Adjustments and fine tuning are required when working to establish lasting habits. Continuing to do the same things that don’t work while expecting different results truly is a waste of time and effort. Believe me, I’ve done the legwork. At the same time, even if certain routines or tools work well, chances are they won’t forever without some occasional tweaking, even if just to keep things interesting and prevent boredom. After all, we are resilient creatures capable of adaptation, but also of stagnancy. After a great deal of trial and error I’ve found that I am able to establish lasting habits by thinking small.

Eliminate the BUT

When it comes to creating habits that ultimately help me accomplish my goals, I go through a lot of trial and error until I discover what works for me. Some things work well, BUT only temporarily. Some work well, BUT are too dependent on other factors that rarely align. Some I think work well, BUT ultimately hurt my well-being. I wanted to find a habit that worked well with no BUT after it.

I am happy to say I have found the solution! The secret lay in establishing “small” daily goals based on the theory that a little is better than nothing, and can add up to a lot! 

Take exercise, for example. Many of us have made lofty goals like:

1. I am going to walk 5 miles every day
2. I will go to the gym every weekday morning at 5 am

The problem with these daily habits, as good as our intentions may be, is that they are too big and not nearly flexible enough to adapt to the curve-balls life inevitably throws at us. It’s not easy to walk five miles when it’s pouring rain and you have no gym membership. Not so easy to go to the gym at 5 am when you were up late with a sick child. Shoot, it’s not easy getting up at 5 to go to the gym even on the best of days.

So we fail. And then oftentimes we end up doing nothing for lengthy periods of time because we got caught up in the all-or-nothing mindset trap.

But I have cracked the code! And believe me when I say I have tried it all.

I have exercised nearly every single day for the past two months thanks to thinking small and making this my goal: EXERCISE AT LEAST 20 MINUTES EVERY DAY. 

It doesn’t matter when. It doesn’t matter how. All that matters is that my body is in motion for twenty minutes. This is REALISTIC. Even when I’m short on time, I can fit in at least 20 minutes. Even when I don’t want to, I know I can do it for at least 20 minutes. I found success in creating a daily goal with no room for a BUT. And the beautiful thing is that I often work out for longer than twenty minutes. But even when I don’t, at least I did something. And SOMETHING is always better than NOTHING.

Establish lasting habits by thinking small

So if you’re holding out for a perfect routine or think you can’t work out if you miss yoga class or the gym is closed, then I urge you to rethink how you’re setting your goal. Establish lasting habits by thinking small and see big change.

This applies to most everything!

Despite my success with regular exercise, I failed horribly at my March writing goal to draft three more chapters of my work-in-progress. When I sat down to write my April writing goal, I considered how I could apply the same philosophy and think smaller to establish a lasting writing habit. Twenty minutes felt far too long at the time. Keep in mind I didn’t write one.single.word. in March due to a block. I needed something not based on duration, but on a not-scary daily quota.

Finally, I settled on a daily goal of writing one paragraph. In doing so I eliminated room for a BUT when it came to making excuses not to write. There’s no reason why I can’t manage to write one paragraph even if it means tapping it on my phone on the train (which I have not yet needed to do.)

When I don’t want to write and it seems too difficult and scary, I take comfort in only having to write one paragraph. Guess what? Once I start, I often don’t stop at one paragraph! But knowing I can if I want to gets me started. And if you’re thinking, “why bother?” Well, at the very least I’ll finish April with 30 paragraphs. It sure beats March’s total of zero.

Apply it to anything

Exercise and writing not your thing? Establish lasting habits by thinking small in order to clean out your closets (or tackle virtually any project); drink more water; achieve a daily meditation practice… anything! Tell me what lasting habit you want to establish and I am sure we can find a way to start small in order to create it. Like a picky eater staring down a plate of vegetables, things aren’t so daunting when you know you only have to swallow one piece. By thinking small I’ve managed to eliminate dread and stop the brain from going into excuse-making overdrive.

And guess what? Once you establish these daily habits, over time they will become so incorporated into your daily regimen that you will no longer even need to think of them! Once that happens, you can consider expanding on them. For now, remember to think small.

Having trouble thinking small? Tell me your habit and I’ll help you come up with a small daily habit to achieve it.

The Olympics couldn’t have come at a better time, at least for me personally. They’ve been the dose of inspiration I’ve needed in a long, uninspiring, sluggish, dark, cold winter. In watching, I made an important realization. Here I’m going to share what I learned watching the Olympics.

What I Learned Watching the Olympics

I sat on my couch in awe as I watched the women’s half-pipe and Chloe Kim win gold. She’s fluent in three languages and a gold medalist at 17. I smiled ear to ear overjoyed for her as she made her victory run.

“I can’t even not eat too much pizza,” I said aloud to myself.

Although I’ve always had incredible admiration for Olympians, I assumed they arrived at the Olympics because the deck was stacked in their favor. Like the fourth generation son in a long line of Harvard graduates, I figured a lot of it came down to where they live, who they know, and how much money they have. First of all, these sports are expensive! And you can’t do most of these sports just anywhere.

So I figured “good for them,” but thought, “yeah, I could be an Olympian too if I had rich, supportive parents who exposed me to a sport at a young age, nurtured my talent and made sure I lived in an area where I could practice.”

What I learned not only watching the Olympics this year, but listening, is how wrong I was.

First of all, not all Olympians have the deck stacked in their favor. Yes, Chloe Kim may have the world’s most supportive parents. (Her dad quit his job when she was eight years old so that he could travel the world with her!) But the closest halfpipe to her home in California was five hours away. During the two years she lived in Switzerland, she had to take two trains to reach the Alps. Not to mention that no matter how much support she had, she still had to find the courage to speed down a vertical slope and up the other side in order to launch herself into the air and flip around a few times before landing on hard packed snow. No matter your circumstances, that kind of courage comes from within.

And let’s look at figure skater Adam Rippon. During his interview immediately following his solo team skate, an announcer asked him what it took to be there in PyeongChang. He explained that he had moved to Los Angeles six years ago to work with a certain coach. In order to do so, he slept in a basement and stole apples from the gym because he couldn’t afford a place to live, let alone food.

After hearing these stories, this is what I learned watching the Olympics: Dreams require sacrifice.

Sacrifice

Deck stacked in my favor or not, I don’t have what it takes to be an Olympian. I don’t have that ability to sacrifice to the level required of me in order to reach my dreams.

Do you really think Chloe Kim woke up at the crack of dawn every Saturday excited to sit in a car for five hours? Maybe sometimes? She was a kid when she started snowboarding and then a teenager, that wonderful age when our friends, love lives, and phones take precedence over all else. But not for Chloe and Adam and the other Olympians. They sacrificed. And that’s why they’re in South Korea right now. And they damn well deserve to be there.

I am in awe of Olympians. For me, I’m not just watching what they can do, but I’m watching for what they have done to get to where they are. I love the stories. The setbacks, the trials, the tribulations. Each story is incredibly inspiring to me.

I don’t have a completed draft of my novel or weigh less than I did this time last year, let alone have a medal around my neck. That’s because I don’t sacrifice enough. I don’t sacrifice sleep, couch time, eating or drinking too much, the urge to be lazy… is it any wonder I haven’t achieved my goals and dreams.

But I’m taking inspiration from these Olympians and at least now I know what it takes to be a champion: sacrifice.

What have you sacrificed to achieve your dreams?

I achieved seven of my ten September goals. One I didn’t meet was to re-establish a regular yoga practice. I only practiced yoga once so far this month. Another was to meet a specific weight goal, which I didn’t. Probably because I only only exercised 11 days so far this month. I also ate in a manner in which I’d like to avoid 19 days and drank alcohol 11 days. How do I know all this? I use a habit tracker. And I’ll tell you why you should use a habit tracker, too.

What is a habit tracker?

A habit tracker is a simple tool where you can track habits you wish to cultivate and any other daily functions relevant to you. Your habit tracker can be made in Excel or a similar program, written in a bullet journal, or however your creative heart desires. List the habits you want to track and allow a block for every day of the month beside each habit. Check off or fill in the pixels on the days you achieve each habit, and leave blank the days you don’t.

Like this:

Why you should use a habit tracker

1. It keeps you honest with yourself.

Plain and simple. You either succeeded or you didn’t.

Here are some of the habits I track:

• Waking up at 5 am
• Daily meditation practice
• Minimum of 45 minutes spent exercising
• Minimum of 60 minutes spent working on novel
• Worked towards a monthly goal?

If I do those things, I get to color in the box. If not, it stays blank.

2. You can see in black and white (or bright colors) where you may be falling short and what’s preventing you from achieving your goals.

Goals are achieved through daily actions. One of my goals was a specific weight. In order to make it, I had to eat right and exercise. I failed at doing that consistently enough, so it’s no surprise whatsoever that I didn’t meet my goal.

Say your goal is to write 100 pages of a novel over a month. Well then your daily goal becomes 3.2 pages a day and that can be a daily habit you track. If you don’t hit your mark, you’ll be able to look at your tracker and see why.

If you’re a goal-oriented person and understand that you need to break down your goals into daily tasks, then a habit tracker is for you.

After all, “Great things are done by a series of small things brought together.” – Vincent Van Gogh

3. Because “Never is never right, and always is always wrong.”

Ganga White said this and it’s one of my favorite quotes. Through the use of my habit tracker I see first hand just how true this is. We have a tendency to say what we “never” do or “always” do, but when you’re literally tracking those things, you begin to see that neither is correct.

After a week of steady exercise we tend to boast how we “always” work out, even though we didn’t for three weeks before it. Or when we’re disheartened we may say things like I’ll never finish my novel because I never write anymore.

When you track your habits, you see that the truth is most likely somewhere in the middle, and then you can adjust accordingly.

4. A habit tracker is a motivational tool that makes breaking bad habits and cultivating good ones fun.

The boxes are little carrots at the end of the day that you want to color in. That simple act is motivating! They’re like gold stars for a job well done!

Not sure what to track? Think of the habits you want to break and those you want to cultivate.

Here are ten ideas to get your gears turning:

• Didn’t smoke
• Drank 64 ounces of water
• Ate breakfast
• Made the bed
• Didn’t buy lunch
• Journaled
• Didn’t exceed daily calorie intake
• Smiled at a stranger
• Walked a minimum of 10,000 steps
• Didn’t snack before bed

5. You get to start each month with a clean slate.

Each new month brings with it a cleansing and enthusiastic energy. I like to start each one organized and prepared for a fresh start. I don’t dwell on where I could have tried harder or what I should have done better. I look to the future and try again. So I print out a fresh new habit tracker and begin again!

Excited to join me and try out habit tracking for yourself? Click the button below to join my mailing list (I only send one email a month, I promise!) and receive a free habit tracker download! Once you submit your email address, check your inbox for an email with a link to your beautifully designed habit tracker pdf. (If you don’t see the email, please check your spam or junk folder.)

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Hitting my June 30 weight loss goal took a lot out of me. Not one day after marking that accomplishment, other stressors and projects that required my attention consumed my last bit of energy. Once I made it through the remaining hurdles, I felt a well deserved break was in order. And so I took it easy and relaxed. And then three days after getting back on track, I got derailed by some sort of summer cold I’m still battling. Now half of July is gone. I haven’t gone to yoga in ages and haven’t hit my daily goal of 11,000 steps since July 2. I feel weak. I’ve been eating like crap. I can’t believe how quickly things went off track. I desperately need a reset and decided that today is the day for it. Luckily for me, I know exactly how to reset body and mind to get me feeling better.

Do you need a reset, too? Maybe you’re getting over being ill, or have been bogged down by anxiety and stress, or maybe just have been derailed by competing obligations? Whatever your reason for needing a reset, keep reading for seven simple ways to reset your body and mind to get you feeling better by bed time. They’re the exact things I’m doing today.

1. Drink water

Stop what you’re doing and go drink water. Seriously, stop. If your bottle of water is nearby, take a long chug. If it’s not, get up right now and fill a tall glass and drink it down. Water is crucial to our well being and many of us don’t get enough. My water consumption is one of the many things that suffers when I’m not on top of my game. So this morning I filled two 32 oz. bottles with water and the juice of two lemons. I drank both by 4:00 pm and will drink at least one more before bed.

In my opinion, drinking water is the simplest thing we can all do on a daily basis to help us feel better. Water flushes out toxins, aids digestion and increases regularity. It boosts the immune system, reduces headaches and improves skin complexion. And it generally helps you feel more energized. There is no acceptable reason whatsoever to deny yourself water. So please, do it for yourself.

2. Get some exercise

And I don’t mean next week. I mean today (or at least tomorrow if it’s already late in the day). Exercise is another excellent free thing that helps us to feel better almost instantly. I’ve hit my first exercise slump in ages and let me tell you, I feel awful; weak, irritable, fatigued. I am at the point of craving exercise.

With this nasty cough, I won’t go for a jog or even a walk (it’s far too humid). But I will finally do thirty minutes of light yoga to begin to ease my body back into a practice and loosen up my joints that have gotten used to the couch the past week.

For those of you who don’t exercise regularly, I know how hard it can be to begin. But it’s all you have to do. Just begin. Go for a ten minute walk if that’s all you feel you can do right now. Every little bit counts and will get those endorphins flowing.

3. Eat something nutritious

We’ve been eating a lot of takeout and junk lately in my house, largely because I haven’t felt well. When I don’t feel well, I seek easy comfort food even though it’s the worst thing for me.

Despite not feeling well, the thought of eating more junk makes me feel nauseous. And so I’m making the dinner I was too tired and ill to make yesterday. It’s a pasta dish with chicken loaded with mushrooms and asparagus with a bit of goat cheese melted throughout. I enjoy cooking very much and am excited to sit down at the table to “real” food.

No food in the house or no time to cook? Choose the lesser of the take-out evils. Maybe that’s a soup or salad from a fast food chain, or a turkey sub/hoagie from (insert beloved convenience store/deli here – mine is Wawa). It may require a little extra effort, but there are more options than greasy chinese, pizza or cheeseburgers. Find something good for you and your body will thank you for it.

3. Plan your food

Think about the rest of today and tomorrow, too. I know I have some cherries that have seen better days so I’ll mix them with some oats, yogurt, chia seeds, almond milk, raw almonds, and a drizzle of honey. Voila – cherry overnight oats for the next four days. I’ll also defrost some wheat bread for a peanut butter sandwich and maybe hard boil some eggs, and see what else I can dig up in order to prevent buying lunch.

Just see what you have and get creative. Or better yet, run to the store if you have time, but whip up a quick meal plan and list first.

No food and no time? Again, planning ahead can prevent you from making decisions you may later regret. When we’re hungry and irritable, we tend to get amnesia and find ourselves reaching for the most convenient source of energy. By planning ahead, you allow the space to remember better options like Panera, Chipotle (burrito bowl/salad), or even Whole Foods which has plenty of seating and a gorgeous prepared foods bar.

The point is not to wait until you’re hangry to think about what to eat.

4. Straighten up/get organized

I don’t know about you, but if my environment is cluttered, my mind is cluttered and I don’t function well. Take some time to straighten up and get organized. Throw in a load of wash if you need work clothes or towels, do the dishes… just get things to a less stressful level. You’re not aiming for immaculate – just orderly. And try to stay focused on the major living areas and surfaces. Other areas are not at all a priority. This is NOT the time to clean out the linen closet or medicine cabinet (unless you find yourself completely energized to do so!)

5. Make a to-do list

Getting back on the wagon usually means facing things you’ve neglected that require your attention. Free-write a to-do list. Just write down anything and everything you can think of whether you need to do it tomorrow or next month. Just get it from your head to the paper. You can re-order it later. The goal for now is simply to get it out of your head.

6. Ask yourself: What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

Now that you’ve drank your water, exercised, eaten something healthy, straightened up and made a to-do list, you should be feeling exponentially better in body and mind! Maybe it’s time to wash up for bed or call it a night and settle in for last night’s Game of Thrones premiere on the DVR. Awesome! You did great!

But if there’s still time or you want more, then ask yourself today (or tomorrow morning): What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?

As for me, I would like to watch another episode of my current binge-watching pleasure, Vikings. But the truth is that I’ve been doing too much of that lately. I gave myself permission to take a break from blogging. But now the break’s over and getting back to work is what will make me feel better. And so instead of hanging out on the couch, I am at my desk writing this blog post.

Vikings isn’t going anywhere.

But if the most important thing you can do right now feels too big or overwhelming or is also the source of your stress (I’ve been there!), then please go on to the next question.

7. Ask yourself: What is one small step I can take right now to get the ball rolling?

Earlier this month I had to prepare for an important meeting. It was a significant source of stress for me and I completely procrastinated until I literally could not procrastinate anymore. Finally, with tears in my eyes, I just… began. First, I sat at my desk. Next, I turned on my computer. Third, I set my timer and committed to sixty minutes of effort. Next, I pulled out my notes, and so it went…

Thirty minutes in, problems began to resolve themselves, ideas came to me, and the preparation began to come together. The stress and anxiety melted away.

If all you can do right now is make a list or a phone call, write one email, or Google something, then that’s all you need do! Do that thing you identified and be proud of yourself for getting started.

To begin, just begin.

Not sure where to begin? Start at the beginning and go drink some water. It helps, I promise.

It’s no accident that this list of how to reset body and mind started with water, exercise and food. You can not begin to feel better in mind without first feeling better in body. The brain is a muscle and does not operate without the cooperation of the body. So do these things in order and you will be on your way to feeling better in no time.

What would you add to this list? I’d love to hear from you.

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Well everyone, I did it! I lost 40 pounds in six months and met my HealthyWage deadline in the nick of time!

I feel wonderful! But I have to admit, those last two weeks were a real struggle, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I still have a ways to go, too. But when I look at those two photos side by side, I feel incredibly accomplished and proud.

Everyone’s support has been invaluable! I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement, positive reinforcement, and all around great energy. It took a village, and I could not have done this without you. THANK YOU.

Inspiration

I’ve been told many times since I posted my victory photo that I am inspiring. That is an incredible thing to hear, and something I do not take lightly. I know better than anyone how difficult substantial weight loss can be. And many people have since emailed me with one question, often written exactly like this:

HOW?!?!?!?!

Like so many others struggling with their weight, I truly feel that I have tried everything. So it’s no surprise to me that people think I may have some secret method they haven’t tried before. The fact is that I don’t. I have been writing about my weight loss journey here for some time now. But it is true that I have had great success with specific tools. So I evaluated all that I’ve done and all that has helped me over the past several months so I could tell you how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

10 Things I Attribute Most to My Weight Loss

1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

I know it may be risky to start with this, but please don’t stop reading. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has changed everything for me, and so deserves the top spot on my list. In the simplest terms, CBT is a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns. It may sound technical, but it’s not. CBT helped me to identify and understand the destructive thought patterns I was literally trapped in, especially when it came to food and ideas around my body and weight. Read my post Cognitive Therapy for Weight Loss for more information and to see this process at work.

I am absolutely convinced now that true, lasting weight loss must start in the brain. How can we possibly repair our bodies without repairing our thought patterns and habits first?

2. Competition: Fitbit Workweek Hustles

I am a competitive person. Knowing this about myself, I use it to my advantage. I love my Fitbit and diligently track my steps. The first week of January my friend, the talented writer, Glenn Walker invited me to a weekly Fitbit challenge called a Workweek Hustle where up to ten challengers compete for bragging rights. One week of friendly competition turned into six full months! Every week (and many weekends in the Weekend Warrior) a group of Fitbit “friends” compete for a virtual trophy, monitor each other’s progress, and talk a little smack. It has kept me active and getting more than my fair share of daily steps.

Many thanks to my friendly Fitbit community!

3. HealthyWage (Financial incentives)

Last December I made a bet with HealthyWage in order to utilize the power of financial incentives. I honestly don’t think I would have hit that forty pound goal if it weren’t for the $1,548 prize pot at stake. Check out my post Betting on Myself with a Drastic HealthyWager for more details on HealthyWage. And if you sign up for a HealthyWager of your own using this referral link, an extra $40 will be added to each of our prize pots.

4. Meticulous meal planning and preparation

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Without my meal plan, I am a sailor at sea without a map. And so every weekend I take the time to meticulously meal plan for the week ahead, including breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It keeps me organized, minimizes stress around food, and prevents unplanned and last minute calls for takeout. (As an added bonus, meal planning also saves us money and prevents food waste. A meal plan makes creating a grocery list a breeze. No more guesswork or buying anything that goes unused.)

5. The support of friends and family

You know those days when you’re really being good and eating well, and then your husband suggests pizza and mozzarella sticks for dinner? Or a girlfriend calls you up and invites you out for wine and nachos?

Me, too… but not these past few months. That’s because my husband, Mike, family and friends have been incredibly supportive and mindful of my goal and desire to eat healthy. Incredibly so!

For example, a few weeks ago I was shredding cauliflower for a cauliflower crust pizza, when Mike said he was going to order his own pizza. I burst into tears. No, it was not an appropriate response, and not fair to Mike, but I couldn’t help it (like I said, weight loss is an emotional journey, too.) I was instantly terrified and didn’t know how I would resist the temptation of his delicious white flour crust pizza next to my cauliflower one.

“Okay, okay,” he said. “I don’t want to eat that though,” he said pointing at the mountain of cauliflower “snow.” “What if I order a wrap? Will that be better for you?” It was, and he did.

When Philadelphia Restaurant Week came around this past winter, Kathy declined my invitation to our traditional lunch.

“You know,” she wrote, “I have given this a lot of thought, even before your fitness/weight loss challenge. And I am going to decline. I will though, include a challenge: let’s look at the menus and see if we can recreate, with healthy/light ingredients some of our favorite dishes. We can recreate restaurant week, and still meet our fitness goals.”

I was so surprised, and then disappointed. Restaurant Week only comes twice a year! I expressed my disappointment, but reluctantly agreed. As usual, she responded with greater wisdom:

“This is where we compare and prioritize what we really want; and make the grown-up choices of how to choose the path that gets us to where we REALLY want to end up in the long term. Is it going to be disappointing along the way as we have to say goodbye to choices we otherwise would have made? Hell yes, darling. That is the pain of being human. I do know though, that God does reward us tenfold; we just never can see it until later. Proud of you!!”

See what I mean about support!?! I consider myself extremely fortunate.

And those are only two of hundreds of examples. It’s my Mom baking me sweet potatoes instead of white; friends running restaurants past me when making plans; my friend, Suzanne picking a place for happy hour that has awesome custom salads; Mike eating what I eat (99% of the time); people giving me the space and time to make good decisions, non-judgement, compassion…

I could NOT have done this without that support and patience and LOVE. Every single one of the most important people in my life wanted me to succeed. And they all did their part to help make it happen.

I wish I could name everyone who was supportive of this challenge personally, but there are far too many of you. Please know that I noticed, and that I appreciate you.

6. No junk food in the house

I could convince myself all day I’ve learned enough and am now strong enough to keep “treats” in the house. Maybe I am, but I see no reason to test myself. All I’d be doing is tempting myself. And decision fatigue happens. Shitty days happen. And it’s best that I don’t have something to reach for in those moments of weakness.

And so I don’t keep junk food in the house. It’s that simple.

7. The adoption of a simple philosophy: “Eat real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.”

Author and activist Michael Pollan wrote that. I have finally succeeded in being turned off by artificial (toxic) foods, flavors, and colorings. If it was made in a plant and has more than ten ingredients, many of which I can’t pronounce, I DON’T EVEN WANT IT. That includes you, Doritos. There are healthier alternatives. Organic non-gmo popcorn sprinkled with nutritional yeast; salt and vinegar potato chips made with only four ingredients, including healthier oil; real ice cream made with real cream… Our food has gotten so far from actual food that it literally turns my stomach. I don’t want it anymore. I’ll take the real food, thank you.

And so that is precisely how and what I eat: real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.

I love to cook, fortunately. I admit that certainly gives me a slight advantage. Our meals consist of real food every day, and yes, lunch and dinner is mostly vegetables. I am also mindful of portion sizes after years of weighing, measuring, and counting calories (which I no longer feel the need to do.) Something I learned the French say has also helped prevent me from eating too much. They don’t use “hungry” and “full” the way we do here in the states, as if there are two only options. They use “hungry” and “without hunger.” That stuck with me. And so now I always try never to eat until I am full and uncomfortable. I eat until I am without hunger.

8. Tracking

I gave up calorie counting several years ago after years of dutifully doing it and seeing no results. I concluded it doesn’t work for me long term and causes me stress. If it works for you, then cool, keep doing it. What does work for me, however, is food journaling. I write down everything I eat every day, as well as my exercise, and I assign myself a grade from A+ through F based on a personal rubric I designed. I calculate an average GPA at the end of every month. (Data nerd, remember?) As you may imagine, this recovering perfectionist strives for A’s and B’s.

Call this the accountability factor. If I eat it, I write it down. And I don’t want some late night binge dragging down my entire GPA.

9. Daily weigh-ins

I weigh myself every single day. And I recently wrote a post 7 Reasons Why I Weigh Myself Every Day, so I will direct you to that for more on why this has been so beneficial.

10. Yoga

It has pained me to give up yoga these past few weeks as I cut my calories so much during crunch time that I didn’t have the strength for class. Now that I have taken the weekend to rest and eat and regain my strength, I am eager to get back to yoga.

Yoga has taught me so much about my body, its limits, and its capabilities. Yoga has helped me feel strong and empowered. Next to walking, it is my favorite form of exercise. Probably because it is so much more than exercise. It is an experience of body, mind and spirit. I enjoy seeing how far my body has come, and what it can now do that it recently could not.

So there you have it. That’s in large part how I lost 40 pounds in six months. My advice: keep trying tips, methods, programs, and tricks until you discover what works for YOU. Tell people your goals so that they can support you in them. We’re all different and motivated by different things. If I learned anything at all, it’s that all journeys must go through a process. We must discover what doesn’t work for us in order to discover what does. Don’t stick with one program because people tell you it’s best if you’re not seeing results. Give yourself the freedom and flexibility to experiment!

After all, that’s what I did for years. And it eventually paid off. That’s how I lost 40 pounds in six months.

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For years I weighed myself religiously every Friday morning. It was something I looked forward to, denying myself the privilege of even a sneak peek any other time throughout the week. This was a rule by which I faithfully abided. Who made the rule? I have no idea. But I remember hearing it throughout my life spoken by my mom, friends’ moms, the gym teacher that doubled as a health class teacher, the people in the Weight Watchers commercials, the guest doctor on Ricki Lake… The message was always the same: weighing yourself more than once a week resulted in weight obsession and demoralizing frustration over naturally occurring fluctuations.

I listened and abided by that rule in a way I only wish I had about the dangers of cigarettes and drugs (and boys). I was convinced that one extra weigh in was a slippery slope to anorexia. And so I listened to all those women and doctors and waited for Friday mornings.

Until April 9, 2016, which was a Saturday. Looking at my years’ worth of carefully logged weights, I can recall precisely what compelled me to break my cardinal rule and weigh myself that morning. You see, the weight that Saturday morning was exactly 2.1 pounds more than the morning before it. I must have gone out that Friday night or over-indulged and my curiosity about the damage got the best of me. It felt like ten pounds and I assumed it would be five or six. But no, it was 2.1. And the very next day? Back to Friday’s weight.

And that brings me to the seven reasons why I weigh myself every day.

1. Weighing myself every day STOPS the obsession and stories around NOT knowing.

This is the reason why it all started. I was convinced I had gained five pounds in one Friday night. I was often convinced of this. And I let the story play on repeat ALL.WEEK.LONG. I guessed and anticipated and obsessed over my weight based on what I ate one day. It was exhausting. Weighing myself stops all of that. And more often than not, I am pleasantly surprised. The stories in our heads are often worse than the reality.

2. One number no longer has the power to ruin my weekends.

There were so many weekends that were literally ruined by my Friday weight. I gave that digital number on the scale the power to set the tone for my entire weekend. That number either validated or condemned my efforts for the entire week before it, deeming it either a success or epic failure. And when it was bad, I carried anger and frustration with me. Especially if I thought I should weigh less than I did. As a result, I often overate that weekend to make myself feel better. And many of us know how well that works…

3. It allows for the detection of weight patterns and trends.

Weighing in once a week doesn’t provide enough data to work with in a productive way, especially if you’re a data nerd like me. All those weeks I thought I did great only to find the same number on the scale come Friday infuriated and demotivated me. Weight fluctuations occur for so many reasons. Maybe on a particular Friday I hadn’t had a bowel movement recently. Or maybe I was retaining water from PMS. There are days that I think the scale should be lower than it is, but it just takes another perfectly normal day, and then boom, my weight drops three pounds. There is not always a rhyme or reason to our weight. But when we weigh ourselves daily and keep notes, we can begin to create a bigger and clearer picture that we can make sense of. Which leads me to number four…

4. Small gains are no longer the end of the world.

When you weigh yourself daily, you come to understand your body, hormonal changes, and natural fluctuations. And when you begin to understand how your body operates, small weight gains no longer signify demoralizing failure.

5. When weighing myself daily I can see just how fast I can lose (or gain) weight.

Weighing in every day keeps me honest. I don’t know about you but I have seen upwards of seven pound weight increases after particularly social weeks. A few of those strung together and you can find yourself in serious trouble. But being armed with daily updates eliminates shocking surprises. The more often you weigh yourself, the less chance there is of weight gain (or loss if that’s what you’re trying to avoid) sneaking up on you.

But if weight loss is your goal, like it is mine, then you can also see how one stellar day of healthy eating, lots of water, and exercise can move the scales in your favor, which is super motivating!

6. I can identify set-points far more easily.

It is really difficult to identify true set-points when you only weigh yourself once a week. I know when I have hit a set point because my weight is the same to the ounce multiple days in a row. And when it does change a little in either direction, it goes right back to that number again. When this happens consistently over the course of two to three weeks, I know I’ve plateaued and need to step up up my game to power through it.

7. Weighing myself every day motivates me to try harder.

I no longer allow myself to indulge early in the week because the saboteur in my brain convinced me I can correct any damage by my Friday weigh-in. Now, every day matters more because every morning I face the reality of my actions from the day before. Weighing myself every day has quieted that voice that tries to bargain and manipulate. “It’s only Monday,” the saboteur would say. “You can totally get a cheeseburger and fries and just be good the rest of the week.” More often than not, I’d listen.

But not anymore. Every day matters.

Is it any wonder why weighing myself only once a week didn’t work for me?

Now trust me when I say that what works for me may NOT work for you. I am simply sharing what DOES work for me, and giving you the permission to try something different. I literally felt wrong when I started weighing myself daily, like I was committing a crime. I reluctantly confessed to my counselor what I had started doing, expecting her to reprimand me for doing something so foolish. But instead, she said, “If that’s what you want to do, try it.”

“Really!” I asked, surprised.

“You need permission? I give you permission.”

And I have been weighing myself daily ever since.

Obviously I am doing lots of other things to help me lose weight. Weighing yourself every day is not the secret to weight loss. But if you are working to lose weight, you may want to give it a try, or maybe start with several times a week. But if your system isn’t broken, then don’t fix it! My previous system of weighing in once a week was broken. And if yours isn’t serving you, then give yourself the permission to try something different, regardless of what you’ve been told.

There are no blanket rules that apply to everyone. And besides, it seems the “rules” are changing. I was happy to see my claim that weighing yourself more often may be beneficial backed up by the latest research. It was revealed at The Obesity Society’s Annual Scientific Meeting that weighing in at least four times a week can help you drop more pounds. According to Shape magazine, other studies have also shown that frequent weigh-ins increase your motivation by helping you monitor your progress. In fact, another quick Google search results in loads of articles suggesting the same thing.

It works for me.

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This post wraps up #BlogMarch2017, a movement created by the lovely Robin Renee to bring people together in order to raise voices for freedom of expression, knowledge, and information. Visit her blog tomorrow for a full recap of the march.

All month I’ve been reading the #BlogMarch2017 posts and have been in awe of people’s stories, their creativity, their voices… But more than anything I’ve been in awe of their courage. Here are people who refuse to remain voiceless in the face of adversity and struggle. Here are people who have the courage to live life by their own terms, be themselves, and speak their truths. And they’re willing to stand up for themselves and others, so that they may do the same.

What I’ve witnessed has reiterated what I already believe with all my heart: that we are not powerless. We are not victims of our circumstances. We have voices, faces, and ideas; strength to overcome and persevere; the freedom to expression and assembly; the right to resources and knowledge, and therefore, we are NOT helpless.

This applies to all struggles, personal, political and otherwise. We need not accept anything that we know in our hearts we cannot accept. We need not continue to surround ourselves with people who do not believe in us or support us. We need not continue to live unhappy, complacent lives. Be it as macro as a President you could never embrace as your own or the attack on women’s rights, or something more personal like a shitty job, toxic relationship or your weight, remember: WE ARE NOT POWERLESS.

Proof We Are Not Powerless

I will prove it.

Think of something you struggle to accept. Perhaps it’s another year at your depressing desk job? The rise in crime in your neighborhood? Another summer spent covered up at the pool because you hate the way you look in a swimsuit? Crippling debt? The attack on women’s rights in the United States? Your elected politicians? Your son’s messy bedroom? An addiction? A racist relative? A trauma from your past?

Some examples appear harder to take on than others, yes? But regardless of how overwhelmingly large your struggle may seem, how frightening, or how difficult, please consider it while I ask you a question: WHAT IS ONE THING YOU CAN DO RIGHT NOW to begin to change, express your feelings, and ultimately take ACTION against that which you cannot accept? In every single example there is at least one thing you can do right now to prove to yourself you are not helpless. It just takes a decision to DO ONE THING.

Things We Can Do

Write a letter or make a phone call, seek out a counselor or a doctor, start a meet-up to bring like-minded people together, throw away the junk food, balance your checkbook, channel your feelings through a creative medium, confide in someone, stand up and speak up! If you feel unempowered and afraid, your first ‘one thing’ may be to speak to someone that is or has been in a similar situation. Maybe it’s even just writing down the words in a journal. Everything in life begins with a first step. It doesn’t matter how small, as long as you use your power and take it.

Although we tend to isolate ourselves in our struggles, know that we are not alone with anything in this world. People all over are experiencing our same struggles. And when people come together, amazing things happen.

Remember, we need not accept anything we know in our hearts we cannot. Regardless of how large, frightening, or difficult the task to change or create change may seem, we are not powerless. There is one thing you can do right now to take action, no matter how small it may seem. And if we all begin to take action, we can set things in motion. If we set things in motion, we can change our lives. And if we can change our lives, we can collectively change the world.

Be sure to visit Robin Renee’s blog on June 1 for a full recap of #BlogMarch2017

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Dear Jessica,

I know you had a long week and you’re tired. But yoga would be a great way to end your week. Go to yoga class because it makes you feel wonderful. Then you can come home, take a nice shower, get into your pajamas, and enjoy a comfortable, well-deserved Friday night on the couch cuddling with Cooper. You got this.

I found that note on my bed when I got home from work. My yoga clothes were laid out neatly beside it, as was my mat. The note was signed: Love, Past Jessica.

I wrote the note to myself that morning knowing full well how I would feel later: TIRED. So I gave my future self the gift of motivation and encouragement. I read the note and thanked my past self for the reminder, changed into my yoga clothes, grabbed my mat, and went to yoga class. Past Jessica was right – it did make me feel wonderful.

You can motivate and encourage your future self this way, too. I started leaving notes to my future self over the past few months when I knew I’d need some support and encouragement. So far, it has helped me do whatever my past self lovingly encouraged me to do. That’s the key – the notes must be supportive and loving. Who feels motivated by a note that begins Dear Fat Fuck… or Dear Lazy Ass… I know I don’t.

I finally have my own back and I like to prove it to myself. I have tried relying on others to encourage and support me but it is unfair to ask so much of them. I’m sure poor Mike recalls all the times he tried to wake me to go to the gym at 5:00 am. “I’m tired,” I’d whine, pulling the covers over my head. Then later, when I woke up, “Oh my God, Mike! Why didn’t you get me up to go to the gym!?” Then it would somehow be his fault. Is it any wonder he stopped volunteering for the job? (sorry, Mike)

No. Motivating and encouraging me is MY job. But since I’m not always good at it, I leave it to past Jessica to do the work. So I leave myself notes when I think I’ll need the help.

Try it out!

1. Grab yourself a colorful notebook or post-its, and some markers. Or heck, smooth out a crumpled receipt and grab a pen, anything you can find. Think about what you want to accomplish that you may need some encouragement for… homework, eat a healthy meal, work out, etc. Now write yourself a note. Just be sure to do it LOVINGLY.

Here’s the one I wrote for myself this morning and left on my bed:

2. Next, be sure to leave your note in a spot where you will see it when you need to. If it’s a reminder to eat a healthy meal, stick it on the fridge. If it’s to go to the gym on the way home from work, then don’t leave it home. Leave it on your driver’s seat so you see it before you even start your car.

3. To make the note even more helpful, leave whatever you may need with the note: your gym clothes, a recipe, your textbook, the phone number of the person you’ve been putting off calling…

Leaving a loving note for yourself is a quick and easy way to motivate and encourage your future self. Try it out and let me know how it works for you!

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I’ve done something drastic. I bet $450 that I’ll lose 40 lbs. in six months using HealthyWage.

To put that in perspective, I’m spending actual money (that I can’t really spare) while committing to achieving a lofty goal that I have been trying and failing to achieve for years. And I’ve committed to achieving it in a mere six months. I haven’t even lost ten pounds combined over the past two years.

Am I crazy?

Or am I finally ready? I think I’m emboldened. Quitting smoking (171 days of today!) in 2016 after YEARS of trying and failing has given me confidence that I can, in fact, do hard things. My year of cognitive behavioral therapy gave me the tools I’ve been lacking, and taught me how to use them. At the start of this year it was incredibly clear that practice was over. It was game time. And I’ve been playing my heart out since.

Okay and maybe I’m a little crazy, too. Not to mention excited by the prospect of making money off my own success. That’s right, there’s more than just my $450 on the line.

Using HealthyWage

In late December I stumbled upon HealthyWage, a site & app where you bet on your own weight loss (I am in no way affiliated with them nor are they sponsoring this post). I’ve tried apps like GymPact in the past to incentivize me to work out more by placing cold hard money on the line. When I lost my Fitbit back in July I stopped. HealthyWage is similar but different. You specify the amount of weight you want to lose, how much time you want to do it in, and how much money you’re willing to put on the line. HealthyWage collects some other information (like your current weight and height) and calculates how challenging it thinks your goal is and spits out a prize amount which is funded by other members who failed to meet their goal.

Apparently, they must think my goal is a bit of a stretch. If I don’t make my goal, I’m out $450. If I do, though, I walk away with $1,308.29. That’s a gain of $858.29 on my initial investment of $450 (I will be charged $75 monthly for the duration of the 6 month challenge). Not bad!

I’m all about finding motivators, carrots and being challenged in measurable and competitive ways. I’m looking at this as an opportunity to combine two of my goals: financial independence and weight loss. That $1,308.29 would make a nice little dent in my student loan (who am I kidding, my student loan would barely even acknowledge that.) But I digress. If I can make $858.29 losing weight, then sign me up! I am quite literally making an investment in myself. I’m putting my money on ME.

So I signed up. And I’m super excited! With Mike’s help, I verified my starting weight. To do so you submit a quick video filmed in a mirror or by someone else where you weigh yourself and spin around slowly so they see you don’t have a bag of rocks on your back or anything. There’s guidelines on what you’re allowed to wear (short sleeves, nothing longer than the knee) and how to film it. It was super easy.

If this sounds like something you’d like to try for yourself, then please use this referral link when you sign up and $40 will be added to each of our prize pots. Sweeten the deal for us, would ya?

The pot is bigger the higher the stakes. I can hardly believe I committed to losing 40 lbs in 6 months! I have never achieved a goal like this EVER. But that’s roughly 7 lbs a month, which I know from experience is doable. I’ve just never been able to do it consecutively. With $1,308.29 on the line, I know I have to try my damnedest.

This is yet another carrot in a long road in which I have planted many carrots. With this one, I’m trying out the power of financial incentives. I’m energized by the prospect of making $858 while doing something I desperately want to achieve anyway.

There’s side group challenges, too! For example, I also joined a three month challenge for a $60 total investment to lose an average of 6% of my weight by the end of March. In order to be on track to meet the main challenge of 40 lbs in six months I need to be closer to 9% by the end of March anyway, so I figured… why not? (All the winners who achieve the 6% will split the prize money).

I’m loving HealthyWage. Hopefully I still am in six months. If you see a donation button appear on this site, you can safely assume I’m out $450. (I kid.)

Again, please use this referral link if you want to give it a shot. Remember, you pick all the terms. A conservative bet will still get you some extra money. It’s all up to you to determine the stakes. Good luck!

As for me, I’ll be sure to keep you all posted on my progress.

In August I wrote a list of ten things you can do to feel better when you’re feeling crappy. Things like be gentle to yourself, eat well, avoid negativity, etc. All great things and all proven to help you feel better. I stand by all of them. But sometimes those just aren’t enough. So here to help are ten more mood-boosting tips to feel better.

But what about when you practice all those things regularly and life is generally going good and then you go to the store to buy a salad for dinner and there are soft pretzels at the counter and you sort of black out and buy one and then eat it as you walk down the street and then you’re on the train and you realize you’ve ruined your healthy-eating streak and all your hopes for the evening are ruined and instead of cooking and writing and paying bills you want to lay on the couch like this…

Do check out Hyperbole and a Half and the artist responsible for this photo

…while shaking an angry fist in the air with a word bubble that says “Damn you, Pretzel! Goddamn you straight to HELLLLLLL!”

We as people have a tendency to wallow in our funks. When we feel depressed, nothing is appealing so getting out of the funk can be difficult. It takes energy, which is in short supply, hence why we tend to lay around on the couch.

But to those of us who know the mood is only temporary and that we’ll most likely regret “wasting” time once we feel better, it’s skillful to pro-actively take steps to defeat the funk and feel better instantly.

Lucky for me I had just accidentally carbo-loaded (which got me into this funk). Note: I know there’s nothing really wrong with a pretzel; all in moderation – yeah, I know, but I was on a really good streak and processed white flour often sends me into a carb binge. Back to the carbo-loading: so even though I did lay like a slug for a bit, I did have physical energy, just no mental desire or motivation because I was mad at a pretzel myself.

It’s times like this when you need to do something that works instantly!

10 Mood-Boosting Tips to Feel Better Instantly

1. Listen to happy music

One of many days I was angry with my husband, I decided I wanted to stop being angry, so I fired up Spotify’s Mood Booster playlist. I felt better instantly (and kind of silly listening to such happy-go-lucky music). Anyway, when he came in the room I changed my mind and decided I did still want to be mad so I prepared to say something not nice, took a deep inhale, and instead I STARTED LAUGHING. I just couldn’t be mad. It was too ridiculous to be mad when Pharrell’s “Happy” was playing in the background. Then he started laughing and asked why I was listening to such crappy music and I said, “Don’t knock it. Pharrell’s the reason you’re not being yelled at right now.”

We often want to listen to music that matches our moods. Sad music for a broken heart, hardcore for when we’re angry. Happy, fun music tricks the brain into having a good time. So build a playlist full of whatever floats your boat, or use one of the many playlists that already exist to get you feeling better in no time.

2. Phone a friend!

Tell them you feel bummed and ask them to help you feel better. A good friend will happily oblige. Or at the very least distract you long enough to forget why you’re feeling crappy. My go-to friend has a way of tricking me into saying what I wanted to do and then making me PROMISE I’ll go do that. Ugh, it’s so annoying.

3. Exercise. Get those endorphins flowing.

Yes, this was on the other list, but it bears repeating for its instant results. Go for a jog, hit the gym, take a walk, drop in for a yoga class. Just MOVE. If you’re feeling crazy, you can even combine #1 and #3 and listen to happy music while you run – now that’s just insane mood boosting right there!

4.CREATE something… ANYTHING. Bake, cook, build, paint, collage, write, sew.

This is so fulfilling, distracting AND rewarding. Doing an activity will take effort so ask for help if you need it. The night of ‘the pretzel incident’ I said to my husband, “I want to cook for the week and bake banana bran muffins, but i don’t have the motivation.” He said I should do it and offered to clean everything up afterward. Having help was enough to get me started and once I got started, I felt so much better.

5. Watch a movie – something funny or feel-good – or one of your favorites.

Television and movies are also distracting and can be very mood-enhancing depending on what you watch. So turn on the tube, binge-watch some Netflix, or pop in a movie and slug it up on the couch until the mood boosting powers kick in.

6. Read – escape to another world.

I am currently reading Jenny Lawson’s new book, Furiously Happy. It’s funny and entertaining. I read it once I was done cooking and baking so I wouldn’t start feeling crappy again.

Similar to movies, books are distracting and reading is a wonderful way to not so much boost your mood, but to forget why you’re in a poor mood. 

7. Practice gratitude.

Yes, this was on the other list, too BUT it bears repeating due to its instantaneous mood-boosting power.

I was mad at a pretzel myself. I considered letting it ruin my entire night. (by the way, I’m fully aware of how completely ridiculous this is.) What if it was my last night on earth? There are people who are starving and have no access to food. There are people who have no money for food. I live in a place where pretzels are sold at check out counters and I don’t even have to think about how much they cost, I just swipe my card and go on my way. I struggled with a pretzel because I am overweight because I have too much access to food. My “problem” was so ridiculous.

Compare yourself to those less fortunate and I guarantee you’ll feel better about your current situation.

8. Meditate

Stop thinking about what’s bothering you. Sit in silence. Try to clear your mind, be in the present moment. Meditation helps you to refocus.

The pretzel was in the past. It was time to let go and stop worrying about it. Life goes on. It’s all good.

9. Go somewhere.

In your pajamas at 2:00 pm slugging on the couch feeling sorry for yourself? Nothing else appeals to you? Brush your teeth, throw on some jeans, run a comb through your hair and GO SOMEWHERE. Get some fresh air. Drink a latte and people watch at your favorite cafe, drive to the beach, grab a beer at a bar, go sit in a park.

The act of getting dressed and out of the house alone is enough to make you feel that you didn’t squander your day. Besides, you never know what you may see, how you may feel inspired, or who you might meet. At the very least, you got some fresh air.

10. Cuddle your pup! Or your cat (if that’s your sort of thing.) No pets? Watch funny or cute videos of animals.

I could create a list within a list and provide 9 reasons you should cuddle your dog more often. But instead, I’ll just link to this wonderful list since someone else already made one.

No pets? But still like to laugh at them? Then take your mind off of how you think you may have failed at life, and instead watch this wonderful video of dogs failing at being dogs. I dare you not to laugh.

You’re welcome.

If you feel down, and you are mindful enough to acknowledge it, then you’re mindful enough to do something about it. Now you have ten tips in your toolbox. 

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