away our Karma as long as we’re willing to see things differently.

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