Dear Readers, I hope that you are well and safe and taking every precaution while self-isolating to help flatten the curve on Coronavirus. These are unprecedented times and I know that fear, stress and anxiety are rampant. I wanted to write sooner, but I’ve been struggling myself as I’ve attempted to adjust to this new normal.
Things are scary and there is a lot to worry about on top of natural emotions like loneliness, sadness, and boredom. It’s a recipe to trigger any disorder or addiction. I know I’ve been drinking too much, eating too much (which is triggering my disordered behaviors and thoughts around food), sleeping too much, working too much, reading the news too much, watching too much TV… too many unhelpful things too much of the time, of which there is simply too much.
I’ve allowed it with minimal self-judgement though because I understand I’m adjusting to a situation I’ve never experienced. I have a lot of helpful coping tools for my anxiety, disorders, and addictive tendencies, but it feels like I’m being given the ultimate test. We’re all being asked to build something we’ve never seen and for which we have no instructions. We’re all blind here, learning as we go.
So I’ve taken the past few weeks to feel my way around my emotions and this new way of life. I’ve allowed myself to give in to my emotions and fall back on old unhelpful coping tools like sleeping, drinking, and eating.
It’s funny in a weird sort of way; how many times I’d wish to be able to stay at home. How much I’d accomplish! I guess that’s why they say to be careful what you wish for. Granted, I didn’t wish for it to be under these circumstances. But here I am with an overabundance of hours in the day struggling to find the motivation to do much of anything, other than what I absolutely have to. Shit, I’m not even showering every day.
I’m impressed by those who are doing well under these circumstances. I’m not. I am weighed down by fear and loneliness, two exhausting waves of emotion lapping against the shores of my depression threatening to pull me in.
That being said, if I’ve learned anything over the past six years of this wellness journey it’s how to recognize when I need to course correct. The time is now.
Correcting Course
As I struggled with emotions that are triggering my disorders and addictions, I thought I’d reach out to someone whom I know continues to thrive. Jennie Claire has overcome more than most people, including a stroke last year that left her half-paralyzed. She’s since recovered and opened Rooted Yoga and Wellness, a yoga studio centered around holistic wellness and giving back to the community.
I asked Jennie, as someone only six months sober, to share with me how she’s managing and to offer some advice to people who are struggling with their own addictions or disorders. She answered, using alcohol as an example, but we can substitute any behavior or substance: food/disordered eating, sex, drugs, gambling, shopping/hoarding… anything that is part of our addictive pattern.
Jennie, Owner of Rooted Yoga & Wellness
“A global shut down provides us two opportunities: to get good old fashioned drunk, or to stay, or perhaps even become sober. Addiction is often a disease of loneliness, a disease of dysfunction, a disease of feeling inadequate. When we drink, the question we should be asking ourselves is why? What caused us to approach this toxin as a form of self medicating? What are we running from? What are we hiding? What are we afraid of?”
Distraction and avoidance. We turn to substances or behaviors to numb and distract ourselves from what we don’t want to/can’t face: fear, discomfort. That’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
Although Jennie is six months sober, she has been in and out recovery for 21 years, replacing one addiction with another.
“But today I am free,” she said. “Free from the fears, the burdens, the shackles that brought me into the patterns. Today I understand how to be alone, and that being alone doesn’t cause loneliness. Today I understand how to explore the emotions I am feeling instead of running and medicating.”
“This global pandemic to me is an opportunity to dive into yourself, your self worth, your fears, your frustrations, your why. And, chances are if you’re wondering if you should stop a behavior, you should. So today is a perfect day to take the first step. To breath in a new life free of chains, and full of hope.”
Today I took the first step. It’s a new month and self-isolation is mandated for at least 30 more days. Whether we like it or not, this way of life is our new normal. I have two opportunities, like Jennie said. I can continue to sink into old destructive patterns and behaviors or I can go inward, face my emotions, sit with them rather than numb them, and work toward doing more of that which brings me peace.
Today I went for an early morning bike ride and practiced yoga. I showered. I started reading a new book and wrote. I ate three healthy meals. I created a habit tracker for healthy habits I’d like to re-cultivate. I made a list of projects I can tackle throughout the month.
I know some days will be harder than others and on those days the best thing for me may be to stay in my pajamas, nap, and watch television. And on those days, I will do that. But I’d like for it to be by conscious choice, not because I am subconsciously hiding from my emotions.
We humans are incredibly resilient. But as we acclimate to our new environments, I urge you to be gentle with yourself and focus on your mental well-being. Many of us struggle with motivation on even the best of days. I’m not looking to make progress on my novel or come out of this a size smaller. I’m just trying not to come out of this worse than I went in. And I think if I can manage that, then I know I will at the very least come out stronger.
And so will you.
Rooted Yoga and Wellness is offering donation-based classes online! Classes include meditation, Yoga for Recovery (which complements the 12 step program), restorative yoga, yoga nidra and “Angst Away Asana.” Click here to view the class schedule.
How are you coping with the emotions triggered by this new way of life? I’d really like to hear from you.
Summer’s over — time to get back to work. I didn’t mean to take the summer off from writing. I wish I could tell you I’ve been doing something glamorous like traveling or focusing solely on my novel or better yet, circumnavigating the globe on a sailboat while writing my novel! But mostly I’ve just been working, sweating, watching television, feeling badly about myself, and fighting depression… ya know, the normal fun stuff!
My break from writing started out well-intentioned enough. Back in June when all the schools were letting out I found myself reminiscing about the freedom and bliss of summers off with no responsibilities. I craved fewer obligations. At the time, that’s all writing had become to me. It was no longer something I felt compelled to do, or even wanted to do. It had become a chore and I was burnt out.
After some soul searching, I decided to give myself a break from writing to free myself from that sense of obligation that had been burdening me. It wasn’t an easy decision. But I’m glad I made it. At least not writing was on my account and not on account of the disappointing summer that ensued.
I’m not going to go into all the reasons why this summer wasn’t so great (it’s been one thing after another), but I will say depression and general anhedonia has been a contributing factor (hence the copious television watching). I know Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is caused by a lack of sunlight and affects people during the dark winter, but I think I suffer from another SAD – Summer Affective Disorder. Maybe it has something to do with the oppressive heat… or perhaps my body insecurities exacerbated by how horrendous I look in tank tops and swimsuits… who knows. But despite the continued suffocating heat, the calendar has turned, summer is unofficially over, and I already feel better.
Break time is over. And I have a lot of work to do… so stay tuned!
A note to all my new subscribers: Thank you for following my journey! Before this summer I posted regularly and I fully intend to return to a bi-weekly schedule. So stay tuned for more on minimalism, weight loss, and my journey to a simpler, happier, and healthier life!
As my 36th birthday approaches, I’ve been thinking about the year behind me as part of my traditional birthday reflection. Ageing is not synonymous with growing in my book, and I feel a responsibility to monitor my growth with pencil marks in a proverbial door frame. As I have said many times here, I refuse to live the same year over and over again and call it my life. Unfortunately, this year there has been some debate regarding whether I’ve grown enough.
But I can’t reflect without first acknowledging where I was this time last year.
This Time Last Year
As many of you know, last May I was the thinnest I had been since 2013. As thrilled as I was and as healthy as I thought I was, I now know that I was just a thinner, less healthy version of myself. My life revolved around food, diet and my weight while I obsessively tried to meet my birthday weight goal, which was part of a larger 40 lb. goal. I made that goal. But as many of you know, come July, I began gaining back every single one of those forty pounds over the following six months.
So here I am in May, 2018, nearly thirty pounds heavier than I was on my 35th birthday. I am fully aware of how this happened and why. But that doesn’t make it suck any less.
Argument for Stagnancy
This past weekend I found myself in a dark place uninspired, unmotivated and experiencing an alarming sense of hopelessness. I felt utterly defeated. After all my hard work, I was back where I started. Another year had passed and I hadn’t achieved the things I set out to achieve. I felt as if I spent my 35th year on a treadmill moving, but going nowhere.
Argument for Growth
Despite some setbacks, there is evidence of my forward movement and growth this past year.
My career took a huge leap forward
This past year I realized that in order to continue to advance my well-being, I needed to move on and advance in my career. After seven years with my previous employer (and a combined 13 in non-profit), I committed myself to finding a new position in a new company. It wasn’t easy! The waiting and uncertainty was torturous. But I put myself out there and expanded my search beyond non-profit, which was intimidating. Eventually, I landed a position where I get to utilize my skills, learn, and do work that I enjoy! I remain grateful every single day for my new job, my employer, the ways I’m being challenged, and my courage to forego the familiar and go in search of greener pastures.
We made a commitment to significantly reduce our debt
Thanks to an increased salary and the help of Dave Ramsey, Mike and I started the year committed to a monthly budget and paying down debt. This is significant because it falls directly in line with my goal to live a better and simpler life. The freedom of a debt-free life no longer feels so out of reach.
Our kitchen renovation is nearly complete
I never liked my kitchen. But it turns out that kitchen renovations are EXPENSIVE! So Mike and I have been diy-ing our kitchen for years, little by little, one piece at a time, saving for the big stuff like windows, flooring and countertops. Well FINALLY, our new countertops were installed this past month. For the first time since we bought our house in 2011, I like my kitchen. Yes, of course I’m grateful I at least have a kitchen — that goes without saying. But now it’s a room I actually enjoy being and cooking in.
All that’s left is the back splash and some minor touching up here and there and we’re done! This has been a project four plus years in the making, which is why it’s so significant.
Counter Argument for Stagnancy
Three things? That’s it!?
Okay I’ll admit I grew a little. But I could have done more had I spent less time scrolling on my phone, napping, and watching Netflix. I could have done more if I was more talented, disciplined and driven. I guess I don’t want to achieve my goals as much as I want to watch television and stare at my phone.
Counter Argument for Growth
First of all, my job search was intensely stressful and consumed the greater part of five months, not including the acclimation period. It required a great deal of energy above and beyond my other many “extracurricular” obligations and involvements that I manage and maintain throughout the year.
Yes, I concede to the point I could have spent less time on my phone, something I fully intend to limit this year. However, honoring the need to rest, seeking down time, and knowing my own limits clearly demonstrates growth in and of itself. Not once since achieving June’s weight loss goal have I experienced the debilitating pain of interstitial cystitis or felt ill as a result of stress.
All evidence points to positive steps taken toward living a less stressful, more peaceful, and simpler life. And besides, it doesn’t matter how fast I go, as long as I GO.
((mic drop))
Final Verdict
Fortunately I’ve learned that thoughts, as convincing as they may seem, can be cunning little liar tricksters. The above is a kinder, very much abbreviated version of the arguments that have been running through my head the past week. Thankfully, I was able to use my tools to quiet the negative voice that tried so hard to convince me I failed.
I learned and achieved a lot this past year. And as for the areas where I’ve fallen short… I’m still figuring those out. I feel good about turning 36 tomorrow. I’m excited for the year ahead and the opportunity to learn, achieve, experience and GROW even more.
I wrote one blog post in October. Surely someone other than my Mom noticed that? I started a draft of this post back in June. It reads “June was hard on me.” Unfortunately so was July. And August. And September. And October. I shared some of that in my last post, Stress Sucks, where I also confessed I had gained back twenty of the forty pounds I lost this year. I had high hopes that this week off would finally mark the end of a five month run of stress. It almost didn’t. But thankfully I realized my staycation mistakes early on with the help of my counselor, and finally gave myself permission to take it easy before I start my new job.
Staycation Mistakes
Mistake #1: Attempting to add too much structure to the unstructured
Before the start of vacation I began scheduling my time off in what I now realize was an attempt to add structure to the unstructured. I filled my calendar with to-dos and all the yoga and exercise classes I wanted to take.
But then my calendar became overwhelming. I struggled between what I thought I should be doing (going to yoga) and what I wanted to do (have slow mornings in my pajamas with lots of coffee and reading.)
“You are a very structured person,” my counselor said. “Structured people struggle with unstructured time, which is why they often can’t wait to get back into a routine. But this is your vacation.”
I realized I could do with a bit of unplanned time, so I stopped scheduling it all.
Mistake #2: Overly ambitious and unrealistic plans
I overwhelmed myself with ambitious and unrealistic plans. These plans included working out every day, eating perfectly, writing every day, and completing about eight thousand million projects. Is it any wonder I started vacation with splitting headaches and wanting nothing more than to sleep? Guilt gnawed at me, like a hamster on a carrot. What I should be doing ran through my head on repeat and the headaches intensified.
“What are your MAIN priorities this week?” my counselor asked.
I considered them. “Eat healthy. Umm, exercise every day for at least 45 minutes, rest, get my clothes ready for my first week of work. Oh, and write!”
Eating perfectly was never going to happen and I should have known better than to even let that combination of words pass through my mind. I had so many social plans and meals out that it was impossible. Not to mention it was Halloween! So again, I eased up on myself.
Identifying my primary goals also helped me realize that I didn’t need to go to yoga most days, especially since my body wasn’t up for it. I walked around Philadelphia nearly five miles with my Dad on Thursday. That counts. So does hitting the treadmill in my basement while I watch an episode of Scandal. I’m doing what my body is up for. After all, I’m still sleeping twelve hours every night and recovering from whatever stress my body’s been under, which leads me to…
Mistake #3: Denying the magnitude of the transition
I truly don’t feel stressed or anxious about starting my new job. I have only felt stressed or anxious about wasting this week (see mistake #4).
But my counselor helped me realize that regardless, the transition is causing anxiety. This is a major life change. There are residual emotions over leaving my previous job and there are many unknowns about the new job. I haven’t noticed because I’ve gotten skilled at staying in the present, but obviously, there are emotions lingering. It was a mistake to not acknowledge the magnitude of this life-changing transition. Once I did, that helped me to be more gentle with myself.
Mistake #4: Judging use of time
No one is productive all the time. I don’t care what they say. And personally, I don’t think that would be healthy. But I did go into this week thinking that binge-watching Stranger Things Season 2 was a waste of precious time. Anything that wasn’t writing, cleaning, prepping, cooking, producing was a waste of time. But once we identified my goals for the week, one of which is to rest, I realized there was a lot of time where I could do whatever I wanted.
So after counseling, I went home and watched Stranger Things over lunch. On Halloween, I ran my errands in the morning and then finished the season throughout the afternoon. Time wasted? No way. I enjoyed it.
So much of our stress is self-inflicted. Seriously. We put far too much unnecessary pressure on ourselves it’s ridiculous.
I was disappointed I only posted once last month. The need to write and get something up certainly gnawed at my mind. But I had nothing to say at the time, and the truth is that I had higher priorities. I gave myself permission to take the break to focus on other things. And frankly, I was exhausted all the time.
I try to live by example with this site, which is why I share so openly and honestly with you all. What kind of inspiration can I be if I start posting for the sake of posting and give myself a break down in the process?
Priorities shift as life shifts. And I’m doing my best to roll with it.
So I made some staycation mistakes. And I didn’t eat perfectly. I slept A LOT. I watched a lot of Netflix. Not much writing happened. But I DID have quality time with numerous people. And best of all, I finally feel better. The headaches are gone and I feel rested.
July was a slippery tightrope on which I could not get a firm grip despite my efforts. Obligations battled for attention, sickness sidelined me, pressures built, and schedules filled. As so often happens when I’m overwhelmed, a critical component of my well being suffered: my health. But rather than write off an entire month, I’m trying something different. I’m giving myself credit where it’s due, identifying areas for improvement, and most importantly, examining where I lost my balance in life so I can maintain it next time a strong wind blows.
Where I Lost My Balance
It’s a shame that the first thing to suffer when life gets hectic is most often ourselves. I can count on one hand the number of times I exercised in July. I barely meditated. I hardly cooked. I bought lunch and takeout when I didn’t need to, spending money I didn’t want to and consuming food I hadn’t planned to.
I was unable to follow my own formula, which has worked countless times. And so I struggled two more weeks, hopping on and falling off the tightrope until I was exhausted and defeated.
Coincidentally, the winds have died just in time for a new month. I am firmly planted on my rope and feel balanced. Before I take a step, however, I think it is important to examine where I lost my balance. I have my friend, Robin Renee to thank for that. You see, she commented on my post about resetting with words of wisdom that resonated with me:
“I try to notice, gently, what led me off the path. When I notice consciously that I am overeating out of nervousness or emotional upset, it’s a little easier to stop and make a better choice. If I find I am being reactionary out of anger directed at self or other, I might take the first steps toward looking at the underlying issue rather than punishing myself by being inactive or something similar. To do that kind of self-reflection, while being kind to myself regardless of what I find, is a practice that has seen me through a lot in recent years.”
I didn’t manage to do this in the throes of July’s chaos. But since stress and life is certain to keep happening, Robin has helped me to realize that the best way to prevent losing balance in the future is to “notice, gently” what led me off my rope. Did I stumble for the sake of stumbling? Am I weak and undisciplined? Am I a failure?
No.
First of all, June depleted me physically, emotionally and mentally as I was consumed with achieving my weight loss goal. I needed some time to recuperate and take it easy and so I allowed that for myself.
But then I got sick with an upper respiratory infection. I was so miserable that my cravings for comfort in the form of food came out in full force. I was not strong or well enough to resist them. And so for nearly an entire week I slept, binge-watched Vikings, and ate whatever I wanted.
After that, things were just… full… and I struggled to gain my footing since so many things required my attention. Keep in mind that not everything was necessarily bad. In addition to the tough stuff a lot of significant and positive things happened. It was just a lot. The rest of the month felt like one long uphill climb. Each obligation, social event, and appointment was a checkpoint I was relieved to cross. Time off was hard to come by, and so I used it to sit and rest (and eat) rather than reset.
Areas For Improvement
I do not say any of this to make excuses. I’m simply “noticing.” There is a learning opportunity here, which is why I’m reflecting. The first step to doing better is to understand where I went wrong.
I see now that next time I do something particularly taxing, I need to plan close-ended recovery time. Next time I get sick, I must remember to stock up with “healthy” comfort food since even sickness is no deterrent to my appetite. And if my schedule gets too full, I need to find windows for rest, but also windows for self-care, even if that means rescheduling some things.
Clearly, I still have work to do understanding and prioritizing my priorities. My health is a high priority, yet my actions don’t reflect that when life gets full. I must prioritize my diet, exercise and well-being regardless of the winds life kicks up.
Giving Credit Where It’s Due
I struggled this past July and I lost my balance in life. But with that being said, I see great progress in how I handled a difficult month. Despite falling off my rope, I continued to step back on even if I only held my balance a few hours before stumbling again. Three years ago I would have cut the rope and burned it.
Throughout it all, I didn’t smoke a cigarette and celebrated my one-year cigarette-free-versary on July 23. Although my eating was poor, I made better bad choices. And although this past month affected my relationship with my self, it didn’t spread farther than that. It didn’t leave me emotionally erratic or cause tension in any of my other relationships. This is a tremendous victory.
I am a work in progress and like everyone else, I’m doing the best I can. My performance this past July was my best. But now after reflecting on where I stumbled, I feel confident that with practice I will continue to improve my balancing skills.
Hitting my June 30 weight loss goal took a lot out of me. Not one day after marking that accomplishment, other stressors and projects that required my attention consumed my last bit of energy. Once I made it through the remaining hurdles, I felt a well deserved break was in order. And so I took it easy and relaxed. And then three days after getting back on track, I got derailed by some sort of summer cold I’m still battling. Now half of July is gone. I haven’t gone to yoga in ages and haven’t hit my daily goal of 11,000 steps since July 2. I feel weak. I’ve been eating like crap. I can’t believe how quickly things went off track. I desperately need a reset and decided that today is the day for it. Luckily for me, I know exactly how to reset body and mind to get me feeling better.
Do you need a reset, too? Maybe you’re getting over being ill, or have been bogged down by anxiety and stress, or maybe just have been derailed by competing obligations? Whatever your reason for needing a reset, keep reading for seven simple ways to reset your body and mind to get you feeling better by bed time. They’re the exact things I’m doing today.
1. Drink water
Stop what you’re doing and go drink water. Seriously, stop. If your bottle of water is nearby, take a long chug. If it’s not, get up right now and fill a tall glass and drink it down. Water is crucial to our well being and many of us don’t get enough. My water consumption is one of the many things that suffers when I’m not on top of my game. So this morning I filled two 32 oz. bottles with water and the juice of two lemons. I drank both by 4:00 pm and will drink at least one more before bed.
In my opinion, drinking water is the simplest thing we can all do on a daily basis to help us feel better. Water flushes out toxins, aids digestion and increases regularity. It boosts the immune system, reduces headaches and improves skin complexion. And it generally helps you feel more energized. There is no acceptable reason whatsoever to deny yourself water. So please, do it for yourself.
2. Get some exercise
And I don’t mean next week. I mean today (or at least tomorrow if it’s already late in the day). Exercise is another excellent free thing that helps us to feel better almost instantly. I’ve hit my first exercise slump in ages and let me tell you, I feel awful; weak, irritable, fatigued. I am at the point of craving exercise.
With this nasty cough, I won’t go for a jog or even a walk (it’s far too humid). But I will finally do thirty minutes of light yoga to begin to ease my body back into a practice and loosen up my joints that have gotten used to the couch the past week.
For those of you who don’t exercise regularly, I know how hard it can be to begin. But it’s all you have to do. Just begin. Go for a ten minute walk if that’s all you feel you can do right now. Every little bit counts and will get those endorphins flowing.
3. Eat something nutritious
We’ve been eating a lot of takeout and junk lately in my house, largely because I haven’t felt well. When I don’t feel well, I seek easy comfort food even though it’s the worst thing for me.
Despite not feeling well, the thought of eating more junk makes me feel nauseous. And so I’m making the dinner I was too tired and ill to make yesterday. It’s a pasta dish with chicken loaded with mushrooms and asparagus with a bit of goat cheese melted throughout. I enjoy cooking very much and am excited to sit down at the table to “real” food.
No food in the house or no time to cook? Choose the lesser of the take-out evils. Maybe that’s a soup or salad from a fast food chain, or a turkey sub/hoagie from (insert beloved convenience store/deli here – mine is Wawa). It may require a little extra effort, but there are more options than greasy chinese, pizza or cheeseburgers. Find something good for you and your body will thank you for it.
3. Plan your food
Think about the rest of today and tomorrow, too. I know I have some cherries that have seen better days so I’ll mix them with some oats, yogurt, chia seeds, almond milk, raw almonds, and a drizzle of honey. Voila – cherry overnight oats for the next four days. I’ll also defrost some wheat bread for a peanut butter sandwich and maybe hard boil some eggs, and see what else I can dig up in order to prevent buying lunch.
Just see what you have and get creative. Or better yet, run to the store if you have time, but whip up a quick meal plan and list first.
No food and no time? Again, planning ahead can prevent you from making decisions you may later regret. When we’re hungry and irritable, we tend to get amnesia and find ourselves reaching for the most convenient source of energy. By planning ahead, you allow the space to remember better options like Panera, Chipotle (burrito bowl/salad), or even Whole Foods which has plenty of seating and a gorgeous prepared foods bar.
The point is not to wait until you’re hangry to think about what to eat.
4. Straighten up/get organized
I don’t know about you, but if my environment is cluttered, my mind is cluttered and I don’t function well. Take some time to straighten up and get organized. Throw in a load of wash if you need work clothes or towels, do the dishes… just get things to a less stressful level. You’re not aiming for immaculate – just orderly. And try to stay focused on the major living areas and surfaces. Other areas are not at all a priority. This is NOT the time to clean out the linen closet or medicine cabinet (unless you find yourself completely energized to do so!)
5. Make a to-do list
Getting back on the wagon usually means facing things you’ve neglected that require your attention. Free-write a to-do list. Just write down anything and everything you can think of whether you need to do it tomorrow or next month. Just get it from your head to the paper. You can re-order it later. The goal for now is simply to get it out of your head.
6. Ask yourself: What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?
Now that you’ve drank your water, exercised, eaten something healthy, straightened up and made a to-do list, you should be feeling exponentially better in body and mind! Maybe it’s time to wash up for bed or call it a night and settle in for last night’s Game of Thrones premiere on the DVR. Awesome! You did great!
But if there’s still time or you want more, then ask yourself today (or tomorrow morning): What is the most important thing I can do right now to begin to feel better?
As for me, I would like to watch another episode of my current binge-watching pleasure, Vikings. But the truth is that I’ve been doing too much of that lately. I gave myself permission to take a break from blogging. But now the break’s over and getting back to work is what will make me feel better. And so instead of hanging out on the couch, I am at my desk writing this blog post.
Vikings isn’t going anywhere.
But if the most important thing you can do right now feels too big or overwhelming or is also the source of your stress (I’ve been there!), then please go on to the next question.
7. Ask yourself: What is one small step I can take right now to get the ball rolling?
Earlier this month I had to prepare for an important meeting. It was a significant source of stress for me and I completely procrastinated until I literally could not procrastinate anymore. Finally, with tears in my eyes, I just… began. First, I sat at my desk. Next, I turned on my computer. Third, I set my timer and committed to sixty minutes of effort. Next, I pulled out my notes, and so it went…
Thirty minutes in, problems began to resolve themselves, ideas came to me, and the preparation began to come together. The stress and anxiety melted away.
If all you can do right now is make a list or a phone call, write one email, or Google something, then that’s all you need do! Do that thing you identified and be proud of yourself for getting started.
To begin, just begin.
Not sure where to begin? Start at the beginning and go drink some water. It helps, I promise.
It’s no accident that this list of how to reset body and mind started with water, exercise and food. You can not begin to feel better in mind without first feeling better in body. The brain is a muscle and does not operate without the cooperation of the body. So do these things in order and you will be on your way to feeling better in no time.
What would you add to this list? I’d love to hear from you.
Well everyone, I did it! I lost 40 pounds in six months and met my HealthyWage deadline in the nick of time!
I feel wonderful! But I have to admit, those last two weeks were a real struggle, not just physically, but also mentally and emotionally. I still have a ways to go, too. But when I look at those two photos side by side, I feel incredibly accomplished and proud.
Everyone’s support has been invaluable! I can’t thank you enough for your encouragement, positive reinforcement, and all around great energy. It took a village, and I could not have done this without you. THANK YOU.
Inspiration
I’ve been told many times since I posted my victory photo that I am inspiring. That is an incredible thing to hear, and something I do not take lightly. I know better than anyone how difficult substantial weight loss can be. And many people have since emailed me with one question, often written exactly like this:
HOW?!?!?!?!
Like so many others struggling with their weight, I truly feel that I have tried everything. So it’s no surprise to me that people think I may have some secret method they haven’t tried before. The fact is that I don’t. I have been writing about my weight loss journey here for some time now. But it is true that I have had great success with specific tools. So I evaluated all that I’ve done and all that has helped me over the past several months so I could tell you how I lost 40 pounds in six months.
10 Things I Attribute Most to My Weight Loss
1. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
I know it may be risky to start with this, but please don’t stop reading. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) has changed everything for me, and so deserves the top spot on my list. In the simplest terms, CBT is a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns. It may sound technical, but it’s not. CBT helped me to identify and understand the destructive thought patterns I was literally trapped in, especially when it came to food and ideas around my body and weight. Read my post Cognitive Therapy for Weight Loss for more information and to see this process at work.
I am absolutely convinced now that true, lasting weight loss must start in the brain. How can we possibly repair our bodies without repairing our thought patterns and habits first?
2. Competition: Fitbit Workweek Hustles
I am a competitive person. Knowing this about myself, I use it to my advantage. I love my Fitbit and diligently track my steps. The first week of January my friend, the talented writer, Glenn Walker invited me to a weekly Fitbit challenge called a Workweek Hustle where up to ten challengers compete for bragging rights. One week of friendly competition turned into six full months! Every week (and many weekends in the Weekend Warrior) a group of Fitbit “friends” compete for a virtual trophy, monitor each other’s progress, and talk a little smack. It has kept me active and getting more than my fair share of daily steps.
Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. Without my meal plan, I am a sailor at sea without a map. And so every weekend I take the time to meticulously meal plan for the week ahead, including breakfasts, lunches and dinners. It keeps me organized, minimizes stress around food, and prevents unplanned and last minute calls for takeout. (As an added bonus, meal planning also saves us money and prevents food waste. A meal plan makes creating a grocery list a breeze. No more guesswork or buying anything that goes unused.)
5. The support of friends and family
You know those days when you’re really being good and eating well, and then your husband suggests pizza and mozzarella sticks for dinner? Or a girlfriend calls you up and invites you out for wine and nachos?
Me, too… but not these past few months. That’s because my husband, Mike, family and friends have been incredibly supportive and mindful of my goal and desire to eat healthy. Incredibly so!
For example, a few weeks ago I was shredding cauliflower for a cauliflower crust pizza, when Mike said he was going to order his own pizza. I burst into tears. No, it was not an appropriate response, and not fair to Mike, but I couldn’t help it (like I said, weight loss is an emotional journey, too.) I was instantly terrified and didn’t know how I would resist the temptation of his delicious white flour crust pizza next to my cauliflower one.
“Okay, okay,” he said. “I don’t want to eat that though,” he said pointing at the mountain of cauliflower “snow.” “What if I order a wrap? Will that be better for you?” It was, and he did.
When Philadelphia Restaurant Week came around this past winter, Kathy declined my invitation to our traditional lunch.
“You know,” she wrote, “I have given this a lot of thought, even before your fitness/weight loss challenge. And I am going to decline. I will though, include a challenge: let’s look at the menus and see if we can recreate, with healthy/light ingredients some of our favorite dishes. We can recreate restaurant week, and still meet our fitness goals.”
I was so surprised, and then disappointed. Restaurant Week only comes twice a year! I expressed my disappointment, but reluctantly agreed. As usual, she responded with greater wisdom:
“This is where we compare and prioritize what we really want; and make the grown-up choices of how to choose the path that gets us to where we REALLY want to end up in the long term. Is it going to be disappointing along the way as we have to say goodbye to choices we otherwise would have made? Hell yes, darling. That is the pain of being human. I do know though, that God does reward us tenfold; we just never can see it until later. Proud of you!!”
See what I mean about support!?! I consider myself extremely fortunate.
And those are only two of hundreds of examples. It’s my Mom baking me sweet potatoes instead of white; friends running restaurants past me when making plans; my friend, Suzanne picking a place for happy hour that has awesome custom salads; Mike eating what I eat (99% of the time); people giving me the space and time to make good decisions, non-judgement, compassion…
I could NOT have done this without that support and patience and LOVE. Every single one of the most important people in my life wanted me to succeed. And they all did their part to help make it happen.
I wish I could name everyone who was supportive of this challenge personally, but there are far too many of you. Please know that I noticed, and that I appreciate you.
6. No junk food in the house
I could convince myself all day I’ve learned enough and am now strong enough to keep “treats” in the house. Maybe I am, but I see no reason to test myself. All I’d be doing is tempting myself. And decision fatigue happens. Shitty days happen. And it’s best that I don’t have something to reach for in those moments of weakness.
And so I don’t keep junk food in the house. It’s that simple.
7. The adoption of a simple philosophy: “Eat real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.”
Author and activist Michael Pollan wrote that. I have finally succeeded in being turned off by artificial (toxic) foods, flavors, and colorings. If it was made in a plant and has more than ten ingredients, many of which I can’t pronounce, I DON’T EVEN WANT IT. That includes you, Doritos. There are healthier alternatives. Organic non-gmo popcorn sprinkled with nutritional yeast; salt and vinegar potato chips made with only four ingredients, including healthier oil; real ice cream made with real cream… Our food has gotten so far from actual food that it literally turns my stomach. I don’t want it anymore. I’ll take the real food, thank you.
And so that is precisely how and what I eat: real food, mostly vegetables, not too much.
I love to cook, fortunately. I admit that certainly gives me a slight advantage. Our meals consist of real food every day, and yes, lunch and dinner is mostly vegetables. I am also mindful of portion sizes after years of weighing, measuring, and counting calories (which I no longer feel the need to do.) Something I learned the French say has also helped prevent me from eating too much. They don’t use “hungry” and “full” the way we do here in the states, as if there are two only options. They use “hungry” and “without hunger.” That stuck with me. And so now I always try never to eat until I am full and uncomfortable. I eat until I am without hunger.
8. Tracking
I gave up calorie counting several years ago after years of dutifully doing it and seeing no results. I concluded it doesn’t work for me long term and causes me stress. If it works for you, then cool, keep doing it. What does work for me, however, is food journaling. I write down everything I eat every day, as well as my exercise, and I assign myself a grade from A+ through F based on a personal rubric I designed. I calculate an average GPA at the end of every month. (Data nerd, remember?) As you may imagine, this recovering perfectionist strives for A’s and B’s.
Call this the accountability factor. If I eat it, I write it down. And I don’t want some late night binge dragging down my entire GPA.
9. Daily weigh-ins
I weigh myself every single day. And I recently wrote a post 7 Reasons Why I Weigh Myself Every Day, so I will direct you to that for more on why this has been so beneficial.
10. Yoga
It has pained me to give up yoga these past few weeks as I cut my calories so much during crunch time that I didn’t have the strength for class. Now that I have taken the weekend to rest and eat and regain my strength, I am eager to get back to yoga.
Yoga has taught me so much about my body, its limits, and its capabilities. Yoga has helped me feel strong and empowered. Next to walking, it is my favorite form of exercise. Probably because it is so much more than exercise. It is an experience of body, mind and spirit. I enjoy seeing how far my body has come, and what it can now do that it recently could not.
So there you have it. That’s in large part how I lost 40 pounds in six months. My advice: keep trying tips, methods, programs, and tricks until you discover what works for YOU. Tell people your goals so that they can support you in them. We’re all different and motivated by different things. If I learned anything at all, it’s that all journeys must go through a process. We must discover what doesn’t work for us in order to discover what does. Don’t stick with one program because people tell you it’s best if you’re not seeing results. Give yourself the freedom and flexibility to experiment!
After all, that’s what I did for years. And it eventually paid off. That’s how I lost 40 pounds in six months.
It had been a really rough week and a half. It was the first time in a while I sat in my counselor’s office and cried sad, thick, tired tears. What was wrong? Nothing. And everything. Despite all I’ve learned and my quest for balance, I had gone and done it again. I put too much on my proverbial plate and was overwhelmed. My quest for balance became unbalanced. As a result, all the tell-tale symptoms had appeared. Mike and I were bickering more, I didn’t feel well, I was highly sensitive, and I had a great desire to check out on the couch under a mountain of potato chips and chocolate in an effort to hide from the world and my responsibilities.
Becoming Unbalanced
The pressure had been building for a few weeks. I had tried to minimize my priorities, and I did cut a bit of the unimportant stuff. But it seemed I was still left with too much I considered a high priority. The thing is though, the great majority of those responsibilities were self-imposed. Things I had incorporated into my daily routine over the past several months in an effort to live a well-balanced life mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually: meditation, exercise, journaling, writing, cleaning and meal planning, and gardening among other things.
I think under normal circumstances I could manage it all, but work is particularly busy since our largest annual event is around the corner. There has also been a lot of random obligations and events taking up my time. Top that off with some serious PMS, and my quest for balance became unbalanced. That’s because keeping up with all of the self-imposed tasks resulted in stress. The stress brought me out of balance mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually.
I tried to meditate and couldn’t quiet my brain from thinking of everything I “had” to do. Since I was stressed and over tired, my emotions were heightened and I argued with Mike. Physically, I felt run down. I started to feel sad. That hopeless feeling began to creep into my thoughts like light fog.
I had ignored the warning signs, but couldn’t ignore the symptoms. I knew that something had to give.
Restoring Balance
And so I stopped doing everything from a sense of obligation and started evaluating what I needed, when, and if it would help or hurt me. Balance is a fine line. It is not uncommon for people trying to lose weight, for example, to begin exercising and eating healthy only to then take it too far by exercising too much and eating too little. There is a sweet spot when it comes to balance and we must be diligent to prevent the quest for balance from becoming unbalanced.
It was a mistake I made. There is little point in meditating, exercising, and writing every day if completing all those things leaves me exhausted and stressed and fighting with my husband. That’s not balance. Keep in mind the seven questions to ask yourself when deciding what is best for you (Is it good for your family, relationships, career, finances, health, self-development, and spirituality?).
Although all the things I want to do can be very good for me, I need to do them all at a time when they will be good for me. Now is not that time. Although I had gotten into a steady yoga practice, that is something I am temporarily taking a break from in an effort to restore balance (ironic isn’t it?). I miss yoga, but I just don’t feel strong enough at the moment for the practice. And those 5:00 am wake up times are killing me.
Hopefully within a couple weeks I can take back on all the things I want to do, including yoga. But for now, I’m picking and choosing and getting creative.
I am restoring balance by taking some weight off the scales. I’ll add it back on when I’m in a better place to handle it.
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I know you had a long week and you’re tired. But yoga would be a great way to end your week. Go to yoga class because it makes you feel wonderful. Then you can come home, take a nice shower, get into your pajamas, and enjoy a comfortable, well-deserved Friday night on the couch cuddling with Cooper. You got this.
I found that note on my bed when I got home from work. My yoga clothes were laid out neatly beside it, as was my mat. The note was signed: Love, Past Jessica.
I wrote the note to myself that morning knowing full well how I would feel later: TIRED. So I gave my future self the gift of motivation and encouragement. I read the note and thanked my past self for the reminder, changed into my yoga clothes, grabbed my mat, and went to yoga class. Past Jessica was right – it did make me feel wonderful.
You can motivate and encourage your future self this way, too. I started leaving notes to my future self over the past few months when I knew I’d need some support and encouragement. So far, it has helped me do whatever my past self lovingly encouraged me to do. That’s the key – the notes must be supportive and loving. Who feels motivated by a note that begins Dear Fat Fuck… or Dear Lazy Ass… I know I don’t.
I finally have my own back and I like to prove it to myself. I have tried relying on others to encourage and support me but it is unfair to ask so much of them. I’m sure poor Mike recalls all the times he tried to wake me to go to the gym at 5:00 am. “I’m tired,” I’d whine, pulling the covers over my head. Then later, when I woke up, “Oh my God, Mike! Why didn’t you get me up to go to the gym!?” Then it would somehow be his fault. Is it any wonder he stopped volunteering for the job? (sorry, Mike)
No. Motivating and encouraging me is MY job. But since I’m not always good at it, I leave it to past Jessica to do the work. So I leave myself notes when I think I’ll need the help.
Try it out!
1. Grab yourself a colorful notebook or post-its, and some markers. Or heck, smooth out a crumpled receipt and grab a pen, anything you can find. Think about what you want to accomplish that you may need some encouragement for… homework, eat a healthy meal, work out, etc. Now write yourself a note. Just be sure to do it LOVINGLY.
Here’s the one I wrote for myself this morning and left on my bed:
2. Next, be sure to leave your note in a spot where you will see it when you need to. If it’s a reminder to eat a healthy meal, stick it on the fridge. If it’s to go to the gym on the way home from work, then don’t leave it home. Leave it on your driver’s seat so you see it before you even start your car.
3. To make the note even more helpful, leave whatever you may need with the note: your gym clothes, a recipe, your textbook, the phone number of the person you’ve been putting off calling…
Leaving a loving note for yourself is a quick and easy way to motivate and encourage your future self. Try it out and let me know how it works for you!
This past weekend, I attended an Integrative Wellness and Life Coaching certification training. It was wonderful. All weekend I felt the sensation that I was in precisely the right spot at the right time. The training is where my journey took me, and it will continue towards certification. I have changed my life for the better and become a significantly happier and gentler woman. While I continue to work on myself, I am also ready and willing to help others in a more direct capacity. With this certification I will be empowered to do so. But for now, that work will continue through this site. So let’s jump in and answer the question of whether something is self-care or selfish, once and for all.
Ecology
Although I am still processing the abundant knowledge I left the training with, an understanding of the concept of ecology is one of several things I have been able to immediately apply to my life. When something is ecological, there is balance in all four areas/aspects of self: mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual. These four areas of self apply to all areas of our lives, including the major areas of life: relationships, family, career, finances, health, self-development, and spirituality.
To live a well-balanced life, our actions must take into consideration all areas of self, and therefore all areas of life.
Example:
Imagine two women at the salon getting pedicures. One is at ease; relaxed and enjoying her self-care, flipping through People magazine. The other is uneasy, wishing the technician would hurry. “You don’t have to do that,” she says to the woman massaging her legs, despite how good it feels. “My family is waiting at home.”
The first woman considers the pedicure a necessary regular component to her self-care. The other woman feels guilty and selfish and considers the pedicure a necessary summertime inconvenience.
Is the first woman practicing self-care, or is she unknowingly selfish? Is the second woman selfish, or should she relax and enjoy some self-care? Let’s find out. First of all, selfish is defined, plain and simply, as lacking consideration for others and being concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. Each woman can discover the truth with seven questions.
7 Questions:
1. Is this good for my relationships?
2. Is this good for my family?
3. Is this good for my career?
4. Is this good for my finances?
5. Is this good for my health?
6. Is this good for my own self-development?
7. Is this good for my spirituality?
A pedicure may be a very simple example, but it works just as well as major decisions and choices, like going back to school, relocating, or having another child.
Let’s examine the pedicure example. Is this good for my relationships? Not for the first woman. She blew off a friend in need to go get her weekly pedicure, rather than reschedule.
The second woman who is in a rush to get back to her family doesn’t realize that her getting a pedicure is actually good for her family. She’s been high strung lately and creates tension in her home. The kids are home having quality time with their dad and are happy for their Mom that she’s doing something for herself.
As for whether or not the pedicure is good for the career may be irrelevant in this example. But it often is a very important area to consider. And just for fun we’ll say that the second woman has an interview coming up and wants to look and feel her best.
As for finances, the first woman who considers her bi-weekly pedicure an absolute necessity is delinquent on her credit card bills and struggling to prioritize her finances. She doesn’t realize that $30.00 may be better spent elsewhere.
Is a pedicure good for one’s health? Sure, it’s great to have your feet cared for, assuming you don’t have any medical conditions.
As for self-development and spirituality, perhaps the pedicure doesn’t really apply.
But you can see just from these questions that the first woman maybe shouldn’t feel so entitled. She should re-evaluate her role as a friend and her priorities, particularly when it comes to her expenses. As for the second woman, hopefully she can overcome her limiting belief that self-care is selfish, and learn to relax and enjoy it.
I can apply these same questions to my weekend away in New York attending the training. Is it self-care to pursue the next step on my journey, or was it selfish to spend the money and be away for three days and spend the next two months focusing on my course?
Let’s find out:
Is this good for my relationships? Absolutely. I came back from my weekend having learned how to listen with my entire body. I have already been given opportunities to practice this and have witnessed the benefits. There are many other benefits to my relationships, as well.
Is this good for my family? Absolutely. My husband, Mike has a very simple philosophy: Happy Wife, Happy Life. Not only am I happier, but our communication is benefiting from what I’ve learned. As I continue to learn, I will continue to grow, and that will also benefit my entire family.
Is it good for my career? Absolutely. This is a new pursuit and will advance my career in the direction I want it to go.
Is this good for my finances? It could have been bad for them. But I approached my weekend away as frugally as possible. Rather than stay in the hotel for $600, I rented a room through Airbnb for $155. Rather than pay for tolls and parking, I relied on public transportation and walking. I packed my own snacks and ate almost all my meals at Whole Foods, where I could get inexpensive foods, like yogurt and a banana for breakfast.
Is this good for my health? Considering I will be my own first client as I work my way through the course, I say yes, this pursuit is absolutely good for my health.
Is this good for my own self-development? One hundred times YES!
Is this good for my spirituality? One hundred times YES! Through this course, I will learn to better integrate my own spirituality into my life.
I think it’s safe to say that my going away for the weekend and taking this course is not at all selfish.
So there you have it. When faced with a decision where you’re not sure if it’s right or not, ask yourself these seven questions. Then you will know plain and simply if the decision is balanced and good for all aspects of self. And if it is, then go for it… and ENJOY!
