Over the course of my wellness and recovery journey, I have developed many beneficial daily habits. For example, every day I make note of my happiest moment, answer a question provided in a daily journal, jot down a few lines about the day in a separate daily journal, and list three things I am most grateful for. I find that these habits combined help me to be more mindful and overall, much happier. This practice helps me take greater pleasure in the ordinary and find something special in every single day. It also helps to slow down time since I’m no longer living solely for life’s highlights.

Over the summer I had the idea to combine all these practices into one two year journal and publish it, so everyone can enjoy it. I am overjoyed to report that Questions For Life: Two Year Guided Daily Journal For Intentional Living is near completion and will be available for purchase soon.

From the journal: Do you ever reflect on life and feel like it’s all a blur? The Questions For Life two-year guided daily journal gets you in the habit of slowing down and reflecting on each day while getting to know yourself better by answering self-discovery questions. For each day there is space to reflect, express gratitude, capture your happiest moment, and answer a thought-provoking question. Completing the journal each day, which only takes a few minutes, will soon have you enjoying the simpler things in day to day life, living more intentionally and feeling happier!

This journal is designed so that you can start any time of the year. When you finish a full year, start over! Enjoy reading about the previous year and reflect on how much you’ve grown; see how your answers to the questions have (or haven’t) changed. The questions are intended to help you think about your life (What are you passionate about?), live creatively and pursue your dreams (Are you giving your goals the time they deserve?), evaluate relationships (What do you value most in a friendship?) reflect on whether you’re living with intention and purpose (Did you perform an act of kindness today?), and have some fun (What makes you laugh hardest?).

For anyone interested in slowing down, practicing daily reflection, evaluating their life, and living with intention – this journal is for you!

Can’t wait to start your practice? Join my mailing list now and you will receive November’s journal pages FREE.

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Kathy and I went hiking in Delaware this past Sunday. The weather was gorgeous. Blue skies, a cool breeze, low humidity. The only sounds were those of our chatter, the rustling of trees, singing of birds, and the occasional honk of a bull frog. I felt free. No traffic, no notifications and updates, no noise, no stress… My cell phone was tucked into my camelback only because it’s also my camera. I mentioned to Kathy I wished I had left it in the car. Even though it was on silent it seemed to radiate a low frequency annoyance. I still felt tethered.

We climbed out on some large rocks to soak our feet in the ice cold water of White Clay Creek.

It was marvelous to be out in the woods. Although civilization was only a few miles away, it felt so distant. Nothing could hurt us, as long as we stayed present. And I am grateful we did because little did we know that one peek at the news or Facebook would have hurtled us right back to reality. It wasn’t until hours later in my car that I would learn about the attack in Orlando, Florida and my heart would break.

Had I known sooner, I would have carried the weight of sadness in addition to my camelback and shadow would cloud the clear skies above us. And so for that reason, I am glad not to have known. Ignorance is bliss and I see little reason to know of the horrible things that happen in this world as soon as they happen.

How many times has a push notification on your phone ruined a good time? Whether a news report, an upsetting e-mail, a Facebook feed full of updates that another musician has died… do you ever wish you had just left it alone and remained in blissful ignorance? At least until the end of your date, or the movie or the party? This is all part of being present and in the moment. And if you’re truly present you won’t go looking for irrelevant news on your phone and run the risk of learning something upsetting which will utterly change the moment.

Had I checked the news after I snapped the above photo, I would have drastically changed the moment from two happy friends splashing their feet and smiling in the sun to two solemn adults sitting quietly and sad, their thoughts on violence and loss. I’m grateful I didn’t do that.

The world can wait. Had I checked in while sitting on that rock it would have been only out of habit or impulse, not need. I would have forfeited my rare view of nature for the familiar view of my cellphone. When do we ever really NEED to know what’s going on elsewhere? I can only think of a few examples…

If you’re happy, content or at peace, prolong the moment as long as possible. Don’t go looking for trouble. If you’re spending the day with family or at the beach among friends or even if reading alone in the local park, be present and be there, not online. You can catch up later. There’s often nothing to gain that couldn’t wait, and a lot to lose… like the moment.

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I’ve come a really long way on this journey to living a happier and more peaceful life. If there was a sign in my house that noted how long it’s been since my last meltdown, two years ago we would have worn down chalk resetting it to zero. But a year ago the number for days without a meltdown was respectable. Recently, every day was record breaking! Until last Friday, when the sign would have been reset to zero. All because a seat belt tried to murder me.

Seriously.

During my thirteen minute commute home, no matter how many times I adjusted the goddamn belt across my shoulder and chest, it shifted up to my throat. With each adjustment and inevitable slip, my body tensed, teeth gritted, and knuckles whitened against the steering wheel. The sensation of edged polyester pressed into the side of my neck from jaw to clavicle felt like the filthy callused hands of a demented stranger wrapped around my throat. My heart rate increased, face flushed and eyes narrowed. I hated my new car with its ill fitting seat belt, blamed and despised my large breasts for existing, and was most likely the angriest a person has ever been throughout history at a SEAT BELT.

Blocks from home, I unbuckled the belt and threw it behind me. Within seconds the obnoxious ding of the seat belt alarm pierced my ears like a screeching child. I hunched forward like a madman as my hands clenched the wheel while steamy breath escaped my flared nostrils. The thought of speeding into a brick wall may have crossed my mind.

Finally, I raced up my driveway, threw the car into park and killed the engine. The only sound that remained was that of my rapid breathing.

My husband, Mike witnessed my arrival from the garage and approached cautiously. He stood beside the window for a moment. “Are you okay?” I heard muffled through the glass.

I opened the door. “No,” I grunted through gritted teeth.

“What happened?”

Too angry to speak, I sat there as Mike waited apprehensively.

“My seat belt strangled me!” I finally blurted. I demonstrated the violence by pulling the belt across my throat and pantomiming my strangulation. “See? I can’t stand it!”

Without a word, Mike reached inside the car and adjusted the seat belt height with a gentle push downward.

“Better?” he asked.

I burst into tears, flooded by relief and gratitude.

As surprising as this may sound, my meltdown wasn’t about attempted murder in the car by seat belt. I know, right – you’re SHOCKED! My little incident in the car was simply the straw attempting to break the camel’s back. The truth is I was tired, hungry, and it was my fifth day without a cigarette so I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms AGAIN. I had been driving the car for just shy of two months, and although the belt needed adjusting occasionally, it never agitated me to the point of contemplating expediting my own death.

My point is: no matter how mindful, zen, self-aware, or peaceful we become, we’re still going to have moments when we lose our shit. We’re human! We experience fluctuations in hormones and chemicals, hunger, exhaustion, annoying relatives, bosses, spouses, etc. and there will be times when all these things collide and we JUST.CAN’T.TAKE.IT.ANYMORE. We’re not perfect!

The skill comes in acknowledging what’s really at work. Remember my post Learning to H.A.L.T. about checking in to see if you’re hungry, angry, lonely, or tired? If not, give it a read. The other skill is not allowing inconsequential annoyances to snowball into a careening mass of destruction.

In the past, I may have refused to even tell Mike what was bothering me, then found a reason to be upset with him. Soon we’d be in a horrible fight that would become about EVERY infraction ever committed, which would turn into a fight about fighting. Once that fizzled out in sheer exhaustion I may attempt to get changed and then decide I hate every article of clothing I own, which would inevitably turn into me hating my body and then myself.

Good times!

All could have been avoided had someone (or me) just given me a snack and a blanket. There’s a reason it works for kids. We’re not that different, folks… If you find yourself behaving like a toddler with a temper tantrum or a crazed madwoman, take a time-out. Check in with yourself. Ask yourself: am I hungry, angry, lonely, tired? Where am I in my menstrual cycle – could my hormones be off? Did I forget to take my medication today? There are reasons why we behave irrationally and I guarantee you they don’t have to do with what you’re blaming.

I suppose I owe my seat belt an apology…

We all have relationships with difficult people. By difficult, I mean people who are in some way toxic: self-centered, arrogant, ignorant, judgemental, needy, play the role of the consummate victim, inconsiderate, bossy, dishonest, or insert any number of negative personality traits here, or heaven forbid, a combination of them all. Of course you know at least one. Although a lot of people advise us to cut negative people from our lives, it’s not often feasible or realistic. Sometimes the most we can do is learn how to deal with challenging people as best we can and try to protect ourselves in the process.

I’ve been dealing with one difficult person in particular for a long time. I still experience anxiety, anger, frustration, and distress as a result of this relationship. For the record, I’m not passive. I have tried defending myself and speaking up when I feel I’ve been wronged. I’ve learned though that when it comes to certain people, this gets me nowhere. My reaction, no matter how practiced or collected, only makes things worse. That’s because problem people love a reaction and don’t respond to reason. Never once have I succeeded with words when it comes to these people in my life. All we can do when it comes to people like this is try to enforce healthy boundaries and remember that their negativity has nothing to do with us.

This is hard! When someone makes accusations about me or my life, or directs their anger and frustration at me, it is really hard to remember that it has nothing to do with me. That’s when I turn to these quotes to help me remember.

Bookmark these quotes or print them out. Let them help to remind you the next time you are faced with a difficult person that their behavior is not to be taken personally.

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A couple weeks ago something really upsetting occurred. Without going into details I will say that it was unsettling and stressful and caused me a great deal of anxiety and anger. Surely you can retrieve something from your memory that made you feel this way, or perhaps you’re feeling that way right now. If so, you have my sympathy and empathy. It sucks plain and simple.

What sucks even more is when we don’t use our tools to help us deal with upsetting incidents. In the wake of this drama, I gave all my power away to negative emotions. Losing my power affected every single area of my life: home, work, socially… it affected me mentally, financially, and physically.

This is what happened:

I took a personal day from work.

I was so upset I couldn’t bear to get out of bed. I allowed my emotions to overpower my sense of responsibility.

I didn’t meal plan or cook.

I allowed my emotions to overpower my desire to stay on track with my diet and eat healthily. This had a tremendous ripple effect. Because I didn’t meal plan, I didn’t shop. Because I didn’t shop, I didn’t eat breakfast most of the week. I always eat breakfast. I had to buy several lunches and dinners I hadn’t budgeted for, which left me over-budget. Many of those meals weren’t as healthy as they would have been had I made them myself, so I consumed many more calories and ended the week having gained weight.

I slacked off on personal hygiene.

Gross, right? I didn’t wash my face or brush my teeth some nights before bed. I didn’t shower two (nonconsecutive) mornings.

Practicing good personal hygiene is one of the most basic ways we care for ourselves. When we’re depressed or upset, it’s one of the first things to go out the window because we simply don’t care enough.

I didn’t exercise.

This required way too much energy; energy my emotions and tears ate for breakfast since I didn’t give them any most mornings. This also cost me an unbudgeted $15 since I use GymPact and put money on the line every week to motivate me to get all my workouts in.

I was unproductive.

I accomplished only the most essential tasks and allowed a side project to get a week behind. My house turned messy and I felt disorganized and my mind cluttered.

My power went away on a full 6-night, 7-day vacation and left no contact information. Upon its arrival back home, she opened the door, rested and tan, and surveyed the damage, stunned at the mess she found me in. “Where were you!” I shouted, tripping over pizza boxes in my rush to greet her.

For a brief moment, I blamed the upsetting incident for taking my power away in some sort of kidnapping incident. But the truth is, I gave it away and I take full responsibility for that. Everything turned around once I had my power back. Now I sit, reflecting on an empowering, healthy, and productive week, my power at my side, and I am amazed at how easily I let her leave and all that I allowed to happen (or not happen) in her absence.

Next time, and I’m sure there will be a next time because ya know… life, I won’t give my power away so easily. I need her to keep me focused and strong, and she’s more important than any bout of drama I may face, regardless how upsetting. Because my power is permanent and lives within me, no one can take her away from me.

What sort of trouble do you find yourself in when you allow your power to run off? How do keep it from leaving in the first place? I’d love to hear from you.

Near the end of 2015, I sat on my counselor’s couch and broke down about my weight. The topic had never come up before; it’s not why I had been seeing her. Weight was an issue exclusively addressed by proper diet and exercise, so I thought. It had never occurred to me before that very morning to ever discuss it with her. But the night before, I binged and purged and the taste of shame and regret lingered in my mouth. I felt desperate and frightened by my destructive and unhealthy behavior. So finally, after years of dieting and exercising, and successes and failures as erratic as toddlers with too much sugar, I finally sat across from her, crying, and asked if she could help me.

“I know how to meal plan, count calories, and eat right. I know how to exercise. Please trust me on this.”

She did trust me. After nineteen months, she had gotten to know me quite intimately. She was also excited – I sensed her enthusiasm. She knew how to help me, and I’d soon learn it wouldn’t involve any talk of diet or exercise.

It would involve my mind; the sabotaging thoughts and destructive habits that plagued me. She drew a triangle on a piece of paper, and labeled each of the three corners. Thoughts. Feelings. Actions.

“What do you think when you overeat?” she asked.

“I think I’m a fat fuck.”

She drew a line connecting thought to feeling. “And what do you feel?”

“Hopeless.”

She drew a line from feeling to action. “And then what do you do?”

“I eat more.”

“And then what do you think?”

“That I’ll never lose weight.”

She drew faster.

“Then I feel angry and disgusted. Then I do something destructive.”

And around and around the triangle we went.

“This is the cognitive triangle. This,” she said, tapping pen against paper, “is the destructive cycle you get stuck in. It’s not easy to get out of. But when you do, it works just as well. What do you think when you eat well?”

“That I’m a rockstar,” I answered truthfully, laughing.

“And what do you feel?”

“Empowered.”

“And then how do you act?”

“I make smart choices and take care of myself.”

“Exactly.”

Such a simple concept so clearly illustrated. I left her office that day with my triangle, a book recommendation, and a sense of profound hope and excitement. I knew we were on to something. Not only have I been battling my weight my entire adult life, I have been battling myself; my own sabotaging and destructive thoughts, that voice inside my head that told me I’d never succeed.

Yes, I’m overweight because I have a tendency to eat too much, but I know my problem is not food. I admitted I am an emotional over-eater. I eat my emotions, rather than feel and process them. I comfort myself the only way I have ever known how to comfort myself – with food- and then I berate and abuse myself for it, which only results in my eating more to comfort myself. It is a horribly destructive cycle. It’s why I’m overweight.

I have been taking this new approach to my weight loss since the new year and I am seeing successful results. It’s really hard work! No, not the exercise and meal planning and cooking. I love that part! I’ve always enjoyed that part – those habits aren’t new to me. It’s the rewiring my brain part that’s so hard. Quieting the sabotaging voices, remaining mindful, feeling terribly uncomfortable emotions, rather than stuffing them down into my belly with potato chips and cheese popcorn.

January and February were two long months of learning for me. But this approach is working! And I believe our minds are what most of our major problems are when it comes to weight loss, especially if, like me, you already eat right a lot of the time and exercise often.

I’ll be sharing more about this approach. It can be applied to anything we struggle with in our lives, which makes it so beneficial to everyone. I’m definitely on to something… it’s changing my life.

Do you have any experience with cognitive therapy?

Happy New Year! How’s everyone doing? I am relieved the holidays are officially over and I can finally settle back into a routine, albeit a new and re-energized one.

Although I decided not to write out resolutions for the year, it’s been quite clear already within a week where my priorities are. Therefore, I want to share with you the tools I am using and finding most helpful as I begin anew.

DIET & EXERCISE:

1. This simple little color-by-number print-out:

My brother shared this with me a little while back. In case it isn’t obvious to you yet, I LOVE CHALLENGES. I am such a fan of being challenged by something with clear rules and defined start and end dates. Also, carrots at the end of sticks keep me motivated.

This print-out is on my fridge. The rules are simple: get a minimum of thirty minutes of activity 100 days in a row. Every day you do, color in the corresponding number. Who knew coloring could be so motivating! Forget long term goals of being thin, I want to exercise so I can go home and color in a shoe!! It’s the instant gratification; the equivalent of wearing a gold star! Needless to say, numbers 1 – 6 are all colored in and I’ll be damned if I finish 100 days with an incomplete shoe.

2. Biggest Loser:

My gym does a 10-week biggest loser weight loss challenge a few times a year. You pay to join and the prize pot is quite generous! I’ve signed up.

3. Books:

I’ve hit a road block with A Course in Weight Loss, but I have committed to tackling lesson 6 again (I wasn’t happy with my first try and didn’t feel I gave it the attention it deserved) and moving on with the 21 spiritual lessons.

I’m also working my way through the exercises in The Beck Diet Solution at the suggestion of my counselor. This book represents the cognitive therapy approach that is resonating with me so much. I’m already discovering new useful tools, like my advantages response card I had to write in lesson one. This is a written list of the reasons why I want to be thin that I read a few times a day. It’s been a helpful reinforcement.

I’m also using The 3-Day Reset as my chosen diet, which is based on the concept of giving up certain foods one at a time (like processed sugar, wheat, high quantities of salt) for three days and then incorporating them back into the diet at a much smaller percentage. The philosophy reminds me of Michael Pollan’s: Eat food, mostly vegetables, not too much.

ADVENTURE:

1. Day trip/outing grab bag:

Last year I had many new experiences as I took back my life. When I reflected on my favorite memories of 2015, many of those experiences were among the top: stand up paddleboarding, a trip to Vermont, bicycling Delaware Canal State Park, full moon kayaking…

These new experiences made me feel alive; they confirmed I’m not living the same day over and over and calling it a life. So I had been thinking I should aim to visit at least one new place or to do a new activity every month. Then that idea became even better after being inspired by my brother and sister-in-law’s basket of travel dreams. I decided that in order to ensure I see and do more new things this year, I’d create a basket full of day trip and outing ideas, as well as some activities I’d like to try. Although not as significant as traveling to other countries, I think this is a great start. I’ll pull an idea at the start of every month and make sure it happens. We all know how time gets away from us. This will be my way of making sure I at least have twelve new experiences this year.

FINANCES/MINIMALISM:

1. EatByApp:

This one is to help with my desire to spend less and waste less. This is a really cool app I’ve just discovered. Have you ever forgotten about vegetables in the crisper drawer or a half ball of mozzarella sitting in water in a Tupperware in the back of the fridge or a delicious healthy dinner you intentionally made extra of to freeze but it sat too long and got freezer burned? Well, if you load your food into the app with when you want to eat it by, it will sort the contents of your fridge/freezer/pantry by the eat by date. You’ll know what to eat next and also won’t forget about food anymore.

This app is already a game changer in my house. I detest wasting food (and money).

*I promise I’m not affiliated with the EatByApp in any way. Just a big fan. 

2. #minsgame:

My minimalism challenge is in full swing with 33 participants from all over the world! I love starting the year by getting rid of crap and it’s so energizing to see so many people doing the same!

So there you have it. Six days into 2016 and this is what I’m up to.  I’d love to hear about useful tools you’re using to keep motivated. With the proper tools, so much can be accomplished. A whole lot can happen in a year.

Stuck is a terrible state of mind.

To be perfectly honest, I have felt stuck for quite some time despite all the work I’m doing. I suppose someone who isn’t stuck wouldn’t embark on a journey such as this, so perhaps this comes as no surprise.

For me, stuck feels as if I’ve been confined to one room. I have cleaned the room, painted it, decorated it, re-arranged it… I’ve done all I can think of to make it suit me and help make it more habitable… to help it make me happy.

Then I decide it just won’t do, so I pack it all up to prep for my departure. There’s a door, plain as day. But despite feeling stuck, I’m used to the room. It’s familiar. I don’t know what’s outside the door, so I unpack my belongings and remain, temporarily relieved by my decision. But in no time I’m back to coming up with new and creative ways to change the space, repeating the cycle over and over, remaining within those four walls…

That’s what it’s like to be stuck. Be it a job, relationship, location… it happens to the best of us. We acknowledge we don’t like our situation, so we try our best to change it in the safest ways we know because we’re too afraid to abandon it completely, no matter how much we may tell ourselves otherwise.

Becky Vollmer of You Are Not Stuck understands this state of mind all too well. She, too was once stuck. Stuck in the wrong marriage and the wrong job, drinking too much to help her cope. On her website she asks:

• Do you wake up in the morning dreading the day ahead?

• Do you continue unhealthy or unproductive habits and patterns, even though you know they’re not moving you forward?

• Do you feel powerless to control your future? Do you feel bound by your past?

• Do you ever wonder how on earth you got to such an unhappy place?

• Do you have a mental laundry list of reasons why you CAN’T POSSIBLY
  change your circumstances (“I can’t afford to…”, “I don’t know how…”,
  “People would laugh/be angry/think I’m crazy if…”)?

• Do you talk yourself
  out of a dream before you take even a tiny step toward it?

If your answers are ‘yes,’ you are stuck, too.

Unsticking is HARD. It’s hard because it requires a massive jolt, like from an engine forcing the rusted cogs of  an ancient mighty machine to life, dust raining down while the walls shake with deafening duress. It takes something BIG.

Sometimes it feels as if we require a sheer force of nature to unstick us. We can’t muster the tremendous courage it takes so we plan and prepare, much like I’ve been redecorating and packing my little metaphorical room, and then wait for the Universe to do the rest. This has been my strategy. I truly believe that things happen when they are meant to and that everything that needs to happen, happens.

The Universe, and time, has managed to help unpeel me a little bit. I’m like an old Post-it that was moved around so much that the sticky stuff wore off in one corner, never to stick completely again. Knowing I can flutter in a strong wind is incredibly liberating and empowering. Over time, I’ll continue to unstick little by little.

Some people possess the tremendous courage to unstick themselves all at once, like the swift pull of a Band-Aid. My brother, Joey recently did this when he quit his well-paying job to pursue his passion of creating his own schedule, helping people out, and working outdoors.

It seems people like my brother and Becky Vollmer possess two characteristics:

• Courage to take a chance
• Faith that things will work out

Becky writes that “the path to getting unstuck starts with changing our mindset… reframing
the questions… repatterning our actions. And it’s never too late to
start.” She writes that it’s about:

• Believing that anything – and everything – is possible.

• Having the confidence to walk toward our dreams, even if the first steps are on tiptoe.

• Trusting our instincts and intuitions about what feels wrong – and, more importantly, what feels right.

• Understanding that we have the power to change the direction of our
  circumstances and our futures, believing that we do indeed have choices
  and then finding the courage to make them.

• Knowing the difference between obligation and opportunity.

• Being able to say “no” with grace to the things you don’t want in your
  life so that you can say “yes” with enthusiasm to those you do.

After writing this post, I realize I’m further on my way to becoming unstuck than I thought. I have been unsticking myself, albeit slowly, for the past year. I see now the act of creating this blog and starting on this journey was an act of unsticking, in and of itself. I was scared when I started this blog. I worried what people would think. But I found the courage and I took a chance.

And now I’ve found the courage to pursue my dream of writing a novel – to give it a shot for a minimum of one month. I believe writing a novel is possible and I’m going to walk toward that dream. I recognized the opportunity in National Novel Writing Month and I am saying “no” to some things in my life in order to prioritize this goal.

There are aspects of my life where I’m more stuck than others. For example, I still feel very stuck in my body, continuing unhealthy and unproductive habits and patterns, even though I know they’re not moving me forward. I’m trying. I’m also aware where I’m stuck. Hopefully that’s half the battle when it comes to being stuck, too.

Do you know where you’re stuck?

I don’t have the answers for becoming unstuck. All I know is that we need to be brave and go after what we want. First we have to know what that is, though. So if you’re unhappy, try to hone in on what it is that’s making you unhappy. When we’re depressed, it’s easy to become dissatisfied with everything. I know from experience. So, try to focus on each separate aspect of your life and determine what changes can be made more simply to begin unpeeling yourself from a sticky situation. Once a corner is peeled back, you may find the rest of the unsticking to be easier.

Also, be sure to check out You Are Not Stuck for inspiration and/or like it on Facebook for everyday encouragement to becoming unstuck.

Together, with support, we can help each other to become unstuck.

In August I wrote a list of ten things you can do to feel better when you’re feeling crappy. Things like be gentle to yourself, eat well, avoid negativity, etc. All great things and all proven to help you feel better. I stand by all of them. But sometimes those just aren’t enough. So here to help are ten more mood-boosting tips to feel better.

But what about when you practice all those things regularly and life is generally going good and then you go to the store to buy a salad for dinner and there are soft pretzels at the counter and you sort of black out and buy one and then eat it as you walk down the street and then you’re on the train and you realize you’ve ruined your healthy-eating streak and all your hopes for the evening are ruined and instead of cooking and writing and paying bills you want to lay on the couch like this…

Do check out Hyperbole and a Half and the artist responsible for this photo

…while shaking an angry fist in the air with a word bubble that says “Damn you, Pretzel! Goddamn you straight to HELLLLLLL!”

We as people have a tendency to wallow in our funks. When we feel depressed, nothing is appealing so getting out of the funk can be difficult. It takes energy, which is in short supply, hence why we tend to lay around on the couch.

But to those of us who know the mood is only temporary and that we’ll most likely regret “wasting” time once we feel better, it’s skillful to pro-actively take steps to defeat the funk and feel better instantly.

Lucky for me I had just accidentally carbo-loaded (which got me into this funk). Note: I know there’s nothing really wrong with a pretzel; all in moderation – yeah, I know, but I was on a really good streak and processed white flour often sends me into a carb binge. Back to the carbo-loading: so even though I did lay like a slug for a bit, I did have physical energy, just no mental desire or motivation because I was mad at a pretzel myself.

It’s times like this when you need to do something that works instantly!

10 Mood-Boosting Tips to Feel Better Instantly

1. Listen to happy music

One of many days I was angry with my husband, I decided I wanted to stop being angry, so I fired up Spotify’s Mood Booster playlist. I felt better instantly (and kind of silly listening to such happy-go-lucky music). Anyway, when he came in the room I changed my mind and decided I did still want to be mad so I prepared to say something not nice, took a deep inhale, and instead I STARTED LAUGHING. I just couldn’t be mad. It was too ridiculous to be mad when Pharrell’s “Happy” was playing in the background. Then he started laughing and asked why I was listening to such crappy music and I said, “Don’t knock it. Pharrell’s the reason you’re not being yelled at right now.”

We often want to listen to music that matches our moods. Sad music for a broken heart, hardcore for when we’re angry. Happy, fun music tricks the brain into having a good time. So build a playlist full of whatever floats your boat, or use one of the many playlists that already exist to get you feeling better in no time.

2. Phone a friend!

Tell them you feel bummed and ask them to help you feel better. A good friend will happily oblige. Or at the very least distract you long enough to forget why you’re feeling crappy. My go-to friend has a way of tricking me into saying what I wanted to do and then making me PROMISE I’ll go do that. Ugh, it’s so annoying.

3. Exercise. Get those endorphins flowing.

Yes, this was on the other list, but it bears repeating for its instant results. Go for a jog, hit the gym, take a walk, drop in for a yoga class. Just MOVE. If you’re feeling crazy, you can even combine #1 and #3 and listen to happy music while you run – now that’s just insane mood boosting right there!

4.CREATE something… ANYTHING. Bake, cook, build, paint, collage, write, sew.

This is so fulfilling, distracting AND rewarding. Doing an activity will take effort so ask for help if you need it. The night of ‘the pretzel incident’ I said to my husband, “I want to cook for the week and bake banana bran muffins, but i don’t have the motivation.” He said I should do it and offered to clean everything up afterward. Having help was enough to get me started and once I got started, I felt so much better.

5. Watch a movie – something funny or feel-good – or one of your favorites.

Television and movies are also distracting and can be very mood-enhancing depending on what you watch. So turn on the tube, binge-watch some Netflix, or pop in a movie and slug it up on the couch until the mood boosting powers kick in.

6. Read – escape to another world.

I am currently reading Jenny Lawson’s new book, Furiously Happy. It’s funny and entertaining. I read it once I was done cooking and baking so I wouldn’t start feeling crappy again.

Similar to movies, books are distracting and reading is a wonderful way to not so much boost your mood, but to forget why you’re in a poor mood. 

7. Practice gratitude.

Yes, this was on the other list, too BUT it bears repeating due to its instantaneous mood-boosting power.

I was mad at a pretzel myself. I considered letting it ruin my entire night. (by the way, I’m fully aware of how completely ridiculous this is.) What if it was my last night on earth? There are people who are starving and have no access to food. There are people who have no money for food. I live in a place where pretzels are sold at check out counters and I don’t even have to think about how much they cost, I just swipe my card and go on my way. I struggled with a pretzel because I am overweight because I have too much access to food. My “problem” was so ridiculous.

Compare yourself to those less fortunate and I guarantee you’ll feel better about your current situation.

8. Meditate

Stop thinking about what’s bothering you. Sit in silence. Try to clear your mind, be in the present moment. Meditation helps you to refocus.

The pretzel was in the past. It was time to let go and stop worrying about it. Life goes on. It’s all good.

9. Go somewhere.

In your pajamas at 2:00 pm slugging on the couch feeling sorry for yourself? Nothing else appeals to you? Brush your teeth, throw on some jeans, run a comb through your hair and GO SOMEWHERE. Get some fresh air. Drink a latte and people watch at your favorite cafe, drive to the beach, grab a beer at a bar, go sit in a park.

The act of getting dressed and out of the house alone is enough to make you feel that you didn’t squander your day. Besides, you never know what you may see, how you may feel inspired, or who you might meet. At the very least, you got some fresh air.

10. Cuddle your pup! Or your cat (if that’s your sort of thing.) No pets? Watch funny or cute videos of animals.

I could create a list within a list and provide 9 reasons you should cuddle your dog more often. But instead, I’ll just link to this wonderful list since someone else already made one.

No pets? But still like to laugh at them? Then take your mind off of how you think you may have failed at life, and instead watch this wonderful video of dogs failing at being dogs. I dare you not to laugh.

You’re welcome.

If you feel down, and you are mindful enough to acknowledge it, then you’re mindful enough to do something about it. Now you have ten tips in your toolbox. 

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Wonderful readers, I am headed toward a perfect week! A “perfect” day for me is one in which I have exercised, eaten only foods that are good for me, meditated, and not smoked any cigarettes. (I confess I have taken up the occasional cigarette on weekends when socializing and it needs to STOP.) A “perfect” day may still be one in which I felt emotional upset or experienced something bad, but as long as I accomplished those four things, it can be dubbed ‘perfect.’ I keep careful track and I am so excited that this is finally happening!

For some of you, this may seem like no big deal, but I have never been skilled at consistency. I need this perfect week to prove to myself that I can do hard things, and to get some traction. I feel amazing – energized, happy, proud, relaxed, hopeful – my body is loving it and working at full efficiency. I lost 3.3 lbs. so far this week. Everything is working as it should, proving once and for all that I am the only thing holding me back from my goals. Achieving this perfect week puts me on a whole different playing field. It means I am ready to perform at a higher level. It means I CAN DO THIS!

I have been attempting the coveted perfect week all year. What makes this week different? I will tell you one thing; it sure as hell has nothing to do with luck. And it had nothing to do with bad luck either all the times I screwed up. It has only had to do with ME. My lack of willpower and discipline. My excuses.

We have a tendency to look for excuses when we fail: bad luck, Mercury retrograde, so and so pissed me off, unexpected plans, bad news, etc. It takes the responsibility off of ourselves and puts the blame elsewhere so we can justify our actions (or lack thereof). In doing so, we make ourselves a victim. But we’re not at the mercy of what other people do to us, or bad luck, or poor timing or anything else. We are responsible for our actions and whether or not we plan accordingly.

I am taking responsibility right now by saying that I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR MY SUCCESS THIS WEEK! I have worked really, really hard managing my triggers and shortcomings and not giving in to weakness and emotions or laziness and excuses. I have meal-planned, cooked, worked out when I was tired, made time for meditation, and practiced discipline using all the tools at my disposal and everything I have learned so far from A Course in Weight Loss.

I have gotten ahead of tricky situations by planning offensively. I went out for Thursday night football this week. I succeeded in not drinking like a fish or eating my weight in nachos because I mentally prepared myself in advance. I decided I was not going to let one night out ruin my perfect week. Football and bad menu choices are not valid excuses. It was HARD. I left the restaurant feeling weary, but victorious.

Successful people don’t succeed because they have good luck. Unsuccessful people aren’t “unlucky.” Let’s give credit where it is due. My brother and sister-in-law are currently retired and traveling the world. They don’t have amazing luck – they planned for that goal for five years.

There’s an amazing side effect that occurs once you realize that luck is not responsible for your success. You can RELAX.

For most of my life, I felt incredibly anxious whenever things were going well. I was much more comfortable when things were bad; it was comforting. When they were good, I waited for my luck to run out. A friend of mine said to me thirteen years ago, “You’re not waiting for the shoe to drop, you’re waiting for the entire shoe factory to drop.” That always stuck with me. He was right. That fear is what prevented me from getting comfortable in relationships, and caused me to behave in self-destructive ways. Causing my own misfortune helped me to feel like I had control over my life.

But now I finally know that I am in control. Bad things can and will happen, but I am in control of how I handle those situations and whether or not I allow them to derail me. I am not a victim of circumstance. Nor are you.

You, and only you, are responsible for the outcomes in your life.