Learning to H.A.L.T.

I was reading an article about child-rearing in the April edition of Real Simple and came across an acronym for adults to keep in mind when their child is having a melt down. The acronym is H.A.L.T. and it stands for the four feelings that cause a child to become upset: hunger, anger, loneliness and tiredness.

I thought, shit, I’m thirty-two and those are the same reasons I get upset! Surely, I’m not the only adult who grows irritable when hungry (I get hangry). And who hasn’t vented and cried only to eventually say, “I’m just so damn tired.” Loneliness? Absolutely. And anger? Well, that’s obvious. We all feel these things, and most of us allow them to upset us. We are human.

It’s incredibly easy to identify with these four feelings… when we’re not upset though.

The hard part is to H.A.L.T. in the moments of upset and irritability, bring mindfulness to the situation and get ourselves what we need, be it some food or a nap. If angry, we need to stay focused on what’s making us angry and not let it snowball and get redirected. For example, one morning a few weeks ago I opened a brand new container of spring mix to find it wilted. I was annoyed. Before I knew it I was angry at things I hadn’t even thought about yet that morning. My husband reminded me I was just pissed at the lettuce and I immediately retaliated with “Noooo! Everything sucks today!” or something equally as over-reactive and dramatic. The truth is: I was pissed at lettuce.

Emotions gain so much momentum so fast and it takes practice to slow it all down and think rationally in the moment and consider the source. I still suck at this most of the time.

It’s not unlike when we want to eat. We’ve all heard the advice that we need to assess our hunger. Are we really hungry, or just bored. Maybe we’re just thirsty?

H.A.L.T. is another checklist I am adding to my toolbox. I was upset nearly all of 2014; it is what started me on this journey. And I can tell you now it was largely because I was tired and lonely. But if you had asked me then, those two feelings would have been amongst a laundry list of other complaints and emotions. Now, when I am feeling upset I need to go through the list and be responsible for my emotions and keep them under control.

Am I hungry? If so, I need to eat something and it’s probably best if I don’t interact with anyone until I do. Am I angry? If so, what am I angry about?  Can I keep the anger directed and try to work through it there? Am I lonely? If I am is there someone I can talk to or who can give me a good hug? Am I tired? Can I stop what I’m doing and nap, or at least take a night off and have some couch time?

I believe that I can spare myself a lot of unnecessary upset if I remember to H.A.L.T. and address these underlying emotions.

Obviously, there are times when we are upset for reasons outside of these four emotions. Our lives are much more complicated than children’s. But I definitely think it doesn’t hurt to H.A.L.T. and see.

 

Just Breathe

In nightmares there is often no escape, a concept that adds to their terror. We are stuck, desperate to save ourselves or a loved one until the nightmare runs its course, releasing its grip on our mind. Yet sometimes, when struggling to endure our greatest fears, we have the power to just stop and say, I can just wake up. And just like that, the nightmare is over.

That feeling of awareness, power and relief is how I can best describe the choice to meditate.

Our minds act on auto pilot bombarding us with imagined crises, worries, and to-do lists to which there seems no escape. But unlike nightmares that do eventually cease, these thoughts stay with us, running in the background of every single thing we do, distracting us from tasks, conversations, pleasurable moments… the present moment. Waking up from the conscience daymare is harder than the unconscious nightmare, but with practice we can learn to simply wake up, and just like that, it can all fade away, just like the remnants of a nightmare.

All it takes is practice.

I have recently renewed my meditation practice with vigor and already, I feel different. I am more attentive: to myself, my tasks, others; I am significantly calmer; I crave peace, within myself and with others.

Meditation requires nothing but a willingness to try. If you think you need a serene space with the perfect incense, you are terribly mistaken. Right now at your desk, on the sofa, or on the train, you can choose to close your eyes. Breathe. Note the breath, count it if that helps to anchor your mind. Feel the sensation; be in this moment. Nothing in the whole world requires your attention this minute except your breath. When a thought occurs to you, acknowledge it and simply send it away, returning your attention to your breath. Breathe…

Open your eyes. How do you feel?

Practicing meditation gives our over-active minds a much needed break, a chance to quiet the incessant thought-process that jumps with the agility and haphazardness of a flea in a shelter.

Emptying your mind is damn near impossible. What I have found useful is imagining myself on a train platform. The trains represent my thoughts. I am aware of them as they speed by, but I do not board them. When I catch myself riding a train, I do not wait for it to stop, but jump off in a very Indiana Jones sort of way, tuck and roll, and take my place once again on the quiet platform with a playful smile on my lips. Sometimes I like to imagine myself lying on a grassy hill on a beautiful summer day. The lidded darkness behind my eyes brightens with the imagined sun and a slight breeze rustles the leaves on the nearby trees. The clouds are my thoughts. I watch them as they drift by, but do not allow them to take shape. When I catch myself riding a cloud, I immediately jump off abandoning the thought, and float back down to the ground and my body.

It is one thing for your mind to wander to dinner, but quite another to allow your mind to meal-plan for an entire week. With practice, you will learn to catch your thoughts before they wander too far from home.

This blog is about my journey to becoming a gentler, happier, and more compassionate woman. The terrain is incredibly rocky and uneven. Meditation is my new walking stick.

If you are interested in beginning your own practice, and I certainly hope you are, here are some resources I have found helpful:

1. The Calm app – 7 day guided introduction practice, soothing sounds, meditation timer, guided meditations
2. Zen Habits blog – I have linked to the “start” page where you can browse the most popular posts

There are also countless articles on meditation that are helpful, but remember, research can be a form of procrastination. You can close your eyes right now and just breathe…

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