Learning How to Eat Again: Intuitive Eating

I’m learning how to eat again. This requires substantial unlearning of everything I thought was right about diet and weight loss, but turned out to be all wrong. For those of you who don’t know, I lost forty pounds the first six months of 2017. I then proceeded to gain back 42 pounds the following six months. And even though I knew I didn’t lose all that weight in the best way possible, I still blamed myself for the weight gain, not the methods I took to lose it. But now, thanks to the bestseller Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, I understand where I’ve gone wrong all these many years. I understand why I have never been successful at lasting weight loss. And thanks to this book, I’m learning how to eat again and trust myself with food.

We Cannot Outsmart Physiology

Of all the books I’ve read on health, nutrition, weight loss, and the psychology around eating and losing weight, this one is like nothing I’ve seen before. Intuitive Eating denounces everything I’ve ever been taught about dieting my entire life — every food rule, every dieting “trick.” Because it is all those “rules” that lead us away from our natural ability to eat intuitively. For many reasons we desire to change our bodies and think we can manage our bodies better than they were designed. We think we can somehow outsmart biology and physiology. But our bodies are incredibly fine tuned machines designed to get us what we need to survive, and go into survival mode when we can’t. Nothing good happens when we tinker with the operating system.

Our bodies require certain things, like carbohydrates, to function. When we deny our bodies its preferred fuel, we crave it. Not because we’re weak, lack willpower, or are addicted, but because we need it and physiology is trying to override us. When we continue to deny our body its fuel, it shuts down its metabolism (furnace) to conserve energy. We’ve all heard this and yet we intentionally deprive ourselves of necessary fuels and voluntarily starve ourselves. Why? Because we think we can outsmart physiology.

But regardless, our bodies will find a way to get fuel (or die trying). Whether late at night or over the weekend or during an emotionally trying time, our bodies will take advantage of our vulnerable state and we won’t be able to deny it what it needs. That’s precisely what happened to me last year. For six months I denied my body much of what it needed. I was a mess as a result; exhausted, emotional, weak… and then when I took on the added stress of a job search, I allowed my body everything I had denied it over the previous six months because I was too tired to fight it any longer.

And this is not uncommon when you combine physiology with basic psychology. Anyone who understood my unhealthy and emotional eating patterns combined with my eating disorders and the drastic measures I was taking to lose weight would have known from day one I would not succeed in the long run.

But I didn’t know. Because I thought I could outsmart physiology. Now I know that I can’t. And either can you.

What is Intuitive Eating?

“Intuitive eaters march to their own inner hunger signals, and eat whatever they choose without experiencing guilt or an ethical dilemma. The intuitive eater is an unaffected eater.”

Can you imagine?

When I started reading this book I literally wondered, But who am I if I’m not weighing myself every day, tracking my food, and restricting what I eat? The thought of eating without guilt, or being unaffected was a concept I struggled to even wrap my mind around.

According to Intuitive Eating, “Intuitive eaters have unconditional permission to eat, don’t eat for emotional reasons rather than physical reasons, and rely on internal hunger/satiety cues.” After a lifetime of worsened eating disorders, increased reliance on emotional eating, additional weight gain, and bouts of restriction, I couldn’t be any further from an intuitive eater.

I consider my fuel gauge broken. I’ve eaten when not hungry and eaten to the point of discomfort, even pain. I’ve also starved myself and refused to eat. The idea of having unconditional permission to eat gave me a nervous anxiety, like standing too close to the door of a plane without a parachute. I considered stopping reading the book at the mere suggestion.

But as I read on I started to understand this concept of intuitive eating and even began to think of some real life examples. Have you ever met someone who can actually eat only one handful of chips, or eat two pieces of cake without some self-deprecating comment, or stop eating because they were disappointed of the taste of something? I do. I thought they had super powers. It turns out they’re just unaffected and know how to eat intuitively. You know who else can do this? TODDLERS.

Toddlers are natural intuitive eaters — free from societal messages about food and body image. They have an innate wisdom of food if you don’t interfere with it. They do not eat based on dieting rules and health, but what what they need when they need it.

I decided to give it a try.

Attempting to Eat Intuitively: Intuitive Eating Principles

I haven’t finished reading the book yet, but I already started practicing the ten principles of intuitive eating. If this interests you, I highly suggest reading the book as I am barely even scratching the surface in this post about the wonderful information and case studies it contains.

1. Reject the diet mentality

“If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover intuitive eating.”

This is hard. My mentality is a diet mentality. This is why I said I am in the process of unlearning. But let me tell you, ever since I have even tried rejecting my diet mentality, I have experienced a sense of liberation.

2. Honor your hunger

“Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for rebuilding trust with yourself and food.”

This has been a much welcomed change. I haven’t let myself get too hungry and my body has greatly appreciated it.

3. Make peace with food

“Call a truce; stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings, and, often, bingeing.”

I don’t want to be afraid of certain foods and I don’t want to have love/hate relationships with anything. Ever since giving myself permission to eat, I’m less afraid and foods are less tempting to me. It’s total reverse psychology and I am in awe at how the mind works.

4. Challenge the food police

“Scream a loud “no” to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating under a thousand calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created.”

This is going to be a work in progress. For a long time, my thoughts around food have been primarily black/white, good/bad and all/nothing. Allowing more flexibility in my life has been an ongoing process.

5. Feel your fullness

“Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show you you’re comfortably full.”

My fuel gauge isn’t broken — I have just been ignoring it for a long time. I’m checking in with my stomach more. There is a helpful hunger scale in the book to help with this. A zero on the scale is ravenous and a 10 is stuffed to the point of discomfort. The idea is to not eat unless you’re a 3 or 4 in hunger and not eat past a 7 or 8 in fullness. I’m trying to honor this principle but I know it will take a great deal of practice.

6. Discover the satisfaction factor

“In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence—the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience.”

Who wants to eat bland oatmeal for breakfast and steamed chicken and vegetables for dinner? And who wants to eat with people they can’t stand or in a filthy car? I am a pleasure seeker, and granted I have relied on food for too much pleasure, I totally understand the need for satisfaction in eating and the eating environment.

7. Cope with your emotions without using food

“Find ways to comfort, nurture, distract, and resolve your emotional issues without using food.”

Figuring this out will be my life’s work. I will just leave it at that.

8. Respect your body

“Accept your genetic blueprint. Respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are.”

I don’t want unrealistic; I just want healthy.

9. Exercise – feel the difference

“Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise.”

Last year when I wasn’t eating enough in order to make my weight loss goal, I felt weak. I had stopped going to yoga because I wasn’t strong enough. The only exercise I did was cardio. This past month, even before starting this book, I finally got back to yoga and started a light weight routine. I feel the difference; I feel healthier and stronger. I’m not exercising because I have to. I do it because I want to.

10. Honor your health – gentle nutrition

“Make food choices that honor your health and taste buds while making you feel good. Remember that you don’t have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy.”

Principles 9 and 10 are the only two I really don’t need to work on. But I do love that this is a principle and that it’s number 10, no less. In order to eat intuitively you first need to make peace with food, then you can focus on tweaking what you eat in order to get the nutrition you need. But first, we need to establish a healthy relationship with food. Thankfully, although I haven’t had a healthy relationship with food, I do eat nutritiously most of the time.

Conclusion

I was never good at listening to my body and thought I could out-think it. I wanted what I couldn’t have and found no satisfaction in what I could. (Ask my Mom and she will tell you this applied to more than food and eating.)

Intuitive Eating provides ample scientific evidence why restriction and dieting does not work long-term. There is nothing wrong with me and I see that now. There was everything wrong with my beliefs and my approach. Now I believe the solution is getting back to basics and listening to our bodies and relearning how to eat intuitively. It won’t be easy. But I have already experienced a sense of liberation. In fact, I am eating less now that I have permission to eat whatever I want. I’m not shackled by guilt and longing. I am not over-eating because I tell myself it’s the last time I can ever have anything. I’m not looking for compromises to appease my cravings, foods that never quite satisfy me and always leave me longing for the real thing. I am not nearly as pre-occupied with food.

That is a glorious thing.

And like I said, I am checking in. I have been an emotional eater as long as I can remember. Last week my emotions were screaming to be numbed with a giant sandwich and potato chips. I didn’t tell myself I couldn’t have it, but I did ask, gently, lovingly, if there was something else that might make me feel better not just while eating, but also after. The part of me crying out for chips wiped her nose with her sleeve and whispered, “soup.” The adult in me replied, “Okay, sweetie” and took her for a big bowl of Vietnamese pho.

This is the sort of work around food this book is helping me with. I am learning how to eat again.


What do you think? Do you consider yourself an intuitive eater? In what ways do you eat intuitively? What are your biggest struggles?

I'm learning how to eat again thanks to the bestseller, "Intuitive Eating." I now understand why I was never able to have lasting weight loss.

Soulful Simplicity: How Living With Less Can Lead to So Much More

“When you live or work outside of your heart, there will always be a breakup, breakdown, or both.”

I couldn’t agree with Courtney Carver more. After all, it was only a few years ago that I was facing my own breakdown while my marriage was on the verge of a breakup. I knew my life had to change, so I set out on a quest for a simpler and happier life. Courtney had her own awakening when she was diagnosed with M.S. In her inspiring new book, Soulful Simplicity, How Living with Less Can Lead to So Much More, Courtney shares her story about moving from a stressful, cluttered, busy life that led to her devastating diagnosis, to a life with better health, more space, time, and love.

soulful simplicity book review

As a reader of Courtney’s blog “Be More With Less” and over three years into my own quest for soulful simplicity, this book didn’t teach me anything new. However, it did assure me I’m on the right path to simplicity and it also inspired me to keep at my quest. After stripping away everything that was unnecessary, Courtney is living with so much more; enjoying life on her terms, focusing on what matters most and brings her joy, living in the present, and loving with all her heart. That’s the life I want for myself.

Here’s an excerpt:

“I’m confident that because I got lost, disconnected, and turned upside down, I was able to come out even better on the other side and experience the kind of gratitude you just can’t tap into unless you know what it’s like to live outside of your heart. Not being yourself is exhausting and breaks you down from the inside out. Simplifying my life was the way I remembered who I was. When we hear about the benefits of simplicity, we immediately think of organized sock drawers, clean countertops, and tidy bookshelves, but it’s much more than that if you want it to be.

Remembering yourself, connecting with your heart, making you—these are all surprising results of getting simple. You used to know who you were, but all the stuff, obligations, and craziness of life got in the way and clouded your vision. Getting rid of everything that doesn’t matter allows you to remember who you are. Simplicity doesn’t change who you are, it brings you back to who you are. Simplifying your life invites you to start peeling back the layers of excess, outside and in. Once you remove all the things that have been covering you up and holding you back, you can step into yourself, back into your heart, and be you again.

My soulful simplicity started with making me, and once I had a glimpse of remembering who I was, what I stood for, and what made me smile, I wanted more. With each thing I let go of, I took another step closer to the real me. As I made more space, more time, and more love, I remembered me. Now many years later, I’ve become fiercely protective of the connection I have with my heart and soul.”

This book is for those on the verge of a breakup or breakdown. Each section of the book is packed with practical suggestions so you can create your own soulful simplicity and improve your health, build more meaningful relationships, and relieve stress in your professional and personal lives. Not sure if it’s right for you? Ask yourself if any of these statements apply to you:

  • I’m often sick, run down or exhausted.
  • I have trouble saying “no.”
  • I have a closet full of clothes with nothing to wear.
  • I check my phone as soon as I wake up.
  • I spend my weekends “catching up.”
  • I never put myself first.
  • I self-medicate with food, shopping, booze, TV, or other distractions.

Although a book ultimately on minimalism and simpler living, Courtney doesn’t suggest you get rid of everything you own and move into a tiny home. In fact, she begins Soulful Simplicity with simple and loving suggestions, like to eat more vegetables and get more sleep. The suggestions build from there. Courtney provides baby steps to ending the exhausting cycle of go, go, go and more, more, more, all while weaving her own personal story throughout.

Soulful Simplicity will help you to look at the big picture, discover what’s most important, and reclaim lightness and ease by getting rid of excess things. I highly recommend it to anyone who has lost touch with themselves and is living outside of their heart.

It Was Me All Along: A Book Review

By her early twenties, Andie Mitchell weighed 268 pounds. 135 pounds later, she wrote It Was Me All Along, a memoir about her relationship with food. But this is not your typical weight loss success story… and that is why I find it so inspiring.

Throughout Andie’s entire life, food served as her best friend, babysitter, and comforter. She ate voraciously and obsessively with little to no regard for her health or appearance. The crunch of bowl after bowl of sugary cereal drowned out her father’s yells, a dozen cupcakes rising in the oven gave her something to watch and look forward to in a lonely apartment with no one to watch and enjoy her. Food was the only constant growing up in a tumultuous home and Andie clutched to it like a life preserver in the storm that her childhood often was.

An emotional eater myself, I related to Andie’s childhood relationship with food. Food is also my comforter. I’m only beginning to understand the extent of my ENDOS (eating disorder not otherwise specified) with the help of psycho and cognitive therapy. Andie’s testimony is an honest one and I appreciate her courage in writing it.

I imagine it’s extremely difficult for anyone who has not had an unhealthy relationship with food to understand or feel sympathetic toward someone who can eat with reckless abandon such extreme quantities of food. But addiction is addiction. And if you’re not interested in a story of overcoming addiction and odds, and your relationship with food is a healthy one, then this book is not for you.

My relationship with food is not healthy. Nor was Andie’s before her incredible 135 pound weight loss, nor was it after. And this is what makes her story so powerful in my opinion. With the same honesty and emotion, Andie wrote about breaking down in a restaurant after feeling pressured to order meatloaf instead of a salad, and her obsessive calorie counting and running despite despising the activity. She wrote about becoming withdrawn and feeling alienated when the entire world felt they had the right to comment on what and when and how she ate.

When eating is a coping mechanism, removing that mechanism often leaves you feeling anxious, depressed, and exposed. Without a healthy substitute, we often latch on to another negative behavior, or crumble under the weight of the emotions we masked for so long.

I think all of us who struggle with our weight have the same fantasy that once we lose the weight everything will be right in the world. We make statements starting with, “If only I could lose this weight, then… (insert any success story and fulfilled dream here.) But the truth is that without therapy, instead of being a screwed up fat person, you’ll just be a screwed up thin person. And after Andie lost all her weight, she was a screwed up thin person: depressed, anxious, and still obsessive.

But then she got help.

And now she’s living the dream, the dream being BALANCE (and being a successful writer and blogger [okay, fine, that’s MY dream]). Andie still eats decadent, rich chocolate cake – she just savors one slice, rather than polish off the whole thing. She still orders a burger and fries. The difference being she eats a salad first, takes half the burger home and shares the fries with her boyfriend. She works out doing things she enjoys. She cooks and bakes every day because she LOVES food and it excites her and she enjoys eating so she keeps doing it – she just makes the right choices and practices restraint and control. Control without being controlling. It’s a beautiful thing.

Andie and her story has inspired and energized me. She is living proof that weight can be lost, there still can be cake, and balance is achievable.

 

Author & Blogger Andie Mitchell then and now. Photo via girlsgonewodpodcast.com