Sitting playfully in six inches of saltwater, a beer in one hand and a book in the other, I turned my face up to the sun, smiled and thought to myself, life is good. It was an incredible day and I was at peace.

Taking a little break from paddleboarding, not a care in the world.

That was Friday.

But Saturday found me not once, but twice, sitting in my parked car in locations nearly 70 miles apart, sobbing. There was no peace.

How quickly things change.

A year ago I’d most likely have claimed the upsetting events of Saturday ruined my entire weekend, discrediting the joy and peace of Friday and casting a shadow over Sunday. But now I know better. Nothing can touch my Friday; it can never be altered. My days have explicit boundaries now.

As for Saturday, it was all my fault. I’m not going to go into what happened here. There were so many contributing factors, but in the end, the bottom line is that I did not mentally prepare and I went into the day with expectations. I was not compassionate, or forgiving, or patient, or the person I want to be. No matter what happened, I had the power to not let it affect me so greatly, regardless of how much I was weakened by other external circumstances. That is where I failed. The person I am trying to be/want to be and the person I was/am collided in a battle royale as my thoughts duked it out. My more practiced, more powerful, defensive angry self ate my weaker, gentler self for breakfast. Part of the later upset stemmed from fear. I hadn’t felt this angry and hopeless in a long time – the darkness inside me was menacing. As my thoughts darkened, my emotions strengthened, racking my body with turbulence.

“Your emotions are the slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions.” -Elizabeth Gilbert

Finally, the exhaustion of my eyelids from a day’s worth of squeezing tears down my cheeks got the best of me and I fell asleep, putting the day forever behind me. But not before I apologized.

Sunday the battle between old and new, negative and positive waged on with early points going to Gentle Jessica for rising early and sitting in her favorite chair with a book, and even making a healthy breakfast. Dejected Jessica made frequent appearances on the couch, mindlessly channel surfing, daydreaming of potato chips, and shedding the occasional tear.

I’d force myself up, accomplish a relatively small task, and find myself back on the couch. I used my judgement and had a guilt-free, albeit large lunch. Back to the couch. I forced myself to pull some weeds, clean out my car. Couch.

Finally, mid-afternoon in a herculean showing, I decided a hard workout at the gym was exactly what I needed. Furthermore, it would force me to shower. And if I was showered, why not go to weekly meditation group? If I was driving past Whole Foods on the way home, why not stop for some fresh produce to ensure a healthy start to the week? There was no reason why not, so I did all those things, proving to myself that I can move on; I CAN do what’s best for me.

Saturday may have gone to Dejected Jessica, but I took home the win on Sunday. Friday’s showing of bravery and athletic ability in the water, friendship, relaxation, laughter, and peace received a million points, breaking the tie.

Not every day will be good. What matters is that we value the good days and hold them in our hearts, and bounce back from the bad ones having learned a new lesson (or several). As for me, I learned that I can accept full responsibility for my actions and stop blaming others. Also, that I have the power to break the destructive cycle of giving in to misery and take steps to do what is best for me. I wouldn’t know these two things right now if I wasn’t given the opportunity to discover them.

Below is one of my favorite videos. I watched it for the first of many times last year and I always seem to come back to it. Have a watch – I’ll wait. (It’s under 3 minutes, which translates to .002% of 1 jellybean – well worth it, in my opinion).

I have been thinking a bit about time since my last post about using the KonMari method to discard possessions that do not bring me joy as laid out in The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Since that post, I have tackled my closets and completed the process of going through every article of clothing I own, a task incredibly worth what probably totaled one jellybean, but saved me dozens of jellybeans in time worth stressing over clothing and struggling to get dressed.

I have wasted lots of jellybeans. Fighting, yelling, crying, stressing… doing lots of things that do not bring me joy. The message of the book doesn’t only apply to possessions, but to life. It begs the question: if it doesn’t bring you joy, then why do it? We only have so many jellybeans… shouldn’t each one contain joy?

Like the video says, we spend on average 3,202 jellybeans working and 1,099 jellybeans commuting. My dear friend, Kathy who introduced me to this wonderful book, probably spends even more jellybeans commuting since she lives in Delaware and works in Philadelphia. For all those jellybeans, shouldn’t the job bring her joy?

Being that she is such a source of inspiration to me, I invited Kathy to share her thoughts on the subject:

Large or small, a victory is still a win, and winning is a wonderful thing. It’s nearly impossible for a win not to bring a smile to your lips and reinforce some sort of positive behavior like dedication, willpower, or practice. Be it your first home run, handstand, or eating your salad in the breakroom without indulging in the communal Doritos inches in front of you, these are victories. Victories that took effort on your part; victories that lead to something bigger.

A lot of people overlook small victories or play them down. That’s really unfortunate because they aren’t giving themselves enough credit. For example, I quit smoking on January 1, 2015. Every single day that my head hit the pillow without my having a cigarette was a victory that made me smile. I didn’t say, “It’s only been three days so far – no big deal.” I said, “I haven’t smoked in three days – can you believe it!?” and then did a little jig. All those days of small victories have added up and now I am still cigarette-free in April – a major victory. No matter what happens, as long as I keep this up, I can’t ever say I am a failure or that I achieved nothing this year. That alone is worth its weight in gold.

There is no reason to downplay small victories, because they really do add up. Some people want everything immediately and go so hard so fast. This is how people get hurt or why they quit – impatience or failure. Change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes 64 days to create a habit so whatever you want to do, be it running, quitting smoking, writing a novel, or changing your diet, it has to be sustainable for at least 64 days. It’s not uncommon for a writer who hasn’t written in a while to suddenly declare they are going to write 750 words a day for a month. Once they fall a few days behind, they’re faced with needing to write thousands of words to catch up. It’s overwhelming, and so they give up.

Anything worth working toward will most likely happen incrementally. When I started yoga I never thought I’d be able to close the gap between my face and leg in a seated forward bend. A few months ago I touched my nose to my left knee for a second. Now, I can bring my cheek to my knee and let it rest there. Soon, I hope to bring my forehead to the floor beside my knee.

I probably wouldn’t even still be practicing yoga if I had forced my nose to my knee in the beginning because I’d be injured, or I would have been overwhelmed by the work ahead of me and how long it would take and I’d have quit. Here I’d sit, wishing I could bring my nose to my knee, having given up on another dream. Time is going to pass regardless…

It took me a very long time to get my bachelor’s degree. When I finally enrolled at Saint Joseph’s University and decided to wrap this up once and for all, I calculated that I’d obtain my degree at age 31. That seemed such a long ways away. Then I remembered that I was going to turn 31 anyway, so it may as well be with a degree. And seven days before my 32nd birthday I graduated. From start to finish, the goal took 13 years to achieve. Every enrollment, every course, was a small victory that contributed to something grand.

So relish in your small victories. Every unsmoked cigarette, every passed up potato chip, every baseball or yoga practice, and every writing session is a victory. Pat yourself on the back, do a little jig, and smile at your accomplishment, for you are VICTORIOUS.

I always wanted to be a surfer. I was obsessed with surfing when I was younger, but I was 17 the last time I tried it. For 15 years I daydreamed about surfing again – rubbing my hand along the rails of boards in surf shops, sitting on surfing only beaches longing to be out in the line-up. Finally, at age 32, I had enough of the daydreaming and went surfing again.

I always wanted to be a real swimmer. I love to swim but didn’t feel comfortable getting into a pool and swimming laps due to my lack of proper form. Over the years, I checked out pools to join and never did. I’d gaze at the crystal clear water, longing to feel fluid as I skirted along the bottom. Finally, after the 2012 Summer Olympics, I had enough of the longing and signed up for private adult swim lessons at my gym to give me the boost of confidence I needed.

I always wanted to go kayaking. I had no kayak and no one to go with, so I sought both out. My very first kayaking trip many years ago was with a total stranger through the Pine Barrens of New Jersey and I loved it.

I always wanted to be a professional writer, so I joined a writing group and surrounded myself with writers, taking advantage of the wealth of knowledge provided. Not only have I met amazing people, but I have become a better writer, and had the pleasure of co-editing “Reading Glasses“, a collection of short stories, one of them my own. I am closer to my dream than ever before.

I always wanted to make sugar cookies, a seemingly small dream, I know, but still a dream. Every year I would research recipes, print them out and never make them. I think I was intimidated, but every year there was that nagging urge to make sugar cookies. Finally, I made them this past December. And they were wonderful.

What have you always wanted to do? Think about it for a moment.

I try to catch myself whenever I exclaim “I always wanted to do that!” and assess if it’s something I can go ahead and do.

I read an article recently where the author suggested bucket lists add pressure to our lives and increased sadness and regret. I disagree. I think it is important to be mindful of things we long to do or see, or places we long to go because when suffering the daily grind, it is easy to forget our dreams. A life without dreams is a life without goals, and that life seems very sad to me, indeed.

Many dreams, like making sugar cookies, only require a few dollars, a dedicated few hours of time, and some optimism. Is it possible that you, too have been delaying a very achievable dream from coming true?

As for the surfing, kayaking, and South Jersey Writers’ Group (SJWG), I had the help of Meetup. If you’re not familiar, Meetup is a website consisting of “meetups” for almost anything you can imagine all created by people like you and me who wanted to do something and wanted a group to do it with. When I went surfing last summer, I met up with two very nice strangers, one of whom had arranged rentals and a lesson. All I had to do was show up. The same with the kayaking. The organizer lent me the use of a spare kayak and instructed me. Meetup is also where I found the SJWG and I cannot imagine my life without this amazing network of people.

If not having someone to do something with has been holding you back, then you no longer have an excuse. If by some chance there isn’t a meetup for what you want to do, then start one. I am certain there is someone out there who wants to do what you do. If money has been holding you back, then save.

Last summer, going surfing, I was literally living one of my dreams. Writing this blog and having so many wonderful readers, I am living one of my dreams. Next weekend I will make sugar cookies again and I will be living one of my dreams. Every time I drop into the pool, peel my swim cap over my head, adjust my goggles and push off the wall, I am living a dream.

What dream will you decide to realize today?

Life is a lot like yoga; one long pose. In yoga, it is very important to check in with yourself. Are you aligned properly? Are you breathing? Can you reach a little further, or should you pull back? Is your forehead furrowed? Are you smiling?

Nearly 20% into 2015, I think it is a good time to check in and make adjustments. There is still so much time for corrections to be made. And on the other hand, enough time has passed that maybe you need to take a moment to smile at your accomplishments.

Going back to my New Year post, the following were my goals for 2015:

I am going to continue on this journey, learning and growing, wherever it takes me. This includes practicing compassion, bravery, opening my heart, letting go, living in the moment, and ultimately working toward being a gentler, happier and more peaceful woman.

I live and breathe this goal. If I had a personal mission statement, this would be it. It is also almost impossible to gauge in terms of failure and successes. I can only say with 100% truth that I am learning, in every way imaginable. After cracking the nut on my suffering, I often feel fragile. I am seeing more, feeling more, contemplating more. I have literally opened myself up to this. Gone are the days of denial and ignorance and blind acceptance. Some days I feel really sad; understanding can be heart-breaking. But I rather feel this, and everything else I am feeling, than go back to how I felt last year.

Every night I am going to write down my single happiest moment of the day and drop it into my Happiness Jar in order to practice living in the moment, self-awareness, and also so that I do not forget these amazing moments.

Although there were days that I needed to get caught up, I am happy to report that my happiest moment of every day so far in 2015 is on a folded up piece of paper in my happiness jar. It is comforting. It helps me practice living more consciously, and to be more appreciative of my daily gifts. There have been a few days, like yesterday unfortunately, where I felt certain that I experienced not one happy moment. From start to finish it was just one of those days filled with struggle and heartache. But I got through it. Simply reminding myself that my success rate for getting through terrible, no good, very bad days is still 100% helped. That thought brought me a little bit of peace and made its way onto a scrap of paper. I also have Cooper’s enthusiastic greeting to fall back on, something that always warms my heart. The happiness jar was a wonderful decision.

I am going to practice yoga and meditation more consistently.

I have certainly practiced more this year than last. Certainly room for more practice, though. I do love it very much. The positive effects of both are instantaneous.

I am going to lose weight! The goal is 56 pounds. I am also going to STOP counting calories. I have been doing it for five years and have gained weight. It clearly is no longer working. Time to let go of the wall, trust my knowledge, and stop obsessing over food.

I have lost 8 pounds so far this year. Is that where I wanted to be by now? No, not at all.

It has been one of the coldest February’s in New Jersey on record, making getting out of bed at 5:00 am for the gym more difficult than usual. I was also sick for a third of the month. Are these excuses? Yes, absolutely. The word “excuse” in this context has a very negative connotation. I hate excuses. I’m sort of a no-excuse, no nonsense kind of woman. It doesn’t mean though that there isn’t some validity in my excuses. I am practicing being more loving and gentle to not only others, but myself. That being said, yes, it was cold, and yes, I was sick, but I could have done better. And although I could have done better, I am still proud of myself for losing 8 pounds, because that should not be diminished. So I will use “excuse” in its other context too and say: I acknowledge that I did the best I could and excuse myself for not having achieved more weight loss so far this year. I will try harder the remaining months of the year.

I am going to quit smoking cigarettes once and for all! This habit is not in line whatsoever with the person I want to be.

On 12/31/14, I was a smoker. It was also the last day I was a smoker. I haven’t touched a cigarette in any way, shape, or form since 2014, and even if this turns out to be my only achievement this year, I could live with that because this is an enormous, life-changing victory. I never loved myself much, and that makes me sad. But quitting smoking has been an act of pure love; it has nothing to do with anyone, but me, and what I decided to do for me. I like the way it feels and I know my future me’s eyes are watering with pride and gratitude looking at present me.

I love you, too, future me.

Submit three stories, essays, etc. to professional publications.

Wrapping up a freelance editing job, then working on my first article.

Tighten/re-evaluate my finances and spending – live more frugally.

This was my goal, and quite fortuitously, the Minimalism Game just reinforced it and took it a step further. I played all of January and February and tossed/recycled/donated/sold a grand total of 902 items! You can read more about my experience here.

Minimalism and frugality go hand in hand and tossing so many items helped me become much more choosy about what I spend my money on and bring into my house. I am doing very well living within my means, thank you very much.

This is where I’m at and I’m good with it. I feel no need to remove a goal or add another one at this time. Life has recently thrown me a few more challenges and I need to listen to my body. Yin Yoga has taught me a lot about extending just enough. In yin yoga, you hold poses for five minutes, with the goal being to deepen into each posture over time. Start out too strong and you will experience pain and need to ease off. You want to ease into the posture, opening your joints slowly, only taking on more when you’re ready.

If you feel ready to deepen into the posture known as life, please know that you don’t have to wait for a new year, a new month, new week or even a new day to make goals or self-correct. You can quit smoking right this moment, you can start a happiness jar today, you can [insert any of 10 million possible goals here].

Whatever your goals may be, just remember to check in with yourself, and to make adjustments where necessary.

I thrive when I accomplish lots of little things every day and pro-actively work toward my goals. I am at my best when I am exercising regularly, eating right, organized and prepared, and my house is neat. I feel good physically and mentally; my days are full, long and productive. I could remove trash from all the oceans with a pool skimmer, given the time and resources.

I had been on a fairly consistent roll for 2015, until I hit my first heavy hurdle that appeared in the form of a nine day sickness. I fought valiantly, but was defeated, and left laid out exhausted with sinus pain that made the simple act of seeing difficult.

In the big scheme of things, this is a small hurdle, I know. Hurdles come in all shapes, sizes and durations, but they are all setbacks and have the potential to cause us to slow down, back up, trip, or severely fall. Getting up again after a hurdle can be really challenging because while you’re holding your skinned knee, eyes clenched, whistling through your teeth in pain, a mountain grows in front of you. All the tasks, e-mails, looming deadlines, laundry, mess, missed workouts and unhealthy convenience foods create a ball that rolls through the days you’re sitting on the bench. It grows bigger, attracting every single thing you wanted to do, but didn’t, until this giant ball of crap blocks out the sun and a shadow falls over you and you feel defeated, not even knowing where to begin to climb this thing so you just walk away, shoulders slumped.

Sound familiar? Broken hearts, sicknesses, losses, failures, arguments, injuries, stresses – all hurdles that destroy momentum, all with the power to form mountains.

After nine days of sickness, fortunately there was no mountain, but a hill for me to climb. Damnit, I thought to myself, I had been doing so well! It was after that thought that I realized that getting sick was no failure on my part. Even if it was, big deal, shit happens. I realized the first step up the hill was to forgive myself for its creation. My hill formed because I was sick, and taking care of ME, saying “no” to commitments and people, which has always been hard for me, taking Nyquil at 7:00 pm and going to bed; putting ME and my well-being first, so I could recuperate as fast as possible.

I think this is where most of us fail. We allow guilt and defeat to bury us after our setbacks. Forgive yourself. It’s not like you tripped walking in a straight line. You tripped taking on a hurdle, and they can be pretty damn high! At least you were in the race!

After you forgive yourself, try to set time aside to start working on getting caught up. Go grocery shopping, get a workout in even if all you do is walk on the treadmill, commit to tasks in 45 minute chunks and switch the laundry in between each one. Start small, and most importantly, be patient and gentle with yourself. You may not be as strong or as energetic as you were before you stumbled. That’s okay – you got to that point once and you can get there again.

This is exactly what I’m doing, being mindful not to overdo it or put too much pressure on myself. I tackled a few things and am still getting caught up. I understand it will most likely take the rest of the week to get there.

Mountains are only looming when you’re looking up at them from a distance. Once you’re on one, you see there is a clearly marked trail to follow and you can no longer see how high it is. Before you know it, you’ve covered great distance.

I wasn’t in the best mood yesterday afternoon. Originally, I had plans to go home, experiment with zucchini noodles for a low-carb vegetarian dinner and then go to yoga class. I could just feel those plans slipping away in a fog of ambivalence as I sat annoyed for no particularly good reason. Visions of pajamas, pizza, bad television and an early bed time danced seductively across my mind.

I have often been a slave to my mood, allowing it to cancel my plans, dictate my behavior, control the foods I ate. Yesterday was no exception. That was until four one-syllable words burst through the voices of defeat and indolence, loud and clear.

I have a choice.

I almost laughed, as a joyful calm came over me. I can turn it around right now.

I thought of all the hours, evenings, DAYS I had wasted being pissed off or in a funk, riding it out because nothing happened to warrant a shift in my mood or make me feel better. I had forfeited my right to choose, giving in to negativity. But all along I could have simply chosen to feel better.

In no time, I was looking forward to my evening.

I arrived home and was harshly reminded by my discomfort that the heat was still broken. The thermostat read 52 degrees. My warm bed was very inviting.

I have a choice.

Then my husband informed me that the water was currently off while the heat was being repaired.

Annoyed. Pizza. Bed.

“The Brita is full. We have some water,” he said.

I chose to cook.

After dinner, my bones achy from the cold, I crawled in to bed with a magazine.

Is this it for today? Is this your choice, or are you just cold?

I got out of bed, did laundry and cleaned up.

Feeling more accomplished, I climbed back in to bed and made the choice to spend the rest of the night playing on Pinterest, another excellent choice.

This morning, I made the choice to get up at 4:45 am and go to the gym. Afterward, grateful for my wonderful new mantra, I decided to meditate and begin the empowerment of my mala.

A mala is basically prayer beads that come in either necklace or bracelet form, made up of materials and colors that represent the characteristics the wearer seeks. A dear friend gave one to me several months ago. To use a mala, you meditate on your mantra reciting it for each bead, empowering it with your mantra so that when worn or placed on others, it can transfer the power of the mantra. This meditation is done every day for 40 days. I hadn’t done it because I didn’t have a mantra.

Incense and candles burning, music playing, I took my mala in my hand and began to meditate on my choices, reciting my mantra as each cool bead passed between my fingertips.

I have a choice in how I feel.
I have a choice in what I say.
I have a choice in what I eat.
I have a choice in how I behave.
I have a choice in what I think.
I have a choice in what I do.
I have a choice…
I have a choice…
I have a choice…
I have a choice.

Happy New Year!! I absolutely adore new years! The hope, the fresh start, the clean slate… New Year’s Day is my favorite holiday. Not New Year’s Eve, which in my opinion is one last day to enjoy vices, go to an early dinner for one last hurrah, watch a movie and go to bed. But New Year’s Day – a day of rebirth! This is the time of year where it is okay to NOT live in the present, but to reflect and plan. And I do love planning…

Before I get into that though, I want to share with you that Christmas was really wonderful, and I type this with watering eyes. If you read my Christmas post you know that my approach was to have zero expectations. I want to tell you that I was successful and that my family that was present had a lovely, low-key day. My mother was extraordinary and said that not having any pressure “made all the difference in the world.” We all needed it and we now have this memory of a peaceful Christmas in our hearts because we all let go of expectations and attachments of what it should be, and just let it be. This is a lesson I will carry far beyond Christmas.

This was a wonderful ending to a really challenging year. Like in any year, there are highs and lows. I finally graduated Saint Joseph’s University in May and was a commencement speaker, which was an incredibly proud moment in my life. But the road to graduation was a long, hard one. I co-edited a collection of short stories that was published in September, but the project involved far more time, unforeseen headaches and stress than I had ever imagined. In March I developed a terrible and consistent pain and after lots of testing I was ultimately diagnosed with an auto immune disease to which there is no cure. The majority of 2014 I was drowning in a sea of emotional and physical pain that I didn’t know how to handle. Several of my relationships suffered. I gained a lot of weight. I was losing myself.

Something had to change and that something was me. My obligations let up and I could finally breathe. My physical pain miraculously disappeared overnight. I finally had a chance to reflect and think about what I wanted. And that was when I cracked the nut on my suffering, and began this incredible journey. The night really is darkest before the dawn. The last few months of 2014 have been my dawn.

In that darkness, however, were also incredibly bright stars that lit up my dim world, and for those people and moments that kept me going, I am incredibly grateful. While some relationships suffered, others were forged and/or strengthened. I consider myself very fortunate to have such supportive and wonderful people in my life. Also, I finally got back on a surfboard after wanting to do so for fourteen years. Did I mention I graduated!?!

2014 was a year of many lessons and lots of learning, like not to overextend myself; to make sure I have “me” time for writing, reading, creating, LIVING, and more time for the people who are most important to me. 2014, I thank you for all the gifts you gave me; the good and the bad, the happy and sad, all the lessons and love and the role you played in my journey. I wish you sweet dreams.

2015, I welcome you enthusiastically! I have big plans for you! Here is what I have in mind:

1. I am going to continue on this journey, learning and growing, wherever it takes me. This includes practicing compassion, bravery, opening my heart, letting go, living in the moment, and ultimately working toward being a gentler, happier and more peaceful woman.

2. Every night I am going to write down my single happiest moment of the day and drop it into my Happiness Jar in order to practice living in the moment, self-awareness, and also so that I do not forget these amazing moments.

3. I am going to practice yoga and meditation more consistently.

4. I am going to lose weight! The goal is 56 pounds. I am also going to STOP counting calories. I have been doing it for five years and have gained weight. It clearly is no longer working. Time to let go of the wall, trust my knowledge, and stop obsessing over food.

5. I am going to quit smoking cigarettes once and for all! This habit is not in line whatsoever with the person I want to be.

6. Submit three stories, essays, etc. to professional publications.

7. Tighten/re-evaluate my finances and spending – live more frugally.

I am optimistic, excited, nervous. Change is on the horizon – I can feel it. And I don’t know what form it will take.

I wish you all a peaceful and happy new year. Thank you so much for being a part of my journey. What are your goals for the new year? Any traditions you care to share?

All of our bodies have a weight at which it is most comfortable. This is called a set-point weight. We may not be comfortable at that weight and want to gain or lose some, but our body has adapted to life at that weight so it wants to stay there. It likes what it knows. The same goes for happiness. We all have a baseline level of happiness that fluctuates depending on our experiences. Eventually though, that level of happiness finds its way back to where it is most comfortable. To change either of these baselines takes consistency, discipline, and patience.

There are weeks when I exercise nearly every day, eat nothing but the right foods in the right quantities, and lose weight. Then I go out to dinner and splurge a little and like a rubber band, my weight stretches right back to its set-point weight, to the ounce. I am so used to seeing this particular number digitally displayed on the scale when I weigh myself on Friday mornings that I find myself shouting, “of course!” I’m not above giving it a swift kick either.

Happiness, on the other hand, is determined by one’s state of mind more than by external events. Pleasures like sex or enjoying a double bacon cheeseburger, or successes like promotions or completing a project, result in temporary feelings of elation, just like tragedies send us into periods of depression. But these emotions are outliers and sooner or later we all return to our overall baseline level of happiness; where we are most comfortable.

Psychologists call this process adaptation, and it is at work in our lives every day. An argument with a friend may send us into a foul mood, and a special gift may put us in a great mood, but within a few days, our spirits rebound up or down to our customary level of happiness. Research shows that this is the case even for lottery winners or terminal cancer patients, after an appropriate adjustment period.

Changing our weight is hard, sometimes really hard, but we know that it can be done. According to His Holiness the Dalai Lama, there are steps we can take to work with the “mind factor” to enhance our feelings of happiness. This is because our moment-to-moment happiness is largely determined by our outlook. Whether we are feeling happy or unhappy has little to do with our absolute conditions, but rather it is a function of how we perceive our situation and how satisfied we are with what we have.

Our feelings of contentment are strongly influenced by our tendency to compare. We compare our current situations to past situations, we compare ourselves to others, our current salary to what we think having a larger one would be like. Constant comparison with those who we think are smarter, thinner, or wealthier breeds envy, frustration and unhappiness. But we can use this principle in a positive way and increase our feeling of life satisfaction by comparing ourselves to those who are less fortunate than us and by reflecting on all the things we have.

Using my weight as an example, I do compare myself to women who are thinner and feel envious over the clothes they can wear that I can’t. Using comparison in a positive way, I can alleviate my frustrations and envy while working toward my weight loss goals by remembering that all over the world there are people who are starving. My weight indicates that I have access to an abundance of food, and the means to purchase it. That is a blessing.

Like changing your set point weight, changing your baseline level of happiness requires going out of your comfort zone, literally. It requires a change in thinking. An end to thinking about what we don’t have, and the start of focusing on what we do; an end to thinking about those who have more than us, and the start of thinking of those who have less.

This change in thinking will result in many positives, including an overall greater happiness.