July was a slippery tightrope on which I could not get a firm grip despite my efforts. Obligations battled for attention, sickness sidelined me, pressures built, and schedules filled. As so often happens when I’m overwhelmed, a critical component of my well being suffered: my health. But rather than write off an entire month, I’m trying something different. I’m giving myself credit where it’s due, identifying areas for improvement, and most importantly, examining where I lost my balance in life so I can maintain it next time a strong wind blows.

Where I Lost My Balance

It’s a shame that the first thing to suffer when life gets hectic is most often ourselves. I can count on one hand the number of times I exercised in July. I barely meditated. I hardly cooked. I bought lunch and takeout when I didn’t need to, spending money I didn’t want to and consuming food I hadn’t planned to.

One day in the middle of the month I felt an urgent need to reset. I was inspired and energized, so I wrote “How to Reset Body and Mind to Feel Better Instantly.”

My reset lasted one day.

I was unable to follow my own formula, which has worked countless times. And so I struggled two more weeks, hopping on and falling off the tightrope until I was exhausted and defeated.

Coincidentally, the winds have died just in time for a new month. I am firmly planted on my rope and feel balanced. Before I take a step, however, I think it is important to examine where I lost my balance. I have my friend, Robin Renee to thank for that. You see, she commented on my post about resetting with words of wisdom that resonated with me:

“I try to notice, gently, what led me off the path. When I notice consciously that I am overeating out of nervousness or emotional upset, it’s a little easier to stop and make a better choice. If I find I am being reactionary out of anger directed at self or other, I might take the first steps toward looking at the underlying issue rather than punishing myself by being inactive or something similar. To do that kind of self-reflection, while being kind to myself regardless of what I find, is a practice that has seen me through a lot in recent years.”

I didn’t manage to do this in the throes of July’s chaos. But since stress and life is certain to keep happening, Robin has helped me to realize that the best way to prevent losing balance in the future is to “notice, gently” what led me off my rope. Did I stumble for the sake of stumbling? Am I weak and undisciplined? Am I a failure?

No.

First of all, June depleted me physically, emotionally and mentally as I was consumed with achieving my weight loss goal. I needed some time to recuperate and take it easy and so I allowed that for myself.

But then I got sick with an upper respiratory infection. I was so miserable that my cravings for comfort in the form of food came out in full force. I was not strong or well enough to resist them. And so for nearly an entire week I slept, binge-watched Vikings, and ate whatever I wanted.

After that, things were just… full… and I struggled to gain my footing since so many things required my attention. Keep in mind that not everything was necessarily bad. In addition to the tough stuff a lot of significant and positive things happened. It was just a lot. The rest of the month felt like one long uphill climb. Each obligation, social event, and appointment was a checkpoint I was relieved to cross. Time off was hard to come by, and so I used it to sit and rest (and eat) rather than reset.

Areas For Improvement

I do not say any of this to make excuses. I’m simply “noticing.” There is a learning opportunity here, which is why I’m reflecting. The first step to doing better is to understand where I went wrong.

I see now that next time I do something particularly taxing, I need to plan close-ended recovery time. Next time I get sick, I must remember to stock up with “healthy” comfort food since even sickness is no deterrent to my appetite. And if my schedule gets too full, I need to find windows for rest, but also windows for self-care, even if that means rescheduling some things.

Clearly, I still have work to do understanding and prioritizing my priorities. My health is a high priority, yet my actions don’t reflect that when life gets full. I must prioritize my diet, exercise and well-being regardless of the winds life kicks up. 

Giving Credit Where It’s Due

I struggled this past July and I lost my balance in life. But with that being said, I see great progress in how I handled a difficult month. Despite falling off my rope, I continued to step back on even if I only held my balance a few hours before stumbling again. Three years ago I would have cut the rope and burned it.

Throughout it all, I didn’t smoke a cigarette and celebrated my one-year cigarette-free-versary on July 23. Although my eating was poor, I made better bad choices. And although this past month affected my relationship with my self, it didn’t spread farther than that. It didn’t leave me emotionally erratic or cause tension in any of my other relationships. This is a tremendous victory.

I am a work in progress and like everyone else, I’m doing the best I can. My performance this past July was my best. But now after reflecting on where I stumbled, I feel confident that with practice I will continue to improve my balancing skills.

Hitting my June 30 weight loss goal took a lot out of me. Not one day after marking that accomplishment, other stressors and projects that required my attention consumed my last bit of energy. Once I made it through the remaining hurdles, I felt a well deserved break was in order. And so I took it easy and relaxed. And then three days after getting back on track, I got derailed by some sort of summer cold I’m still battling. Now half of July is gone. I haven’t gone to yoga in ages and haven’t hit my daily goal of 11,000 steps since July 2. I feel weak. I’ve been eating like crap. I can’t believe how quickly things went off track. I desperately need a reset and decided that today is the day for it. Luckily for me, I know exactly how to reset body and mind to get me feeling better.

Do you need a reset, too? Maybe you’re getting over being ill, or have been bogged down by anxiety and stress, or maybe just have been derailed by competing obligations? Whatever your reason for needing a reset, keep reading for seven simple ways to reset your body and mind to get you feeling better by bed time. They’re the exact things I’m doing today.

1. Drink water

Stop what you’re doing and go drink water. Seriously, stop. If your bottle of water is nearby, take a long chug. If it’s not, get up right now and fill a tall glass and drink it down. Water is crucial to our well being and many of us don’t get enough. My water consumption is one of the many things that suffers when I’m not on top of my game. So this morning I filled two 32 oz. bottles with water and the juice of two lemons. I drank both by 4:00 pm and will drink at least one more before bed.

In my opinion, drinking water is the simplest thing we can all do on a daily basis to help us feel better. Water flushes out toxins, aids digestion and increases regularity. It boosts the immune system, reduces headaches and improves skin complexion. And it generally helps you feel more energized. There is no acceptable reason whatsoever to deny yourself water. So please, do it for yourself.

2. Get some exercise

And I don’t mean next week. I mean today (or at least tomorrow if it’s already late in the day). Exercise is another excellent free thing that helps us to feel better almost instantly. I’ve hit my first exercise slump in ages and let me tell you, I feel awful; weak, irritable, fatigued. I am at the point of craving exercise.

With this nasty cough, I won’t go for a jog or even a walk (it’s far too humid). But I will finally do thirty minutes of light yoga to begin to ease my body back into a practice and loosen up my joints that have gotten used to the couch the past week.

For those of you who don’t exercise regularly, I know how hard it can be to begin. But it’s all you have to do. Just begin. Go for a ten minute walk if that’s all you feel you can do right now. Every little bit counts and will get those endorphins flowing.

3. Eat something nutritious

We’ve been eating a lot of takeout and junk lately in my house, largely because I haven’t felt well. When I don’t feel well, I seek easy comfort food even though it’s the worst thing for me.

Despite not feeling well, the thought of eating more junk makes me feel nauseous. And so I’m making the dinner I was too tired and ill to make yesterday. It’s a pasta dish with chicken loaded with mushrooms and asparagus with a bit of goat cheese melted throughout. I enjoy cooking very much and am excited to sit down at the table to “real” food.

No food in the house or no time to cook? Choose the lesser of the take-out evils. Maybe that’s a soup or salad from a fast food chain, or a turkey sub/hoagie from (insert beloved convenience store/deli here – mine is Wawa). It may require a little extra effort, but there are more options than greasy chinese, pizza or cheeseburgers. Find something good for you and your body will thank you for it.

3. Plan your food

Think about the rest of today and tomorrow, too. I know I have some cherries that have seen better days so I’ll mix them with some oats, yogurt, chia seeds, almond milk, raw almonds, and a drizzle of honey. Voila – cherry overnight oats for the next four days. I’ll also defrost some wheat bread for a peanut butter sandwich and maybe hard boil some eggs, and see what else I can dig up in order to prevent buying lunch.

Just see what you have and get creative. Or better yet, run to the store if you have time, but whip up a quick meal plan and list first.

No food and no time? Again, planning ahead can prevent you from making decisions you may later regret. When we’re hungry and irritable, we tend to get amnesia and find ourselves reaching for the most convenient source of energy. By planning ahead, you allow the space to remember better options like Panera, Chipotle (burrito bowl/salad), or even Whole Foods which has plenty of seating and a gorgeous prepared foods bar.

The point is not to wait until you’re hangry to think about what to eat.

4. Straighten up/get organized

I don’t know about you, but if my environment is cluttered, my mind is cluttered and I don’t function well. Take some time to straighten up and get organized. Throw in a load of wash if you need work clothes or towels, do the dishes… just get things to a less stressful level. You’re not aiming for immaculate – just orderly. And try to stay focused on the major living areas and surfaces. Other areas are not at all a priority. This is NOT the time to clean out the linen closet or medicine cabinet (unless you find yourself completely energized to do so!)

5. Make a to-do list

Getting back on the wagon usually means facing things you’ve neglected that require your attention. Free-write a to-do list. Just write down anything and everything you can think of whether you need to do it tomorrow or next month. Just get it from your head to the paper. You can re-order it later. The goal for now is simply to get it out of your head.

6. Ask yourself: What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

Now that you’ve drank your water, exercised, eaten something healthy, straightened up and made a to-do list, you should be feeling exponentially better in body and mind! Maybe it’s time to wash up for bed or call it a night and settle in for last night’s Game of Thrones premiere on the DVR. Awesome! You did great!

But if there’s still time or you want more, then ask yourself today (or tomorrow morning): What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

As for me, I would like to watch another episode of my current binge-watching pleasure, Vikings. But the truth is that I’ve been doing too much of that lately. I gave myself permission to take a break from blogging. But now the break’s over and getting back to work is what will make me feel better. And so instead of hanging out on the couch, I am at my desk writing this blog post.

Vikings isn’t going anywhere.

But if the most important thing you can do right now feels too big or overwhelming or is also the source of your stress (I’ve been there!), then please go on to the next question.

7. Ask yourself: What is one small step I can take right now to get the ball rolling?

Earlier this month I had to prepare for an important meeting. It was a significant source of stress for me and I completely procrastinated until I literally could not procrastinate anymore. Finally, with tears in my eyes, I just… began. First, I sat at my desk. Next, I turned on my computer. Third, I set my timer and committed to sixty minutes of effort. Next, I pulled out my notes, and so it went…

Thirty minutes in, problems began to resolve themselves, ideas came to me, and the preparation began to come together. The stress and anxiety melted away.

If all you can do right now is make a list or a phone call, write one email, or Google something, then that’s all you need do! Do that thing you identified and be proud of yourself for getting started.

To begin, just begin.

Not sure where to begin? Start at the beginning and go drink some water. It helps, I promise.

It’s no accident that this list of how to reset body and mind started with water, exercise and food. You can not begin to feel better in mind without first feeling better in body. The brain is a muscle and does not operate without the cooperation of the body. So do these things in order and you will be on your way to feeling better in no time.

What would you add to this list? I’d love to hear from you.

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Well everyone, I did it! I lost 40 pounds in six months and met my HealthyWage deadline in the nick of time!

I feel wonderful! But I have to admit, those last two weeks were a real struggle, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I still have a ways to go, too. But when I look at those two photos side by side, I feel incredibly accomplished and proud.

Everyone’s support has been invaluable! I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement, positive reinforcement, and all around great energy. It took a village, and I could not have done this without you. THANK YOU.

Inspiration

I’ve been told many times since I posted my victory photo that I am inspiring. That is an incredible thing to hear, and something I do not take lightly. I know better than anyone how difficult substantial weight loss can be. And many people have since emailed me with one question, often written exactly like this:

HOW?!?!?!?!

Like so many others struggling with their weight, I truly feel that I have tried everything. So it’s no surprise to me that people think I may have some secret method they haven’t tried before. The fact is that I don’t. I have been writing about my weight loss journey here for some time now. But it is true that I have had great success with specific tools. So I evaluated all that I’ve done and all that has helped me over the past several months so I could tell you how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

10 Things I Attribute Most to My Weight Loss

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I know it may be risky to start with this, but please don’t stop reading. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has changed everything for me, and so deserves the top spot on my list. In the simplest terms, CBT is a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns. It may sound technical, but it’s not. CBT helped me to identify and understand the destructive thought patterns I was literally trapped in, especially when it came to food and ideas around my body and weight. Read my post Cognitive Therapy for Weight Loss for more information and to see this process at work.

I am absolutely convinced now that true, lasting weight loss must start in the brain. How can we possibly repair our bodies without repairing our thought patterns and habits first?

2. Competition: Fitbit Workweek Hustles

I am a competitive person. Knowing this about myself, I use it to my advantage. I love my Fitbit and diligently track my steps. The first week of January my friend, the talented writer, Glenn Walker invited me to a weekly Fitbit challenge called a Workweek Hustle where up to ten challengers compete for bragging rights. One week of friendly competition turned into six full months! Every week (and many weekends in the Weekend Warrior) a group of Fitbit “friends” compete for a virtual trophy, monitor each other’s progress, and talk a little smack. It has kept me active and getting more than my fair share of daily steps.

Many thanks to my friendly Fitbit community!

3. HealthyWage (Financial incentives)

Last December I made a bet with HealthyWage in order to utilize the power of financial incentives. I honestly don’t think I would have hit that forty pound goal if it weren’t for the $1,548 prize pot at stake. Check out my post Betting on Myself with a Drastic HealthyWager for more details on HealthyWage. And if you sign up for a HealthyWager of your own using this referral link, an extra $40 will be added to each of our prize pots.

4. Meticulous meal planning and preparation

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Without my meal plan, I am a sailor at sea without a map. And so every weekend I take the time to meticulously meal plan for the week ahead, including breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It keeps me organized, minimizes stress around food, and prevents unplanned and last minute calls for takeout. (As an added bonus, meal planning also saves us money and prevents food waste. A meal plan makes creating a grocery list a breeze. No more guesswork or buying anything that goes unused.)

5. The support of friends and family

You know those days when you’re really being good and eating well, and then your husband suggests pizza and mozzarella sticks for dinner? Or a girlfriend calls you up and invites you out for wine and nachos?

Me, too… but not these past few months. That’s because my husband, Mike, family and friends have been incredibly supportive and mindful of my goal and desire to eat healthy. Incredibly so!

For example, a few weeks ago I was shredding cauliflower for a cauliflower crust pizza, when Mike said he was going to order his own pizza. I burst into tears. No, it was not an appropriate response, and not fair to Mike, but I couldn’t help it (like I said, weight loss is an emotional journey, too.) I was instantly terrified and didn’t know how I would resist the temptation of his delicious white flour crust pizza next to my cauliflower one.

“Okay, okay,” he said. “I don’t want to eat that though,” he said pointing at the mountain of cauliflower “snow.” “What if I order a wrap? Will that be better for you?” It was, and he did.

When Philadelphia Restaurant Week came around this past winter, Kathy declined my invitation to our traditional lunch.

“You know,” she wrote, “I have given this a lot of thought, even before your fitness/weight loss challenge. And I am going to decline. I will though, include a challenge: let’s look at the menus and see if we can recreate, with healthy/light ingredients some of our favorite dishes. We can recreate restaurant week, and still meet our fitness goals.”

I was so surprised, and then disappointed. Restaurant Week only comes twice a year! I expressed my disappointment, but reluctantly agreed. As usual, she responded with greater wisdom:

“This is where we compare and prioritize what we really want; and make the grown-up choices of how to choose the path that gets us to where we REALLY want to end up in the long term. Is it going to be disappointing along the way as we have to say goodbye to choices we otherwise would have made? Hell yes, darling. That is the pain of being human. I do know though, that God does reward us tenfold; we just never can see it until later. Proud of you!!”

See what I mean about support!?! I consider myself extremely fortunate.

And those are only two of hundreds of examples. It’s my Mom baking me sweet potatoes instead of white; friends running restaurants past me when making plans; my friend, Suzanne picking a place for happy hour that has awesome custom salads; Mike eating what I eat (99% of the time); people giving me the space and time to make good decisions, non-judgement, compassion…

I could NOT have done this without that support and patience and LOVE. Every single one of the most important people in my life wanted me to succeed. And they all did their part to help make it happen.

I wish I could name everyone who was supportive of this challenge personally, but there are far too many of you. Please know that I noticed, and that I appreciate you.

6. No junk food in the house

I could convince myself all day I’ve learned enough and am now strong enough to keep “treats” in the house. Maybe I am, but I see no reason to test myself. All I’d be doing is tempting myself. And decision fatigue happens. Shitty days happen. And it’s best that I don’t have something to reach for in those moments of weakness.

And so I don’t keep junk food in the house. It’s that simple.

7. The adoption of a simple philosophy: “Eat real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.”

Author and activist Michael Pollan wrote that. I have finally succeeded in being turned off by artificial (toxic) foods, flavors, and colorings. If it was made in a plant and has more than ten ingredients, many of which I can’t pronounce, I DON’T EVEN WANT IT. That includes you, Doritos. There are healthier alternatives. Organic non-gmo popcorn sprinkled with nutritional yeast; salt and vinegar potato chips made with only four ingredients, including healthier oil; real ice cream made with real cream… Our food has gotten so far from actual food that it literally turns my stomach. I don’t want it anymore. I’ll take the real food, thank you.

And so that is precisely how and what I eat: real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.

I love to cook, fortunately. I admit that certainly gives me a slight advantage. Our meals consist of real food every day, and yes, lunch and dinner is mostly vegetables. I am also mindful of portion sizes after years of weighing, measuring, and counting calories (which I no longer feel the need to do.) Something I learned the French say has also helped prevent me from eating too much. They don’t use “hungry” and “full” the way we do here in the states, as if there are two only options. They use “hungry” and “without hunger.” That stuck with me. And so now I always try never to eat until I am full and uncomfortable. I eat until I am without hunger.

8. Tracking

I gave up calorie counting several years ago after years of dutifully doing it and seeing no results. I concluded it doesn’t work for me long term and causes me stress. If it works for you, then cool, keep doing it. What does work for me, however, is food journaling. I write down everything I eat every day, as well as my exercise, and I assign myself a grade from A+ through F based on a personal rubric I designed. I calculate an average GPA at the end of every month. (Data nerd, remember?) As you may imagine, this recovering perfectionist strives for A’s and B’s.

Call this the accountability factor. If I eat it, I write it down. And I don’t want some late night binge dragging down my entire GPA.

9. Daily weigh-ins

I weigh myself every single day. And I recently wrote a post 7 Reasons Why I Weigh Myself Every Day, so I will direct you to that for more on why this has been so beneficial.

10. Yoga

It has pained me to give up yoga these past few weeks as I cut my calories so much during crunch time that I didn’t have the strength for class. Now that I have taken the weekend to rest and eat and regain my strength, I am eager to get back to yoga.

Yoga has taught me so much about my body, its limits, and its capabilities. Yoga has helped me feel strong and empowered. Next to walking, it is my favorite form of exercise. Probably because it is so much more than exercise. It is an experience of body, mind and spirit. I enjoy seeing how far my body has come, and what it can now do that it recently could not.

So there you have it. That’s in large part how I lost 40 pounds in six months. My advice: keep trying tips, methods, programs, and tricks until you discover what works for YOU. Tell people your goals so that they can support you in them. We’re all different and motivated by different things. If I learned anything at all, it’s that all journeys must go through a process. We must discover what doesn’t work for us in order to discover what does. Don’t stick with one program because people tell you it’s best if you’re not seeing results. Give yourself the freedom and flexibility to experiment!

After all, that’s what I did for years. And it eventually paid off. That’s how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

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For years I weighed myself religiously every Friday morning. It was something I looked forward to, denying myself the privilege of even a sneak peek any other time throughout the week. This was a rule by which I faithfully abided. Who made the rule? I have no idea. But I remember hearing it throughout my life spoken by my mom, friends’ moms, the gym teacher that doubled as a health class teacher, the people in the Weight Watchers commercials, the guest doctor on Ricki Lake… The message was always the same: weighing yourself more than once a week resulted in weight obsession and demoralizing frustration over naturally occurring fluctuations.

I listened and abided by that rule in a way I only wish I had about the dangers of cigarettes and drugs (and boys). I was convinced that one extra weigh in was a slippery slope to anorexia. And so I listened to all those women and doctors and waited for Friday mornings.

Until April 9, 2016, which was a Saturday. Looking at my years’ worth of carefully logged weights, I can recall precisely what compelled me to break my cardinal rule and weigh myself that morning. You see, the weight that Saturday morning was exactly 2.1 pounds more than the morning before it. I must have gone out that Friday night or over-indulged and my curiosity about the damage got the best of me. It felt like ten pounds and I assumed it would be five or six. But no, it was 2.1. And the very next day? Back to Friday’s weight.

And that brings me to the seven reasons why I weigh myself every day.

1. Weighing myself every day STOPS the obsession and stories around NOT knowing.

This is the reason why it all started. I was convinced I had gained five pounds in one Friday night. I was often convinced of this. And I let the story play on repeat ALL.WEEK.LONG. I guessed and anticipated and obsessed over my weight based on what I ate one day. It was exhausting. Weighing myself stops all of that. And more often than not, I am pleasantly surprised. The stories in our heads are often worse than the reality.

2. One number no longer has the power to ruin my weekends.

There were so many weekends that were literally ruined by my Friday weight. I gave that digital number on the scale the power to set the tone for my entire weekend. That number either validated or condemned my efforts for the entire week before it, deeming it either a success or epic failure. And when it was bad, I carried anger and frustration with me. Especially if I thought I should weigh less than I did. As a result, I often overate that weekend to make myself feel better. And many of us know how well that works…

3. It allows for the detection of weight patterns and trends.

Weighing in once a week doesn’t provide enough data to work with in a productive way, especially if you’re a data nerd like me. All those weeks I thought I did great only to find the same number on the scale come Friday infuriated and demotivated me. Weight fluctuations occur for so many reasons. Maybe on a particular Friday I hadn’t had a bowel movement recently. Or maybe I was retaining water from PMS. There are days that I think the scale should be lower than it is, but it just takes another perfectly normal day, and then boom, my weight drops three pounds. There is not always a rhyme or reason to our weight. But when we weigh ourselves daily and keep notes, we can begin to create a bigger and clearer picture that we can make sense of. Which leads me to number four…

4. Small gains are no longer the end of the world.

When you weigh yourself daily, you come to understand your body, hormonal changes, and natural fluctuations. And when you begin to understand how your body operates, small weight gains no longer signify demoralizing failure.

5. When weighing myself daily I can see just how fast I can lose (or gain) weight.

Weighing in every day keeps me honest. I don’t know about you but I have seen upwards of seven pound weight increases after particularly social weeks. A few of those strung together and you can find yourself in serious trouble. But being armed with daily updates eliminates shocking surprises. The more often you weigh yourself, the less chance there is of weight gain (or loss if that’s what you’re trying to avoid) sneaking up on you.

But if weight loss is your goal, like it is mine, then you can also see how one stellar day of healthy eating, lots of water, and exercise can move the scales in your favor, which is super motivating!

6. I can identify set-points far more easily.

It is really difficult to identify true set-points when you only weigh yourself once a week. I know when I have hit a set point because my weight is the same to the ounce multiple days in a row. And when it does change a little in either direction, it goes right back to that number again. When this happens consistently over the course of two to three weeks, I know I’ve plateaued and need to step up up my game to power through it.

7. Weighing myself every day motivates me to try harder.

I no longer allow myself to indulge early in the week because the saboteur in my brain convinced me I can correct any damage by my Friday weigh-in. Now, every day matters more because every morning I face the reality of my actions from the day before. Weighing myself every day has quieted that voice that tries to bargain and manipulate. “It’s only Monday,” the saboteur would say. “You can totally get a cheeseburger and fries and just be good the rest of the week.” More often than not, I’d listen.

But not anymore. Every day matters.

Is it any wonder why weighing myself only once a week didn’t work for me?

Now trust me when I say that what works for me may NOT work for you. I am simply sharing what DOES work for me, and giving you the permission to try something different. I literally felt wrong when I started weighing myself daily, like I was committing a crime. I reluctantly confessed to my counselor what I had started doing, expecting her to reprimand me for doing something so foolish. But instead, she said, “If that’s what you want to do, try it.”

“Really!” I asked, surprised.

“You need permission? I give you permission.”

And I have been weighing myself daily ever since.

Obviously I am doing lots of other things to help me lose weight. Weighing yourself every day is not the secret to weight loss. But if you are working to lose weight, you may want to give it a try, or maybe start with several times a week. But if your system isn’t broken, then don’t fix it! My previous system of weighing in once a week was broken. And if yours isn’t serving you, then give yourself the permission to try something different, regardless of what you’ve been told.

There are no blanket rules that apply to everyone. And besides, it seems the “rules” are changing. I was happy to see my claim that weighing yourself more often may be beneficial backed up by the latest research. It was revealed at The Obesity Society’s Annual Scientific Meeting that weighing in at least four times a week can help you drop more pounds. According to Shape magazine, other studies have also shown that frequent weigh-ins increase your motivation by helping you monitor your progress. In fact, another quick Google search results in loads of articles suggesting the same thing.

It works for me.

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It had been a really rough week and a half. It was the first time in a while I sat in my counselor’s office and cried sad, thick, tired tears. What was wrong? Nothing. And everything. Despite all I’ve learned and my quest for balance, I had gone and done it again. I put too much on my proverbial plate and was overwhelmed. My quest for balance became unbalanced. As a result, all the tell-tale symptoms had appeared. Mike and I were bickering more, I didn’t feel well, I was highly sensitive, and I had a great desire to check out on the couch under a mountain of potato chips and chocolate in an effort to hide from the world and my responsibilities.

Becoming Unbalanced

The pressure had been building for a few weeks. I had tried to minimize my priorities, and I did cut a bit of the unimportant stuff. But it seemed I was still left with too much I considered a high priority. The thing is though, the great majority of those responsibilities were self-imposed. Things I had incorporated into my daily routine over the past several months in an effort to live a well-balanced life mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually: meditation, exercise, journaling, writing, cleaning and meal planning, and gardening among other things.

I think under normal circumstances I could manage it all, but work is particularly busy since our largest annual event is around the corner. There has also been a lot of random obligations and events taking up my time. Top that off with some serious PMS, and my quest for balance became unbalanced. That’s because keeping up with all of the self-imposed tasks resulted in stress. The stress brought me out of balance mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.

I tried to meditate and couldn’t quiet my brain from thinking of everything I “had” to do. Since I was stressed and over tired, my emotions were heightened and I argued with Mike. Physically, I felt run down. I started to feel sad.  That hopeless feeling began to creep into my thoughts like light fog.

I had ignored the warning signs, but couldn’t ignore the symptoms. I knew that something had to give.

Restoring Balance

And so I stopped doing everything from a sense of obligation and started evaluating what I needed, when, and if it would help or hurt me. Balance is a fine line. It is not uncommon for people trying to lose weight, for example, to begin exercising and eating healthy only to then take it too far by exercising too much and eating too little. There is a sweet spot when it comes to balance and we must be diligent to prevent the quest for balance from becoming unbalanced.

It was a mistake I made. There is little point in meditating, exercising, and writing every day if completing all those things leaves me exhausted and stressed and fighting with my husband. That’s not balance. Keep in mind the seven questions to ask yourself when deciding what is best for you (Is it good for your family, relationships, career, finances, health, self-development, and spirituality?).

Although all the things I want to do can be very good for me, I need to do them all at a time when they will be good for me. Now is not that time. Although I had gotten into a steady yoga practice, that is something I am temporarily taking a break from in an effort to restore balance (ironic isn’t it?). I miss yoga, but I just don’t feel strong enough at the moment for the practice. And those 5:00 am wake up times are killing me.

Hopefully within a couple weeks I can take back on all the things I want to do, including yoga. But for now, I’m picking and choosing and getting creative.

I am restoring balance by taking some weight off the scales. I’ll add it back on when I’m in a better place to handle it.

P.S. Questions for Life: Two Year Guided Daily Journal for Intentional Living is on sale for $3.00 off through May! Buy it now from Amazon.

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Dear Jessica,

I know you had a long week and you’re tired. But yoga would be a great way to end your week. Go to yoga class because it makes you feel wonderful. Then you can come home, take a nice shower, get into your pajamas, and enjoy a comfortable, well-deserved Friday night on the couch cuddling with Cooper. You got this.

I found that note on my bed when I got home from work. My yoga clothes were laid out neatly beside it, as was my mat. The note was signed: Love, Past Jessica.

I wrote the note to myself that morning knowing full well how I would feel later: TIRED. So I gave my future self the gift of motivation and encouragement. I read the note and thanked my past self for the reminder, changed into my yoga clothes, grabbed my mat, and went to yoga class. Past Jessica was right – it did make me feel wonderful.

You can motivate and encourage your future self this way, too. I started leaving notes to my future self over the past few months when I knew I’d need some support and encouragement. So far, it has helped me do whatever my past self lovingly encouraged me to do. That’s the key – the notes must be supportive and loving. Who feels motivated by a note that begins Dear Fat Fuck… or Dear Lazy Ass… I know I don’t.

I finally have my own back and I like to prove it to myself. I have tried relying on others to encourage and support me but it is unfair to ask so much of them. I’m sure poor Mike recalls all the times he tried to wake me to go to the gym at 5:00 am. “I’m tired,” I’d whine, pulling the covers over my head. Then later, when I woke up, “Oh my God, Mike! Why didn’t you get me up to go to the gym!?” Then it would somehow be his fault. Is it any wonder he stopped volunteering for the job? (sorry, Mike)

No. Motivating and encouraging me is MY job. But since I’m not always good at it, I leave it to past Jessica to do the work. So I leave myself notes when I think I’ll need the help.

Try it out!

1. Grab yourself a colorful notebook or post-its, and some markers. Or heck, smooth out a crumpled receipt and grab a pen, anything you can find. Think about what you want to accomplish that you may need some encouragement for… homework, eat a healthy meal, work out, etc. Now write yourself a note. Just be sure to do it LOVINGLY.

Here’s the one I wrote for myself this morning and left on my bed:

2. Next, be sure to leave your note in a spot where you will see it when you need to. If it’s a reminder to eat a healthy meal, stick it on the fridge. If it’s to go to the gym on the way home from work, then don’t leave it home. Leave it on your driver’s seat so you see it before you even start your car.

3. To make the note even more helpful, leave whatever you may need with the note: your gym clothes, a recipe, your textbook, the phone number of the person you’ve been putting off calling…

Leaving a loving note for yourself is a quick and easy way to motivate and encourage your future self. Try it out and let me know how it works for you!

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My to-do list is long and I have many competing priorities at the moment. I’ve been feeling overwhelmed again. There is a tensity in my body. This uncomfortable sensation is a warning and a reminder that I need to focus, re-evaluate, and most of all, start minimizing priorities. Because everything can’t be a priority. Right?

Right.

What Are Our Priorities?

When we have many priorities, it’s safe to say that we don’t have priorities at all. We have a list of things competing for our attention that we should be doing. In fact, the word priority was only ever used singularly until the 20th century. I have lots of things I consider important to me. There are also lots of tasks I’d love to cross off my to-do list. But I need to own up to the fact that they are not all imperative at this moment, and that I am not focusing on what actually is most critical.

According to The Minimalists, our priorities are how we spend our time.

“Your priorities are what you do each day, the small tasks that move forward the second and minute hands on the clock: these circadian endeavors are your musts. Everything else is simply a should.”

Every day I tell myself I “must” work on my integrative and life coaching certification coursework. Yet every day for the past several days it has been nothing more than a lingering “should” gnawing at me. I allow other things to become higher priorities. At the start of 2017 I committed to the goal of finishing the first draft of my novel by the end of the year. I considered it one of my top priorities. But if actions speak louder than words, which they do, I am nothing more than an aspiring novel writer considering I haven’t spent more than ten hours on it yet so far this year. Clearly, I haven’t made my novel a priority.

My Real Priorities (according to how I spend my time):

If our priorities are determined by how we spend our time like The Minimalists say, then my real priorities have been: my day job, walking, my garden, meal planning and cooking, cleaning out my email inbox, going to yoga classes, spending time on Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest, cleaning, reading, writing blog posts, sleeping and socializing.

Nowhere in that list is my novel or my coursework. So until I am willing to MAKE them priorities, my claim is a lie. I can only make those things a priority by setting the time aside and minimizing the less important false priorities that I have allowed to distract me and steal my time away.

Does This Belong?

So clearly I need to refocus and become the master of my own time. I need to do as Bruce Lee says and hack away at the inessentials.

“It is not a daily increase, but a daily decrease. Hack away at the inessentials.” – Bruce Lee

Patrick Rhone poses a question in his book, Enough. That is: Is this where this belongs? Clearly I am spending my time on things that don’t belong: cleaning out my email inbox and falling down the rabbit hole of social media are the two most glaring. As for the cleaning, I have been enjoying spring cleaning. But clearly I have chosen a bad time to wash my windows, blinds and curtains for the first time in nearly six years. They’ve waited this long, I think they can wait a tad bit longer. Therefore, clean windows does not belong in my list of top priorities.

My top priority is hands down my health and weight loss efforts. Thankfully, this is actually demonstrated in the time I spend walking, going to yoga classes, and meal planning and cooking (yay me!). Those things stay. Social media as a distraction and pacifier has to go. It adds value to my life when I use it intentionally, but otherwise it is nothing but a thief of my time.

Unfortunately my day job also has to stay (unless someone wants to support me? I didn’t think so.) As for the other things, I just need to prioritize and ask myself what belongs where. Gardening can’t be done in the dark or in the rain, allowing time for other things. I can say no to more social engagements. I can get up earlier. And I can commit to staying up an hour later or forfeiting that last half hour of the day unwinding in front of the television. Television doesn’t belong in my list of priorities. Sleeping does belong, but perhaps not as much.

Your Turn

If, like me, you’ve been finding yourself  overwhelmed lately, think of your priorities. Then be honest with yourself about how you really spend your time. THOSE are your actual priorities.

They all don’t belong, do they?

Go ahead and hack away at the inessentials. I will be doing the same. It’s time to start minimizing priorities and prioritizing properly.

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Weight loss is all about figuring out what works for you. Unfortunately, it often takes a long time to figure out what that is. In the meantime, we need to try out a whole lot of what doesn’t work. ‘Count calories’ is an extremely common piece of advice said to help us lose weight, along with ‘exercise more.’ Well, I did count calories. For years. And for years I saw zero results (in fact, I gained weight) and just kept on counting anyway. Finally, I realized it just wasn’t working for me. Here are 7 reasons why I stopped counting calories.

1. I stopped looking at food as FOOD, and only as calories.

Food is fuel, but when you become obsessed with calories you lose sight of what fuels you. Instead, you often focus on what you can have for X amount of calories, regardless of whether it’s nutritious or not. I have consumed countless “diet” and “100-calorie” snacks laden with chemicals and ingredients I can’t pronounce all in the name of quantity. “But I can have seventeen of these!” Sound familiar?

Sure, you can have sugar-free “chocolate” or seventeen paper thin mini “Oreos,” but what you don’t get is any nutrition. I was left hungry and unsatisfied constantly (and often returned for more in search of satiation, which resulted in increased calorie intake.) Now I know I could have just had an apple and a tablespoon of peanut butter or heaven forbid, some actual real dark chocolate and been done with it. More calories, sometimes, but also long lasting fiber, protein, and vitamins. Best of all, the wonderful feeling of knowing I gave myself something nutritious and didn’t need to keep rummaging for sustenance.

I’ve since adopted Michael Pollan’s philosophy on food. “Eat real food. Mostly vegetables. Not too much.”

2. Calorie counting made me obsessive.

I am a stickler for accuracy, which became an obsession when counting calories. I weighed and measured all my food, adding and subtracting chips and dry pasta until I had the perfect one or two ounces allowed. When I didn’t know precise measurements I agonized over my estimates. My husband mistakenly taking my perfectly portioned lunch and leaving me his was enough to make me cry with fear and uncertainty. I became inflexible and rigid and loss of total control over my food made me nervous.

3. Calorie counting is an enormous time suck.

Food-shopping, cooking and eating all took longer. The comparing, the weighing, the measuring, the counting, the adding, dictating nutrition facts and entering them into the app I used… it had become such a chore! Many times I ate the same things or bought the same brands, even if a comparable one was on sale, for the sole reason that I didn’t feel like entering new information into the app. Which leads me to my next point…

4. Calorie counting made me hesitant to try new things.

After so many years of calorie counting I know roughly how many calories are in most anything. But when faced with something new that wasn’t accompanied by a package or had a lot of components, I was hesitant to try it because I couldn’t account accurately for the calories. I hated not knowing and didn’t trust guessing. Even if it did come with a package, sometimes I still avoided things if I wasn’t in the mood to list all the nutrition facts into the app. Better to stick with what I was certain about. For someone who loves trying new things as much as I do, this was a huge deterrent.

5. I wanted to minimize my obligations.

If something you do to HELP yourself becomes a stressful burden that you dread, then it’s time to rethink it.

6. I learned enough to get by without counting calories.

This is where I will say that I am grateful for some of the time I spent counting calories. Counting calories taught me portion sizes and how many calories are in most foods, as well as how to calculate calories of most things in my head. But if you’re reading this, then you most likely know these things by now, too. Cutting the chord isn’t easy. But if counting calories has you obsessing or stressed out, and you know the basics, then try striking it out on your own. Chances are, like me, you know what and how much you should be eating.

7. I want to live my life fully, freely and BALANCED.

I don’t have the time, energy or desire to obsess and worry over every single thing I put in my mouth. What I want is to achieve balance. My friend, Amanda, said something to me last week that makes me believe I’m getting there. I had lost my first ten pounds for the year and she said, “And you’re doing it right. Don’t forget you went out for restaurant week and had fried chicken!”

Yes, I most certainly did! I also had several drinks, two huge biscuits that accompanied the chicken, and some of my dessert (I would have eaten all of it if I wasn’t so full.) I don’t want weight loss to mean I can never go out for restaurant week again, or drink with my friends, or have dessert. It is possible to find balance. I have witnessed it, not only in my first ten pounds, but in others.

I have been inspired for years by a random woman I saw leaving the gourmet Italian deli and bakery next to my office. She was in her running clothes, all sweaty, and she had a huge hot drink and a cinnamon roll the size of her head! I thought to myself, “That! That is what I want!” Not necessarily the cinnamon roll (although it looked phenomenal) but the BALANCE. Here was a fit woman who clearly just went running and then got herself what she wanted.

I don’t believe I can achieve balance while counting every calorie. Some people can, and I say good for them! But it’s not for me.

I have felt liberated since I stopped counting calories at the start of 2016. I still remember saying to my coach, “I don’t want to do this anymore. Is that okay?” I was worried she’d say I had to keep doing it, but it was just so clear it wasn’t working for me. She agreed and gave me the permission I was looking for.

I got my time back, became more relaxed with food, and saved myself $9.00/month from canceling the subscription to the app I used. Once again, I made new recipes, tried new things, and enjoyed my renewed food freedom.

I also found that everything I learned had stuck. I didn’t all of a sudden forget how to check nutrition facts or serving sizes or how many calories are in a banana. And I still sometimes weigh out an ounce of tortilla chips with my chili or 2 ounces of pasta for my lunch, just to keep from accidentally over-eating. And I actually do write down everything I eat in my planner every day – just little notes to jog my memory and help me keep track of things. I don’t include specific details like quantity or portion sizes. Just enough information to help me figure out what works, what doesn’t, and how certain foods make me feel.

That’s what works for me. Calorie counting didn’t. Remember, it’s all about what works for YOU.

I stood before Kathy, frozen, as big fat tears welled in my eyes. She asked me the tough questions in her gentle, loving and non-judgemental way. I was “emoting,” as she says. All the complex emotions I often contain were intensified and spilling out of me.

“I’m stuck,” I choked.

“Okay,” she said. “Then let’s just sit with what you’re feeling.”

“I can do that?” I asked, seeking reassurance and permission to not take action; to not do anything. To stay stuck, where it was sorrowful but safe.

“Yes. Sometimes we need to simply lean into the uncomfortable.”

Kathy and I had this conversation two weeks ago. After having become a bit stagnant, the Universe saw fit to give me a good shake. It got my attention.

The New Moon was the very next day. Each new moon I write down a set of intentions for the cycle. Among those intentions I scribbled: Lean into the uncomfortable. 

Leaning

There’s something about the word ‘lean’ that is safe. In yoga we are constantly leaning into the uncomfortable, knowing full well we can pull back when the discomfort becomes too great. It is a way of challenging ourselves, yet listening to our bodies. Until Kathy suggested I lean into my emotional discomfort, I didn’t connect the two. I am often frozen in place, terrified to step into the unknown, the uncertain. I despise the discomfort. It has been my way to run from it, numb it, or viciously attack it. Like so many others, I, too have numbed my discomfort with drugs, alcohol, sex and food. I have hid from it with sleep. I have attacked it by making others feel as uncomfortable as I did.

But now, equipped with new vocabulary I intended to begin to “lean” ever so gently into that which makes me feel uncomfortable. I started small, experiencing my hunger and sitting with it, rather than rushing to satiate it. Every time I felt uncomfortable for whatever reason, I reminded myself to lean into it. I was like a child dipping a toe into water to test the temperature.

This was a start.

Earlier this week, I suffered tremendous emotional discomfort. From the moment I woke up until the moment I fell asleep I felt it. My first instinct was to call out of work, drink Nyquil and sleep the day away. In times of discomfort we so often resort back to our old patterns of behavior. But after all this work I was able to identify it as that; a pattern. So instead I said to myself, “This is uncomfortable. But we’re gonna lean into it. We’re gonna show up for life anyway.”

And so I went to work.

Throughout the day my thoughts waged war on themselves. In a desperate attempt to quiet them, I focused on my work. I knew the night would be torturous without a distraction and I couldn’t allow it to be food. So in an act of Herculean emotional effort, I signed up for a yoga class after work and promised myself I’d go. During yoga, I continued to ease into the uncomfortable, pushing my body deeper into poses, combating the thoughts that wrestled around in my mind. One of the thoughts was fear over what I would do after yoga…

I know this may seem vague, since I haven’t gone into why I was so upset. But the truth is that it’s irrelevant. If it’s not one struggle, it’s another. Life is full of them. And I need to learn how to lean into them without resorting to destructive and avoidance behaviors.

After yoga, my urge was to crawl into bed. The leaning I was doing was far from restful, and I was exhausted. But instead, I had a good cry in an effort to release some of what I was feeling – another way of experiencing my discomfort. Afterward, I took a hot shower since I knew it would do me good. I dressed comfortably and put on thick, warm socks, a healthy way of easing some discomfort. And since I have learned that life doesn’t stop when we have a hard day (as much as we wish it would), I started making the turkey chili for my work holiday pot luck.

For me, skipping the occasional meal is not an act of destruction, but one of self-care. So I did not eat dinner. I feared that once food entered my mouth, I’d ramsack my kitchen hunting for more like a shark on the scent of blood. I couldn’t risk doing this in an effort to numb my discomfort. And so I allowed myself to feel it. And in order to feel it, I couldn’t eat.

At last, I could go to sleep. I leaned into my discomfort for an entire day without resorting to old patterns of destructive behavior. As upset and exhausted as I was, I couldn’t help feeling an inkling of pride. I had dipped my toe into unfamiliar waters, and survived to tell the tale.

Unfortunately, the discomfort has not passed since. It has shifted. Once again this morning I debated calling out of work. And once again I made the decision to show up for life, fearful that staying home would enable me to wallow in my discomfort and exacerbate a lingering anxiety. I am proud of my choice and grateful for my decision.

It wasn’t until I wrote this post that I’ve realized how much most people lean into the uncomfortable on a daily basis. It amazes me, since my pattern has always been to give in or numb. Every day people with broken hearts, sadness, anger, and tremendous worries get up and show up and continue on with their lives despite their tremendous discomfort. I find it brave and I am in awe of their strength to do this.

I’m working on my leaning muscles so that I may be stronger and better at facing my problems and fears, rather than avoiding them. I will continue leaning into the uncomfortable. And when I’m ready, I will walk. But for now, it is enough simply to lean into the discomfort.

Ever since I started a daily journaling practice nearly two years ago I have felt significantly happier and more fulfilled. As a culture, we tend to live for the highlights of life and dwell on the lowlights. The mundane day to day blurs together in one long loop where we don’t recall what we wore or what we ate. But what if we could train our brains to reflect and find joy in every day, to live with more gratitude, and overall live with greater intention? Well, the truth is that we CAN by journaling. With only a few minutes of writing time a day, we can all feel more fulfilled, grateful and happier, which are only some of the benefits of a daily journaling practice. Following are the four components of my daily practice, which I included in the journal I created: Questions For Life: Two Year Daily Guided Journal for Intentional Living, available for sale now.

The Four Components of my Daily Practice:

Daily Reflection

I love the quote, “Don’t live the same year 75 times and call it a life.” That quote literally stopped me in my tracks the first time I read it. I vowed right then and there that I would not live the same year over and over for the rest of my life. So I purchased a 5-year journal with just enough space to jot down a few lines about each day; whatever I deemed significant or worthy of remembrance. Never once has there been nothing to write because life, thoughts, conversations, actions, news, weather, EVERYTHING happens every single day. Through the simple practice of writing down a few lines about each day, I was comforted within days. It was quite clear I was not living the same day over and over.

Now that I’m in my second year of that 5-year journal I love reflecting back on what I did that same day the year before. It’s been so lovely being reminded of things I’ve forgotten that maybe weren’t so significant. Additionally, I love reflecting on progress and changes I’ve made. Just the other day I read for 2015: Had my first “freak out” in a long time. It’s the f***ing cigarettes. I CAN’T smoke even once in a while!

How amazing to be able to follow that up the same day the following year with: I’m 113 days cigarette-free!

This is what I love about comparative journals, which is specifically why Questions For Life is to be used for two years.

Gratitude

Numerous studies show that a daily gratitude practice directly correlates to increased happiness. The rationale is simple: when you express gratitude, you focus on the positive aspects of your life and what you do have, rather than the negative aspects and what you don’t have. I express gratitude every single day. It’s become a habit. Even when I’m angry or annoyed, gratitude has become such a part of my life that I can often stop and change my mindset. For example, is work pissing you off? Well, be grateful you have a job. It can always be worse.

There is ALWAYS something to be grateful for, even if it’s fresh water or access to food. Even if you are having the worst day of your life, you can still be grateful to be alive.

Happiest Moments

Another practice of mine is to write down my single happiest moment from every day. This is not so easy on bad days, believe me. But how incredible when you witness with your own eyes that every day may not be good, but there is something good in every day. Even when I had pneumonia last month I was able to identify my happiest moments (mostly along the lines of wishing something good was on television and seeing that one of my favorite movies just started – that kind of joy.) Not everything is off the charts amazing, but there is joy in every day, even if it’s seeing a puppy on the street, finding a $5.00 bill, or laughing at a good joke.

Think of how much more fulfilling life can be if we paid more attention to the simple joys in life. This practice trains you to notice and acknowledge those happy moments.

Self-Discovery Questions

Another journal I purchased some time ago was a 5-year question a day journal where I answered a different question every day and compared my answers year to year. The questions in this particular journal were random. Some were wonderful and some were just silly, but I enjoyed the concept and found it beneficial. So when I created Questions For Life, I wrote 366 questions focused around goal setting, creativity, relationships, awareness, reflection, and other topics along those lines. Answering questions about our lives, actions, dreams, etc. makes us more self-aware and conscious of the kind of life we want to be living, and whether or not we’re taking the steps to achieve it.

Answering the questions also makes us more accountable. For example, “Did you make good use of your time today?” is a simple question you will find in Questions For Life that can quickly help you realize how you’re not living to your full potential, and where adjustments can be made. Some other questions include: “How can you be a better son/daughter?”; “What risk would you take if you knew you couldn’t fail?”; “Is your life complicated by unnecessary things?”; “Who could you pay more attention to?”; and “Have you ever invested in yourself financially?”

These are only four of the countless ways to approach a daily journaling practice. However, I found that these four components have had a tremendously positive effect on my life and outlook. I also found that keeping a journal with these components is easy and realistic since it doesn’t require a lot of time. Additionally, these components ultimately to help slow life down and break our habit of living highlight to highlight. This results in a fuller, and more fulfilling, life.

You can win a copy of Questions For Life!

Although you don’t need a copy of Questions For Life to begin your practice, it certainly is easier to have a beautifully designed journal complete with monthly motivational quotes ready to go. I am so certain you’ll love it that I am giving away three free copies!

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So please, enter for a chance to win and start your own daily journaling practice!