It’s been just shy of a year since I’ve last written, and my weight loss journey continues. These efforts often feel like the only true constant in my life, which makes me sad. “I don’t want this to be my life’s work,” I’ve cried on more than one occasion. And yet here I am, a few months shy of my 41st birthday, still trying to lose weight.

Those of you who have been following me for some time know that I finally gave up “dieting” in 2020 and apologized for my participation in perpetuating diet culture. My weight loss journey shifted to one focused on recovery and balance — recovery from eating disorders and addictive behaviors, and balance instead of all or nothing thinking and actions. I’d be lying if I said I never wavered — I’m not immune to the promises of a good marketing team and those flashy before and after photos. But in the end, I’ve been able to stop myself (even if one time it was only because of a $1,300/month price tag on a new prescription that a friend of mine was having great success with).

I’ve had my own successes. My relationship with food and alcohol is healthier than it has ever been. And I’ve done it on my own (with the support of my amazing boyfriend.)

But I am still overweight.

Why am I writing now? Specifically because I have something to say about scales, and attachment to outcomes.

Attachment to an outcome leads to disappointment

You will find support for weighing yourself every day, once a week, once a month, once a year, never and everything in between. There is no consensus. It seems the only thing everyone agrees on is that weight fluctuates day to day, hour to hour, and we need to be mindful of this.

I came here today to tell you that if you get on a scale with any expectation, or attached to any outcome, you will most often be disappointed. Just look at this post I wrote on May 24, 2017 (my birthday)!! It’s about a girl NOT getting her birthday wish because HER BIRTHDAY WISH WAS A NUMBER ON A SCALE.

From the post:

This birthday wish has consumed me, especially these past few days as I made all my last ditch attempts to make my wish come true. That included walking 11 miles yesterday, and ending my day in a sauna. I didn’t care if the number was back up over 200 after breakfast, or even a tall glass of water. I only wanted to see 199.9 for a second, just to know it was possible.

As you can see, weighing myself has ruined many mornings. This morning, I really wanted to get on the scale, but I stopped myself. Why? Because last time I wanted to step on the scale, I felt awesome! A second later, I wanted to drive my fist through the wall. I anticipated a significant decrease. I attached myself to this thought. The reality (the outcome) was that the number disappointed me.

In that instant, I went from optimistic and excited and feeling lighter on my feet, to feeling helpless, frustrated. angry, and discouraged.

All because of a number on a scale.

Did I mention that before getting on the scale I felt awesome? I know weight fluctuates. I know I’ve been eating better. I know muscle weighs more than fat (and I’ve been working out consistently the past three weeks). But I let the number get to me.

So I promised myself I would only weigh myself the 1st, 15th, and last of the month purely because I am still a data nerd and because weight is still a valuable indicator. In between, if I am dying to measure my progress in some way, I will focus on how I feel. I have a winter coat and pair of pants that don’t fit that I can try on. (Thank goodness it’s been a mild winter here in the mid-atlantic). And yes, measuring yourself is also a good option (again, as long as you don’t attach to the outcome). I did this for years and decided it’s just easier to try on some things that don’t fit.

This very simple concept that attachment and expectation leads to suffering is universal. It applies to everything in our lives.

So I will continue doing what I’m doing: drinking less alcohol, eating cleaner, and exercising regularly and I will try to keep the hopes and expectations at bay and let be what will be.

Poor 2020. You got a really, really bad wrap. I can’t say it isn’t deserved with all you’ve brought us:

• Sickness and death
• Never-ending politics and divisiveness
• Quarantine and isolation
• Job and financial insecurity

Those are only a few of the horrible things we endured as a collective throughout 2020.

And yet, I am refusing to renounce 2020.

Looking Toward 2020

Looking back at last year’s annual end of year reflection, I was so excited for 2020. I had seven trips planned, including my first trip to Europe and my first visit to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I also wrote that as a result of my eating disorder recovery, I felt “lighter… hopeful,” as I looked to the year ahead. After spending the majority of my adult life obsessed with food and weight, my recovery would create mental space for other pursuits in 2020.

I had no idea what those pursuits would be at the time…

Living in 2020

I didn’t get to go on a single one of those trips.

But I was right about gaining some mental space. Not obsessing over food and weight loss gave me clarity around other aspects of my life, particularly how lonely and unhappy I felt in my marriage. I left my husband in May and moved to an apartment. I chose to live alone rather than stay with someone who made me feel alone.

2020 would teach many of us a great deal about loneliness. About how to occupy ourselves. About how to care for ourselves when we have nowhere to go and no one to see. Honestly, I’m still figuring out how to live and work alone.

Given the pandemic and the giant leap I took in leaving my home and husband, I took the rest of the year off from goals and decided to just do my best. Early on my best was crying less than five times a day and brushing my teeth at some point before noon. I binged and purged at times. I started smoking here and there after nearly four years without a single cigarette. I blacked out from alcohol.

Surviving 2020

Over time, my best got better as I learned to cope. All of our bests got better. We are a resilient bunch and we adapt.

As bad as it was at times, I refuse to renounce 2020. That’s because 2020 was also good to me.

Despite the sickness and death, me and my loved ones remained healthy.

Despite the politics and divisiveness, the majority of people voted for a return to decency.

Despite the quarantine and isolation, I experienced friendship, companionship, and love.

Despite job and financial insecurity, I have worked and been able to save money.

Despite the sorrow and uncertainty, I have survived.

Looking Toward 2021

There isn’t a single person who could have predicted what would come in 2020, so how much should we plan for 2021?

I have some ideas of what I’d like to do and accomplish in 2021, including a rescheduled trip to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter. I’ve written down goals, as I always do. But among all that 2020 has taught us, we’ve also learned that nothing is guaranteed. Plans, and life, can change on a dime.

So I will remain open. I will continue improving on my best as I get better at living this new life of mine in a much changed world.

Last month we held our second annual spring yard sale. As a practicing minimalist, I LOVE getting rid of stuff. But not everything is trash, and extra money is a wonderful thing, especially while we continue to tackle our debt. We made $892 from only two yard sales! Sure, yard sales require some work. But follow my 10 tips for a successful yard sale and you’ll be making money and having fun!

The key to success lies in preparation. You have to plan ahead! If done properly, a yard sale pays off three-fold:

1. You get rid of stuff you don’t need or want
2. You make money
3. You may help people in need of second-hand goods
4. Bonus: you get to hang outside, meet people, and talk with your neighbors.

Not convinced? Maybe these 10 tips for a successful yard sale will convince you to give it a shot.

1. Carve out some space for the things you want to sell and add to it throughout the year.

If you wait until the week of your yard sale to run around your house and grab things, you’re bound to miss a lot of opportunities. Designate a space in your attic or basement and accumulate things over the course of a year or when you purge, play #minsgame, decorate for Holidays, or just as you come across things you no longer want. For me, that’s almost every time I clean.

Mike and I have a designated space in our basement we add to year-round.

**PRO TIP**: DO NOT MAKE ASSUMPTIONS OVER WHAT WILL AND WON’T SELL. I cannot stress this enough. You will be AMAZED by what sells and what may not. My mom helped out with our 2017 sale and had said so many times, “Throw that out. It won’t sell.” And each time she was proven wrong. This year, the very first thing to sell was a set of four Simpsons shot glasses. The second? A fake child’s raccoon cap given me to sell by a friend. Even the guy who bought it (for a dollar to make his granddaughter laugh) said, “I bet you never thought that would be one of the first things to go.”

So don’t hold back – put it aside to sell and give it a shot!

2. Hold off until you have a good amount of stuff to sell.

People don’t stop at yard sales unless they look worth their time from the road. Believe me, I know, because I do it, too. A few things displayed on one table isn’t very enticing. People like bang for their buck and want to see variety. Quantity has absolutely been one of the keys to our success. It’s more to lug out and set-up, but it’s worth it – trust me.

3. Coordinate your neighbors.

People are far more likely to stop at your yard sale when they can hit up a few others at the same time. We coordinated our neighbors for both of our yard sales and it’s really helped traffic! Not to mention, you get to hang out with your neighbors and socialize (and in our case, share a few drinks.)

4. Pick a date (and a back-up date in case it rains).

Spring and fall seem to be the most common times of year for yard sales. People won’t come out if it’s too cold. Many people are away on weekends in the summer. Consider what else is going on in your town before you choose a date. A fair or festival can either help or hurt traffic depending on how close you are to the festivities. Also check to see if your town holds a town-wide yard sale. Our town didn’t last year, but we benefited tremendously from an estate sale happening down the street. This year our town did hold an annual yard sale and we paid the $10.00 fee to be included in the advertising.

5. Make sure you have enough tables and tarps ahead of time to display your items.

Display matters. People need to be able to see and touch what you have. Although you could lay everything out on the ground, or keep things in boxes or totes, you’ll do much better if you can display things on tables and book cases closer to eye level. People are far less likely to see what you have if they need to rifle through boxes. Think creatively. We used body stands and plywood to give us two extra tables. We used tarps on the lawn to display baskets and artwork. We used an old bookcase to display books and dvds. If you plan ahead, you can borrow tables from friends.

6. Advertise your sale.

Do not rely on street traffic. There are a lot of people who spend their early weekend mornings going to yard sales either for work or for pleasure. And you better believe they plan their routes in advance by looking up where the sales are going to be. If you don’t advertise, you miss a golden opportunity to sell to those people. One of those people is a guy who re-sells jewelry. The same guy bought every piece of jewelry we had two years in a row for one lump sum.

For advertising, think Craigslist, Facebook, any online or virtual yard sale sites, signs on street corners, fliers in your local coffee shop…. whatever you think will work for your area! Include some high-value or specialty items you’re selling. If you have everything one needs for a new baby, then say so!

**PRO TIP**: Make sure you know if you have any silver, gold or valuable antiques. I don’t know how to tell real silver and gold so we took all the jewelry I wasn’t sure of to a ‘cash for gold’ place. They were more than happy to sort through it all and tell me what was real and what wasn’t. We ended up selling everything that was real to them.

So when the guy came along to buy all our jewelry (most likely in hopes there was real stuff along with the costume and cheap stuff), I knew there wasn’t.

We’ve all heard stories of people finding extremely valuable items at yard sales for cheap. Don’t be the person who unknowingly sells a Renoir for $7.00.

7. Start early.

The most savvy customers are up and out early to score the best stuff. We advertised the start of our sale as 7:00 am, but people were already showing up at 6:45. We planned for this and started setting up at 5:45 am. We sold the majority of our stuff by 9:00 am.

8. Organize your items by category so you can display them all together. THINK MERCHANDISING.

Along with having adequate tables, organization and merchandising matters. For example, with summer around the corner I showcased all of our BBQ, picnic-ware and Americana items right up front. It paid off! People even complimented me for the clever idea and my merchandising. Almost all of it sold.

If someone’s looking for something, they should be able to see it all together. They’re far more likely to buy more. And generally speaking, people are fairly lazy and/or rushed. You have to hook your customer so they know perusing through your yard sale is worth their time or else they’ll take one quick glance and be on their way. A smile and a kind welcome helps a lot for this as well, but more on that in a moment.

9. Don’t price anything, but have an idea of what you will charge for things.

This was my fourth yard sale and I’ve NEVER priced anything in advance. Here’s why: By forcing people to ask me how much something is, I can feel them out and have a conversation. I know what they’re interested in so I can suggest other things in addition or try to sell them on the item if they turn me down, or bargain until we come to an agreeable price. If you price everything in advance, your prices appear firmer and you risk losing opportunities to interact and negotiate. Furthermore, it saves time and work to not worry about pricing anything.

**PRO-TIP**: Be prepared to come down on your prices or start off low. Remember, your goal is to get rid of things. We sold a majority of our stuff for a dollar. We sold quite a bit for even less than that. There was very little need for negotiating and only once did me and a customer not agree. Most people seemed very satisfied with the prices given. Remember, $1.00 is better than nothing and certainly better than something going in the trash or collecting dust.

**PRO-TIP**: Don’t forget the change! It seems nearly everyone hits the ATM before yard sales and is loaded with twenties. I recommend having at least $50 in change, including at least 30 singles and a few dollars in loose change.

10. Be friendly!

Yes, it’s a yard sale, but conversation and friendliness go a long way for everyone. I can honestly say I had a fun time talking to people and there is no doubt it helped increase our sales. Customer service matters whether in a high-end department store or in your driveway. So smile, welcome people, be nice, and HAVE FUN!

Back in September I experimented with Project 333 for the first time. Project 333 is the minimalist fashion challenge created by Courtney Carver, whose book, Soulful Simplicity, I reviewed back in January, I said I would write an update at the end of the year with how the experiment went. It went awesome… until I got a new job in November and bought new clothes and sort of abandoned the experiment. HOWEVER, I did experiment again for January through March! So now I can let you know how I feel after 3 months of Project 333.

In case you’re new to the concept, the Project 333 challenge guidelines are simple: dress with only 33 items for three months.

Project 333 items include:

• Clothing
• Accessories (scarves, handbags)
• Jewelry
• Outerwear
• Shoes

Project 333 items don’t include:

• Undergarments, lounge wear, active wear, sleep wear (but if you plan on making a late night ice cream run in your lounge wear, then you have to count it.)
• Your wedding ring or other jewelry you wear every single day

Please see my post, Experimenting with Project 333: My Approach & What I Discovered for how I approached the challenge. I took the same approach in January as I did in September (and again this past week for April – June.) So I highly recommend reading it if you want to give this a try, but don’t know where to start.

After narrowing down my three month winter wardrobe to where I felt comfortable, I had 59 total items. 

After 3 Months of Project 333

To summarize what dressing with 59 items for three months is like, I will tell you that Project 333 is very much like making a meal plan, but for your clothes. You have your basic plan and foundation in place to give you peace of mind, minimize stress, and keep you organized. But I think allowing room for flexibility is important! So you may deviate a little (especially when you don’t want what’s on the menu or you’re missing a key ingredient [i.e. it’s in the dirty laundry pile].

I did deviate a little. I wore some things not on my list in a pinch. And there were actually a few things on my list I never even wore! Quite a few items I only wore once or twice. So I learned a lot! But I will say that for the most part, I stuck to my small capsule of 59 items. And I enjoyed that… most of the time.

Come March I was sick of winter and sick of my clothes. I got a little bored. My Calvin Klein work pants ripped so I lost a key item and decided to forge on without black pants. I also ripped my heavy winter coat playing with the neighborhood kids in the snow storms. I was so ready to try Project 333 again for spring.

The Next 3 Months of Project 333

Even though we had another snow storm last week, it is technically Spring and we had our first warm day yesterday! Last weekend I made the switch to my Spring capsule with a total of 71 items. Why so many more items, you ask? There’s a few reasons:

1. I have more spring clothes/accessories than for winter
2. It’s a trickier season to dress for since there may still be cold days
3. I like spring and wanted more variety

But that being said, I am taking a slightly different approach to ensure that I actually wear every item I’ve selected.

All my spring capsule clothes are in my closet. I am working left to right. Every time I wear an item from my spring capsule, I move it to the right (back). I want to make sure I wear every item before I start repeating items to ensure I utilize everything. If something doesn’t fit right, doesn’t work well with anything, or doesn’t make me feel good, I will eliminate it from the capsule. I have buyer’s remorse over the $100 blazer I bought last fall and still haven’t worn. I used to have two closets and entire dressers of clothes I couldn’t or didn’t wear. I will no longer tolerate a single item I don’t wear in my capsule.

This past week I have really enjoyed dressing in my updated seasonal capsule. I will definitely keep approaching my clothes this way. It’s fun for me, plain and simple. And just like I depend on my weekly meal plan, I have come to depend on my clothing plan. These plans make my life easier and free up energy for me to focus on what’s most important. I don’t have time to stress over what to eat or what to wear.

Truthfully, I don’t think I will ever get down to 33 items total, and frankly, I don’t think I want to. I love the parameters around Project 333 and the fun of seeing how close I can (comfortably) get. Sure, I could wear the same earrings every single day. Then I wouldn’t even have to count them as one item. But I don’t want to wear the same earrings every day. So I chose five pairs for Spring. The funny thing is that when I had hundreds of pieces of jewelry, I only wore the same few pieces anyway.

It’s really cool the way we tend to work. When we have less to work with, we end up utilizing more. And that’s part of the joy of simplicity and minimalism.

So please, if you also have a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear, consider giving Project 333 a try. Even if you end up with 100 items in your spring capsule – so what! At least you have an excellent base to work with you can feel good about it.

Have you tried Project 333? How do you feel after 3 months of Project 333?

Another new year, another month playing The Minimalists 30-Day Minimalism Game (#minsgame).  Once again, we successfully rid ourselves and our home of 496 items. Every year the challenge gets simultaneously harder, and also easier. It’s an interesting mix because on one hand, we have less excess in our home to round up. But on the other hand, we get better at letting things go, and become more practical when it comes to what we need and will use. For example, despite having taken several passes over the years at minimizing my jewelry, I got rid of over 75 more pieces this challenge. Every year I learn something new. Here are three more things winning #minsgame taught me.

1. Just because something isn’t hurting, doesn’t mean it’s helping. 

“It isn’t hurting anyone,” is a terrible argument for keeping crap you don’t need. Sure, some extra stuff in a drawer here or a cabinet there may not be hurting anything. Maybe you don’t need the space and it all seems under control. But although it may not be hurting, is it helping? This became my motto this past #minsgame, especially when Mike asked if playing again was even necessary. Nothing we got rid of was hurting us, but none of it was helping us, either. In fact, after creating even more space, I’d say we helped ourselves.

2. I can part with sentimental items. 

I only collect two things: decorative pumpkins and Christmas ornaments. The ornaments in particular have a great deal of sentimental attachment tied to them. Almost all of them have the name of the giver on the back along with the year they gave it. If purchased, I know where and under what circumstances. Each one tells a story. I have one from my mother for every Christmas since I was born, including my “Baby’s First Christmas” ornament from 1982, as well as one from Mike for every year we’ve been together, not to mention countless other sentimental ornaments from friends, ex-boyfriends, places we’ve visited, and family members.

But as I decorated the tree this past December, selecting my favorite ornaments, it became clear we have enough for three full-size Christmas trees. I knew then that when we took down the tree I would undertake the arduous task of unwrapping and sorting every single ornament into yes, no and maybe piles.

The idea of not having a “complete set” of ornaments from Mike or my mom always seemed horrible. But I realized that was the only reason I kept some of them. Some were shabby and some I plain just didn’t like. Was having a complete set really necessary? Would breaking up the set mean something?

I held up an ornament of two glass angel carolers with “gold” halos. “See this?” I asked Mike.

“Yes?”

“I hate this ornament. Do you know who gave it to me?”

“No idea.”

“It was you!” I said with a laugh at the absurdity of my feeling obligated to keep something the giver didn’t even recall giving. “Every time I look at it it reminds me how clearly you forgot to get me an ornament so must have gone to CVS or something at the zero hour and this was all that was left. That’s the only explanation for why you would get me this ornament.”

Mike laughed, confirming my theory.

“I’m getting rid of it.”

Once I had the maybe pile I called Mike in to double check them. There wasn’t one he felt we should keep, even some from the first Christmas we were married when it seems everyone we knew gave us a similar ornament. Not surprisingly, tossing those ornaments has had no impact on the validity of our marriage.

In the end, we got rid of 53 ornaments, freeing up a lot of space. I’m excited to know that every ornament I reach for next year is one I want on my tree.

3. We can and should be vigilant about what we keep in our homes.

Every January we play #minsgame in addition to one or two good purges throughout the year. There is ALWAYS something to get rid of. Things get shabby over time. Some things also lose their significance over time and lose their hold on us, which is why an annual reevaluation is so helpful.

Take for example the coffee table we got rid of on January 1. It was the table I grew up with. I rescued it from my mother’s curb last year, horrified and angry that she’d dispose of it so unceremoniously. I cried. For real tears. So I took it home where it sat unceremoniously in my basement. After a few months I realized how silly it was to keep since we had no use for it and we let it go. The wonderful memories of that table (of which there are MANY) will live in my heart.

Much like weight, “stuff” creeps up on you when you’re not paying attention. That’s how I found myself this past January with a two foot pile of magazines waiting to be read. If it weren’t for my looking for things to win the challenge, they would have sat unread and been buried by two more feet of magazines. Things pile up! Papers, decorations, clothes, clutter, CRAP. So we need to be vigilant… about clearing clutter when it’s manageable and straightening up regularly. That is the only way to end the vicious cycle of cleaning out and cleaning up. Life is too short to spend entire weekends cleaning out closets and spare rooms. 

Minimalism isn’t new to us. It’s become our way of life over the years and we have learned a lot. We’re still learning. But it’s easier now. Cleaning up takes us hardly any time at all. Eventually, playing #minsgame won’t be necessary, nor will the annual purges. But that’s because we’re vigilant about maintaining this lifestyle and expanding on it.

Is minimalism still new to you? I suggest you read my 8 Healthy Habits for Living A Minimalist Lifestyle.

I wrote one blog post in October. Surely someone other than my Mom noticed that? I started a draft of this post back in June. It reads “June was hard on me.” Unfortunately so was July. And August. And September. And October. I shared some of that in my last post, Stress Sucks, where I also confessed I had gained back twenty of the forty pounds I lost this year. I had high hopes that this week off would finally mark the end of a five month run of stress. It almost didn’t. But thankfully I realized my staycation mistakes early on with the help of my counselor, and finally gave myself permission to take it easy before I start my new job.

Staycation Mistakes

Mistake #1: Attempting to add too much structure to the unstructured

Before the start of vacation I began scheduling my time off in what I now realize was an attempt to add structure to the unstructured. I filled my calendar with to-dos and all the yoga and exercise classes I wanted to take.

But then my calendar became overwhelming. I struggled between what I thought I should be doing (going to yoga) and what I wanted to do (have slow mornings in my pajamas with lots of coffee and reading.)

“You are a very structured person,” my counselor said. “Structured people struggle with unstructured time, which is why they often can’t wait to get back into a routine. But this is your vacation.”

I realized I could do with a bit of unplanned time, so I stopped scheduling it all.

Mistake #2: Overly ambitious and unrealistic plans

I overwhelmed myself with ambitious and unrealistic plans. These plans included working out every day, eating perfectly, writing every day, and completing about eight thousand million projects. Is it any wonder I started vacation with splitting headaches and wanting nothing more than to sleep? Guilt gnawed at me, like a hamster on a carrot. What I should be doing ran through my head on repeat and the headaches intensified.

“What are your MAIN priorities this week?” my counselor asked.

I considered them. “Eat healthy. Umm, exercise every day for at least 45 minutes, rest, get my clothes ready for my first week of work. Oh, and write!”

Eating perfectly was never going to happen and I should have known better than to even let that combination of words pass through my mind. I had so many social plans and meals out that it was impossible. Not to mention it was Halloween! So again, I eased up on myself.

Identifying my primary goals also helped me realize that I didn’t need to go to yoga most days, especially since my body wasn’t up for it. I walked around Philadelphia nearly five miles with my Dad on Thursday. That counts. So does hitting the treadmill in my basement while I watch an episode of Scandal. I’m doing what my body is up for. After all, I’m still sleeping twelve hours every night and recovering from whatever stress my body’s been under, which leads me to…

Mistake #3: Denying the magnitude of the transition

I truly don’t feel stressed or anxious about starting my new job. I have only felt stressed or anxious about wasting this week (see mistake #4).

But my counselor helped me realize that regardless, the transition is causing anxiety. This is a major life change. There are residual emotions over leaving my previous job and there are many unknowns about the new job. I haven’t noticed because I’ve gotten skilled at staying in the present, but obviously, there are emotions lingering. It was a mistake to not acknowledge the magnitude of this life-changing transition. Once I did, that helped me to be more gentle with myself.

Mistake #4: Judging use of time

No one is productive all the time. I don’t care what they say. And personally, I don’t think that would be healthy. But I did go into this week thinking that binge-watching Stranger Things Season 2 was a waste of precious time. Anything that wasn’t writing, cleaning, prepping, cooking, producing was a waste of time. But once we identified my goals for the week, one of which is to rest, I realized there was a lot of time where I could do whatever I wanted.

So after counseling, I went home and watched Stranger Things over lunch. On Halloween, I ran my errands in the morning and then finished the season throughout the afternoon. Time wasted? No way. I enjoyed it.

So much of our stress is self-inflicted. Seriously. We put far too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves it’s ridiculous.

I was disappointed I only posted once last month. The need to write and get something up certainly gnawed at my mind. But I had nothing to say at the time, and the truth is that I had higher priorities. I gave myself permission to take the break to focus on other things. And frankly, I was exhausted all the time.

I try to live by example with this site, which is why I share so openly and honestly with you all. What kind of inspiration can I be if I start posting for the sake of posting and give myself a break down in the process?

Priorities shift as life shifts. And I’m doing my best to roll with it.

So I made some staycation mistakes. And I didn’t eat perfectly. I slept A LOT. I watched a lot of Netflix. Not much writing happened. But I DID have quality time with numerous people. And best of all, I finally feel better. The headaches are gone and I feel rested.

I’m ready for the next chapter.

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You know how they say less is more? Well when it comes to minimalism, you tend to want more of it. And more minimalism literally results in less stuff. So in this example, more is less! As my “stuff” began to accumulate again and become disorganized, I craved another purge so I decided to take on minimizing my clothing again. There are a lot of great times to minimize (after hitting a weight loss goal, when relationships end, at the end of the school year, before starting a new job) but the BEST time is whenever you have the time and energy to do it. And I had both. So I took on yet another installment of the great minimalism project and cut my already reduced wardrobe in half once more.

This is how I approached minimizing my clothing this time around.

1. Clothes that don’t fit

Kathy and I sorted and stored every piece of clothing I owned that didn’t fit me back in June, 2015. I wrote about that great purge in the post, Minimizing Clothing Using the KonMari Method.

Since I’ve lost weight, I decided to start with the closet in the basement where I stored everything that didn’t fit. I inspected every single article of clothing with my new found minimalist point of view and tried on a lot of it. Some items were happily rotated into my closet of wearable clothing and many were put back into the closet to await more weight loss. But almost half was sorted into one of three piles: trash, goodwill and consignment.

It seems I become more practical, realistic and cut throat with each pass at minimizing my clothing.

2. Bedroom Drawers

Next I removed the contents of every single drawer in my bedroom while sorting everything into one of the three piles: Yes. No. Maybe.

I was amazed by the size of the ‘no’ pile! After all, I had already minimized my clothing at least twice in recent years. But there I was easily casting aside more clothes I had either worn out from use, don’t like as much as I thought I did, or just plain decided I didn’t want or need anymore.

3. Sorting the Castaways

Next I sorted the ‘no’ pile into trash bags: Trash. Goodwill. Consignment.

Minimalist Pro Tip: It’s important to deal with what you decide to discard right away so that you don’t change your mind later.

4. The closets

I already had a half empty closet so going through that was a cinch. I was ruthless. Things I wasn’t sure of the last go around that I still hadn’t worn were easily cast into a new ‘no’ pile. I hung the few things that remained into my other closet. I was left with an entirely empty closet! So I moved on to my handbags and scarves and decided to move those into the empty closet.

Next I took on my shoes. I walk in Philadelphia A LOT. So I have A LOT of worn out shoes. I don’t know why I continued to wear these shoes. Comfort? Laziness? Frugalism? But I considered how grateful I am to be able to buy new shoes. And so at least a dozen pairs of shoes went directly into a trash bag.

Lastly I tackled the clothes hanging in the closet, which had already been significantly pared down over the years. Everything was sorted with a ruthless eye and hand. Anything low quality or remotely shabby went into the trash. A lot more went into goodwill.

My goal has become quality over quantity and assembling a mature yet practical wardrobe.

Minimalist Pro Tip: Aim for quality over quantity.

This is now the entire contents of that closet:

5. Prepping for Project 333

To sum it up, Project 333 is a minimalist fashion challenge that invites you to dress with 33 items or less for 3 months. So you break your wardrobe down into four “seasons” and decide which 33 things you want to mix and match for that season. The 33 items is supposed to include clothing, accessories, jewelry (not your wedding ring), outerwear AND shoes. You box up everything else. After three months, you then decide on the next 33 things.

I’m not ready for Project 333 yet, but the seed is planted. And since summer is essentially over in two weeks, I grouped any clothing I deemed exclusively summer and tucked it in the back of the closet.

6. Sorting back into drawers

This was the perfect opportunity to re-evaluate how I was using my two dressers. In doing so, I had an idea. Wouldn’t it be cool if I freed up enough space to move all the hair, makeup, and body crap from the top of my dresser into some of the smaller drawers I had used for socks, bras, etc. Time to find out. So I put everything away and lo and behold, there was enough room! No more clutter on top of my dresser was a total surprise bonus.

7. Assessing the maybes

Last I tackled the maybe pile. By this point I saw just what and how much I was keeping. I tried on two pairs of maybe jeans that fit great so I put those away. Everything else went into the trash or goodwill.

Minimalist Pro Tip: Definitely wait until the end of a minimizing project to reassess your maybes.

8. Next steps

Mainly as an experiment, I am going to take a stab at putting together a proper Project 333 fall wardrobe over Labor Day weekend. I’m curious if I feel I have everything I need to pull it off. I’d like to see what I need for a proper capsule wardrobe according to the “experts” and/or if I feel limiting my wardrobe to 33 items is even realistic.

Stay tuned for more on that!

Once again I am energized by the high and cleanliness that a good minimizing yields. I’m enjoying picking out my clothes and accessories the night before work. I’m enjoying keeping everything neat and tidy. It’s so much easier to do when there’s no clutter anywhere and everything has its place.

What about you? Feeling inspired to take on a minimizing project of your own? Have any pro tips to share?

It had been a really rough week and a half. It was the first time in a while I sat in my counselor’s office and cried sad, thick, tired tears. What was wrong? Nothing. And everything. Despite all I’ve learned and my quest for balance, I had gone and done it again. I put too much on my proverbial plate and was overwhelmed. My quest for balance became unbalanced. As a result, all the tell-tale symptoms had appeared. Mike and I were bickering more, I didn’t feel well, I was highly sensitive, and I had a great desire to check out on the couch under a mountain of potato chips and chocolate in an effort to hide from the world and my responsibilities.

Becoming Unbalanced

The pressure had been building for a few weeks. I had tried to minimize my priorities, and I did cut a bit of the unimportant stuff. But it seemed I was still left with too much I considered a high priority. The thing is though, the great majority of those responsibilities were self-imposed. Things I had incorporated into my daily routine over the past several months in an effort to live a well-balanced life mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually: meditation, exercise, journaling, writing, cleaning and meal planning, and gardening among other things.

I think under normal circumstances I could manage it all, but work is particularly busy since our largest annual event is around the corner. There has also been a lot of random obligations and events taking up my time. Top that off with some serious PMS, and my quest for balance became unbalanced. That’s because keeping up with all of the self-imposed tasks resulted in stress. The stress brought me out of balance mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I tried to meditate and couldn’t quiet my brain from thinking of everything I “had” to do. Since I was stressed and over tired, my emotions were heightened and I argued with Mike. Physically, I felt run down. I started to feel sad.  That hopeless feeling began to creep into my thoughts like light fog.

I had ignored the warning signs, but couldn’t ignore the symptoms. I knew that something had to give.

Restoring Balance

And so I stopped doing everything from a sense of obligation and started evaluating what I needed, when, and if it would help or hurt me. Balance is a fine line. It is not uncommon for people trying to lose weight, for example, to begin exercising and eating healthy only to then take it too far by exercising too much and eating too little. There is a sweet spot when it comes to balance and we must be diligent to prevent the quest for balance from becoming unbalanced.

It was a mistake I made. There is little point in meditating, exercising, and writing every day if completing all those things leaves me exhausted and stressed and fighting with my husband. That’s not balance. Keep in mind the seven questions to ask yourself when deciding what is best for you (Is it good for your family, relationships, career, finances, health, self-development, and spirituality?).

Although all the things I want to do can be very good for me, I need to do them all at a time when they will be good for me. Now is not that time. Although I had gotten into a steady yoga practice, that is something I am temporarily taking a break from in an effort to restore balance (ironic isn’t it?). I miss yoga, but I just don’t feel strong enough at the moment for the practice. And those 5:00 am wake up times are killing me.

Hopefully within a couple weeks I can take back on all the things I want to do, including yoga. But for now, I’m picking and choosing and getting creative.

I am restoring balance by taking some weight off the scales. I’ll add it back on when I’m in a better place to handle it.

P.S. Questions for Life: Two Year Guided Daily Journal for Intentional Living is on sale for $3.00 off through May! Buy it now from Amazon.

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I could tell by the crowds on the platform that the train was late and I’d be lucky to fit on board once it arrived. Thankfully, I was able to squeeze in. As the train slowed at the next stop, I recognized someone waiting on the platform. A wave of relief flooded me with the realization there was no room for him. But then he crammed on board. There was nowhere for me to go. It wasn’t until our shoulders were touching that he noticed me. I felt the shift from his recognition that he was pressed against his ex-girlfriend, someone he’d spent over a year with sharing intimacies and love. Despite that, neither one of us acknowledged the other. We endured the awkward ride, painfully aware of the other, until I exited the train two stops early to end the discomfort. As I strode away, I thought how sad so many relationships come to such ends.

I’ve shared intimacies with many people who are no longer in my life. People who no longer know me, yet walk the Earth carrying my secrets with them, and I theirs. For a long time I struggled greatly with abandonment (and am told I still do at times). Rather than simply let people go, I struggled. I clutched my relationships with friends and lovers like water balloons, and as a result many of them burst.

Attachment is a human condition. If only I knew and understood from a young age that it was completely natural for people to come and go, I would not have suffered so in letting go of relationships. If only I’d known that a great many people aren’t necessarily meant to stay in our lives,  I would have been far more grateful for my time with them, rather than mourn my time without them.

We cannot count on anyone staying in our life forever. All that we can count on is change. We adapt to it, or we allow it to hurt us. Change in our closest relationships is such a struggle, though because meaningful relationships are so intricately woven. Identities become linked together and it is easy to forget who we are without the other.

I lost my two childhood best friends, one of them twice. The friendships ended for good sophomore year of high school and it destroyed me. In hindsight, I hadn’t a clue in the world who I was except for the person I was with my two best friends and within our circle. The loss of my friendships in high school is my single greatest trauma for the sole reason that it either directly or indirectly led to every trauma after it. I was a dingy lost at sea without a paddle or an anchor…

As a result I viewed every future friendship and relationship like a lifeboat, to which I desperately clung. I gave meaning to meaningless relationships and settled for friends not worthy of the title. When the relationships inevitably ended, largely due to my neediness, I still mourned them. For anything was better than nothing.

Eventually, and not without great struggle, I matured and created a life for myself. I gained confidence and learned how to enjoy my own company. I even have friends of my very own outside of the amazing friendships I inherited from my husband.

I no longer settle in my relationships. The friendships I have now are a perfect fit and I truly believe I found them when the time was right. I am not at all like the person I was as a child or a teen. To expect all of our relationships to grow and change with us is an unrealistic expectation. If my friendships didn’t end in high school, they still would have ended eventually.

I could have said hello to my ex-boyfriend on the train. Instead I chose to follow his lead. There are some people I’d love to say hello to if I bumped in to them, but for most, there is no point. We no longer know one another, so why acknowledge we once did? For one reason or another, we have let go of one another. It is perfectly natural. And I know that now. People grow and change. We cannot expect all of our relationships to grow and change with us.

Being able to let go of relationships with a sense of love and gratitude is a gift. Seeing my ex boyfriend on the train brought back a lot of great memories. It was a wonderful short-lived time in my life and I am grateful to him and wish him well. I do the same for my two childhood best friends. And another I lived with in Philadelphia. And many others who have come and gone over the years…

I saw my ex boyfriend on the train again this morning. This time, having already written this post, I only thought one thing: how strange that we’ve lived within miles of one another for over a decade and haven’t seen one another and now twice in one week. Again, he ignored me and turned away in the aisle of the train. I smiled slightly to myself and went back to my book.

I had already let him go with peace and gratitude. Now he’s just someone that I used to know.