I’m learning how to eat again. This requires substantial unlearning of everything I thought was right about diet and weight loss, but turned out to be all wrong. For those of you who don’t know, I lost forty pounds the first six months of 2017. I then proceeded to gain back 42 pounds the following six months. And even though I knew I didn’t lose all that weight in the best way possible, I still blamed myself for the weight gain, not the methods I took to lose it. But now, thanks to the bestseller Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole and Elyse Resch, I understand where I’ve gone wrong all these many years. I understand why I have never been successful at lasting weight loss. And thanks to this book, I’m learning how to eat again and trust myself with food.
We Cannot Outsmart Physiology
Of all the books I’ve read on health, nutrition, weight loss, and the psychology around eating and losing weight, this one is like nothing I’ve seen before. Intuitive Eating denounces everything I’ve ever been taught about dieting my entire life — every food rule, every dieting “trick.” Because it is all those “rules” that lead us away from our natural ability to eat intuitively. For many reasons we desire to change our bodies and think we can manage our bodies better than they were designed. We think we can somehow outsmart biology and physiology. But our bodies are incredibly fine tuned machines designed to get us what we need to survive, and go into survival mode when we can’t. Nothing good happens when we tinker with the operating system.
Our bodies require certain things, like carbohydrates, to function. When we deny our bodies its preferred fuel, we crave it. Not because we’re weak, lack willpower, or are addicted, but because we need it and physiology is trying to override us. When we continue to deny our body its fuel, it shuts down its metabolism (furnace) to conserve energy. We’ve all heard this and yet we intentionally deprive ourselves of necessary fuels and voluntarily starve ourselves. Why? Because we think we can outsmart physiology.
But regardless, our bodies will find a way to get fuel (or die trying). Whether late at night or over the weekend or during an emotionally trying time, our bodies will take advantage of our vulnerable state and we won’t be able to deny it what it needs. That’s precisely what happened to me last year. For six months I denied my body much of what it needed. I was a mess as a result; exhausted, emotional, weak… and then when I took on the added stress of a job search, I allowed my body everything I had denied it over the previous six months because I was too tired to fight it any longer.
And this is not uncommon when you combine physiology with basic psychology. Anyone who understood my unhealthy and emotional eating patterns combined with my eating disorders and the drastic measures I was taking to lose weight would have known from day one I would not succeed in the long run.
But I didn’t know. Because I thought I could outsmart physiology. Now I know that I can’t. And either can you.
What is Intuitive Eating?
“Intuitive eaters march to their own inner hunger signals, and eat whatever they choose without experiencing guilt or an ethical dilemma. The intuitive eater is an unaffected eater.”
Can you imagine?
When I started reading this book I literally wondered, But who am I if I’m not weighing myself every day, tracking my food, and restricting what I eat? The thought of eating without guilt, or being unaffected was a concept I struggled to even wrap my mind around.
According to Intuitive Eating, “Intuitive eaters have unconditional permission to eat, don’t eat for emotional reasons rather than physical reasons, and rely on internal hunger/satiety cues.” After a lifetime of worsened eating disorders, increased reliance on emotional eating, additional weight gain, and bouts of restriction, I couldn’t be any further from an intuitive eater.
I consider my fuel gauge broken. I’ve eaten when not hungry and eaten to the point of discomfort, even pain. I’ve also starved myself and refused to eat. The idea of having unconditional permission to eat gave me a nervous anxiety, like standing too close to the door of a plane without a parachute. I considered stopping reading the book at the mere suggestion.
But as I read on I started to understand this concept of intuitive eating and even began to think of some real life examples. Have you ever met someone who can actually eat only one handful of chips, or eat two pieces of cake without some self-deprecating comment, or stop eating because they were disappointed of the taste of something? I do. I thought they had super powers. It turns out they’re just unaffected and know how to eat intuitively. You know who else can do this? TODDLERS.
Toddlers are natural intuitive eaters — free from societal messages about food and body image. They have an innate wisdom of food if you don’t interfere with it. They do not eat based on dieting rules and health, but what what they need when they need it.
I decided to give it a try.
Attempting to Eat Intuitively: Intuitive Eating Principles
I haven’t finished reading the book yet, but I already started practicing the ten principles of intuitive eating. If this interests you, I highly suggest reading the book as I am barely even scratching the surface in this post about the wonderful information and case studies it contains.
1. Reject the diet mentality
“If you allow even one small hope to linger that a new and better diet might be lurking around the corner, it will prevent you from being free to rediscover intuitive eating.”
This is hard. My mentality is a diet mentality. This is why I said I am in the process of unlearning. But let me tell you, ever since I have even tried rejecting my diet mentality, I have experienced a sense of liberation.
2. Honor your hunger
“Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Once you reach the moment of excessive hunger, all intentions of moderate, conscious eating are fleeting and irrelevant. Learning to honor this first biological signal sets the stage for rebuilding trust with yourself and food.”
This has been a much welcomed change. I haven’t let myself get too hungry and my body has greatly appreciated it.
3. Make peace with food
“Call a truce; stop the food fight! Give yourself unconditional permission to eat. If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings, and, often, bingeing.”
I don’t want to be afraid of certain foods and I don’t want to have love/hate relationships with anything. Ever since giving myself permission to eat, I’m less afraid and foods are less tempting to me. It’s total reverse psychology and I am in awe at how the mind works.
4. Challenge the food police
“Scream a loud “no” to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating under a thousand calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. The Food Police monitor the unreasonable rules that dieting has created.”
This is going to be a work in progress. For a long time, my thoughts around food have been primarily black/white, good/bad and all/nothing. Allowing more flexibility in my life has been an ongoing process.
5. Feel your fullness
“Listen for the body signals that tell you that you are no longer hungry. Observe the signs that show you you’re comfortably full.”
My fuel gauge isn’t broken — I have just been ignoring it for a long time. I’m checking in with my stomach more. There is a helpful hunger scale in the book to help with this. A zero on the scale is ravenous and a 10 is stuffed to the point of discomfort. The idea is to not eat unless you’re a 3 or 4 in hunger and not eat past a 7 or 8 in fullness. I’m trying to honor this principle but I know it will take a great deal of practice.
6. Discover the satisfaction factor
“In our fury to be thin and healthy, we often overlook one of the most basic gifts of existence—the pleasure and satisfaction that can be found in the eating experience.”
Who wants to eat bland oatmeal for breakfast and steamed chicken and vegetables for dinner? And who wants to eat with people they can’t stand or in a filthy car? I am a pleasure seeker, and granted I have relied on food for too much pleasure, I totally understand the need for satisfaction in eating and the eating environment.
7. Cope with your emotions without using food
“Find ways to comfort, nurture, distract, and resolve your emotional issues without using food.”
Figuring this out will be my life’s work. I will just leave it at that.
8. Respect your body
“Accept your genetic blueprint. Respect your body, so you can feel better about who you are.”
I don’t want unrealistic; I just want healthy.
9. Exercise – feel the difference
“Forget militant exercise. Just get active and feel the difference. Shift your focus to how it feels to move your body, rather than the calorie burning effect of exercise.”
Last year when I wasn’t eating enough in order to make my weight loss goal, I felt weak. I had stopped going to yoga because I wasn’t strong enough. The only exercise I did was cardio. This past month, even before starting this book, I finally got back to yoga and started a light weight routine. I feel the difference; I feel healthier and stronger. I’m not exercising because I have to. I do it because I want to.
10. Honor your health – gentle nutrition
“Make food choices that honor your health and taste buds while making you feel good. Remember that you don’t have to eat a perfect diet to be healthy.”
Principles 9 and 10 are the only two I really don’t need to work on. But I do love that this is a principle and that it’s number 10, no less. In order to eat intuitively you first need to make peace with food, then you can focus on tweaking what you eat in order to get the nutrition you need. But first, we need to establish a healthy relationship with food. Thankfully, although I haven’t had a healthy relationship with food, I do eat nutritiously most of the time.
Conclusion
I was never good at listening to my body and thought I could out-think it. I wanted what I couldn’t have and found no satisfaction in what I could. (Ask my Mom and she will tell you this applied to more than food and eating.)
Intuitive Eating provides ample scientific evidence why restriction and dieting does not work long-term. There is nothing wrong with me and I see that now. There was everything wrong with my beliefs and my approach. Now I believe the solution is getting back to basics and listening to our bodies and relearning how to eat intuitively. It won’t be easy. But I have already experienced a sense of liberation. In fact, I am eating less now that I have permission to eat whatever I want. I’m not shackled by guilt and longing. I am not over-eating because I tell myself it’s the last time I can ever have anything. I’m not looking for compromises to appease my cravings, foods that never quite satisfy me and always leave me longing for the real thing. I am not nearly as pre-occupied with food.
That is a glorious thing.
And like I said, I am checking in. I have been an emotional eater as long as I can remember. Last week my emotions were screaming to be numbed with a giant sandwich and potato chips. I didn’t tell myself I couldn’t have it, but I did ask, gently, lovingly, if there was something else that might make me feel better not just while eating, but also after. The part of me crying out for chips wiped her nose with her sleeve and whispered, “soup.” The adult in me replied, “Okay, sweetie” and took her for a big bowl of Vietnamese pho.
This is the sort of work around food this book is helping me with. I am learning how to eat again.
What do you think? Do you consider yourself an intuitive eater? In what ways do you eat intuitively? What are your biggest struggles?
