When traveling somewhere new, it’s important to leave the resort in order to say you’ve been there. I loved my time at Secrets Cap Cana in the Dominican Republic, but my desire to leave the comfort of the resort in order to see something unique was powerful. With limited money due to our unexpectedly extended vacation, and Mike’s desire to not be gone from the resort too long, we agreed on the Hoyo Azul (blue hole) cenote. A cenote is a natural pit, or sinkhole, resulting from the collapse of limestone bedrock that exposes groundwater underneath. The photos I had browsed online were of gorgeous turquoise clear water. But a friend warned me it was “crowded and cold.” Nevertheless, on the second to last day of our vacation, Mike and I ventured outside of our resort to Scape Park in order to visit Hoyo Azul and see for ourselves.

Scape Park

Scape Park Cap Cana is a natural theme park with several attractions including a waterfall expedition, ziplining, cave tour, and its most popular, Hoyo Azul eco tour. Upon arriving at Scape Park I was immediately turned off by the tourist trap that lay before me. Cafe, gift shop, professional photographers snapping photos they hope you’ll purchase later, and lots of people waiting around. I was not impressed.

Ticket costs vary depending on the attraction and there is a discount for multiples. Our tickets for the blue hole were $69 each and included transportation. Once you identify your guide for the attraction for which you purchased tickets (they have signs) you wait for more people to arrive. Tours leave twice daily at scheduled times, but you don’t have much control over how early you arrive since you rely on Scape Park’s shuttle service from your resort. I am certain they intentionally get you there earlier than necessary in hopes you’ll patron the shops.  Fortunately, there are some animals to look at and we enjoyed the monkeys in particular. I also found myself draped in an enormous python. I have no photo to share, though since the photographer shouted at Mike when he tried to take a picture.

Mike and I waited nearly 45 minutes until we finally set off for the mile or so “hike” to the cenote. I say “hike” because it was really more of a leisurely stroll through the jungle with more stops than are necessary: water break, bathroom break, and photo break. What should have taken no more than twenty minutes took more like forty. As far as “eco tour,” that is also a bit of a stretch. It’s a walk through the woods with a few orchids crudely attached to trees with wire.

After the space and exclusivity of the resort, I found myself annoyed to be in a large group of people, at the mercy of the tour guide. I didn’t need breaks on a short walk and was fully capable of following the trail myself. So far, I had found the entire experience a waste of time. But I kept my hopes up that the blue hole would be worth it.

Hoyo Azul

The trail to the blue hole winds up some steps and onto what is more or less a wooden deck. Around us was an enormous cavern. Below us was a natural pool filled with the most beautiful turquoise water I have ever seen. All my frustration melted away. I realized Scape Park was simply the gateway to something magnificent, and worth the minor annoyances.

We descended a flight of wooden steps onto another large deck, much like a dock at a bay, where you could stand against the railing and look directly down into the blue hole. It was conical shaped. Shallow and rocky along the perimeter, but plunging downward to depths unknown to me in the center. A few more stairs on the left lead down to the water’s edge. On the right was a 14 foot high ledge for jumping. I was overjoyed to see it, but more than anything I wanted to feel that water against my skin.

“What are they waiting for?” I asked Mike. I looked around at the forty or so people in our tour; everyone busy taking selfies and gazing upon the blue hole through the lenses of their cameras and phones.

“I’m going in.”

I slipped out of my skirt and pulled my tank top over my head and walked in only my bathing suit down the staircase to the wooden landing beside the water. Lowering my feet onto a wooden board submerged in the water, I felt the cool freshness against my skin. I lowered my eyes and inhaled deeply, taking it in.

This. This is what was missing on our trip to the Dominican so far. I had so badly wanted to see something new, something natural, something besides our beautiful resort to make me feel as if I had the right to say I had been to the Dominican Republic. And for a blessed moment, it was all mine. I was inspired by the magnificence of my surroundings.

“Is it cold?” Remembering I was not alone in this beautiful space, I looked up and saw dozens of pairs of eyes gazing down at me. Me, in only my swimsuit. Them, hanging over railings awaiting my response.

“Not really,” I said. And then, with all eyes on me, I dove off the little step into the cool water the shade of blue like nothing I had ever seen. And for several more wonderful minutes, Hoyo Azul was all mine.

Jumping In

Diving in from the ledge was one thing, but jumping from fourteen feet was quite another. I jumped from a twenty-five foot high ledge when I was a tween, but my fear of heights has grown in intensity as I have grown in inches. As I stood at the ledge of the blue hole, fourteen feet up, fear gripped me. I took a step forward, then back, forward, then back. And finally, shook my hands in frustration, fists balled, and stepped aside, encouraging someone to go ahead of me. I know this so well because Mike recorded my first attempt. He also recorded my second attempt when I chickened out again.

By the third time, I was frustrated with myself. I knew I had to jump, but every time I tried, fear held me back as if ropes had emerged from the cavern and knotted themselves around my arms and legs. A few people shouted that I could do it. And I believed them. So I stood at the edge and waved my arms in such a way to universally signal the need for applause. Everyone cheered and whistled. And there I stood, self-conscious in my bathing suit, but not just the heavy woman afraid to jump. I was the woman who created her own cheering squad and knew how to overcome her fear. It was time.

And so I took one small step forward… then back… then forward once more and off the ledge into the blue depths below.

Applause erupted as I emerged from the surface. My body was shaky and flooded with adrenaline. My smile was brighter than the sun. I could watch the video all day of that brave woman taking a leap in spite of her tremendous fear.

Not jumping was never an option. Letting people go in front of me was one thing, but never once did it even occur to me to exit the line. The energy of the crowd inspired me and gave me courage. Jumping cemented the image of the Hoyo Azul in my mind. It is no longer just a gorgeous cenote in the Dominican where I went swimming, but a place where I encountered a fear, and beat it back.

This story would be quite different had I ran out of time. Afterall, Scape Park didn’t give us much time – fifty minutes maybe. They need to get you back to the hub to sit around and spend more money on $12.00 photos. In my October post, Facing and Embracing Fear to Avoid Regret, I wrote: “Imagine if I had let my fear get the best of me that day on top of that cliff? This would not be a story of courage, but one of regret.”

I could say the same exact thing now. Once again, I wrote a story of courage.

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Somewhere along the course of my life, I became convinced I didn’t deserve to feel good about myself. Well-manicured nails, nice clothes, special treatments… these things were exclusively reserved for thin, healthy women. They deserved them, not me. I’d have to earn them. And the only way I could earn them was to quit smoking and be thin. Since I almost always fell short in that department, I have deprived myself of that which would make me feel better. I didn’t realize this until quite recently…

The Revelation

I was sitting with my counselor chatting about my progress and how great I’ve been feeling. “And although I’m not at the weight I hoped I’d be by now, I went ahead and made all my appointments anyway for waxing, mani/pedi, etc. I’m going shopping for a new swimsuit and a few new pieces of clothing. I’ve been applying self-tanner,” I said with a laugh.  “I want to do whatever I can to look as good as I feel. I never did that in the past and I always regretted not trying harder before a special event.”

“Why do you think that is?” she asked.

I had to think about it. Why didn’t I buy new clothes or splurge on new make-up, pedicures or waxing before special events in the past? The truth emerged.

“I suppose it’s because I was never who I wanted to be for the occasion. And so I guess I never felt I deserved those things. I was a fat smoker. I didn’t earn a new swimsuit or clothes, or special treatment. And so I’d go to the thing or the place, and I’d feel self conscious about my clothes and my nails and my hair and my smoking. Feeling like shit was what I deserved.”

No sooner than the harsh reality left my lips did my eyes start to well with this sad revelation. I never understood this was my thought progress and why I made the decisions I did. It hurt to learn this is how I treated myself… that in yet another way, I was my own worst enemy.

“And why is it different now?” she asked.

“I feel good. I know I don’t look much different yet, but I feel different. I’ve quit smoking, have worked so hard and have made so much progress. I don’t want to punish myself anymore. I want to reward myself. I deserve to go to Punta Cana next week and feel as good about myself as possible. So many times I have done things as if I’d get a re-do when I was ready.”

“Like those things didn’t quite count because you weren’t the version of yourself in your head?”

“Exactly. But I’ve learned that there are seldom opportunities for re-dos. I may never go to Punta Cana again. It may be years before I get to to the Caribbean again, if ever. I don’t want to go in an old swimsuit that barely fits or with ugly feet. I don’t want to look at pictures and wish I’d tried harder. I don’t want to feel self-conscious and cry in my room before gaining the courage to go down to the pool.”

Clearly, somewhere over the past few months, a miraculous shift in my thought process occurred.

I deserve to feel good about myself. 

The Preparation

And so I went shopping. Twice. My arms laden with hangers I entered the dressing rooms at various stores prepared for war and experienced countless emotions throughout the process. But with patience, forgiveness, diligence, discernment, and a little help from my friends (Kathy reminded me to tap into my inner Goddess and that I deserve a beautiful swimsuit I feel great in), I emerged victorious. I found two great swimsuits, two gorgeous cover-ups that make me feel confident and sexy, and a few other pieces that fit great and make me feel good.

I will get my nails and toes done, my hair cut, and some waxing. I’ll replace some overdue make-up. I will put care and effort into packing (minimally, of course).

The Conclusion

I have let my fears and a sense that I didn’t deserve things hold me back for a long time. I want to travel! I want to see and experience new things! I want to feel good about myself! I want to achieve my goals! I have shifted my thinking from a place of fear to a place of love and I have witnessed my life finally begin to change. I’ve worked very hard to rid myself of destructive and sabotaging thought processes. It was only once I started to do that that I finally began to see change. I now see this idea that I don’t deserve to feel good about myself for what it truly is: another story concocted by my fear-mind to keep me from living my life and pursuing my dreams. This idea was never motivating, only debilitating.

And now that I know I deserve to feel good about myself, the sky is my limit.

Aspiring to do and see things is healthy. But unfortunately, once we’ve done or seen them we have a tendency to move right on to the next desire. We tend to cast away our past experiences into a ‘been there, done that’ box. The key to happiness is to compare ourselves not to those more fortunate, but those less fortunate. I think we should apply that philosophy when it comes to our “bucket list” desires. Rather than (or in addition to) list all the things we want do and see, we should list all the things we have done and seen. By creating a bucket list in reverse, we can see just how full our lives have been and how much we’ve done. Then we can look back with gratitude, rather than ahead with longing.

Bucket List in Reverse

I wrote a sixty item long bucket list in April, 2010. Following are the items I accomplished; my bucket list in reverse if you will:

23. Get my Bachelors degree (achieved May, 2014 – was also the commencement speaker.)

27. Own a hammock. Use it all the time. (Purchased in 2014. I adore laying in it.)

29. Run on a beach during low tide. (I’ve done this several times and always love it – it’s the little things.)

31. Stay at the Bed and Breakfast Angels by the Sea, with my mom. (We went for the weekend in December, 2011.)

33. Have a compost pile. (I love that I listed this as an actual bucket list item. We purchased a compost bin after we bought a home and it is full of beautiful compost.)

39. Learn yoga so that I can practice independently. (I have learned enough that I am comfortable practicing independently. I also finally have a regular and consistent yoga practice, something I have wanted to achieve for years.)

41. Go on a vacation with just my best friend. (I have done two overnight trips with two different best friends and loved it.)

42. Sit in a tube and float down the Delaware River. (I did this with my husband, Mike; brother, Doug; and sister-in-law Kristin in July of 2014 and it was a lot of fun!)

44. Adopt a sick or unwanted dog. (I am amazed this was on there since I never cared for dogs. But just a few months later in August, 2010 I found a dog dying of heat stroke in a park. That dog is our beloved Cooper and you can read all about how he came to be with us in Chicken Soup for the Soul’s “My Very Good, Very Bad Dog.”

45. Stop smoking forever. (FINALLY achieved July 23, 2016. It hasn’t been “forever,” but it has been 212 days as of this posting, which feels like forever.) Here’s a photo of me taken on February 7, 2017:

48. Eat lamb, duck, foie gras. (Done! And no, not all at the same time!) 

58. Own a home. (Mike and I purchased our home in June, 2011 and I am grateful for it every day.)

59. See Pearl Jam live. (I saw Pearl Jam in October, 2013. It was an incredible show. Crossing that one off the list was huge.)

I’ve yet to achieve many items on the original list. Some have simply fallen off as my priorities have changed. I could also probably write a whole new 60-item list right now. But there are also many incredible things I have done in addition to the list, because I pursue life and living. I will continue to do so.

This quote has a double meaning to me: “I’d rather look back at my life and say “I can’t believe I did that” instead of saying “I wish I did that.” Yes, we should live our lives and do the things we wish to, so that we don’t die with regret. BUT we must also appreciate the things we’ve done so that we die with gratitude for our experiences, rather than lament the things we didn’t get a chance to do.

And that is why I intend to keep reverse bucket lists… so that I never forget how fortunate and full my life has been.

What items are on your reverse bucket list? What have you done that continues to bring you gratitude and joy? I’d love to hear from you.

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Weight loss is all about figuring out what works for you. Unfortunately, it often takes a long time to figure out what that is. In the meantime, we need to try out a whole lot of what doesn’t work. ‘Count calories’ is an extremely common piece of advice said to help us lose weight, along with ‘exercise more.’ Well, I did count calories. For years. And for years I saw zero results (in fact, I gained weight) and just kept on counting anyway. Finally, I realized it just wasn’t working for me. Here are 7 reasons why I stopped counting calories.

1. I stopped looking at food as FOOD, and only as calories.

Food is fuel, but when you become obsessed with calories you lose sight of what fuels you. Instead, you often focus on what you can have for X amount of calories, regardless of whether it’s nutritious or not. I have consumed countless “diet” and “100-calorie” snacks laden with chemicals and ingredients I can’t pronounce all in the name of quantity. “But I can have seventeen of these!” Sound familiar?

Sure, you can have sugar-free “chocolate” or seventeen paper thin mini “Oreos,” but what you don’t get is any nutrition. I was left hungry and unsatisfied constantly (and often returned for more in search of satiation, which resulted in increased calorie intake.) Now I know I could have just had an apple and a tablespoon of peanut butter or heaven forbid, some actual real dark chocolate and been done with it. More calories, sometimes, but also long lasting fiber, protein, and vitamins. Best of all, the wonderful feeling of knowing I gave myself something nutritious and didn’t need to keep rummaging for sustenance.

I’ve since adopted Michael Pollan’s philosophy on food. “Eat real food. Mostly vegetables. Not too much.”

2. Calorie counting made me obsessive.

I am a stickler for accuracy, which became an obsession when counting calories. I weighed and measured all my food, adding and subtracting chips and dry pasta until I had the perfect one or two ounces allowed. When I didn’t know precise measurements I agonized over my estimates. My husband mistakenly taking my perfectly portioned lunch and leaving me his was enough to make me cry with fear and uncertainty. I became inflexible and rigid and loss of total control over my food made me nervous.

3. Calorie counting is an enormous time suck.

Food-shopping, cooking and eating all took longer. The comparing, the weighing, the measuring, the counting, the adding, dictating nutrition facts and entering them into the app I used… it had become such a chore! Many times I ate the same things or bought the same brands, even if a comparable one was on sale, for the sole reason that I didn’t feel like entering new information into the app. Which leads me to my next point…

4. Calorie counting made me hesitant to try new things.

After so many years of calorie counting I know roughly how many calories are in most anything. But when faced with something new that wasn’t accompanied by a package or had a lot of components, I was hesitant to try it because I couldn’t account accurately for the calories. I hated not knowing and didn’t trust guessing. Even if it did come with a package, sometimes I still avoided things if I wasn’t in the mood to list all the nutrition facts into the app. Better to stick with what I was certain about. For someone who loves trying new things as much as I do, this was a huge deterrent.

5. I wanted to minimize my obligations.

If something you do to HELP yourself becomes a stressful burden that you dread, then it’s time to rethink it.

6. I learned enough to get by without counting calories.

This is where I will say that I am grateful for some of the time I spent counting calories. Counting calories taught me portion sizes and how many calories are in most foods, as well as how to calculate calories of most things in my head. But if you’re reading this, then you most likely know these things by now, too. Cutting the chord isn’t easy. But if counting calories has you obsessing or stressed out, and you know the basics, then try striking it out on your own. Chances are, like me, you know what and how much you should be eating.

7. I want to live my life fully, freely and BALANCED.

I don’t have the time, energy or desire to obsess and worry over every single thing I put in my mouth. What I want is to achieve balance. My friend, Amanda, said something to me last week that makes me believe I’m getting there. I had lost my first ten pounds for the year and she said, “And you’re doing it right. Don’t forget you went out for restaurant week and had fried chicken!”

Yes, I most certainly did! I also had several drinks, two huge biscuits that accompanied the chicken, and some of my dessert (I would have eaten all of it if I wasn’t so full.) I don’t want weight loss to mean I can never go out for restaurant week again, or drink with my friends, or have dessert. It is possible to find balance. I have witnessed it, not only in my first ten pounds, but in others.

I have been inspired for years by a random woman I saw leaving the gourmet Italian deli and bakery next to my office. She was in her running clothes, all sweaty, and she had a huge hot drink and a cinnamon roll the size of her head! I thought to myself, “That! That is what I want!” Not necessarily the cinnamon roll (although it looked phenomenal) but the BALANCE. Here was a fit woman who clearly just went running and then got herself what she wanted.

I don’t believe I can achieve balance while counting every calorie. Some people can, and I say good for them! But it’s not for me.

I have felt liberated since I stopped counting calories at the start of 2016. I still remember saying to my coach, “I don’t want to do this anymore. Is that okay?” I was worried she’d say I had to keep doing it, but it was just so clear it wasn’t working for me. She agreed and gave me the permission I was looking for.

I got my time back, became more relaxed with food, and saved myself $9.00/month from canceling the subscription to the app I used. Once again, I made new recipes, tried new things, and enjoyed my renewed food freedom.

I also found that everything I learned had stuck. I didn’t all of a sudden forget how to check nutrition facts or serving sizes or how many calories are in a banana. And I still sometimes weigh out an ounce of tortilla chips with my chili or 2 ounces of pasta for my lunch, just to keep from accidentally over-eating. And I actually do write down everything I eat in my planner every day – just little notes to jog my memory and help me keep track of things. I don’t include specific details like quantity or portion sizes. Just enough information to help me figure out what works, what doesn’t, and how certain foods make me feel.

That’s what works for me. Calorie counting didn’t. Remember, it’s all about what works for YOU.

I’ve done something drastic. I bet $450 that I’ll lose 40 lbs. in six months using HealthyWage.

To put that in perspective, I’m spending actual money (that I can’t really spare) while committing to achieving a lofty goal that I have been trying and failing to achieve for years. And I’ve committed to achieving it in a mere six months. I haven’t even lost ten pounds combined over the past two years.

Am I crazy?

Or am I finally ready? I think I’m emboldened. Quitting smoking (171 days of today!) in 2016 after YEARS of trying and failing has given me confidence that I can, in fact, do hard things. My year of cognitive behavioral therapy gave me the tools I’ve been lacking, and taught me how to use them. At the start of this year it was incredibly clear that practice was over. It was game time. And I’ve been playing my heart out since.

Okay and maybe I’m a little crazy, too. Not to mention excited by the prospect of making money off my own success. That’s right, there’s more than just my $450 on the line.

Using HealthyWage

In late December I stumbled upon HealthyWage, a site & app where you bet on your own weight loss (I am in no way affiliated with them nor are they sponsoring this post). I’ve tried apps like GymPact in the past to incentivize me to work out more by placing cold hard money on the line. When I lost my Fitbit back in July I stopped. HealthyWage is similar but different. You specify the amount of weight you want to lose, how much time you want to do it in, and how much money you’re willing to put on the line. HealthyWage collects some other information (like your current weight and height) and calculates how challenging it thinks your goal is and spits out a prize amount which is funded by other members who failed to meet their goal.

Apparently, they must think my goal is a bit of a stretch. If I don’t make my goal, I’m out $450. If I do, though, I walk away with $1,308.29. That’s a gain of $858.29 on my initial investment of $450 (I will be charged $75 monthly for the duration of the 6 month challenge). Not bad!

I’m all about finding motivators, carrots and being challenged in measurable and competitive ways. I’m looking at this as an opportunity to combine two of my goals: financial independence and weight loss. That $1,308.29 would make a nice little dent in my student loan (who am I kidding, my student loan would barely even acknowledge that.) But I digress. If I can make $858.29 losing weight, then sign me up! I am quite literally making an investment in myself. I’m putting my money on ME.

So I signed up. And I’m super excited! With Mike’s help, I verified my starting weight. To do so you submit a quick video filmed in a mirror or by someone else where you weigh yourself and spin around slowly so they see you don’t have a bag of rocks on your back or anything. There’s guidelines on what you’re allowed to wear (short sleeves, nothing longer than the knee) and how to film it. It was super easy.

If this sounds like something you’d like to try for yourself, then please use this referral link when you sign up and $40 will be added to each of our prize pots. Sweeten the deal for us, would ya?

The pot is bigger the higher the stakes. I can hardly believe I committed to losing 40 lbs in 6 months! I have never achieved a goal like this EVER. But that’s roughly 7 lbs a month, which I know from experience is doable. I’ve just never been able to do it consecutively. With $1,308.29 on the line, I know I have to try my damnedest.

This is yet another carrot in a long road in which I have planted many carrots. With this one, I’m trying out the power of financial incentives. I’m energized by the prospect of making $858 while doing something I desperately want to achieve anyway.

There’s side group challenges, too! For example, I also joined a three month challenge for a $60 total investment to lose an average of 6% of my weight by the end of March. In order to be on track to meet the main challenge of 40 lbs in six months I need to be closer to 9% by the end of March anyway, so I figured… why not? (All the winners who achieve the 6% will split the prize money).

I’m loving HealthyWage. Hopefully I still am in six months. If you see a donation button appear on this site, you can safely assume I’m out $450. (I kid.)

Again, please use this referral link if you want to give it a shot. Remember, you pick all the terms. A conservative bet will still get you some extra money. It’s all up to you to determine the stakes. Good luck!

As for me, I’ll be sure to keep you all posted on my progress.

These past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about the year behind us, and the year before us. This is a wonderful time for reflection and looking to the future. It is a time to reset and refocus. A fresh start for everyone!

For many, 2016 was one hell of a tough year. We lost so many treasured people and endured an absolutely volatile election. The jokes about 2016 being so awful will live on long after the year has ended. But I have to say, my 2016 wasn’t so bad.

2016 Highlights

1. I QUIT SMOKING! As of this writing I am 159 days cigarette-free! Everyone, this has been a goal of mine for over ten years. TEN YEARS!
2. I got a new car! It’s my first new car, too. It replaced a thirteen year old Ford Focus. So yeah, it’s a big deal.
3. I published my first book! Questions For Life Two Year Guided Daily Journal For Intentional Living is the product of the four components of my daily practice combined into the perfect tool for the masses. This has been a wonderful experience so far and I am thrilled so many people love the journal.
4. I traveled to Asheville, NC and had a wonderful time with family. The mountains were where I finally quit smoking and where I got the idea for Questions For Life. The trip was ripe with new experiences and I am grateful to have traveled someplace new.
5. I built this new website. All by myself, too! This was a very significant blogging goal of mine for 2016.
6. I got my Mom back. My Mom has been addicted to pain killers for many years and it’s been hard. VERY hard. But she managed to kick her addiction and come back to us all. I thank God every single day for this.

So yeah, not too shabby!

In looking back at last year’s New Year post, I see I didn’t write specific goals for 2016. I set out to continue trying to lose weight and stop smoking, one of which I finally achieved! As for other goals, I realized that so many good things had finally become a part of my routine, my LIFE, that I didn’t find it necessary to write them down as goals. That’s pretty cool. And even without those specific goals, I had a successful year just continuing on this wellness journey. I have learned so much, accumulated more tools, had so many new experiences, and generally have continued to get to know myself better. It was a good year.

I grew in 2016. I don’t think I can ask for much more than that.

2017 New Year Goals

But I want to get specific again for 2017. Lately, some new year goals have been playing through my mind, so I’ve focused in on them and come up with the following list:

1. Pay off three specific debts.
   • Financial freedom continues to be a major goal of mine. I have identified three specific debts I have aimed to eliminate by the end of 2017.
2. Complete the first draft of my fiction novel.
   • This is a bold goal, yes. But after barely even touching my novel in 2016, this needs to be a much higher priority.
3. Establish a healthy morning routine, and maintain it consistently.
   • I still struggle with getting out of bed early and getting to yoga. I will not resolve to work out every morning because it’s not realistic. But I do want to commit to giving myself an hour to journal, meditate, read, write, exercise, etc. I also resolve to NOT let my phone be the first thing I look at every morning. Which leads me to my next goal…
4. Drastically reduce the amount of time I spend on Facebook/social media.  
   • One of the questions in Questions For Life is: What would your life look like if you never wasted another minute? Without being too specific, I will say that my life would be amazingly productive and I’d have a lot more to show for my time here. My biggest time suck is Facebook. I catch myself mindlessly scrolling through the nonsense and falling down rabbit holes when I could be producing or learning or any number of things that would serve me better.
5. Continue setting New Moon Intentions each moon cycle with specific 29 day goals.
   • One of the many things I learned in 2016 was how well New Moon Intention-setting works for me. Each new moon, I write down specific intentions which vary cycle to cycle. They include everything from finish reading a book, setting a specific weight goal, not checking social media as soon as I wake up, taking on an extra yoga class, etc. I commit to these intentions at my altar before the Moon and Universe. This holds me much more accountable than simply striving to achieve something by the end of a month. It’s all about finding what works for you. This works for me. So for all 2017 I will set intentions for each new moon, starting with today’s New Moon. I will include in these intentions other goals, as well as mini versions of my larger goals. For example, work on my novel twenty hours during the cycle.
6. Lose weight
   • For the second consecutive year, I have managed not to gain any weight. That’s great and represents progress. But I still struggle to lose weight. That being said, however, I am ending 2016 weighing six pounds less than I weighed at the end of 2015. It took a year’s worth of cognitive therapy and practice, but I think I’m finally on to something. In 2016 I managed to finally quit smoking. I think 2017 will be the year I finally manage to lose weight…

The Importance of Goal-Setting

Damn, it feels good not to have “quit smoking” among that list. When we set new year goals, we establish benchmarks in which to assess ourselves. By setting goals, we say to ourselves: I resolve for this year not to be the same as the last. I won’t live the same year over and over again and call it a life. I will do things differently. This past year I quit smoking. The sense of achievement when we accomplish our goals is incredibly rewarding.

So take some time and think about what you want this year. Just make sure your new year goals are SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, time-based). For example, my goal to lose weight isn’t very SMART. I haven’t specifically committed to a certain number of pounds I aim to lose, but I will in my new moon intentions, so I’m covered.

After you’ve established your annual goals, break them down into smaller, specific chunks. Want to lose 50 pounds? Set a monthly goal to lose five pounds and assess yourself regularly and make adjustments where necessary. Want to quit smoking? Don’t just give up if you have a cigarette. Keep track of how many you have a day/week/month and make your goal to cut that back the next week and the next month. Want to save $1,000? Do the math and finesse your budget and come up with a realistic plan to do so. Goals are nothing without a plan to achieve them.

I love this time of year so much. So much optimism, so much energy. I look forward to continuing this life-changing journey in 2017, and I look forward to sharing it with you. I’d love to hear what some of your goals are for the new year. Please share them in the comments.

And if one of your goals is to minimize, then please join my Third Annual Minimalism Challenge kicking off January 1!

I wish you all a very happy, healthy, and hopeful new year!

Previous New Year Posts:

12/30/2015: A Year Well Spent

12/31/2014: 2014/2015: Looking Back & Looking Ahead

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Back on December 8, I shared my latest weight loss saga in ‘Twas The Night Before Weigh-In: My Christmas Struggle Story. In this post I’ve provided an update on how that all turned out. I certainly learned a lot over the past twenty days, including one very valuable lesson about the reasons why we do things. It turns out that because you want something is a good enough reason to go after what you want… but more on that after the update.

In case you didn’t catch the Christmas Struggle Story post and don’t feel like reading it now, I will summarize quickly (but it’s a good post so you should read it.) Long story short, I signed up for a clinical study and went through the majority of the enrollment process before learning my BMI was POINT 3 too high. I was given a week to lose two pounds right in the midst of holiday festivities. But I did it! Only to be told the night before my weigh-in that some of my test results hadn’t come in yet so we’d have to reschedule. Twelve more days, during the height of the Holiday season, I’d have to maintain this lower BMI. It was a struggle. But the day before my appointment I was on point to meet my goal.

Update

Nineteen days I monitored my weight, resisted cravings, adjusted and micromanaged, all during Holiday parties, dinners, and gatherings. Not making this goal was not an option. I would not suffer the embarrassment of not being able to lose two measly pounds and then maintain that loss. The day before my appointment I weighed myself and was on target. For good measure I decided to eat very light and skip dinner. All was well… until at 5:05 that evening when the doctor called.

It turns out that my weight wasn’t the only thing that didn’t meet the guidelines. My cholesterol was also several points too high. It was an automatic exclusion in the study. Maybe they could re-screen me in a couple months, she said.

I was disappointed. But when something is simply not meant to be, it’s pretty obvious. And this was obviously not meant to be.

I had plans to go see the new Star Wars movie that night and after a sense of disappointment, my very next thought was, “well, at least I can get some popcorn now.”

Silver lining. I ate the crap out of that popcorn, too.

Call it resentment, entitlement, bitterness, or whatever, but I ate kind of crappy the next day, too. I couldn’t put my finger on why, though. I feel grateful for the challenge and this exercise (pun intended). I learned that it IS possible to not gain weight, and even lose weight, during a month as full of indulgences as December. Being forced to lose weight for this study was precisely what I needed to learn what I could do, as long as I was willing to focus and had the right incentive.

Finding Another Reason

But now I’m learning how quick I can backslide as soon as my incentive is taken away… and I don’t like it. One and a half days I allowed myself to over indulge and feel whatever negative emotion I was feeling. I’ve put a stop to that. But I still feel less motivated. I wonder… why isn’t my health and my own desires to lose weight enough reason to go after what I want? Why did it take a doctor and a clinical study to get my ass in gear?

These are the questions I’m asking myself today…

I don’t have an answer, except to say that what I want needs to be enough incentive. And lucky for me, I have the perfect motivational mantra to help me. I got through nineteen days successfully managing my weight. I did it once, so I can do it again. I WILL finish the rest of this holiday season, and this month, and this year at my clinical study goal (or less), mark my words. And I will do it for no other reason than it is WHAT I WANT.

Everything happens for a reason. I truly believe I was not meant for this study. What it was meant for was teaching me this lesson. It gave me a confidence and an empowerment to end my year strong and to start a new one with even more optimism and energy than usual.

Because we want something really should be all the reason we need to go after things. For many individualized reasons, it’s often not enough motivation. But it needs to be. What better reason than because we want it!?

So now, ask yourself: is this a good enough reason to go after what you want?

It is for me.

Every now and then I get the silly idea to start jogging again. This past September I started again with one simple rule; to jog further every single time I went. The first day I jogged I gave it my all and noted my distance. After a short walking break, I bargained with myself to jog the length of an avenue near my house. It sucked. But the next time I jogged, I knew I could increase the distance and run that entire avenue again. I knew for one very clear and simple reason: If I could do it once, I could do it again.  This has become my motivational mantra.

I actually hate jogging. But it’s great exercise, super beneficial and I like the idea of jogging. Over several weeks I increased my distance incrementally. Each time I jogged I burned the new distance into my mind. The next time I jogged, I directed my mental thoughts on that distance knowing full well that if I could reach it once, I could reach it again.

I practiced jogging this way until mid-October when I became terribly sick and was in bed for eight days. My cough lingered long after that. I didn’t jog. I was worried to test my lungs and dreaded the idea of starting over after having lost my momentum.

But that changed on Thanksgiving.

Although I was hosting, I found myself blessedly organized enough to get a workout in. And so I quickly got changed and tied on my sneakers before I could change my mind. Between my bedroom and the backdoor my thoughts considered how far I should go. Well, it’s your first jog post sickness so maybe just until you get tired?, one voice offered.  No, she should commit to a distance, but maybe only half of where she left off, another suggested.  Just walk and take it easy today.

As these thoughts lovingly battled it out in my brain, another voice rose above them, assertive but kind. You did it once. You can do it again.

And it was that reminder of my motivational mantra that propelled my feet to a new 2016 record despite not having jogged since mid-October. I felt glorious. Not just then, but for the rest of the day. I had never exercised on Thanksgiving before and I felt victorious. Not only did I exercise, but I once again went further than I had before.

This motivational mantra is comforting me today, too while I fast after an overindulgent extended weekend. I was discouraged and disappointed in myself last night, but today I am reminded: If I could do it once, I can do it again. I’ll get my weight back down and pick up where I left off, just like I did with jogging.

Please share: what motivational mantras do you repeat?

Today is a special day! Today marks the day that I have finally achieved something – something I have attempted and failed to accomplish countless times. Something that no matter how hard or how many times I tried, evaded me. But I never gave up! No, no I did not. And it is because of that practice and perseverance that today I am celebrating my 100th day cigarette-free. And it is glorious. I feel liberated and proud and I am giving myself credit and celebrating my achievement. That’s because our achievements and milestones are worth honoring.

No one, I repeat NO ONE, gets to decide what’s a big deal in our own lives except US. Many people may think that 100 days cigarette-free is no big feat. But I know it is! Because I know how hard this has been for me. I celebrate lots of things that most people probably don’t even think about, like going an entire work day without touching the potato chips on the kitchen table. Maybe it’s no big deal for most, but for me, that’s an eight hour endurance match against a tougher opponent. And you better believe that when I win, I give myself credit. Because I know how hard it was and I don’t invalidate things that hard for me, just because they may be easy for most people.

Quitting smoking has been really hard for me. 100 days is a new record for me and so I am celebrating. I will not diminish my achievement or hold off celebrating until I go a year. That’s because giving credit provides positive reinforcement and makes me feel good about my progress. It makes me want to keep going. It’s like, “Yeah, I got this!” The bigger deal I make of my success, the less likely I am to falter.

What are some of the struggles in your day to day life? What makes you feel like you kicked some ass? How can you celebrate those achievements?

I know I feel like a rock star when I get to my 5:45 AM yoga class, and when I don’t eat anything else for the rest of the night after dinner. Both things are pretty damn hard, so when I do them, I feel good! I give myself credit. I don’t talk down to myself anymore or make sarcastic comments like, “Took ya long enough!” or “Wow, great job doing what you should have been doing all along anyway.” Instead I say, “Nice job, Girl!”

I celebrate victories constantly. I give myself credit! A LOT! And you should too! Because we deserve credit and recognition from ourselves. It’s another way we can be a good, supportive friend to ourselves.

So in honor of my 100th day cigarette-free I took the above photo and am shouting from the proverbial mountain top that I AM 100 DAYS CIGARETTE-FREE!! I also bought myself four more succulents. The last time I bought them was in honor of my 100th blog post because that was a pretty cool thing worth honoring too. I like the symbolism of having a living, breathing thing to grow with me.

I’m proud of myself today. And I think I’m going to keep up the great work! (Pats self on back.)

Over the course of my wellness and recovery journey, I have developed many beneficial daily habits. For example, every day I make note of my happiest moment, answer a question provided in a daily journal, jot down a few lines about the day in a separate daily journal, and list three things I am most grateful for. I find that these habits combined help me to be more mindful and overall, much happier. This practice helps me take greater pleasure in the ordinary and find something special in every single day. It also helps to slow down time since I’m no longer living solely for life’s highlights.

Over the summer I had the idea to combine all these practices into one two year journal and publish it, so everyone can enjoy it. I am overjoyed to report that Questions For Life: Two Year Guided Daily Journal For Intentional Living is near completion and will be available for purchase soon.

From the journal: Do you ever reflect on life and feel like it’s all a blur? The Questions For Life two-year guided daily journal gets you in the habit of slowing down and reflecting on each day while getting to know yourself better by answering self-discovery questions. For each day there is space to reflect, express gratitude, capture your happiest moment, and answer a thought-provoking question. Completing the journal each day, which only takes a few minutes, will soon have you enjoying the simpler things in day to day life, living more intentionally and feeling happier!

This journal is designed so that you can start any time of the year. When you finish a full year, start over! Enjoy reading about the previous year and reflect on how much you’ve grown; see how your answers to the questions have (or haven’t) changed. The questions are intended to help you think about your life (What are you passionate about?), live creatively and pursue your dreams (Are you giving your goals the time they deserve?), evaluate relationships (What do you value most in a friendship?) reflect on whether you’re living with intention and purpose (Did you perform an act of kindness today?), and have some fun (What makes you laugh hardest?).

For anyone interested in slowing down, practicing daily reflection, evaluating their life, and living with intention – this journal is for you!

Can’t wait to start your practice? Join my mailing list now and you will receive November’s journal pages FREE.

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